This Text file is old! In a 🏛️Museum, an unsorted archive of (user-)pages. (Saved from Geocities in Oct-2009. The archival story: oocities.org)
--------------------------------------- (To 🚫report any bad content: archivehelp @ gmail.com)

Last time, Mike ended the threat from the evil plant. There is, however, still 
the problem of the fanfic. We rejoin our friends just as Mike is waking up from 
his nap between sections. He used his time- suspending alarm clock to get the 
right amount of sleep, while not disrupting the experiment. The long, arduous 
task of cleaning up the Sattelite can now begins.

Mike: Welcome back, everyone. Like the narrative just said, we're about to clean 
up the ship from vines and junk. We've been needing to clean up in here anyway.

(Tom pops out of his room, carrying a pile of vines on his arms)

Tom: There's got to be a better way to do this, Mike. Can't we just suck these 
vines out of here into space?

Mike: Sorry, but no can do. There's already enough junk floating around out 
there, messing up the Hubble. We'll use it to power the generator and get us 
some power until Forrester can refill our power supply.

(Crow and Ranma come out of Crow's room, carrying more vines)

Crow: Tom's right. We've got to have a better way to do this. Maybe we could 
smoke it. I've heard that house plant makes for a good joint.

Mike: Crow, I don't want to hear it. (thinks for a moment) I've got it! Open the 
Umbilicus!

(Crow throws down his vines and opens the Umbilicus cord that attatches the SoL 
to Earth. Mike starts unloading vines into the tube. The red Mad's light starts 
flashing a momet later. Mike touches the button to open the communications 
channel)

D13

Forrester: Mike, what's coming down here? It had better not be another John 
Banner-gram. If it is, you can be expecting another week without bathroom breaks 
during the fics.

(Frank opens the Umbilicus port, letting the vines from the SoL start pouring 
into the lab)

Frank: It's not a Banner-gram, at least. What are we supposed to do with these?

Forrester: I've got an idea, let's use that earlier plan. Get the plant pots, 
Frank!

SoL

Mike: Oh, well. It's their problem now.

(Lights and sirens go off)

Mike: We'll finish this stuff off later! We've got fanfic sign!

(Dogbone, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1)

Tom: It feels nice to be back in the old theatre, with our good door sequence.

>Part four: The Second Lunarian War
>
>I awoke to the sound of footsteps in my dark room. I assumed that it was
>Lita walking around.

Ranma: Unfortunately, it was the paid assassin, hired by Lita.
Mike: Getting a bit dark, Ranma?

>"Lita, go back to bed," I complained drowsily.
>"I am in bed," I heard her reply.

Crow: That's a bad sign when they can't tell when each other are in the same 
bed.
Tom: (James) Then tell your play-thing to get back in bed.
Mike: Tom...

>"Then, who's that?" I asked, only slightly more awake. I turned the 
>bedside lamp on.

Mike: They must be in the Mariott.
Crow: They must be in the hourly room, then.
Mike: Crow!

>The face I saw was the face of another one of my friends, Brian Jackson.

Tom: Oh, no! A MULTIPLE insert?!
Crow: This is getting TOO close to "Sailor Scouts Meet Chris" for comfort.

>"Brian?" I said, unbelieving of

Ranma: ...the crap that I had written.

>what I saw. "Lita, why does this happen every time I come here?"

Ranma: Because it's...
Mike: Stop right there. We called those off.
Ranma: But it's so easy.
Crow: Don't shoot fish in a barrel. Easy shots are too... easy.

>"Darned if I know."
>"James," Brian said, "Where am I?"

Tom: Hell.
Mike: James's deranged imagination.
Ranma: a.k.a. this fic.

>"The Moon," I answered. "It's a long story. To summarize,

Crow: To summarize, I'm suffering a period of dementia.
Mike: You or him?
Crow: Both. This fic hasn't had any point except to boost the ego of the writer, 
am I correct?
Rest: Yes.

>you are in the world of Sailor Moon."
>"Those sluts?" he asked.

Ranma: They aren't sluts. They don't get paid for what they do.
Mike: Ranma...

>"No, those superheroines.

Tom: Hey, a new drug, super-heroine. It's ten times as strong as marijuana.
Crow: It sure is making James hallucinate.

>You really don't want to insult Lita here.

Ranma: What about Lita there?
Mike: Huh?
Ranma: You know, instead of Lita here, Lita there. Ah, forget it.

>She's got a short fuse with about a millimeter circumfrence." I was too
>late. Lita had already thrown him to the ground and was back to my side 
>by the time I was finished speaking.

Ranma: MACHO CHICK!  Damn it, I tought that I was away from that sort of girl 
for a while!
Mike: Probably not if Forrester has anything to say on the subject.
Voice of Forrester: I'll get a Ranma fic in there sooner or later!

>"All right," Brian said impatiently. "I wasn't ready for you that time,but 
>I've got you now!" He rushed at Lita and was thrown against the wall in 
>a second's time.

Mike: He must not like anyone, even his friends. He's got a Senshi beating up on 
his friend!
Tom: Brian must owe James money.
Ranma: He's not even trying to stop Lita!

>While the two of them duked it out, I went to get the others.

Crow: He charges money for them to watch, though. And the thing is, they 
actually pay it!

>When I brought the others, Brian was almost unconsious and Lita had a 
>bruised cheek. "Finally, some fun!" she said, exhausted.

Ranma: (Lita) Yeah, it's fun to pick on weaker people who make fun of me.
Tom: Do it all the time.

>"I've always wanted someone to do that," I said. I introduced them all, 
>and we left for breakfast.
>"So," I asked Brian at the breakfast table,

All except Ranma: TOGG!!!

>"How did you get here?"

Crow: (Brian) I met you.

>"I looked at an open

Tom: ...Playboy magazine under your bed.

>book on your bed. You weren't in your room, so I didn't think that 
>you'd mind."

Ranma: And what exactly was Brian doing in James's room?

>"Why were you in my room anyway?"

Ranma: D'oh!! That's twice!
Crow: (Brian) You told me that you'd give me a blow...
Mike: (slams Crow's mouth shut, as well he should)

>"You had told me that you could give me a ride to the choral concert
>today, so my parents dropped me off about ten minutes ago, counting the 
>time that I've been here.

Mike: Don't you think that someone would have noticed James missing for a day or 
so?

>I was looking into your book for any dirt on my least favorite cartoon 
>show."

Crow: What an original excuse.
Tom: It's better than some of the other ones we've heard in this story.
Ranma: Guys, I think that he's telling the truth.

>"Well, you won't find it. These girls are the sweetest things on TV.

Mike: Well, at least, they were until they got cancelled.
Tom: Fanboys and girls everywhere pray for Cartoon Network!

>I don't get where you get off calling them," I whispered it to him, "Sailor 
>Sluts.

Tom: Well, besides the fact that they wear skirts that end halfway up their 
chests, are built like thirty-year-old models who have had more plastic surgery 
than Christy Brinkley, and flirt with any guy who won't call them b**ches, I 
can't tell either.

>You just have to have a little time to get used to them,

Crow: (Dana Carvey) A little naked time!
Mike: Crow, do you have a death wish?

>and you'll get it. You can't leave until I do.

Ranma: (Brian) Okay! (Self) Then, Brian levels a gun to James's head, then 
fires.
Tom: Ranma, you're learning! Keep it up, and you'll be as good as me or Crow in 
no time!

>Our way home is on the Earth, and we can't get back to Earth until the 
>Scouts accomplish their mission."

Mike: They must do their good turn for the day, then they'll go home.

>"Damn," he said.
>"James, does everyone on your planet swear?" Amy asked.

Ranma: Uh oh, guys! Here comes a little ray of sunshine from our author!

>"No. I think that some of the younger ones don't, but I can't make 
>guarantees." We got on with our plans for the day.

Mike: (James) Serena, you be a load. Raye, you tease Serena for it. Amy, you be 
your usual book-worm self. Mina, you come on to any guy that has warmth in his 
body. Lita, you be my sexual playtoy for the day.
Everyone else: (Gape at Mike for his last comment)
Mike: What, can't I make one of those?

>"First, we must go to the Power Source and make sure that there's 
>nothing wrong with it. Have any of you met these sisters?

Tom: Meet a rock formation from Australia?
Mike: Wrong sisters.
Crow: The Dominion Puma Twins?

>They all shook their heads.

Crow: (laughs like Butthead)
Mike: (Slaps Crow on his head, then wraps Crow's mouth shut with duct tape) 
That'll hold him for a while.

>So, that was why I was there. Convenient answers.

Ranma: He took this long to establish to himself why he was there?

>"All right. We first have to find out where this place is."

Tom: It's on the Moon, you idiot!
Crow: (gnawing the tape off faster than usual)It's apparently in the dining hall 
of some building in the Second Kingdom of the Moon, to be more specific.

>We went to Lar, who led us to the Power Source. It was guarded by two 
>women wearing uniforms. Its size was that of a small motorboat. It was 
>shaped like one, too.

Mike: (Lar) Oh, I'm sorry, I brought you to the fishing shop instead of the 
power source. You can understand the confusion, right?

>A little heavily guarded for a motorboat. On the side, there was a small 
>black box.

Ranma: Hey, it's the wreckage from the United Air flight 800!

>"What's this? I asked, regarding the box.

Tom: (box) The hell should I know? I ain't got eyes!

>"I don't know," Lar replied.

Crow: (James) I didn't ask you!

>I repeated my question to the guards, never taking my eyes off it.

Tom: Never taking them off what? The guards?

>Then, I looked at the guards' faces. I gasped and punched one. "My god! 
>What are you doing to our guard?" Lar asked.

Mike: All right, that's it. I officially hate this guy! He's got the characters 
calling him their god.
Ranma: (Austin Powers) That's no guard, baby!

>"That's no guard, baby!" I said in my best Austin Powers impression.

Ranma: AAAARRGH!
Crow: If you do that again, Ranma, I will throw you out of the theatre.
Ranma: It's just that he's so damn predictable!

>"That's a plant!"

Tom: Well, it obviously hasn't been watered in a while.
Mike: It's under the ground! It needs direct sunlight! Get it outside quick!

>I yanked the wig off of the person, revealing the real hairdo of Katzy. 
>"By the way, I love that do! Do you know Serena's stylist?"
>"Hey!" Serena exclaimed. "Her 'do looks nothing like mine!

Ranma: And while they're arguing about whether or not Serena's hair looks like 
Katzy's, the others are getting massacred.

>It's time to get rid of some Nega twits! Moon Crystal Power!"

Tom and Crow: Wonder Twin powers, Activate!
Mike:...
Ranma: (Power ranger style) Tyranosaurus power!
Tom: HEY!
Crow: Fanboy!

>Nothing happened. "Oh, yeah. I forgot aout the power problem.

Mike: Well, if you had paid your power bill, you wouldn't be in this mess.

>Let's get rid of that box!" Lita rushed over and removed the box.

Tom: Meeting no resistance in the process?

>She threw it onto the ground and stomped it. It exploded, sending energy 
>flying everywhere.

Crow: ...Electrocuting everyone except James.
Ranma: Why not James?
Crow: It's his story.

>Serena turned into Sailor Moon like she had wanted to in the first place.
>The rest of the Scouts transformed quickly.

Tom: Maximize!
Crow: Terrorize!
Ranma: Most of this story is the latter.
Mike: Guys...

>"Mercury Star Power!"
>"Jupiter Star Power!"
>"Mars Star Power!"
>"Venus Star Power!"
>As they were transforming,

Mike: ...the audience was falling asleep.

>Katzy had flipped me over her shoulder

Tom: In a desperate attempt to deflate James's ego.

>and was holding me hostage. I was struggling to get away, though. She
>would be nothing like Malachite to defeat. She didn't have any weak spots 
>to exploit.

Crow: Except for her weakness for hermaphrodites.
Tom: Wrong person, wrong story.

>Then again, I didn't know much about women (and still don't).

Mike: I think that the self-promotion is finally running out of steam.
Tom: Yeah, he actually said something negative about himself.

>Whenever I tried hitting anything, I got an arm around my throat with 
>increasing intensity. To increase the insanity, Birdie was attacking the 
>Scouts.

Ranma: And messing up their nice, clean uniforms.
Mike: All right, we've done the Boy Scouts joke enough.
Tom: Look who's talking about insanity.

>If the Scouts did anything, Katzy would threaten to kill me.

Crow: (James) And that would seriously muss my 'do.
Tom: That sounds like something that he would say in this story.
Mike: (Announcer) Deus ex Machina to land in 5...4...

>The Scouts had no choice but to take it.

Mike: (Announcer) 3...2...

>Then, all of a sudden, Katzy screamed and slumped over unconsious.

Tom: So, James changed his name to unconsious and went to third person.
Mike: (Announcer) 1...0...

>I wrenched from her grip and turned to see what had helped my escape. 
>Brian stood behind Katzy, rubbing his fist.

Mike: (Announcer) Deus Ex Machina has landed on runway two.  I repeat: Deus Ex 
Machina has landed on runway two.  Please keep your seatbelts fastened and 
remain seated until you are told to get the hell off the plane.
Tom: Prepare for the witty remark of the hero's saver.

>"Man, This'll take some getting used to. We aren't allowed to punch in 
>wrestling."

All: (muted trumpet sound) waaahh waaahh WAAAHH!!

>"That's why I say that you should play football. All you do is punch," I 
>said.

Ranma: And what about the receivers?

>"Finally, some fun," Jupiter said from behind us. The Scouts had 
>encountered the evil sister in combat.

Tom: Yeah, I call getting your asses kicked "fun", too.

>After about a minute of combat, the Scouts had wounded Birdie. She 
>gave up and warped out with her wounded sister. The threat was over, 
>and we could go home.

Mike: The threat's never over as long as James is still there.
Crow: That battle scene was about as detailed as the one in "A Black Day"

>We left the city with instructions to relocate to the surface of the Moon,

Crow: Just wondering, but who had the instructions?

> and to call again if they needed help.

Tom: Yes, of course, the usual setup for sequels.

>Brian left them with instructions to "bite him".

Crow: HEY!! That's my line! Mike, are you sure that we can't sue?

>A couple of people were snapping at his heels as we transported out.

All: (deadpan) ha, ha, ha. Oh, it's so funny.

>We arrived at Serena's house seconds later.

Ranma: just wondering, but when did we lose track of the little girl?
Mike: (James) Oh, my God! We forgot Rini! Oh, well, let her be disgustingly cute 
there.

>Serena and the others went outside to revert so that prying eyes couldn't 
>watch them.

Crow: I figured that James would write them changing in there so that he could 
see them nude.
Mike: Crow, you'd better be glad that we're near the end of the fic, otherwse, 
you'd be dead.
Crow: What you gonna do, temp-boy?

(Mike jumps over the side of his seat with his handy-dandy roll of duct tape and 
wraps Crow's mouth closed again, tighter and thicker this time. He tapes Crow's 
arms to his sides and his legs together. Tape is put over Crow's eyes so that he 
can't see, either. Crow ends up looking like a tape mummy)

Mike: That handles that for now.
Ranma: Remind me not to get on your bad side.

>When they came back, Brian was gone.

Tom: He finally put Brian out of his misery and threw him out the window.

>I didn't want to leave yet.

Ranma: (James) I hadn't had my lemon scene with Lita yet.
Mike: Ranma...
Ranma: Well, someone's got to say it.

>I had some stuff to do concerning characters. I had to go and see Darien.

Tom: Yes, here it comes, more paradox-creating.
Mike: I think that we all know what's coming now.
Ranma: Hey, look at it this way. He might create a paradox that gets rid of 
Rini.
All: (pause, then chanting) Go, James! Get that Rini!

>I arrived at his appartment with Lita in tow

Mike: He's a tow-truck now?
Tom: He's going to impound Lita!

>and we got our story straight.

Ranma: (James) Okay, I'm the writer, and you're my faceless pawn.

>I would go in first as an insurance salesman. Lita wwould arrive five 
>minutes later as herself. I went to the front door of Darien's appartment. 
>The door opened almost simultaneously as I knocked on it.

Tom: (James with British accent) Burglar!
Ranma: (Darien as woman) If I let you in, you'll try to sell me encyclopedias.
Mike: Guys, we did that one already. If you keep doing that, I'll make you do 
your impressions of two unsuccessful encyclopedia salesmen.
Tom and Ranma: ...

>"May I help you?" Darien asked as he looked me over.
>"Yes, as a matter of fact, you can. I'm a representative of Moonco 
>Insurance,

Mike and Tom: (falsetto singing) Liar! Liar!

>and Ive gotten word that you're in need of a new insurance policy." I 
>pushed past him into his appartment and said, "Oh, yeah, this'll cost ya'."

Ranma: Was that a feeble stab at humor?

>"Sir, I don't mean to be rude, but could you please show me some ID?" 
>Darien firmly stated.

Ranma: Then, James takes out his expired member's card to the Writer's guild.

>"How's this, Tuxedo Mask?" I said after some thought.

Mike: And we could just smell the smoke coming from your ears during that time.

>I knew that if I didn't do something fast, he would have throw me out and 
>not permit my re-entry.

Tom: (Laughs like Butthead)
Mike: Not again.

>At my statement, he stiffened up.

Ranma: (Laughs like Beavis)
Mike: OKAY, That's it! You're both grounded to your rooms until the next fic!
Ranma: But, I won't be here for the next fic, hopefully.

>"Who are you? Are you from the Negaverse?" he asked through audibly 
>grinding teeth.

Tom: No, but he's sure evil.

>"No, actually the opposite." I called in Lita as proof of my full non-
>hostility. "I'm here on behalf of your whole lovelife,

Mike: Then why is he there at all?

>which is going down the tube as we speak. You realize what you're doing 
>to Serena, don't you?" I asked Lita to wait outside for me.

Ranma: (Lita sarcastically) Oh, yes, I'm your puppet, and I'll do whatever you 
say.

>It was hard to get her to comply because I had just called her in a moment 
>ago.

Mike: This is spooky.
Ranma: At least this time, I didn't repeat verbatim what he said.

>"Now that we're alone,

Tom: Oh, no! A gay guy lemon scene!
Mike: I don't think so.
Ranma: At least, I hope not.

>I've got some things to say to you. You've been having dreams which are 
>dragging you apart from Serena,

Mike: Don't either of you say a thing.

>even though you're crushing her soul in the process."

Tom: Kinda' like this fic is to us.

>"The dreams show me doing something to hurt Serena, and I'm trying to 
>keep her as far away from me as possible."

Mike: Kind of like Artemis is trying to do with Oscar.
Ranma: Who?
Tom: You don't want to know.

>"Even though it's impossible. She'll try to get close to you again and 
>again until you give in, which you don't intend to do, being the stubborn 
>man that you are.

Mike: Speak for yourself.

>You're fated to be together, so whydon't you just give in to it? These 
>dreams are just a scare tactic to test your love. I know this and have for 
>some time."
>"I love this," Darien said sarcastically.

Tom: Love what?
Ranma: Woo hoo! The adverbs are back! I was getting depressed for a minute 
there.
Mike: It's almost like he thinks that adverbs are drugs.
Tom: (James) come on, just one more! Even just a little one, like aback.
Ranma: (Adverb dealer) I think you've had enough for today, sir.
Tom: (James) I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!
Mike: Okay, guys, that's enough.

>"I don't even know you, and you're telling me what I'm supposed to do 
>conerning my life."

Mike: (James as Jiminy Cricket) Well, I'm your consience, so I know what's best 
for you.

>"Oh, you don't remember me? Dig deep into your memory."

Ranma: Well, that won't take a very large shovel.
Tom: Garden trowel, maybe.

>"I have a vague memory of someone like you, but I can't remember from 
>when or where."

Ranma: The uninteresting character's meeting about two months back.

>"Try when you were under Beryl's control, out in the forest on a 
>mountain."

Mike: That's one hell of a name for a cologne.

>"I remember now. It's you! I'd like to appologize for everything I did 
>then. It wasn't under my own power. And then, when I came to your 
>world.

Tom: This is the third of a series?
Ranma: Great, some more stuff for Forrester to give us.

>I'm sorry for that, too. By the way, loved how you handled Malachite. 
>Loved it then, love it now."

Mike: Oh, great. An ego boost. James's ego was running on empty for a while 
there.

>I walked out of Darien's apartment, wondering what he had meant about 
>coming to my world. Then, it struck me as we were walking to Serena's 
>house.

Tom: (Darien) Uuuh, James, you can let go of my hand. I walked you to Serena's 
house, and that's all I said that I'd do.
Ranma: What happened to Lita?

>It was in their past, but in my future.

Mike: How does that work?
Tom: If it's from James's head, that may be better left unanswered.

>On the bright side, I was forewarned about it, so I could expect it.
>We got to Serena's house, and I told her that I had told Darien off for the 
>way that he treated her. Shegot a little teary at the painful reminder. I 
>picked up the book and got ready to go Before I left,

Mike: Okay, everyone, here comes the part where the author's mind goes supernova 
and his ego/sex drive takes over.

>Lita gave me a kiss,

Ranma: (James) ...and one thing led to another, and soon...

>something that I would remember for a long time.
>
>The End

Ranma: (bolts out of the theatre as soon as the door opens, not even pausing for 
the rest to get out of their seats)
Mike: (Untapes Crow) There you go, buddy. Feel better now?
Crow: Yeah, nothing like a tape straight jacket to straighten one's mind.
Mike: (Picks up Tom to carry him out of the theatre as usual)

(Reverse Door sequence)

(Lights are back on, the bridge is completely clean of vines. Gypsy is walking 
(figuratively speaking) around the bridge with a feather duster in her mouth. 
She's cleaning up the last bit of the mess that is on the bridge. The red Mads 
light starts flashing as Mike, Crow, Tom, and Ranma walk on the screen. Mike 
presses the button.)

D13

Forrester and Frank are covered with vines, the lab has no clean spot on it.
The plant down there is growing at a faster rate than on the ship because of all 
the chemicals that it has gotten into from Forrester's various experiments.

Frank: Mmph mmhr phr hmph'r hmph hphr
(Translation: Maybe this wasn't such a good idea)

Forrester: (swings around so that some of the loose vines hanging from his body 
slap Frank multiple times) Hmph phr phrhm
(Translation: push the button)

Frank hops as best he can with the vines tied around him over to the button and 
trips halfway, falling on the button.

*BLIP*
*Fwoosh*

Frank: Hhmph phng hff hmphng phr.
(Translation: This thing is choking me.)

Credits:
MST3K created by:
Joel Hodgson (Long live the king of MSTings!)

"I'm Back" written by:
James Harrington(arrogant bastard) (Just joking)

Story MSTed by:
M. H. Torringjan.

Keep circulating those fanfics!

>Eat, Drink, and be merry and all that Moondust!"

I may be reached at: jehdjh@worldnet.att.net

Please send some C&C, I want to know how you liked it.