Clash of the Sake Titans
A Rurouni Kenshin/El-Hazard Crossover fanfic
written by: Hiko Seijuro (cronusz@bellsouth.net)
conceived by: Cyber Shino [THERE!!! Ya HAPPY?!! ^_^ ]
NOTE: Much sillyness/randomness ahead. (Or not...)
All characters contained herein are not mine. They are created and
copyrighted by Nobuhiro Watsuki and whoever did El-Hazard.
*The streets of Tokyo*
~~~~~
The soft clap of the man's boots on the Tokyo road drew very little
attention to the man walking alone. However, the elegantly large mantle,
perfectly white, with red trim along the side, did. Many a passerby commented
on its beauty, length, and one got rather pissed off as seemed to bury itself
into his face and blind him momentarily, but he struggled out of it, gave the
man a wary gaze, then shrugged his shoulders, and headed on his way.
Some of the women whispered amongst themselves, apparently guessing
who the man was, where he got such good looks, and perhaps even having very
perverted thoughts of the man.
The caped man gave a wry grin.
Such looks he was used to, and he knew that he need not introduce
himself to anyone. His presence was monumental, defining, wherever he went,
be it Tokyo, Kyoto, wherever.
The master of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu leaves an impact on all who see him,
without speech or gesture. He was Hiko Seijuro.
And he had just stepped in horse manure.
Not a very glorious day for our hero.
As he frowned at the defamation of his boots, he looked around.
"Where the hell is that dojo?!" he asked.
Then he smelled a grand smell in the air, a scent he was very familiar
with and loved.
The smell of sake.
Many would argue that you can't smell sake at 200 yards away, but Hiko
had that 7th sense of sake smelling. He headed to the source, and eventually
found himself in front of a restaurant, named Akabeko.
he thought, but shrugged it off, and headed inside, where he was greeted by
a young lady who looked twenty-something. She greeted him warmly, and sat
him down in the bar.
Soon after being seated, Hiko was interrupted by a young spike-headed
boy, about age 11 or 12. He immediately recognized him as...that...kid...
from before. The one who had knocked down his door when Kenshin had returned
and had gotten his speech on how stupid he was.
"Hello, can I get you...Hiko Seijuro! What're you doin' here?! Shouldn't
you be out practicing Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu?! Lazy bum!" he sneered.
Yahiko fell to the floor almost instantly, as Hiko's shirasaya scabbard
thwacked him hard on the head.
"I didn't come here to get yelled at by some annoying two-bit punk that
runs around and plays with shinai's. Get me some of your best sake, if you would."
Hiko said calmly.
"Temeee!! How dare yo- ugh!" Yahiko began, but was silenced with Hiko's
fist which knocked him through the side wall, through the female bath hall, and
into none other than Sanosuke and Megumi. Sanosuke toppled to the ground, Megumi
soon following and landing on him. Sano gave a grin.
"Remind you of something, fox-lady?"
Megumi's eyes narrowed. She began to smack him silly.
"Have you no shame?" she screeched.
Sano's attention turned to Yahiko, who had little hiragana signs above his head
saying Ororooo and his eyes very easily resembled a whirlpool.
"What happened, Yahiko? Who did this? I'm gonna kick their -" he said,
cracking his knuckles.
"Hi..ko." Yahiko managed to say.
"W-what? Hiko Seijuro? Here?!" Sano said, incredulous.
"Yeah..." Yahiko said, and passed out from dizzyness, and the fact that
he thought he saw Sanosuke grow an actual rooster head.
Sano growled as he saw the boy go unconscious.
"I'm gonna make that brute apologize, I don't care who he is!!" Sano said,
stalking off.
Megumi looked up, eyes buggy, and looked at the figure of Sano going into
the Akabeko, then at the unconscious Yahiko, then back at Sano, then at Yahiko again.
She sighed.
"I really should start charging for my medical practice..." she murmured as
she dragged Yahiko back to her clinic.
~~~
Meanwhile, near the river, a great blue light began to shine from a nearby
riverbed. The glow intensified and went through the greater part of the visible
spectrum of colors, and faded, but where the light had once been, stood a group of
strange looking people. One was an older man about age 35-40, who looked like he
needed a serious shave, one was a young brown haired boy in a school uniform, one
wearing the same outfit, but with slicked back black hair, and a girl with red hair,
wearing a skirt and business suit.
"Ano...Makoto-chan. Where are we?" the red-head asked, grasping onto
the brown-headed boy's arm tightly.
"That's what I get for studying Meiji Japan for 8 hours yesterday..."
The black-haired boy began to run around and laugh with insane glee.
"HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!! PERFECT!! INSTEAD OF RULING THE PRESENT, I SHALL
USE THE BUGROM TO RULE MEIJI JAPAN, AND THEN I, KATSUHIKO JINNAI, WILL RULE JAPAN
NOW AND IN THE FUTURE!!" he laughed crazily.
The older man spoke.
"Jinnai. We're in the wrong series. Remember, El-Hazard looked nothing
like this. You can't take over a place without Bugrom, you fool." the older man said.
"SHUT UP!! I'LL FIND A WAY, AND WHEN I DO, YOUR ASS IS MINE, MIZUHARA MAKOTO!!"
the boy named Jinnai screamed in anger. The older man sighed and looked around.
"Being the great history teacher of Shinonome High School, Masamichi
Fujisawa, I immediately recognize this as..." he said, pointing his fingers
to the sky, as if to indicate triumph and intelligence.
"Yes, sensei!! Where are we?!!" the others chorused.
"The Great Depression of the United States in the 1930s!!" he yelled.
The others fainted. Fujisawa harrumphed and looked ahead, noticing
the bustling city of Tokyo.
"What I wanna know is, how'd we end up here?!" he moaned.
"I think when Jinnai activated my machine, that knowledge of Meiji Japan
was still really fresh in my mind, because I had a test in your class later, and,
well...I guess it read my thoughts or something, and here we are." Makoto said,
and scratched his head.
Fujisawa's eyes narrowed, something that seems impossible since his eyes
are usually closed anyway, and turned to the direction of the city nearby.
"Come on, everyone. Let's see if we can find someplace to eat, and I
really need a drink!" Fujisawa said, and set off.
"Wait, sensei!" Makoto and Nanami(the red-head) yelled after him.
Jinnai proceeded to laugh insanely, ignoring the fact that everyone
had left him. A local fisherman near the river fled in stark terror, as did
some of the nearby fish.
~~
As the group drew strange looks from other people, Fujisawa accidentally
bumped into something. At first he didn't quite see it, but he looked down, only to
find a red-headed man in a purple kimono, and beside him, a young woman with dark
hair dressed in a traditional kimono.
"Ah, suman na. Sorry about that, didn't see you...." Fujisawa said.
"Oro? Oh don't worry I'm fine." the man said.
"Well, then. Um, could you tell us a good place to eat around here?
We're absolutely famished from our journey and heh heh..." Fujisawa began
to mumble.
"And where are you traveling from, Fujisawa-san?" the young lady next
to the red-head asked politely.
"Er. Um...aheh heh. Well, we're from Tokyo...about 130 years in the
future actually. Interesting huh?" Fujisawa said, scratching his head nervously.
The two looked at each other, then at Fujisawa, and shrugged.
"Well, after meeting Enishi, no one can surprise me anymore. But I wish you
well. Try going to the Akabeko, which is about a block from here. We know the
owner, and just tell her Kenshin and Kaoru sent you." Kenshin said.
"Ah thank you so much, Kenshin-san! C'mon, sensei!" Nanami said, nudging
the professor along their way.
Kenshin and Kaoru looked at them leave for a while.
"I have a bad feeling about this. Do you, Kaoru?" Kenshin asked.
"Sort of. But you know, why don't we head home, and do a little 'meditation'
since Yahiko's working today...ne?" Kaoru grinned evilly at the blushing Kenshin.
"Always in the mood, aren't you de gozaru?" Kenshin smiled.
~~
Fujisawa felt it. As they approached the Akabeko restaurant, his 7th sense
kicked in.
The smell of sake.
And whilst he stood there inhaling the grand scent of the sake, a young man
with a brown ponytail dressed in a shotokan outfit colored pink ran up to him.
"YATTAZE OYAJI!!!"
And with that, he ran off.
Fujisawa was unfazed.
He followed the scent of his nose, and felt his body eventually arrive at his
location. He sat at the bar, and waited for his service. He noticed everyone was
looking at some commotino nearby, involving a large man with long hair, and a guy that
strangely resembled a rooster, for some odd reason he couldn't quite fathom.
~~~
"I don't care who you think you are!! That's no reason to smack him around
like that!! Apologize to him!!" Sano screamed in Hiko's face.
Hiko looked up from his sake cup and sighed.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked calmly.
"You may be Kenshin's master, but I'm not going to stop annoying you until
you apologize, and Sagara Sanosuke doesn't give up too easily, I might add."
"I've got a proposition for you. If you can beat me in a drinking contest,
I'll apologize. If you lose, you have to go away and leave me alone. That fair?"
Hiko asked.
"YOSHA!! You're goin' down, Seijuro!" Sano said, rolling up his sleeves
in preparation for the battle that was about to take place.
<10 minutes later>
Sanosuke tried talking to the green fire hydrants that were floating in
front of his face, but noted that they didn't seem too conversational. How many
bottles of sake had he taken? 3? 7? 40?
he conversed with himself.
Hiko was unfazed, and continued to drink sake. But then, all became quiet,
as a stranger from the nearby bar stood up, and walked over to Hiko's table, and
sat down, glaring at him. Or at least he would be if his eyes were open.
"I heard what you did, Mister." Fujisawa grumbled.
Hiko took another sip.
"Do you plan to do something about it? You know the rule."
"I'll take your challenge." Fujisawa said, grim.
Hiko smiled, and poured the first drink.
~~~
50 bottles of sake later, the two men were still facing each other. Hiko
was dumbfounded. No man had ever taken in so much sake and not passed out.
Especially Hiko-brand(tm) Mega Sake. Fujisawa was unwavering, and only watched
as Hiko downed his next drink. Hiko sighed, and looked back at him as Fujisawa
took his next drink.
And so it went. For hours upon hours.
"Hiko Seijuro has never lost a battle." Hiko said.
"And this man isn't a quitter, Mr. Hiko." Fujisawa replied.
By this point, many of the patrons had either fallen asleep, left to go
home, or passed out drunk on the floor and looking like utter hell, which Sanosuke
had accomplished thoroughly. One young man was laughing like a maniac and screaming
things about Bugrom, death to some Makoto kid, and otherwise making an ass of himself
as well. Fujisawa downed another shot.
"So, you're a teacher, huh?" Hiko asked, delighted that he could break up the
monotony of the contest.
"Yeah. History teacher at Shinonome High School." Fujisawa replied.
"I'm a kenjutsu master of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. 13th inheritor." Hiko said,
downing another drink.
"Actually, it's interesting. Before I arrived here, I was teaching the Meiji
Restoration period to my class. I think the last thing I talked about was some
man who averted a major crisis from a man by the name of Shishio Makoto, who was
also receiving arms from Shanghai from one of the major arms dealers, Yukishiro Enishi.
Very interesting stuff. You know the guy that did all that?" Fujisawa asked.
"Nah."
"Oh well. Just wondering."
The two continued the small talk, laughing at stories they traded about stupid
pupils and teaching and other things. Jinnai had long since been beaten into submission
by Hiko's saya, and all was peaceful at the Akabeko that night.
"Sir. Can I have your name?" Hiko asked, his eyes darkened from sleep
deprivation and a blood alcohol level of 95%.
"It's Masamichi Fujisawa."
Hiko held out his hand, and Fujisawa shook it.
"Let me just say...you're the first to ever withstand my sake with such
incredible endurance. And the first person to defeat me." Hiko said, smiling.
"What do you mean?" Fujisawa asked.
"I'll remember this day for as long as a I live. And you win, because..."
"Because...?" Fujisawa asked.
"I have to piss like a racehorse. Sayonara, Fujisawa-sensei." Hiko said,
waving as he left the building.
Fujisawa watched the brilliant man leave the building, in awe.
Then he realized it.
"Oh man...where's the can?!"
~~~
Hiko walked up the road slowly, immersed in his own thoughts.
Or maybe even feeling a little beaten.
he thought.
After he had walked for a few hours, and 1 of those hours was spent emptying
his bladder,he looked up, and found himself at the Kamiya dojo. The sun was barely up,
yet he could hear the sounds of sword practice already. He smiled, and walked into
the main yard, and headed around back to the training area. There, he saw the young
boy whom he had pounded the day before.
He frowned a bit, and then walked up to the boy. The boy said nothing, but simply
counted the number of swings of his shinai.
"Hey, kid." Hiko said.
Yahiko turned to look at him, emotion devoid on his face.
"Sorry. About yesterday." Hiko said.
And he left.
Yahiko watched after him incredulously, and Kenshin came out to see him.
"Oro? What's the matter, Yahiko? Where'd you get that bruise?!"
Yahiko then smiled and shook his head.
"Don't worry. He apologized, it wasn't too bad anyway."
"But who did it?" Kenshin asked, examining the bruise more carefully.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
END.
C&C to cronusz@bellsouth.net
(
geocities.com/tokyo/shrine) (
geocities.com/tokyo)