Art Of Life

Lyrics: Yoshiki of X Japan

written by hidoko matsumoto

note: this is my first time doing a actual songfic!! Please, tell me your comments!!!!!

As the music starts, the gray sand blows across the desert and slowly reveals a man with red hair, wrapped up in a deep green robe, his expression that of pain, and yes, he is hide-chan! (applause)

Desert Rose

The screen switches from hide to a shape of a rose, now revealed as the sand is blown away yet still unseen.

Why do you lve alone

hide begins to reach out for the rose

if you are sad
I'll make you leave this life

With a look of contemplation he looks back and buries his head in his hands

Are you white, blue or bloody red

He begins to look up

All I can see is drowning in cold gray sand

And shakes his head in desperation.

The winds of time

A scene across a landscape of rotting crosses like in X1999 is flashed across the screen.

You knock me to the ground

Hide stumbles and falls, looking frail

I'm dying of thirst
I wanna run away

He begins to close his eyes, as if it is the ticket out of his life.

I don't know how to set me free to live

He opens his eyes again, this time he is standing up, and saw bars like a prison

My mind cries out feeling pain

As if hurt, he hugs his own chest and cries out.

I've been roaming to find myself

Back in the gray desert, he was walking (and stumbling), in tattered robes, his face covered with ashes

How long have I been feeling endless hurt

He begins to fall, like in manga, where they only show his hand

Falling down, rain flows into my heart

Back in present, still lying down, a tear rolls out of his eyes

In the pain I'm waiting for you

He holds out a hand, his expression as if he could not stand it any longer.

Can't go back

Now, he is standing in darkness, and is looking back.

No place to go back to

With a look of loneliness he turns back to the front and begins walking in front, looking as if he is unsure.

Life is lost, flowers fall

Bloody bodies lie in the two sides of his path as light begins to shine on his way, and sakura blooms fall with the wind

If it's all dreams

he looks awed, as if not in reality

Now wake me up

He closes his eyes for a moment

If it's all real

He holds his hands to his head, as if he is trapped in truth,

Just kill me

and screams in agony

I'm making the wall inside my heart

He, now trapped in chains, peek through a crack in the brick wall (where the only source of light is the crack)

I don't wanna let my emotions get out

And yes, he looks sared, as if even to touch the wall itself

It scraes me to look at the world

He turns away in fear

Don't want to find myself lost in your eyes

and squeezes his eyes shut

I tried to drown my past in gray

He shakes his head as if trying to forget something

I never wanna feel more pain

His brows furrowed, his hair now all over, his hands clutch his chest, as if he could not stand up anymore

Ran away from you without saying any words

flashback of him running with a shadow behind him

What I don't wanna lose is love

And he remembers the shape of the rose in the desert.

Through my eyes

His eyes open (only his eyes are seen)

Time goes by like tears

A illusion of moment and water all in a blur

My emotion's losing the color of life

His face begins to turn expressionless

kill my heart

He looks as if he decides to take a final choice, and holds a dagger tight

Release all my pain

His face faces the sky

I'm shouting out loud

He begins screaming (duh)

Insanity takes hold over me

his hand loses grip of the dagger

"Turning away from the wall

Heath, in the darkness, turns away from a wall (duh again), his lips moving as if speaking it

Nothing I can see

He closes his eyes for a moment, to emphasize

The scream deep inside

His hand cover a ear, as if an echo is heard

Reflecting another person in my heart

A merging of hide and Heath appear on the screen and back to heath

He calls me from within

hide's hand touches Heath's

'All existance you see before you
must be wiped out

and heath's hand shields his own eyes, (with the cool leather gloves! kya!)

Dream, Reality, Memories,
And yourself'"

His eyes begin to close and fade into inexistance.

I begin to lose control of myself

Hide curls into a ball on the floor, looking as if he lost his bearings

My lust is so blind, destroys my mind

His hands clutch his head

Nobody can stop my turning to madness

He curls up further

No matter how you try to hold me in your heart

and a flash of heath, as if he is holding a small hide in his hands, appears.

Why do you wanna raise these walls

Hide shakes his head, now touching the crack on the wall

I don't know the meaning of hatred

and shakes his head sadly

My brain gets blown away hearing words of lies

He puts both hands over both ears, and shakes his head vigorously

I only want to hold your love

and stops, his eyes shining with contempt

"Stab the dolls filled with hate

Heath looks sadistic, the view is from below

Wash yourself with their blood

He takes hide in his hands, who is now bloody.

Drive into the raging current of time

he begins to lick him, still looking sadistic

Swing your murderous weapon into the belly of 'the earth'

He picks up the dagger hide was holding just now and plunges it into hide's heart

Shout and start creating confusion

hide winces in pain, though unconcious

Shed your blood for pleasure

And starts licking more blood

And what? For love?

hide opens his eyes, and whispers something

What am I supposed to do?"

Heath looks incredulous and confused.

I believe in the madness called "now"

Hide stands alone, bloody, in the desert once more

past and future prison my heart

he still holds his heart and looks afar

Time is blind

He looks pained

But I wanna trace my love

He places his finger on the wall, a gray wall in the desert (different from the one in darkness)

On the wall of time, over pain in my heart

his finger moves, as he clutches his chest more, strained.

Art of Life

flashes the rose's shape in the blowing wind and the flying sand

Insane blade stabbing dreams

he remembers Heath and the dagger in his heart

Try to break all truth now

A glass globe shatters, and he cuts his finger

But I can't heal this broken heart in pain

both hands go back to his chest, he now looks down

Cannot start to live, Cannot end my life

He falls on his knees and stares upwards, screams

Keep on crying

And his eyes shut tight

Close my eyes

hide closes his eyes (duh ^ ^), he is kneeling

Time breathes I can hear

He holds a hand to his ear, as is he hears a whisper, and a flash of the rose is seen

All love and sadness melt in my heart

The rose turns to Yoshiki, a sleeping figure lying amidst roses.

Dry my tears

hide takes his hand away, and picks himself up

Wipe my bloody face

he wipes his face with his hands, clearing a bit of the dirt, but otherwise it is of no use (^ ^)

I wanna feel me living my life outside my walls

he clings close to the wall and presses his face close to it, his eyes closed.

"You can't draw a picture of yesterday, so

Heath smiles, as he remembers hide's sins

You're painting your heart with your blood

He flashes the dagger and licks it, savoring the taste

You can't say 'no'

He lifts hide's chin seductively

Only turning the wheel of time with a rope around your neck

He holds the glass globe with a shadow of hide running in the globe

You build a wall of morality and take a breath
From between the bricks

hide is shown sprawled against the wall, looking scared, as if debating whether he wants to go out at all

You make up imaginary enemies and are chased by them

Heath holds hide close now, hugging him, and hide seems oblivious to him, looking very confused

You're trying to commit suicide

Heath takes hold of hide's hand, which is holding the dagger, and presses it to hide's throat

You're satisfied with your prologue
Now you're painting your first chapter black

Heath traces a fingernail on hide's back, while he cringes in pain

You are putting the scraps of life together
And trying to make an asylum for yourself

hide gathers as much as the little sand on the ground as he could as he tries to make a sandcastle

You're hitting a bell at the end of the stage
and

Heath lets go of hide, looking scare now, as hide's hand drops the dagger

You are trying to kill me"

While, hide, all the time looking souless, suddenly gains his emotions as he stares at Heath with a unknown hatred and love.

I believe in the madness called "now"

hide stands up, now, despite the wind, in the soft gray sand

Time goes flowing, breaking my heart

Yoshiki's smiling face flashes into his head again.

Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself

hide remembers the rose, and he looks at his own hands

Still I haven't found what I'm looking for

he looks away, afar, but sees nothing except for darkness, not even sand.

Art of Life

a dewdrop slips into the shining sea

I try to stop myself

He presses his palms against his chest, tears rolling down his cheeks

But my heart goes to destroy the truth

A flashback of Yoshiki looking shocked.

Tell me why I want the meaning of my life

hide closes his eyes (once again) and analyses the bloody (literally) dagger on the floor

Do I try to live, Do I try to love in my dream

His face, with an expression of pain, merges with the blooms of Sakura tree, with blood all over the petals.

I'm breaking the wall inside my heart

He looks at the wall in determination and touhes the wall lightly. It shatters.

I just wanna let my emotions get out

He walks over the rubble, seeing a brilliant light for once.

Nobody can stop
I'm running to freedom

He remembers Heath, and runs faster

No matter how you try to hold me in your world

He falls down, and climbs back up again to run farther and faster

Like a doll carried away by the flow of time
I sacrificed the present moment for the furure

He takes the dagger (somehow, it is not lost) and stabs himself right in the stomach.

I was in chains of memory half blinded

He closes his eyes to see Yoshiki's face, which in pain, and he falls down (like in manga, where they show the hair at the process)

Losing my heart, walking in the sea of dreams

hide is not in the desert anymore. He walks in a white cloudy place and sees Yoshiki. But he remains expressionless.

Close my eyes

hide is back in the sand, dying. He closes his eyes (duh)

Rose breathes I can hear

and winces, opens them

All love and sadness meltin my heart

He sees Yoshiki among the roses again. This time, Yoshiki bears a smile.

Dry my tears
Wipe my bloody face

hide tries to get up, and stumbling, he walks towards the object in the sand

I wanna feel me living my life outside my mind

hide struggles; he knows it is his last chance for a wish.

Dreams can make me mad

He remembers Yoshiki, holding the roses, smiling, talking to him

I can't leave my dream
I can't stop myself

hide reaches out toward the happy, smiling figure only to see Yoshiki is in a pool of blood.

What lies are truths?
What truths are lies?

hide screams in pain, falling back down into the sand, blood flowing profusely.

I believe in the madness called "now"

he makes a final push from the ground.

Time goes flowing, breaking my heart

He remembers Yoshiki as Yoshiki dances as a ballerina in a hall, hide watching fondly.

Wanna to live
Can't let my heart kill myself

hide suddenly makes a realisation that he wants to go back to the old times, but this would not help. Too late (baka! > <)

Still I haven't found what I'm looking for

hide can only look at the rose, now, in the pool of his blood (he should see a doctor!)

Art of Life
I try to stop myself

hide sees a shadowy hand holding the dagger

But my heart goes to destroy the truth

and hide could not believe it, because he killed Yoshiki. (flashback)

Tell me why
I want the meaning of my life

hide remembers planting a last kiss on Yoshiki's lips, then runs away

Do I try to live, do I try to love

And the scene shows the bloody dagger in his hand, as he runs. (its still flashback!)

Art of Life
An Eternal Bleeding heart

hide is barely alive, as he is in the clouds, Yoshiki's hands holding out for him

You never wanna breathe your last

he knows that before he dies, he wants to hold the rose, so that he can take the rose to his beloved.0

Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself

Yoshiki beckons to him with a smile.

Still I'm feeling for

hide's hand touches Yoshiki's, back in the sand, hide lies unmoving.

A Rose is breathing love in my life

hide looks at Yoshiki, and they talk like they used to... ^ ^

friday, March 19, 1999, 11:47pm