Things Not To Say On A First Date:
1. "This is my apartment, but don't break anything, or you'll have to
pay for it."
2. "Here, have a tic-tac. Please."
3. (To the waitress) "Could I have your phone number?"
4. "Before we go back to my place, you're not afraid of, snakes, are
you?"
5. "I really had a good time tonight, uh, um, what the hell was your
name again?"
6. "Hey, check out the babe sittin' in the corner. Wow, what a body!"
7. "What? Oh, I thought you were paying."
8. "Nice dress. I have one at home just like it."
9. "So my hand slips, and the knife cuts about half an inch into my
thumb, and the blood is gushing all over the place, so I went to
the emergency room to have it stitched up, but it kept throbbing,
and swelling, and, oh, but I see you're eating."
10. "I want to move out, but my mom really needs me. And, who else is
gonna make my lunch? And my bed? And clean my room?"
11. "No, I don't have a job. I spend all my time in the basement. I'm
building a submarine."
12. (Looking at her plate) "Are you going to finish that?"
13. "The mother ship will be returning next June. Then I'll be leaving
for Neptune. Hey, here's a thought. You should come with me!"
14. "My old girlfriend, Lisa, was so beautiful. She looked kind of
like you. I used to bring her here all the time. Do you mind if
I call you Lisa?"
15. "Well, I don't go out in public all too often. And I don't like to
be touched, so don't touch me. And try not to stare at me. And
let me know if anybody else is staring at me."
16. "I'm gonna do it. I bought a gun. I've got bullets. Just wait.
My boss'll be yellin' at me, and then, BLAM!"
17. "As soon as I saw you, I knew you'd go out with me. I said to
myself, 'There's someone who looks desperate enough.'"
18. "Does this look like ringworm to you?"
19. "Hurry up and eat, because we've got to get home in time for 'Star
Trek.'"
20. "No, I'm not really a doctor. I just pretend that I am so I can
pick up women."
21. "We don't need a cab. We can walk. It's only eighteen blocks."
22. "Do you like this shirt? Me too. I wear it every day."
23. "I'm not afraid of anything. Except heights. And confinement.
And dogs, and cats, and really scary clowns. And the old lady down
the street, and..."
24. "Could you drive me to the airport next week? And I'm going to be
moving next month, and I could use some help. Also, I've been
thinking about painting my garage. Are you any good at painting?"
25. "Have you thought about getting a Thigh-master? What about that
Ultra Slim-fast, have you tried that?"
26. "I've never been on a date here before. I usually just come here
with the guys after we go to the mud-wrestling tournaments."
27. "Hey, look at that guy. What's he eating? And look at that other
guy. I wonder if he's gonna leave a tip? Look at those people.
What do you think they're talking about? Ooh! That guy just
spilled something!"
28. "I lost my job about a week after my father died. Then my wife
left me. Then my dog got hit by a car. A couple days later, the
landlord sent me an eviction notice. I hope I'm not depressing
you, because I really am a fun guy. So anyway, now my neighbor
is suing me in a property dispute, and...."
29. "No, the fries are only half-price if you get the burger AND the
milkshake! What the hell's the matter with you?! Can't you
read?! Are you stupid?!"
30. "Oh, God, it's eleven o'clock! I've got to get home before my wife
notices I'm gone!"
(
geocities.com/tokyo/shrine/2029) (
geocities.com/tokyo/shrine) (
geocities.com/tokyo)