This Text file is old! In a 🏛️Museum, an unsorted archive of (user-)pages. (Saved from Geocities in Oct-2009. The archival story: oocities.org)
--------------------------------------- (To 🚫report any bad content: archivehelp @ gmail.com)

Lost Worlds
Part 5

Original fic by: Adam Sheehan

MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan

	Is this fic seeming excruciatingly long to anyone else here?  I believe that I won't be 
able to continue doing this because it's tying up my other MSTings.  As usual, I don't own 
MST3K.  Best Brains does.  I don't own Sailor Moon.  Naoko Takeuchi does.  I don't 
own A-Ko.  I'm not sure who does.  I don't own Ranm 1/2.  Rumiko Takahashi does.  
Hey, two out of three ain't bad!(Thank you, Meatloaf...)  I don't own very many of the 
random products mentioned in the course of this MSTing.  Their respective owners do.  I 
made up Michelle.  She's mine.

	When we rejoin our friends, they are sitting down in the theatre again, ready to riff 
away  they're passing the time by singing.

All: (singing) This is the fic that never ends, it goes around and round again!  This is the fic 
that never ends, it goes around and round again!  This is the song...

>                                  Chapter 5
>                                Worlds apart
>
>Author's notes: This fith chapter is the aftermath from the great battle. I
>give more story and more characters show up too.

Mike: Look, you don't need all this for *one* guy!

>It is good for this chapter
>that you know the storys behind Ranma 1/2, Sailor Moon, & Project A-Ko. It
>won't make that much sence if you don't. Don't be alarmed if some of the
>charecters you don't know. Some of them I have created.

All: CANNON FODDER!!!

>If you don't
>understand Ranma 1/2's story or Sailor Moon, please take a look at my Ranma
>page, my Sailor Moon page, or my Project A-Ko page. E-mail me with any
>comments you might have. mavarick7@aol.com

Michelle: Adam; please stop posting this crap.  Our sanity depends upon it...

>Adam
>
>CHAPTER 5
>
>Worlds Apart
>
> I woke at the first light for the sun in the sky.

Tom: Oh, Adam worships Osirus!

>I was still in the
>grass.  I sat up and looked around.  Everyone else was awake, I guess they
>didn't want to bother me.

Tom: Actually, they didn't want you bothering them!

>A-Ko, C-Ko and Reni lying next to B-Ko.  She was
>a sleep still.  She was warring the uniform of one of the soldiers, her arms
>were bandaged, and her wounds were cleaned.  C-Ko was wiping her head with a
>damp piece of cloth she ripped off the bottom of A-Ko's dress.

Crow: (Adam) Hey, A-ko!  I've been cut too!
Rest: (other male characters) Yeah, so have we!

> The entire Ranma cast was circled around Ranma and Shampoo.  Moose had his
>rob off and covered Shampoo with it.  She was awake but had trouble moving. 
>She didn't look too good.

Mike: Ooh, Adam's striking back for those comments earlier!

>She had a splint on her left arm since it was
>broken.  Akane still had Ranma next to her.  He was still not moving.  You
>could see him breath though, so he was still alive, barely.    His wounds
>were banged, no broken bones though.  He was extremely lucky.

Michelle: No, he just has an extremely generous author.
Crow: I would have killed him...

>Akane had one
>of the saddest face on her.  She wouldn't leave his side for an instant. 
>Every one was just sitting around watching over them.
> The Scouts, now out of uniform, were sitting around Lita.

Tom: (Scout) Oh, boy!  We get to practice our First Aid!
Mike: That's Senshi, Adam!

>She was awake
>and better than the others.  She still had cuts all over her and she could
>hardly move, but still better.

Crow: Well, I believe that we know who is Adam's favorite Senshi...

>Serrina and Raye were giving her some water
>and watching over her.  I stood up and wiped the grass off of me.  I had
>minor cuts and bruises.  Nothing much.

Mike: (Adam) Due to my excellent fighting ability...

>My shirt was ripped a little along
>the sides and bottom.  My shorts were just dirty.
> I walked over to the scouts to see how Lita was doing.  "How is she?"
> "She's tough," Amy said.  "Just a little banged up.  She will make it."
> "I'll...be OK," Lita coughed out.  "Don't worry about me...I can manage."

Michelle:(sobs sarcastically) Oh, she's sucha valiant soul! (breaks out into fake tears

> Amy gave her some more water.  "Where did you get that water from?"
> "There's a small well a little bit that way," Mina said pointing to the
>woods at the top of the hill behind us.

Tom: (Amy) What are you talking about?  That's the edge of a cliff.
Crow: (Mina) Shut up!

> "I think I'll get some water.  I'm really thirsty and I could wash this
>dirt off too."  I got up and started walking towards the Ranma cast.  I went
>over to Ukyo who was in the back of the group.
> "How is he?"

Michelle: (Ukyo) He's dead.
Crow: (Ranma) No, I'm not!

> "Not so good.  He's still unconscious, he might be even in a coma."
> "that blast was powerful."
> "I'm worried that if he doesn't get better soon, we might lose him."  She
>said it holding back tears.  I hugged her and she cried a bit.

Mike: Man, he's coming onto everybody!
Tom: Excuse me?  Akane let a man touch her?
Crow: Where's the nose bleed?

> "He'll make it, he's tough."
> "I hope your right," She said as she wiped her eyes.
> "I'm gonna go get some water.  You stay here with Ranma and the others."
> "OK."
> I got up and walked past them.  I walked over too were B-Ko was laying. 

Tom: Overfiends Mechs across the world give a moment of silence...

>She was in the worst condition, next to Ranma.  A-Ko was lying her on the
>ground, putting Reni's backpack under her head for support.  C-Ko was crying
>a little.  She was holding B-Kos hand tightly, curessing it very gently. 
>Reni was wiping a cold piece of cloth on her head to cool her off.  A-Ko was
>standing up brushing some dirt of her shorts.  Her shirt was ripped and
>hanging loosely now.

Michelle: Awww, poor Adam, he doesn't get a view of every contour of A-ko's breasts!

>It looked more off-yellow with all the dirt.  "How is
>she?"
> "She's in bad shape, but she'll make it," A-Ko said.

Crow: No, abstract art is bad shape.  She's just battered.

> "I hope so.  I'm going to go get some water up on that hill, do you want to
>come with me?"  I asked mainly because I didn't know this, and it is always
>better to have back up like A-Ko if you get into any trouble.

Mike: Just give me good ol' Dragonball Z characters, thanks.

>That and I
>liked having her around.  She was always nice in the anime videos I had
>seen.  It was like I've known her for a long time.

Michelle: Of course, she didn't know you, so she had a vendetta against you.

> "Sure, I can get some water for B-Ko while I'm up there."  We started
>walking up towards the hill in front of us.  It wasn't that steep.

Mike: Insert random Jack and Jill comment...

>The
>woods were quite thick, and I couldn't see the well yet.  We walked a little
>ways into the woods till we saw the well.  It was about 30 yards from where
>we were.  The woods were dark for the time of day it was.  There were huge
>redwood type trees all around.  With bright green leaves as big as me.

Mike: Insert random Gulliver comment...

> We got to the well and saw that there was a small wooden bucket next to
>it.  There was a rope hanging down into the well.

Tom: You think?  And maybe the bucket is used to bring up water?

>I didn't bring anything
>to carry the water so I would have to use the small bucket.  I started
>bringing up water using the hand crank.  A-Ko took the water from me and
>pored it into the bucket.  We drank the first batch that came up.  We were
>very thirsty and wanted to clean some of the dirt and grime off of
>ourselves.

Crow: So, they took a bath with each other?
Michelle: (chanting) Don't get a mental picture, Don't get a mental picture, don't get a 
mental picture...
Mike: When all else fails, fade to black...

> "A-Ko, why are you being so nice to B-Ko now?  I thought you two hated each
>other?"  I asked while I washed some of the dirt off of my face.
> "B-Ko can make me angry sometimes.  With her upper-class superior look, and
>the way she tries to kill me and take C-Ko," A-Ko said as she started
>washing some of the dirt off her arms.

Michelle: (A-ko) Sure, she tries to kill me every school day, but she's really nice!  Go with 
me on this one!

>"I do know that she is a good person
>underneath though.  I don't want to see her hurt."
> "I understand," I said.  "It's like me and my friend..."

Tom: That should be "my friend and me."
Mike: Don't nitpick.
Tom: It's all I've got left!
Mike: No!  Don't give in!  Think harder!

>I stopped in mid
>sentence and turned my head.
> "What is it?" A-Ko said.
> "I thought I saw something in the woods back there."  Me and A-Ko stared
>into the woods.

Tom: "A-ko and I"...
Mike: Tom, stop that or I will injure you.

>Some thing moved in a bush 15 yards away.  It made a
>rustling sound.
> "I see it.  Its coming from that bush," A-Ko said pointing in front of us. 

Crow: Peeping Tom!
Tom: Hey!

>She started walking towards it and I quickly followed.  We got about 5 feet
>from it when it moved again.  Rustling and moving behind the big bush.  We
>stopped, then I walked slowly over to the bush.  I got in about one foot
>from the bush when it stopped moving.  I took another step forward and
>looked over the bush.  There was nothing there.  I pushed through the
>branches and still saw nothing.

Michelle: What in the...?  All that, and then... NOTHING?
Mike: Adam *is* Ralph Melish!

> I looked back at A-Ko with a confused look on my face.  Just then a little
>white creature came out from the bottom of the bush.  I looked down and
>stepped back.  It was about one foot tall, with fluffy fur.

Tom: Oh, no!  It's Artemis!!!

>It looked like
>a thin rabbit with out the ears.  "How cute," A-Ko said walking closer.

Mike: (A-ko) Let's kill it!

>She
>kneeled down and petted it.
> "I find it hard to believe that this little thing was making all that
>movement in that bush."

Michelle: Well, I find it hard to believe that someone could write without a brain, but that 
worked out, didn't it?
Mike: Michelle, don't flame authors.  It's evil.

> "Well it's the only animal in it right?"
> "I didn't see any more," I said as I kneeled down to see it close up.  I
>petted it on the head a little.  " Just don't get it."  It sniffed at my
>hand curiously.  I looked at A-Ko and said," Interesting little thing isn't
>it."
 >Then it opened its moth as wide as a dog and roared.

All: SURPRAHSE, SURPRAHSE!

>I quickly looked back
>to see a mouth twice the size of the animal in my face.  It clamped down on
>to my arm fast.  Its teeth wasn't that sharp, but it had a very tight grip.
> Before I had a chance to ask A-Ko to get this thing off of my arm it
>started running.

Tom: Gosh, this thing has an anti-fic sub-plot!
Crow: He's trying to appease us!

>Dragging me down the woods with amazing speed.  A-Ko got
>up and ran after it.  The animal could jump so high it was astounding.  We
>went leaping from tree to tree.  Banging me on every branch and rock.

Mike: We're taking bets on his injuries!
Michelle: Broken arm!
Tom: Bruises!
Crow: Bloody nose!

>I saw
>A-Ko close behind following us.  I gave out a small yell after every time we
>hit.  "This...(tree limb) is...(small branch) not...(rocky ground) funny!"

Michelle: Oh, I don't know, we find it pretty amusing!

> "Hold on Adam.  I'm coming," A-Ko said as she gained ground on us.  She was
>going through all the trees and anything that got in her way.  Her speed was
>truly amazing.  She was getting closer, and closer.

Crow: ...until she just decided,"Ah, screw it!" and ran back to the others.

>The animal could se
>that she was only a few feet away and started running across the ground,
>gaining speed by taking the straightest route.  A-Ko lost a couple of feet
>on the animal, but that was it.

Tom: "That was it"?!?!?!  You just made her need prostetic limbs and you're saying "that 
was it"?!?!

> Now I was getting dragged across the ground.  I could feel my knees hitting
>rock on every bounce.  This was one wild ride.  Every time we got closer to
>the ground I tried to plant my feet into it.

Mike: ...but they just wouldn't take root!

>A couple of time I almost got
>a good dig.

Tom: Adam... Archaeologist by day, sloth by night!

>Now that we were always over the ground I had more chances to
>try it.  I kept swinging my feet down hard into the ground.  It slowed the
>thing down a little.  I was destroying my shoes, I didn't care.

Michelle: (Adam)Yeah, that's just another hundred or so dollars that my parents'll have to 
pay for a pair of shoes that'll last another week or so...
Mike: Damn Nikes...

> Then one time I saw a thick pile of dirt below me.  I dug me feet in and
>the pile blew apart.  This didn't stop it but it did slow it down enough for
>A-Ko to catch up.

Crow: So, A-ko was chasing the pile of dirt?
Tom: (A-ko) It's hard to find good topsoil in these parts.  You've gotta be fast to get it...

>She reached forward and grab my legs and pulled back. 
>For a moment there I heard my spin crack when they both were pulling me in
>opposite directions.  The animal was stopped in mid air.

Tom: Only momentarily, unfortunately, at which point the two oposing force pulled Adam in half, achieving the whole point of the fic!

>It got yanked back
>with me on top of A-Ko.  We all fell to the ground.  It leg go of my arm and
>flew up against a tree.  It sat there and growled at us with its misshapen
>face.

Michlle: It's the Phantom of the Opera of the Rabbit world!
Crow: And A-ko's its Christine!

>Then it ran quickly into the woods.  The place was silent again.  Me
>and A-Ko just starred at were it left for a little wile.
> I rolled off of A-Ko and onto the ground beside her.  "Thank you," I said
>with a moan.

Mike: (A-ko) You think I saved your life for your sake?  Heck no!  You still owe me five 
bucks!

>My whole body was in pain.  It wasn't extreme, just I was sour
>everywhere.

Crow: I knew that it would turn into a *lemon* somewhere!
All: (groan)

>"Thanks for getting that thing off of me."
> "No problem," She said with a little laugh.
> "What's so funny?"

Tom: (A-ko) Oh, just Frasier last night!  He kills me!

> "When you were..hehe..bouncing around the trees and..hehehehe..the
>ground...It was just funny," She said trying to hide the laughter inside of
>her.

Michelle: Why hide it?  Let it out, A-ko!

> "I guess it was a little funny," I said trying to laugh.  I probably would
>have if it wasn't me.
> "Hehe..are you OK?"
> "Ya I'm all right.  Just a little banged up."  I rubbed a little dirt and
>blood of off my forehead.

Michelle and Tom: Yeah!  Someone finally blew his brains out!
Mike: Crow, are they scaring you, too?

>I guess I got a small cut during all of the
>commotion.  A-Ko leaned over and brushed my hair to the side a little and
>kissed it.

Crow: This would be the point where the author's sex drive loses control over everything 
else.

> "There, I hope that makes it feel better."
> "Yea, it does.  Thanks."

Tom: (Adam) Did I mention that I got hurt on my d-
Mike: TOM!!!
Tom: My ... my... Oh, forget it!

>It did feel good. Physically I think she had some
>dirt on her lips that was causing it to sting more now, but mentally it
>helped a lot.  I was about to say something to her when I heard a noise.  I
>turned my head to look down the path we came down.

Crow: No, we thought that you turned your finger towards the path!  For Pete's sake, give 
the reader a bit more credit!

> "There you are.  We saw the destruction and got a little worried," Soun
>said.  "Hey!  I found them! their over here!"  He yelled back behind him. 
>Just then Raye, Darrien, Kuno, Happy,

Michelle: (Happosai) How many times must I tell you to stop calling me that?  It's 
Happosai to everyone except Cologne!  now you must die!!! (Uses Shark Fist on the 
screen.  Nothing happens) (herself) Damn!

>and Nabiki came through the forest.
> "Pay up Kuno baby, they weren't eaten by wild beasts," Nabiki said with a
>smirk.
> "The Kuno family will never Welsh on a bet," Kuno said with dismay and
>pulled out some money from his robe.

Tom: And where did he get that from...?
All: We don't want to know...

>"Here wench.  Take your winning and be
>off with you."
> "Thanks Kuno baby."
> "What happened to you two?" Darrien asked.  "We heard a yell and then
>crashing.

Crow: (A-ko) It's the same reason that the two of us are sweaty and dirty, as though we 
had been rolling around or something.
All: (put wrists out to get them slapped)

>we followed the clearing of trees till we found you."
> "So stupid animal grabbed me and dragged me through the woods."

Tom: (A-ko) Don't call me a stupid animal!

> "Wow, that had to be some huge animal to make this much destruction."
> We both stood up and gave each other a look.  "Ya huge," I said boasting. 
>"It was 20 feet tall, 2 tons, 8 arms..."

All: (singing falsetto) Liar!  Liar!

> "Ten," A-Ko added.
> "Ya ten.  I was lucky it got tired and ran back into the woods."
> Then from one of the bushes the little white menace hoped out.  I gasped a
>little.

Crow: (Adam) Yeah, and don't come back, or I'll give you more of the... oh, sh(bleep)!

> "How cute," Raye said as she went to pet it.
> "Don't touch it!" Me and A-Ko said sincrenisly.

All: (burst out laughing) What in the...?!

> It looked over at us and ran back into the woods.
> "Now you scared it off," Raye said a little upset.
> I exhaled deeply.  "What's that?"  Soun said.  I looked at him and saw him
>pointing behind me.  I turned around and saw small scattered structures a
>little ways down.

Mike: It's called a city.  You know, it contains buildings, as is demonstrated nicely by this 
particular specimen, but that's not important now.

> "I don't know.  I think we should find out though," I said.  "It could be
>something that could help us."
> I started walking and everyone followed behind.  "Be careful Son,"  Soun
>said.  "A martial artist never rushes into a situation that is unknown to
>them."

Michelle: ...which would be why everyone is rushing into it anyway!

> "Well I'm not a martial artist, and I will take my chance.  the others that
>our hurt need help.  We have to chance it."  We walked for about five more
>minutes when we could start to make out what the structures were.

Crow: (Adam) A city of outhouses?  Finally!  I've been holding it for the whole fic!

>We were
>deep in the woods now and this seemed to be a small village in the middle of
>a clearing.  You could hear talking and some people playing musical
>instruments.

Mike: It's Mister B's Summer Camp!
Crow: (Mister B) Knew your father, I didn't want to!

>As we got closer we could see the people.  They looked normal,
>well they still were anime, but normal anime.  Not like Taro.  Who I should
>have warned Ranma about some time on this trip.

Mike: Who?  Tom, some help?
Tom: Why you lookin' at me?
Mike: You're the resident fanboy.

>We all got to were the
>trees ended and stopped.  They didn't see us yet.
>                                  Continue

Mike: Come on, guys, I think that the results of our election should be in by now!
(All stand up to leave)

Reverse Door sequence

	Outside, the bridge is decorated with streamers and baloons on one half.  The other 
half has a couple of silent characters standing alone and in mourning.  On the celebrating 
side, Tom moves up to the pedastal.
	"Thank you!  Thank you!" Tom eclaims as if someone was cheering and 
applauding.  "Yes, we looked the other people in the face and we said, 'I dare you!'  They 
dared, and we have arisen victorious!"
	"In case you couldn't figure it out, which you probably couldn't be cause Tom 
didn't even name names," Michelle says, coming on screen, "Torgo has been declared the 
winner by all the powers that be, the voters!"
	Crow walks up to the microphone on his side and takes a deep breath.  "Well, 
everyone, what can I say?  We gave it our best, and it wasn't enough.  We looked them in 
the face and said 'I dare you', and folks, they did.  Now, I'm sure that Mister Ortega will 
understand.  But remember, that the reason that we aren't celebrating isn't your fault.  It's 
mine.  I didn't bribe enough people."
	"I believe that Torgie will be very impressed and glad with this turn of events!" 
Tom exclaims.  "I believe that our correspondants in Deep 13 have Torgo with them at this 
moment, and are giving him the once over with the questions."

Deep 13
	In Deep 13, Forrester is sitting in a chair beside Torgo.  Frank is on their left.
	"So, Torgo, it seems that you have won!  How do you feel?" Forrester asks.
	"I'm VeRy HaPpY, dR. fOrReStEr!" Torgo answers.  "ThE mAsTeR wIlL bE 
vErY pLeAsEd If I cAn WiN a SeCoNd TeRm!"
	"Wait a second," Frank says, "Are we on TV?!  HI, MOM!!!  I'M ON TV!!"
	"Excuse me for a moment, Torgo," Forrester says, going off screen.  The sound of 
him rummaging around in a closet fills the air for a moment, at which time he comes back 
with a bazooka.  The scene cuts back to the Satellite.

SoL
	"Well, thank you, guys!" Tom exclaims.  The yellow light starts flashing, and Mike 
pushes the button for commercial sign.

(Commercial break.  Use the bathroom if you need to.)

	Everyone walks back into the theatre and sits down for yet another part.
	"When is this thing going to end?" Tom asks.
	"Never," Michelle answers grimly.

>                            Chapter 5 (continued)
>
> There was a few houses made out of wood and a small market place too.

Mike: Excuse me, but when did they wander into "Turok"?
Michelle: Man, Gilligan's been doing pretty good for himself recently!

>People were coming and going, busy as ever.  This one woman walked out.  She
>was very attractive.

Mike: Is anyone else here seeing a method to Adam's madness?
Tom: I'm guessing that it has something to do with attempted comedy relief through 
Happosai gags...

>Long blonde hair, blue eyes, hourglass figure, and
>beautiful smile.

Michelle: Yo, Adam, could you just go ahead and give us some names?  It really helps if 
we know what anime *not* to watch in the future.

>She was warring a white cotton shirt with short sleeves,
>brown shorts that seemed to be made out of canvas, and a brown vest that
>looked like raw hide.  "Pretty lady!"  Happosai jumped from behind a tree
>and started running into the village.  "Pretty lady!  Pretty lady!!"

Crow: Good call, Tom!

>He
>went right up to her and jump on to her chest, squeezing.

Crow: Hey, look!  She's getting Happy!
Michelle: (slaps Crow)

>She screamed and
>threw him off.  A crowd of people gathered around to see what all the
>commotion was about.  They were all looking at Happy on the ground and
>talking.  One of they looked up and saw us in the woods.  "Hey, look!
>there's people hiding in the woods."

Mike: (character in the woods) Pay no attention to us!  We're just trees!
Tom: (villager) They pose a convincing argument...

> This wasn't good.  A small group of them drew unusual swords.  Them seemed
>to pulsate with energy.  As if they were breathing.  "What should we do?"
>A-Ko asked.

Michelle: (random character) How about we run around like chickens with our heads cut 
off?

> "We should try to rationalize with them first, show them we are not
>hostile," Soun replied.

Tom: Yeah, not hostile MY ASS!  I say we massacre the little freaks!!!

> "That sounds good," I said.  "Who is going to talk to them then?"
> "I will take such a desperate command," Kuno said.  He jumped from behind a
>tree

Tom: (random villager) Oh, my GOD!!! *blam, blam, blam!*
Michelle: Are we sure that they're that civilized?
All: Yes.

>and started walking towards them.  He took out his boken and waved it
>in the air.  Then he dropped it to the ground.  The small group of five
>stopped short of him.

Mike: They then fell to the ground laughing their rear ends off...

>They all looked angry, pointing the glowing swords at
>him.  "Come my friend let us not fight.  It is uncivilized for ones such as
>us to lower ourselves to this barbaric level.  If we confront our
>differences and mend them a new we..."

All: SOMEBODY SHUT HIM UP!!!

> Smack!  One of the bigger guys hit Kuno across the head with the but of his
>sword.

All: Thank you!

>He dropped like so much dead weight.  Raye jumped out and stepped
>towards them.  "Hey wait, don't hurt him."
> One of them turned and pointed his sword to Rayes neck.

Tom: (Raye) Okay, hurt him all you want!

>He was medium
>build, short blonde hair, and muscular.  He was warring black pants, a gray
>shirt that opened at the top, and a black leather strap over across his
>chest that held the sheath on his back for his sword.

Mike: I'd like to see Happy try it with him!
Rest: Eeeww!

>"Why shouldn't I?"
>He asked.

Crow: (Raye) Because if you don't, we'll kick your ass...! Wait, that didn't come out 
right...

> "Because we mean you no harm.  We don't want to fight, we just want to
>talk."
> "How do I know that you're not lying?"  He put the tip of his sword right
>up to the skin of her neck.

Tom: Good point.  Kill her!!!

> "Well...you should...uh..."
> "Daikaku will you stop threating that poor girl.  She is all ready scared
>out of her wits," An old man said walking over to the man.  He had a long
>gray beard and was walking with a cane,

Mike: Why do I get the feeling that this guy'll turn out to be a stoner who thinks that he has 
magical powers?
Crow: What stoners don't?

>He was warring a tattered old gray
>rob, you could only see his gray shoes with it on.  He also had this look
>upon him of intrigue and wisdom.

Michelle: Gandalf the Grey makes his debut in Sailor Moon!

>His expression made him look younger than
>he really was.  Daikaku pulled back his sword.
> "How do we know we can trust him.  One of them attacked Sara."

Crow: (Daikaku) Look how wet he got her!
Rest: Crow!!!
(Mike grabs the conveniently placed air sick bag for immediate use.)

> "We are sorry about our friend," I said stepping out into the clearing.
>"He has a weakness for beautiful women.  Kind of a sickness if you will."

Michelle: Yeah, he is a sicko, isn't he?

> The old man looked back and saw happosai trying to grab another woman.
>"Come little lady, don't you want to play with grandpa?"  A really big guy
>grabbed him in mid jump.  "I don't think so old man," the man said.

Tom: (man) Not before me!
Michelle: You two are treading on thin ice...

>He
>stood about 7 feet tall, heavy set, and over sized in the muscle category.
>he had short black hair and was warring a very dark green pair of pants, a
>black shirt that the sleeves were ripped off, and had a sling over his
>shoulder that held a huge ax.

Mike: This guy reminds me of Perrin from the Wheel of Time series...
Crow: And Adam reminds me of the Dark One...

> "I see your point," the old man said.
> "Well we all have fallen for a pretty face in our past.  Even you can
>understand that Daikaku."

Michelle: (Daikaku) Not here, Steve!  Not in front of the others!

> Daikaku reshithed his sword, the others followed.  "If you're not here to
>attack us what do you want?"

Crow: (Adam) We just want to sell you some encyclopedias!
Michelle: (Daikaku) Kill them!!!

> "We need help.  Some of friends are seriously wounded and need medical
>attention," I said.
> "We will be glad to help.  It brings honor to our village to do so."

Tom: (old man) And there's no chance at all whatsoever that you're just spies for the 
enemy and you're just trying to get us out of the safety of our village so that you can use 
the waiting warriors that you brought with you to trap us and use us in horrible, 
unspeakable scientific experiments!
Michelle: The stupidity that goes on and on and on and on and on and on...

>The
>old man said.  Daikaku, take Ichiru and some others to help them."  Daikaku
>ran back to the big guy.  He put Happy in a small cage and followed him into
>a house.  The big guy was Ichiru.

Mike: Which big guy?  The big guy with pecs three feet wide, five feet wide, or seven feet 
wide?

> "Nabiki, Kuno, and I will escort them back," Darrien said.
> Soun gave him a nod.  A few moments later they returned with five others.
>They were carrying supplies and ancient stretchers.

Mike: (Adam) No, not the torture racks!  The stretchers that you carry the sick people 
on...! Yes, I know that that thing makes them sick, but we don't want that to happen...

> "We are a small village, this is all the supplies we have," the old man
>said.

Crow: (Old guy) And we're sacrificing our time, energy, and supplies to help out these 
probable spies!
Tom: These guys are such innoents...

> "This is more than enough," Soun said.  "You have my eternal gratitude."
>They ran into the woods and were out of site in a few seconds.

Crow: (Soun) Ha!  Suckers!

> "Please come inside.  We can sit and discuss," the old man said.   "My name
>is Yoshinari, I am the wise man of this village.  I'm 200 years old if I'm a
>day.

Tom: Oh, come on... you're 200 years *young*!

>And I bet you have a very interesting story to tell me.  Very
>interesting."
> We walked into the center of the village and into a big wooden house shaped
>like a rectangle.

Michelle: (Big Bird) And what shape is a rectangle, children?
Rest: The one with three sides!
Michelle: (same) No!!!  You got it WRONG!!!  Try it AGAIN!!!

>Inside it held a hall with benches along the walls.  The
>old man walked to the back of the building and sat down in this big old
>chair.

All: (sounds of bones cracking)

>We all sat down on one of the benches along the wall.  The woman who
>was attacked by Happosai came in after us, carrying Happy in a small cage.

Mike: (Happosai) Polly want a cracker, my ass!

>She walked up next to the old man, put happy on the floor, and sat down
>besides him on a small stool.  That was Sara.
> "So what brings you to Kagatsura forest?"  The old man asked  "I have never
>seen you around here before.  And I know everyone in this forest and from
>Atsuka castle."

Tom: (old guy) Well, except for that guy sitting in the corner over there.  Isn't that right, 
Bob!
Crow: (other guy) My name's not Bob.  It's Tim.

> "We are not from around here," Raye said.  "We don't even know were here
>is.  You see we were looking for..."  Raye went on to tell our story.

Mike: And to make a long story short...
Michelle: We wished...

>How I
>came from another world and how we got sent here after fighting with the
>leaders of the army of the 7th.  The old man listened with interest.

Mike: (old guy snoring)

> "Well your story is typical for the area," Yoshinari said.  "This land is
>mostly populated by foreigners from other worlds.  I was born here, but my
>parents were not.  Sara here was brought to us 5 years ago by the same ways
>you were brought to us."

Tom: Speaking of deliveries, why do Ige the idea that the stork was drunk when he 
dropped off Adam here?

> Sara seemed like an odd name for this area.  Everyone here, even form
>different worlds, had Japanese type names.  Hers was more like mine.  Very
>American.

Crow: Why do I get the idea that Sara is someone that Adam met in a chat room 
somewhere?

>"We were all brought her for many reasons, but basically from the
>same source.  I remember when I was young my mother would tell me about the
>Army of the 7th.  How the destroyed our home world and sent everyone here
>for slave labor.

Michelle: Until Martinoko Lutherinka Kingmi Juniorchi, the Japanese civil rights activist, 
staged an uprising in the Northern Carolinistanian mountains.

>It took me 100 years to get out of that place.  They threw
>me away like garbage.  Thinking I was dead.  The people form this village
>found me and brought me back to health.  Now we are mostly escapees and
>interdimentional mishaps."
> "Who are the Army of the 7th?"  Soun asked.

Mike: (old guy) Mostly extras from the seventh season of "Star Trek: The Next 
Generation"...

> "The army of the 7th is a murderess group.  They have been traveling from
>dimension to dimension for over 1000 years.  They were first known as kerrs
>army,

Tom: Named after the drug store for which their founder first worked...

>named after their former leader.  They came from some far off world
>light years away.  They invented inter dimensional travel after they
>discovered that there world was dyeing.

Crow: They left because their world became hippies and started making funkadellic T-
shirts?

>They traveled many worlds killing
>and destroying.  After their home world vanished they set up a main base on
>another planet with three moons.  These three moons gave the planet this
>amazing force of energy. It radiated all over the planet.  It was especially
>strong on the 7th continent.

Michelle: Man, this is some sort of interdimensional soap-opera without the twin sisters 
and long-lost second-cousins twice-removed...

>This is were Kerrs army landed.  They used the
>Moons power to over power the rest of the planet.  After Kerr died in became
>to be known as the Army of the 7th.

Mike: Dead founder?  Screw him!

>They came to this planet 500 years ago,
>they raped and pillaged the land.  Atsuka castle use to be the capital of
>this nation before they came.  Now it is the Army of the 7ths stronghold of
>the area.

Tom: You know, Wizards of the Coast could sue.
Crow: They ripped off the Rath cycle!
Michelle: And crossed it over with Ani-mayhem!

>Their new leader, Lord Jindi, is trying to double the Armies
>control over dimensions.  He does that every dimension is in danger.  He is
>too much like Kerr.  He finds pleasure in leading all these conquers.  As
>you can tell with your fight with him."

Michelle: (Adam) The only thing that our battle taught me is that that Lord Jindi is some 
sort of big dickweed, and that's reason enough for myself to smite his ass with the help of 
my future wives, Jupiter, Rini, Nabiki, and A-ko!

> The Yoshinari looked sad about this fact.  As if he had already given up
>hope for a safe world.  "We can't let this happen," Raye said.  "He is
>trying to destroy our world now, and I won't let him do that."

Mike: Why not?  On the bright side, Melvin would be dead!  On the down-side, Rini and Darrien would still be alive.

> "I wish I could help you miss, but you see their army is to great."
> "I'm not giving up.  I'll fight for my world until there's nothing there to
>fight for."

Tom: Who just said that?

> "We can not let this happen," Soun added.
> "There is no way Their taking my world with out a fight," A-Ko said.
> "I won't stop till their army is destroyed.  Mabey a small kiss would give
>me inspiration to fight," Happy said trying to reach for Sara through the
>cage.

Crow: (Adam) No!  You can't have her!  She's mine!  They're all mine!

>She just kicked him to the side.
> "After they conquer their world they will probably come after Earth," I
>said.  Sara's eyes widened when I said that.  She looked at me with a look
>of disbelief.

Mike: (Sara) Some detail that I could have easily figured out for myself that I am just now 
having confirmed to me by a total stranger whom is probably a spy for the other side?  Oh, 
no!

> "Well I am happy that you want to help.  I don't know how your going to do
>it though," Yoshinari said scratching his beard.
> "We will find away," Raye said.  "You said that their main forces here are
>at Atsuka castle right."

Mike: Tactical error number five-thousand, two-hundred and forty-two!
Michelle: And these stone-age sods haven't won yet?

> "Yes, all the arms, soldiers, and slaves."
> "Well does anyone here know how to get into the castle?"
> "Yes, Daikaku is the leader of our rescue missions to the castle.  He knows
>everything about it."

Michelle: I'd just like again to point out how pitpful these guys must be to have not gone in 
and taken out the leader before now...

> "Well if we get into the castle we can try to take out their main command
>and use their dimensional portal to get back to our world."
> "Storming the castle isn't like crashing a party," daikaku said as he
>walked in to the room.  "They have high security, armed guards, and more
>men."

Tom: (Daikaku) And yet we know every nook and cranny in the flippin' place!  Why 
haven't we won, again?

> "Daikaku your back.  Did you find the wounded?"  Yoshinari asked.
> "Yes they were on the eastside of the forest.  It lucky we got there
>quick.  One of them, I think his name was Ramna or something."
> "Ranma?" Soun asked.

All: (singing) You call it Ramna, I call it Ranma, let's call the whole thing off!

> "Ya that's it, he would have died out there with out getting attended to
>soon."
> "Were are they now."
> "There  in the medic house next door."  The door swung open and Darrien and
>reni came walking in.

Michelle: (Adam) Damn it, didn't I pay you extra to lose these guys after you were out of 
the village?

> "Well thanks to these guys it looks like everyone is going to make it,"
>Darrien said.  "Lita is OK, Shampoo is getting bandaged, B-Ko still needs
>help but she is awake now.  Ranma...were still waiting to see if he wakes
>up."
> "I hope he's OK," Reni said.
> "So how are you going to pull this little attack of yours off now," Daikaku
>asked with a smirk.

Mike: (Adam) Through a carefully-crafted technique that I like to call "writer's initiative"...

> I have a vague idea," Raye said.  "But I will need to know more about the
>castle for the details."
> "Well the map room is down a couple of houses, let's go take a look.  I'm
>curious about your plan."

Tom: If it has anything to do with calling out, "Fire drill" and ringing a bell, I'm leaving...

> Daikaku started to lead us out the door when Sara came up behind me and
>grabbed my arm.  I turned around to see her stand there.  "Excuse me, but
>did you say 'Earth' back there," she asked.

Mike: (Adam) No, actually, I said knaksjsdhoadhrfiugergfjhsadercal.  You should listen 
closer...

> "Ya that's the world I'm from.  I was just saying that they could destroy
>my world too if we don't stop them."
> "I can't believe this, your from earth.  I am too."  This was a surprise,
>but it did explain her name.  "I'm from San Diego California.  I was
>sunbathing by my pool when this cloud came over my house.  I went to grab my
>sunglasses and my towel when this light flash in front of me.

Michelle: I'm telling you, he met her somewhere on the internet...
Crow: Maybe at some coffee shop in his home-town.

>The next
>thing I knew I was lying in the woods a mile from here.  I was only 17 then
>and Daikaku found me and took me to this village.  If he hadn't found me I
>most likely would have died or had been take to the castle."

Tom: Yep, all trenagers are completely helpless.  They'll destroy themselves within twelve 
hours of abandonment if not properly overseen.

> "That is amazing.  I'm for Massachusetts.  I got sent to their world by a
>freak accident too."
> "Can I ask you a favor?"
> "Sure, what?"
> "If you find your way home, can I go too?"

Tom: (Adam) Only if you promise to become my willing slave whenever I'm here.

> "I see no reason why not."
> "Thank you very much.  I have missed my family for so long."

Mike: I don't know what was wrong with this kid.  I mean, I would have paid any amount 
of money to get away from my parents when I was a teenager.

> "Your welcome."  We walked out the door and back into the village streets.
>I saw Daikaku towards the map room.  I looked at the strange sword that he
>had in the hilt of his belt. It was still pulsating with energy.  I swear
>that I saw it move a little.  I walk up behind him.  He sensed me behind him
>and turned his head at me.  "What Kind of sword is that?"  I asked.

Michelle: (Daikaku) It's called the Adam-smiter.  Don't be intimidated by the name.  I 
haven't actually used it on anyone who wasn't named Adam before...

> "It's just a broad sword," He replied.
> "Then what makes that glow?"
> "That's the Esber."
> "The what?"

Crow: It's the cheap rip-off of a Final-Fantasy 3 concept.
Tom: What it is is about one letter away from a hefty law-suit...

> "The Esber.  It's a biological weapon.  It grows deep with in the
>mountains.  Alone it's just a weird looking plant.  But if its attached to
>anything it grows in strength and it gives it strength to whatever it's
>attached to.  My sword has had the same Esber on it for 10 years.

Crow: (Daikaku) Actually, it was due in for a srvicing about three years ago.  But I see no 
need to trust it to those quack mechanics...

>It has
>grown very strong."
> "So it enhances strength by experience."
> "Yes.  It has given me great strength and power.  I have learned a lot from
>my sword.  It is a part of me now."

Michelle: (Adam) So that's why there's an umbilical cord attatched to you and the sword...

> "Can it only added to swords?"
> "It can be added to anything.  Swords, ax's, guns, shields, tanks, even
>living things."
> "You mean like people?"

Tom: (Daikaku) No, more like the bunny-rabbit type of living things...

> "Exactly."
> We continued walking until we got into the map room. ; I went over to main
>table were Raye was explaining her plan.

Crow: (Raye) And then, we hit them with the whipped-cream pies right here.  The seltzer 
bottles come right afterwards.
Mike: (ibid) My internship at the Bozo the Clown school of military tactics really has 
helped the Sailor Scouts!

>    "...then we go through this hallway and into the main complex.  Up two
>flights of stairs and we're in the control room. "
>    "That whole area is heavily guarded.  you will never get close enough to
>even see the control room," daikaku said.  "And what are you going to do
>when you get into the control room?" Raye stood there as a bead of
>sweat rolled of her forehead.

Crow: (Raye) Could somebody turn down the heat?  We're trying to make a battle plan 
here!

>"Well we will...we can..."         "I have an
>idea," I said. I looked over the maps and got an idea.
>    "What's your idea?"  Ichiru said.  Who was practically standing on top
>of me.          "Well if you look here at the base of the castle you can see
>that..."

Michelle: (Adam) You can see that the wall is made of a thin paper-like material.  Now, if 
we can tear through here like so... we can easily take their army on!

>    Back in Nerima Generals Goth and Aboshi were monitoring the portal.
>"This building is to small to bring in the main army,"  Goth said over a
>video screen.

Mike: (Aboshi) It is?  Damn!  We're foiled!  Call off the attack!

>    "Well then shift the attack forces over to an alternative site," Jindi
>said from the other side of the video screen.  "General Aboshi."
>    "Yes lord."

All: Ahh!
Tom: Don't do that!

>    "You will lead the forces to the east.  General Tarpen leads the west
>when he returns from Atsuka castle. And Goth will lead the main forces."
>    "yes master."

Crow: (Aboshi) And what will we be doing, Sir Loads-a-lot?

>    "I have found a new location lord," Goth said typing at the keyboard.
>"A field just north of here.  Its big enough for  the main forces to march
>across."
>    "Good.  We will attack at sunrise of the next day.  That gives you 18
>hours to prepare the army."

Tom: Is Adam trying to create some sort of suspense here?  He really is failing...

>    "It will be done my lord."
>
>    "Very good.  Keep me informed," Jindi said as he turned off his video
>screen.  He sat back on his thrown thinking.

Crow: (sports announcer) And the pass is good!  The thought is on the 30... the 20... the 
10... he could go all the way!

>An evil smile came across his
>face.  He was on the base on the 7th continent, his main room.  Guards were
>lined up against the wall.  Black metal wall made to look like old brick
>with red tapestries hanging down from the walls.

Michelle: Whose interior decorator did they kill to get that look made?

>    "Soon we will have another city.  Then were world, then there
>universe.," Tamasuza said walking in warring a purple robe and carrying two
>glasses of some drink.  She walked over to Jindi and gave him a drink.

Tom: (Tamasuza) Sir, are you sure that you wanted sulfuric acid to drink?

>She
>kissed him a hard and then he drank for the glass.  "What's wrong my lord?"

Mike: (Jindi) That kiss is what's wrong...

>    "Its not a challenge any more.  These pathetic worlds are to easy.  Its
>like taking candy from an infant."

Crow: Then, maybe you should stop trying to conquer planets like Mars and Pluto, and go 
for one that's actually populated.  Like Earth, maybe?

>he took another drink from the glass and
>then through it on the ground.  It shattered into shards.  Two little slave
>children came over quickly and cleaned up the mess.

Michelle: Hey, look!  It's Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen!
Mike: Good...

>Jindi didn't even look
>at them.
>    "I almost thought we would have a real with that group in the building.
>But those weaklings disappointed be, like all the others before them."
>    "Where did you send them anyway?"

Tom: He sent them to the "It's a Small World After All" ride at Disney World!
(All scream in terror)

>    "I don't really know.  Koga, the dessert of Sur, Hoth, the Kagatsura
>forest.  they could have gone anywhere," he said with a laugh.  He grabbed
>Tamasuza and pulled her close to his face.  "Enough about them, lets concern
>ourselves with us."  He grabbed her by the arm and led her behind the
>curtains behind the thrown.

Crow: Finally, a good scene!

>                           Chapter 6-Atsuka Castle

Michelle: Not quite...
Crow: Man, what a crock!  I can't believe that!  All that, leading up to... THIS!!!  I was 
expecting something like "The Outlanders"!
Mike: Calm down, Crow, he would have written it badly, anyway...  Let's get out of 
here...

Reverse door sequence

	On the Bridge of the Satellite, Tom and Crow are standing in very busines-like 
suits, holding a thick book with green covering.  A backdrop drops down behind them, 
showing a talk-show setup.
	"Hello, everybody," Tom says, "And welcome to 'Thank God They Invented It.'  
Today, we have something that has been long in the making, ever since this series began!"
	Crow holds up the book, then says, "It's the 'Mystery Science Theatre 3000 
Unabridged Fanfiction Dictionary!'  It contains such helpful words as, 'gardog,' 
'frogned,' 'secuence,' 'perturbated,' 'hcase,' 'sincrenisly,' and 'tiss.'  The book has 
definitions, parts of speech, synonyms, antonyms, usage in a sentence, and pronuncation 
keys."
	"Let's take a look at one definition in particular, shall we?" Tom says, opening the 
book to a marked page.  "We'll look at one from today's fic, 'sincrenisly.'"

Sin-cren-is-ly: (sin-crehn-is-lee); adv.-happening in such a way as to confuse all viewers.
	"Don't touch it!" Me and A-Ko said sincrenisly. (Editor's note: Please pay no 
	attention to the grammar of the rest of the sentence.  This was due to bad planning 
	and shall not be repeated again.)  Synonyms-amazerably. antonyms-clarvesently.

	"Amazing!" Crow exclaims.  "I never even knew that!  Why don't we take a 
different word?  This time, it comes from our friend, Koopa!"

Crock: (crahk); v.-to make a sound as if throwing up.  The frogs at the swamp are 
	crocking.  Synonyms-glurp.  Antonyms-none.

	"Wow!" Tom exclaims.  "It never made this much sense!  So call now and buy 
your copy of this amazing book!  You'll never regret it!"
	The screen is filled with a list of directions.

	1. Call 1-800-UBITEME.
	2. Give us the information that we request.
	3. The cost is $59.99 for one copy, $100 for two!

	The screen returns to Tom and Crow, who have been joined by Michelle and Mike.
	"We fully endorse this fully accurate and extremely informative book!" Mike says.
	"This book changed my life!" Michelle exclaims.
	"So, order today, before this offer is stricken from the records!" Tom exclaims.
	Mike presses the flashing red button.  "So, what do you think, sirs?"

Deep 13
	Frank is dialing the phone to order a copy of the dictionary.  Forrester cuts the line 
(literally) and throws the phone in the trash.
	"Frank, do you have the next part of the fic ready to send them?" Forrester asks.
	"Well, Steve, I've been meaning to talk to you about that," Frank says.  "I kinda' 
lost the last chapter that he has up, and I lost the adress of his site.  It'll take us a while to 
find the fic again."  Frank cringed in fear of retribution.  Forrester took it amazingly well, 
though.
	"All right, Frank.  We're not breaking their spirits with this fic.  I suppose that 
we'll have to try another one.  Now, I do still have to kill you, you know.  Company 
policy and all."
	"What policy?" Frank asks.
	"Well, it says right here in section 93, paragraph 459-B!" Forrester pulls out a 
scroll of paper.  "If above signed employee, you Frank, does anything that goes against the 
purpose of breaking the wills of the experiment, he will be killed, only to reappear in the 
next episode in perfect health.  There.  In black and white.  Now, how will it be?  
Electrotherapy?  Scissors?  The Box?"
	"I'll take the box," Frank says after a moment of thought.
	"Right, then, press the button and we'll get on it!"

*Blip*
*FWOOSH!*

	Thus ends this God-awfully long fic.  I'm getting on with one that I've been 
holding back for a very long time.  Anyway, thanks to Adam Sheehan for writing the fic.  
Thanks to everybody who read this for reading it.  Thanks to myself for doing it.  I don't 
own anything except for Michelle.

Original fic by:
Adam Sheehan

MSTing by:
M. H. Torringjan

MST3K created by:
Joel Hodgson

MST3K porduced by:
Best Brains, Inc.

>He purchased the MTG3000 satellite dish(one of
>the biggest satellite dishes in the world) . This dish was once owned by
>NASA(the American space program).  It was used to pick up any surposed
>interdimentional signals.