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This is my first MST attempt, so go easy on me. Thanks! M. H. Torringjan.

"I'm back" is owned by James Harrington. MST3K is owned by Best Brains. Sailor 
Moon is owned by Naoko Takeuchi.

Nobody sue me for doing this, it was all in good fun, and no harm or insult was 
meant.

Season six Opening sequence rolls

(1,2,3,4,5,6,Dogbone)

(Scene opens to Servo's room, where Tom Servo's sitting in front of a computer 
screen, Crow Robot sitting beside him.)

Servo: So, Crow, you want to see my new computer game, "Warcraft"?

Crow: I guess so.

Servo: Let me restart a saved game. Okay, here we go. I'm at level nine, and 
they're at level fifteen. It'll be a tough battle, but I can do it. Ohmigod! 
Their level five mage summoned a lurmazog! I have to counter! Go! Go! Die 
lurmazog scum! Oh, no! He killed my guys! He's at my buildings! There goes my 
Temple to Ba'al! My Whirling Tower! My Dairy Products Farm! Oh, the humanity!

(Five minutes later...)

Servo: Fly, my pretties, fly! Ha, ha! Die, you filthy goblins! More lurmazogs! 
KILL, KILL, KILL!!! Scorpion, ho! There goes their Winged Prostitute of Doom!

(Commercial sign light flashes)

(We return, only to find Servo still at his computer)

Servo: Mannix! One last building! Oh, no! The rebuild spell! The Zombie Horde 
summoning! Crow. Crow!

(Our golden friend has fallen asleep, though)

Servo: Ah, forget him! I must rebuild! Must get more Tiny Knights! The Meteorite 
Spell! The Outbreak Spell! Oh, shoot me now!!

(The red Mad's light starts flashing. Mike walks on screen to push it.)

Mike: Hey, you guys, Turner and Hooch are calling!

Deep 13

Forrester: Hello, my lab rats! It's invention time, not play time!

SoL

Mike: Well, Sirs, today, we're celebrating Earth Day with our invention. It's a 
new fertilizer that will help to re-grow the rainforests or any other under-
grown place for that matter. We have here a small bottle with a little liquid in 
it. We call this liquid "Minit-Grow". Just put it in the soil of the plant which 
you want to grow, and within a minute, the plant has grown to its full size for 
its life.

(Mike demonstratively puts a couple of drops on a house plant, which begins 
growing almost immediately.)

Mike: What do you think, Sirs?

D13

Forrester: You know, Mike, that's a pretty good one, actually. If you're an 
ecologist, that is!

SoL

(the whole bridge is covered with vines and flowers. Mike, Tom, and Crow are 
covered in vines, struggling to get free)

Crow: Mmph phrnn hmph hmph hmphy

(Transation: For greenhouse use only)

D13

Forrester: Well, boobies, our invention is better. You know, if we used that 
Minit-Grow stuff on a creeping vine, we could probably take over the world that 
way. Frank, bring in the invention!

(Frank rolls a large box in. The box has a large opening in the top and a small 
slot in the side)

Frank: Don't you just hate it when you're standing in the middle of a forest and 
you need a piece of paper, but you're all out? Our invention, the "Papier Maker" 
can remedy this situation. You just put the tree in the opening in the top, then 
the machine does the rest.

(Forrester drives a crane in through the front door, a tree in the crane's 
clutches. The tree is about ten feet around, and has been uprooted. Forrester 
puts the tree in the machine, and a loud grinding noise can be heard. After a 
moment, a piece of paper comes out of the slot on the side.)

SoL

Mike: Just one sheet?

Crow: What happens to the rest of the tree?

D13

Frank: (Thinking for a moment) We'll have to look into that.

(Forrester pushes Frank out of the way and starts talking to the SoL)

Forrester: Today, we've got another Sailor Moon fanfic for you to watch.

SoL

Crow: Cool! I love Sailor Moon!

D13

Forrester: You won't like this one. It's a real stinker of a SELF- INSERTION 
FIC! It's called "I'm Back" and it's by James Harrington.

SoL

(Mike's holding a machete and whacking away at the still-growing plant.)

Mike: You know, guys, we might have a little problem with this plant. I thought 
that you said it only grew for a minute!

Crow: Did I say minute? I meant hour.

(Lights and sirens start flashing and going off)

All: WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!

Door 6: It looks like a set from the X-Files. There's a tube filled with water, 
containing a fluke-man. You break it to pass, hoping that the Fluke doesn't bite 
you.

Door 5: It's a Slider's portal. You pass through it and a shiver runs down your 
back.

Door4: It's a castle gate, which falls and misses your feet by inches.

Door 3: It's a doorway in the middle of space, like something from the Twilight 
Zone opening.

Door 2: It's a chain link fence. You're in a room with large squids. Tentacles 
swirl around in the air as you pass through the door.

Door 1: It's a vault door. Its center ring swilrs, and the door swings open 
easily.

>I'm Back

Mike: You know, you learn a lot from a title of a story
Tom: Like what?
Mike: Well, for one, we already know that it's a sequel.
Crow: Great, there'll be references to the other one all over the place...

>By: James Harrington
>Part one: Re-entry

Crow: (Laughs like Butthead)
Mike: Don't go there, Crow.

>I was sitting in my room one night, when

Tom: A sniper shot me through the window of my room.
Mike: You're already getting started on those jokes?
Tom: Mike, you should know that all self-inserts are going to end up with me 
doing this, so why don't I just get an early start on it?

>the book from the last time that something fun had happened to me 
>opened.

Crow:(singing) All I wanna do is have some fun...

>As I turned, I saw a form coming out of it. Great, I thought,

Mike: (James) I've put myself in another crappy fanfic.

>When the form materialized, it was

Mike:(James) The fairies again. I was on another acid trip.
Crow: (James) My mother, who had come back from the grave to tell me to clean my 
room.

>Amy come to see me. It was against the rules that we had set down the 
>last time that one of them had visited me at home, but I was bored.

Tom: Of course, pay no attention to the possible paradoxes that this type of 
thing could cause.
Crow: It doesn't matter, as long as he's entertained.

>"Hello, Amy. I would first like you to know how wrong this is

Tom: And how you will burn in Hell for it.

>and how much I approve of it. You're learning to be dishonest.

Tom: And that's a good thing?

>Second, I'd like to welcome you to my room. This is the first time that 
>you've been here, isn't it?" She looked at me as if I had lost my mind.

Mike: Yeah, that'll happen.

>"Yes, James, but that's not why I'm here.

Crow: Is this already going to turn into a lemon?
Mike: Crow, don't start with it.

>We've got some problems that we'd like you to come and help us with."

Tom: (James) Okay, but my services aren't for free. I charge five dollars for 
the first youma that I kill, ten for each additional.
Mike: So, they're going to ask a normal guy for help on defeating a youma. Yeah, 
right.
Crow: Mike, It's a self-insert. I think that's perfectly logical for a 
self-insertion fic.

>"What type of problem? I mean, I'm in the middle of something here. I'm 
>recording what happened the last time that I was on your world."
>"Well, our problem is a bit more important than that. You remember 
>everything that happened on our world, right?"

Mike: Who's talking?!
Tom: It's the narrator having a conversation with himself, I think.
Crow: Better than him talking to us...

>"Well, most of it. What point are you at?"

Tom: (Amy)I'm in your room, you idiot!

>"This girl named Rini just showed up, and we've had to fight these 
>sisters to protect her."

Mike: Which sisters? LaToya and Janet Jackson?
Crow: The Brady girls?
Tom: Kei and Yuri, the Dirty Pair?

>"Oh, Rini! I've always wanted to meet her!

Crow: So have I, but I wanted to have a shotgun in my hand at the time.
Tom: You've been reading too many Nav fics.

>When do we leave?"
>She picked up the book and threw it to me. Before I looked in, I grabbed 
>the necessities for this type of trip, the stuff that I had gotten from last 
>time.

Mike: Which constitutes what, exactly?
Tom: This is a sequel, Mike. He already told us in the last story, so it should 
be obvious in this one.

>I looked at the picture in the book, and was sucked into the bok again.

Tom: Anyone know what a *bok* is?
Crow: You know, there could be some great undertones in this story.

>We landed in Serena's room with the rest of the Scouts there already.

Crow: They were wearing skimpy neglige.
Mike: Crow!
Tom: (James) Come on in, Amy! The pages are just fine!
Crow: A little late on the draw there.
Tom: Better late than never.

>"Hey, everyone.

All: HI!
Mike: That joke's kinda' losing its meaning.

>What devious monster's ass are we going to kick this time?

Crow: Well, you're not going to kick anything with a mouth like that, young man.
Tom: (Random Senshi) Excuse me? *WE*? Who has the superpowers here?
Mike: Well, knowing this sort of story, he's probably got Saya-jin-esque powers.
All: (Shudder)

>I still couldn't get over kicking Malachite in the nuts the last time that I 
>was there.

Mike: And the shameless self-promotion begins!
Tom: (James) I kicked Malachite's area.

>I always wanted to do that.

>"Well, James, you know the sisters, right?" Luna asked.

Mike: The Andrew's Sisters?

>"Of course. I hate their leader, Rubeus, the most. Where are they going 
>after this time?"

Tom: I believe that that should have been "What are they going after."
Mike: So, you've gone into nitpicking now, have you?
Tom: You can't let these sort of things go unnoticed.

>"Well, they aren't going after anyplace yet. They're just attacking us 
>randomly. This time, though, it's really dangerous.

Crow: Yeah, this time, they're actually attacking in an organized fashion.

>They've struck the source of our powers, and we need help because we 
>can't transform."

Mike: ...Optmus Primal said.
Tom: I thought that we called no more Transformers jokes.
Mike: I couldn't help myself.
Crow: So, a bunch of normal girls are enlisting the help of a normal guy because 
he knows a lot about their show?
Tom: Yep, that's about what it amounts to.
Crow: And we don't even know how he got here!

>"This never happened before," I said.

Mike: (James)I'll have to check with my store manager about it.

>"I hate story deviatons. Where is this?"

Mike: (Serena) In my room!
Tom: Posaic, New Jersey?
Crow: Hell, a.k.a. this fic?
Mike: Circle Pines?

>"It's on the Moon."

Mike: I'm getting real tired of this! Who's talking!?!
Tom: Calm down, honey. It'll hopefully get better.
Crow: It couldn't get much worse. Unless, of course, he brings Rini into it.

>"What?!

All: SHE SAID, IT'S ON THE MOON!
Tom: What are ya' deaf?

>I thought that the source of your power was the Imperium Silver Crystal!"

Tom: (Luna) Well, we got a trade-in on this source of our power for another. I 
hope you don't mind, mister big-shot!

>"No, it focuses our power from the Moon, so that we can use it here."

Mike: Well, I can see where that makes perfect...G'huh?
Tom: What was that?
Mike: I don't know.

>But how will we get there?"

Tom: (Ford Prefect) We'll hitch a lift.

>"The Crescent Moon Wand keeps a small supply of energy in it that we can 
>use to get there, but only that much.

Mike: Yes, this is the first lesson in Plot Contrivances 101.

>We'll need to succeed if we want to live the rest of our lives."

Tom: Uuum... You're on the Moon, aren't you going to die of the vacuum anyway?

>They decided to go someplace more private to use the wand. On the way 
>to the Temple, which was where they would use the the Wand,

Mike: Hmm... Let's see. I'll bet that the *the* wand isn't working.
Tom: You know, I've always wanted to use a *the* wand.
Crow: Mike, can I have a *the* wand for Christmas?
Mike: Okay, guys, we've rammed that joke into the ground.

>James held Lita back to talk to her.
>"What have you been doing since I left?" I asked.

Mike: Oh, he slipped into third person for a minute there.
Crow: (Lita) I've been counting my lucky stars that you weren't here.

>"Not much. Just the usual Negaverse battling. You?"

Mike: (James) I've been sitting around the house all day, eating doritos and 
watching the show on tape, fantasizing the whole time.

>"Writing stories about the Scouts. In one of them, I'm in it, but I don't 
>know anything about your secrets until Raye acts irrationally.

Mike: Yes, every good writer puts a plug for another of his stories in his 
writing.
Tom: (Raye) So, it's always ME who acts irrationally, is it? Why can't you pick 
on Serena every once in a while?  I swear, I'll smash your head in for even 
suggesting that!

>You're able to convince me that I'm dreaming."
>"What do you think that it'll be like on the Moon?"

Mike: Did the writer lose track of who's talking again?
Tom: Just drop it, Nelson.

>"I'm thinking vacuum, 

Mike: Like Serena's head.

>deep freeze temperatures,

Tom: Like Raye's personality.

>and barren landscapes.

Crow: Like between Amy's...
Mike: (Puts his hand over Crow's mouth).

>At least, that's my Moon, which never supported any life."

Mike: (James) and is half the size of my ego.

>"Luna said that it wasn't anything like that."

Tom: (James) And Luna's going to question my authority?

>"I'll believe it when I see it. I hope that I can meet Rini before we leave.

Crow: And shoot her.
Tom: WAY too many Nav fics.

>I've always wanted to. She's the one out of the whole series who I feel 
>sympathy for out of all the characters."
>"Why's that?" Lita looked at me, quizzically.

Mike: Oh, so this is a story being told to someone named quizzically.
Crow: (James) Well, I don't know, but I've always wanted to go to her bedroom 
one night for...
Mike: CROW!
Crow: A tea party! Gosh, Nelson, you've got to cut down on the caffeine!

>"Well, there's two reasons. First, she has to live with Serena. Second,

Tom: She can't get any. I mean, gosh! Everyone in this series is getting some 
except for Rini and Serena!
Mike: You're a hentai, too? Damn it, I'm just plain out of the loop.

>she is in avery unique situation concerning the Negaverse."

Mike: She forgot to pay the Negaverse mafia its money. They sent Guido around to 
take out her kneecaps.
Tom: Guido Anchovy?
Crow: Wrong series, fanboy.

>"What type of situation?"
>"Never mind. You'll find out later."

Crow: In bed.
Mike: CROW!

>I sped up to catch up with the rest of the group. "Why don't we bring Rini 
>along with us?" I asked innocently.
>"Why should we?" Serena asked bitterly.

Mike: (James) Because it's my story!

>"Serena's right," Raye said in agreement. "If we brought her along, then 
>she would know that we're Sailor Scouts."
>"She will anyway," I said half to myself.
>"What's that?" Mina asked sternly.

Tom: (James) Nothing, just giving away important plot points.
Crow: Man, he likes his adverbs, doesn't he? "Sternly," "Innocently," 
"quizzically," and a whole menagerie of others strewn about the story.

>"I said that she will ayway. Later, she'll be involved in a battle where 
>she sees you transform while she's supposed to be 
>hiding."

Mike: How many times must I say it? Messing with the time-lines of set stories 
is not cool!
Crow: (Mr. Garrison) Messing with history and creating paradoxes is bad, mmmmm-
kay?

>"She'll figure it out?" Amy asked.

Tom: (James) Didn't I just say that?

>"Everything."
>"Why don't we bring her along, then?" Amy asked.

Crow: Hey, he's got Ms. Technical genius siding with him now.
Mike: (Amy) I don't have any free will in this story! Get me out of here!
Tom: Get us out of here.
Mike: Don't worry, we don't have much more to go before a break.

>"We wouldn't have any way to keep track of her, and she'd just be extra 
>luggage,"

Tom: So, you sit her in your hotel room and don't worry about her unless she 
gets rummaged through?

>Artemis said, frowning at the possibility of that idea.
>"I could take care of her.

Crow: (James) I'd clean her and feed her and take her for walkies and 
everything!
Tom: Yeah, Rini is a bi...
Mike: (Slaps hand over Tom's mouth)

>Besides, I was the one who wanted to bring her. There wasn't any real 
>reason. I'm even the master of excuses.

Mike: And the shameless self-promotion begins again!
Tom: (James) I'm the Master of Liars.
Mike: Give him a couple more chapters, and he'll probably be leading the Scouts.

>I can make it so that she won't figure out that you're the Scouts yet." 
>"I don't know, it wouldn't be really kosher," Luna said. 
>"This, coming from a cat.

Tom: (Luna) Oy vey!

>Look, just give me five minutes.

Mike: I don't know if I trust him in a room alone with Rini for any amount of 
time.

>I'll just rush back to Serena's house, grab Rini, then rush her back to the 
>Temple. If I'm not there, then you can go wthout me." 
>"Look, you twit," Luna said.

Crow: Without any emotion or anything.
Tom: Apparently, Luna does better name-calling when she's had some prozac.

>"We didn't bring you here just to leave you. If you're so determined to 
>bring her, you can go and get her." Before the words were out of her 
>mouth, I was already running back towards Serena's house.

Mike: (Luna) If it wasn't your story, then I'd...

>Lita was hot on my trail, coming to make sure that what was happening 
>to Serena wouldn't happen to her.

Tom: You mean that she was afraid of losing all of her brain cells?

>I got to her house and was let in by Sammy when I said that I was one of 
>Rini's friends.

Crow: And only after I gave him a kilo of marijuana.

>I found her in Serena's room, playing with her Luna-ball.

Tom: ... among other things.
Crow: Serena's *toys*?

>"Hello, have you been helped?"

All: HEY! She stole our shtick!

>she asked when she noticed me there.
>"I'm gonna like this kid," I thought to myself. "I'm a friend of your 
>mother's."

>"You're a time traveler?" she asked immediately.

Tom: (James) Yes.
Mike: And yet again, he almost gets free of the grasp of the all-mighty 
self-worship!

>"Of sorts. I know your mission and the future.

Mike: (James) There's going to be a sale at K-mart's tomorrow. That proves it.

>I've chosen you, Serena, and her friends to help me on a mission to ensure 
>the future of civilization.

Mike: Damn, I'm good.
Tom: (James) The Senshi are helping me on *MY* quest.
Crow: *INTENSE* *LYING* *ACTION*!!!

>Princess Rini, you must help us."

Tom: (Leia) Help me Obi-Rini, you're my only hope.
Crow: Nah, he wouldn't say that. It's his story.

>"All right, you can count on me. Where should we go?"
>"The Temple on Cherry Hill. We don't have long, though."

Mike: Anyone noticed how these stories always put them at that Temple for 
meetings?
Crow: (singing parody of Strawberry Fields) Cherry Hills forever.

>Outside the room, Lita was waiting for us.
>"Us helping you?"
>"Anything not to let her in on the secret. Just go along with me on this."
>We rushed down the street to where the others were waiting for us. We 
>caught the next bus to the Temple, where we went around back. I briefed 
>the others on the story that I had given Rini so that they could follow 
>their parts.

Mike: (random senshi) Oh, so you're in charge of this story now? Who died and 
made you writer?
Tom: (different senshi) He is the writer.

>Serena held up the Crescent Moon wand

Crow: ...Which began to vibrate gently in her hand, creating a sensation of...
Mike: That's it, Crow! You're getting no desert tonight!
Crow: (Groans)

>And said the words to get us going on our way. Rini didn't notice the 
>Imperium Silver Crystal sparkling in the light of the day. "Moon
>Teleportation, Activate!"

(The door opens, signaling a break for the bots and Mike. They exit the theatre 
in an orderly fashion.)

We see the bridge, there are vines and flowers covering every part of the 
bridge, even the red, yellow, and purple lights.

Mike enters with a flamethrower strapped to his back. Tom and Crow enter from 
the other way. They jump when they notice what he's holding.

Tom: Mike, where the hell did you get that?

Mike: I found it in the storage room. It must have been left over from one of 
those Nav fics. I figure, if we can find the source of the plant, then we can 
kill it there.

The lights flicker, then go out. Red, low emergency lights come on.

Crow: The hell?

Mike: The plant must have tapped into our main power generator. We've got to 
kill it...now.

From under a vine, a small, flashing red light turns on.

Mike: Heads up, guys. The Mads are calling.

(Mike pushes the button. The channel to Deep 13 is opened for communication)

D13

Forrester: Well, hello, everyone! I see that your little experiment has gone 
awry. I guess that you know how I feel when Frank screws up my projects. I was 
wondering how you liked the first part of the story. You've still got three more 
parts to go, so do try to stay alive.

SoL

Mike: Oh, bite me, Forrester. You just let us do our job and we'll let you do 
yours. We've got commercial sign.

(Mike hits the flashing yellow button under a pile of vines)

(Commercials roll)

Next stop: part two. Just go back and go there if you want to read more.