He is on the phone again. With her.

Without fail, every night, he will get up after dinner or after washing the dishes (depends on whoever has dish duty that night) and go straight to the phone to call the girl. He does not know, oblivious and naive person that he is, that I am jealous.

Private moments alone
And your heart soon be fallin

I hate feeling this way. Every moment from the time he picks up the phone and starts dialing I fight the need to rush over and slam the phone down, tie him up and gag him so that he will not talk to her ever again.

I know I should not begrudge him of friendship especially from someone who helped him through a lot before he and I came together. She has shared a lot of pain and happiness with him and I know he treasures her as the good friend that she is.

Silly for me to feel this way about you and her
Cuz I know she's been such a good friend
I know she has helped you through

But that's what scares me. She came and resided in his heart first before I did and she gets to share that special part of him that I do not get to share.

I think I'm jealous of your girlfriend
Although she's just a girl that is your friend
I think I'm jealous of your girlfriend
She shares a special part of you

He has said once that she is just one of his best of friends but I can not shake that feeling of anxiety. What if, soon, he begins to treasure her as something more?
I myself have went through that. When he and I first met, he was the most annoying, egotistical and loudmouthed do'aho I have ever met but during our second year in highschool we became friends and without us realising it we grew inseperable that people began to talk. No one would have been surprised at mere comradeship but I think they noticed more on the fact that we became a different person to each other than when we were with other people. He was more subdued and gentle and I was more communicative and receptive when we were with each other. He broke my barriers and warmed my heart unlike any other person was able to do.
He made me love him.
And I don't want to lose him.

And I know she's a friend
But I can't shake the feeling
That I could be losing your heart

When I first told him how I feel about it, he laughed at me, trying to hide that delightful blush on his face. I know he likes it when I show him my jealous side and he had looked cute with his abashed grin but that did not detract me from posing my 20-questions per minute talk. Well, I did not exactly talk, more of like glaring at him with my eyes. Then he sat me down and told me that the girl was probably the only person who knew how much he loves me. He said he has not missed a single phone call without telling her something about me. About us.

And ever since then I try to catch any strain of conversation while I watch the tv or wash the dishes. True, he does talk about me and about us. It's either Rukawa this or Rukawa that or we this or we that. I should have stopped after that third conversation but, still, I keep on my shameful evesdropping every night until he puts down the phone, and feeling that relief wash over me.

You said that she's one well to see
How deep you're in love with me
And intentions were not to get inbetween
But I see possibilites

I know he loves me. I can see it in his eyes. But I can also see another different shine in them everytime he talks to her. I keep telling myself, it's just friendship but my heart refuses to compromise.

And you say that you feel
I'm the best thing in your life
And I know it's real I see it in your eyes
There's no reason for me, to even feel this way
I know you just enjoy her company

After drying my hands on the rag, I walk over to the living room to see him put down the phone for the night. With a smile, he joins me on the couch and we cuddle together to watch tv. I do not realise that I am holding him too tightly until he complains. Seeing the look on my face makes him ask, "What's the matter?"

I look at him but before I can open my mouth I change my mind and shake my head.

"Nothing," I reply. I don't want him to laugh at me again but more importantly, I don't want to tire him out with the same problem again. I wish I can stop feeling this way - this jealousy that makes me fear more than anything can. Until he leaves me or the girl dies... or I die... I will keep on being jealous. I know that people will say that I am being silly but that's who I am. A person without any compromisation, especially anything regarding him, the person who owns a part of my heart.

I sigh and settle more comfortably against him. For now I will enjoy his attention and love until the next night he calls her.

~Owari

Disclaimers: Lyrics to Girlfriend denoted by italics are written by ALicia Keyes, Dupri & Thompson.