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| ҹ = & X g E ҹ l E F ҹ l l l l b l l l l Sailor Nature
A Sailor Mon Fanfic MSTing
Original fic by: ??????? (E-mail: cowboys@wwd.net)
MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan
All right, folks, I'm starting this off with the usual disclaimers. I don't own
MST3K. Best Brains does. I don't own Sailor Moon does. I dono't own Pokemon.
Nintendo does. I made up Michelle. No, this isn't a Sailor Moon crossover with
Pokemon. I'm using Pokemon as my MSTers! (Gotta catch 'em all! I'm up to 100!)
Anyway, Maybe I should go back and count how many MSTings I've done. I've lost
track. I had planned on having 150 doors, one for each Pokemon. I kinda' chunked that
idea when I thought about how much space that would take up.
Roll new opening
In the not-to-distant future,
Next Sunday A.D.,
There were some bitchin' trainers,
Pokemon trainers to you and me.
They fought against Team Rocket,
to save the world from them,
They did good for a while,
But then were shot into space!
(Ash: Pi-ka-chuuu!!!)
We'll send them crappy fanfic,
the worst we can find! (la-la-la!)
They'll have to sit and watch them all,
and we'll monitor their minds! (La-la-la!)
Now keep in mind Ash can't control when the fanfics begin or end,
He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his trainer friends!
Poke Roll Call!
Cambot!
(He's actually a bot...)
Misty!
(Splish, Splash!)
Brock!
(Let's get funky!)
Micheeeelle!
(I'm not a trainer!)
If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, and other science facts, (La-la-la!)
just repeat to yourself it's just a fanfic,
I should really just relax!
For Mystery Pokemon Theatre 3000! (TWANG!!!)
Reverse Door sequence
The scene opens to the bridge of the SoL, Mark 3, where Ash, Misty, and Brock
are just waking up. The lighting is low and the air seems thin. Ash wakes up first and
tries to wake everyone else up. They lay there, motionless. He checks their pulses, which
seem to be normal to him, even though he isn't a doctor.
He looks at his surroundings and notices a large, silver ball-type thing with a
camera lens floating in front of him.
"Hello, there, little guy!" Ash greets. "What's your name?" No answer comes
back to him. "I wonder if it's a Pokemon." Ash reaches into his pocket and pulls out
Dexter. He points it at the floating ball and comes up empty-handed. He puts Dexter
away, thoroughly confused. At that moment, Misty and Brock begin to wake up. As he
assists them to stand up, another form enters the room.
"Who are you?" Ash asks, "And where are we?"
The lights brighten in the room and a female human stands there watching them
cautiously.
"My name is Michelle," Michelle says. "You're on the Satellite of Love, Mark
Three, I believe."
Brock notices her and runs to get to her.
"Nice to meet you, Michelle," Brock exclaims while shaking her hand. " Now I
know why they call it the Satellite of Love!" Michelle wastes no time in slapping him off his feet.
Ash starts feeling around in his pockets and on his belt. Something is missing. So
is someone.
"Hey, where are my Poke balls?!?!" Ash exclaims. "And where is Pikachu!?"
"Mine are missing, too!" Misty says, searching through her packpack. "Wait,
there's one left!"
"Who is it?" Brock asks.
"Take a guess..." Misty says disconsolately. The others know then that it's
Psyduck. Brock takes a second to check his supply. All of his pokemon are gone, too!
Who could be so dastardly? Who would dare to separate the trainer and pokemon?
The red light starts flashing and Michelle presses it quickly.
"What does that mean?" Ash asks.
"It's a symbol of my love," Brock says, and gets slapped harder.
"He doesn't learn quickly, does he?" Michelle asks. "Anyway, it's our mad
tormentors. We may have some new ones. I hope so..."
Deep 150
"Prepare for trouble," says one person from the shadows.
"Make it double!" says another one from the same shadows.
"To protect the world from devastation!" says the first person.
"To unite all peoples within our nation!" says the second person.
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!" The two are speaking over the screams of
three very frightened trainers on the satellite.
"Jesse!" she says as she emerges from the shadows.
"James!" he says as he emerges from those same shadows.
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth! That's right!" Meowth exclaims as he jumps out in front of the two
bunglers.
"Great," Ash says as he recovers from the shock of seeing these three AGAIN.
"What is up with you three? Are you stalking us or something?" Misty asks.
"We could ask you the same thing!" Jesse exclaims.
"Anyway, the reason that we're here is that we've ben reassigned!" James says.
"The reason that you're here is that we hate your guts and we felt like torturing you!"
"Where are our Pokemon?!" Ash exclaims. He is being restrained the whole time
by Misty and Brock. "And what is this big, round thing?"
"Well, we liked most of your Pokemon, so we took what we liked," Meowth said.
"That'll get us higher up in the ranks here!"
"GIVE ME BACK MY VULPIX!!!" Brock yells. He's now being restrained by
Misty and Ash.
"Sorry, no can do!" Jesse exclaims.
"AT LEAST TAKE THIS LAME PSYDUCK!!!" Misty exclaims while being
restrained by Ash and Brock.
Michelle just sits down, smiles, and nods.
"What? That loser Pokemon?" James says. "You've got top be kidding us!"
"Now, what is your invention for today?" Jesse asks.
"Invention?" Ash asks.
"Just go with me on this one," Michelle says, standing up again. "Today, I've
written a little book called Chicken Soup for the MSTer's Soul." She holds up a little
green-covered book with the title on it in gold writing. "It's a book for us that contains
heart-warming tales about the torturers of others being killed in many, painful ways. After
that, the tortured get to go free!" Michelle looks in the book and reads a bit, then heaves a
dreamy sigh.
"Well, our invention is one that works on the premise that you don't want to write
reports on books that you've never read," Jesse says. "This is for the school children out
there. It's called the Automatic Report Generator, ARG for short."
"The name sounds more like you're torturing someone!" Misty says. Michelle is
still reading the book and her eyes are glazing over the whole time, as if she's fantasizing.
"Yes, well, anyway," Meowth says. "You type in the topic on the keyboard here,
and the computer looks through all of the known reports about that topic. It writes out a
report for you, prints it out, and you're ready to go!"
"What if you need it hand-written?" Brock asks.
"In that case, you're screwed!" James says.
"Anyway, you'll be up there reading bad fanfics for our entertainment," Meowth
says. "Starting with a nasty little Sailor Moon fic called, 'Sailor Nature'."
Up on the Satellite, the jaws of the three trainers are hanging wide open. Michelle
is just taking it all in stride. As soon as the channe closes, Brock turns toward Michelle.
"Exactly *what* is a fanfic?" he asks. Just then, lights start flashing and klaxons
start sounding. Michelle runs around like a chicken with her head cut off while the others
stand around wondering what is going on. Michelle gets fed up with waiting for them to
figure it out and drags them in by their ears.
Door 6: It's a Snorlax. You play your Pokeflute and he moves without much objection.
Door 5: It's a wall of weeds. You get Psyduck to Cut it down.
Door 4: It's a castle gate. It falls and misses your feet by inches.
Door 3: It's the head of a Gyarados. It opens and you walk through.
Door 2: It's a wall of fire. You grab a nearby bucket of water and throw it on, wishing that
you had a Squirtle, or a Wartortle, or even a Blastoise.
Door 1: It's a vault door. You turn the handle and it swings open easily.
Everyone sits down quickly, with michelle instructing them where to sit. She seats
Brock as far away from her as is possible.
"Now remember, don't watch it. Make fun of it!" Michelle exclaims as it starts.
>Enter Sailor Nature
Michelle: I didn't hear a doorbell.
>The day had started normally for Serena, but it also seemed different at the
>time. She couldn't explain it.
Misty: Unfortunately, the author tried to.
>The major difference she noticed was that the
>Negaverse was inactive, but that did not bother her at all.
Ash: For she was a slacker!
Michelle: Actually, she was...
Ash: Details, details, details...
>"Hey, Luna," Serena said. "Does anything seem different to you? Anything at
>all?" Luna was completely unaware that Serena, of all people, would notice.
Brock: Her, actually be paying attention to her duty? Not bloody likely...
>"Why, yes. There IS something different. I have a different food bowl.
Misty: Thank you, Miss Obvious!
>Thank
>you for noticing."
>
>"Luna, I didn't mean that. I mean, like something strange is going on."
Ash: Who ya' gonna call?
All: Someone else!
>"Oh," said Luna. "Well, let me see. You have been awake for fifteen minutes
>straight. You have not wailed, klutzed out, or even complained about not
>seeing Darien yesterday. Other than that, I can't help you."
Michelle: Two words: Char Ter...
>"Stop it, Luna!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am being SERIOUS!!"
Brock: Whoah, calm down!
Misty: She's been drinking too much of that Gatorade!
>"Sorry," said Luna. Serena was starting to shake, due to the fact it was
>freezing outside, and the heater wasn't even turned on. "Wait! I know what
>it is! This is July, right?"
>
>"Yeah."
Michelle: Any ideas on why Luna is as dumb as a brick in this fic?
>"Well, shouldn't we be hot? Instead, we're freezing!" Serena looked out her
>window. What she saw shocked her.
>
>"Luuuunaaaaaa. You had better look at this!"
Ash: (Serena) A million can-can dancers are doing their thing on our front lawn!
Brock: (gets a nosebleed)
>"What is it?"
Misty: It's called a window, you know, you look out of it to see things outside the house,
but that's not important right now.
>Luna looked out the window. "Oh my goodness!" There was snow
>every where. It was about two inches deep.
Ash: It's a snow day! (As if it matters to the Japanese...)
>The sun was behind a VERY LARGE
>gray cloud.
>
>"What is going on, Luna?" Serena started to wail.
Michelle: It's called a freak of nature. perhaps you know something about those, Serena.
Brock. Now, now, Michelle. Be nice.
>"Oohh. Some things never change," Luna said to herself.
Michelle: Unfortunately, one of those things is that there will never be a lack of bad
fanfics...
>"I suggest we go to
>Raye's temple. Call the other scouts immediately." Serena did so, and ran
>off to the temple.
Ash: Anyone wonder why these things always put the Senshi at the Temple.
All: (singing) Cherry Hills forever...
>When she got there, all of them was there. All of them,
>except Amy.
>
>"Hey, Serena," Mina said. "What's going on with this weather?"
Brock: (Serena) It's called "Snow". Perhaps you've heard of it?
>"That's Mercury's job. Speaking of which, where is she? She was the first
>one I called."
>
>"I don't know. I'm starting to get worried. She's usually the first one
>here."
Ash: The plot thickens... sort of...
>Just then, Raye got a call on her communicater. The call came from
>Amy.
>
>"Raye," Amy said. "Come to the Crown Game Center. There i..ome...yo.... otta
>s..."
Misty: Or, at least, that's what Raye heard. Amy actually said, "I think that you are all
terrible people and I never want to see you again!"
>"What? Amy, come in! Amy, do you read me?" Raye turned to the other scouts.
>They all nodded, and then transformed.
Michelle: At least they're keeping with the theme of the show. People nod for no reason,
and transform for even less.
>They ran to the Crown Game Center.
>When they got there,
Ash: ...about an hour later, it was too late. Mercury was dead, the negaverse had won,
and the world was under the control of an evil force worse than Bill Gates.
>they saw Sailor Mercury fighting someone. This person
>was in a Sailor Scout uniform. It was red on top, blue on the skirt, black
>on the boots, and her tiara was green.
Brock: Oh, fun! A new Senshi to play with!
>"At last, I finally get to meet the Sailor Scouts. Let me introduce myself.
>I am Sailor Nature, your worst nightmare.
Misty: Yeah, whatever. An evil senshi. It's been done (sort of).
>I work for the Negaverse, so I
>will stop at nothing to see your destuction." Raye wasn't going to listen to
>any more of Sailor Nature's talk.
Michelle: Can we all say, "Short fuse?" Great, I knew you could!
>"Mars....Fire.....Ignite!" The fireball slammed into Sailor Nature, who did
>not even budge.
Brock: Why does this remind me of so many Dragonball Z characters?
Misty: I could ask the same question.
>"Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! You are such fools!" Sailor Nature threw back
>the fireball, and hit Mars with all of it's force.
Ash: You know, this is why I like Pokemon battles better than hand-to-hand. It's less
messy.
>"Noooooooooo!!!" Sailor Moon ran to her side. "Sailor Mars, are you all
>right?"
Michelle: (Mars) Sure, I just have 90% of my body covered with third degree burns! No
biggie!
>"I will be. Just promise me something."
>
>"Anything," Sailor Moon said.
Brock: I wouldn't say that to a dying person who hasn't gotten any in her whole life...
Michelle: (slaps brock)
>"Promise me that, if I don't make it--"
>
>"Don't talk like that! I'll get you to a hospital." She turned to the other
>scouts. "Hey, guys! Help me get Mars to a hospital." They went to help Mars,
>and left. Sailor Nature just watched them.
Misty: I'm calling a big no way here. She wouldn't just kick one of the Senshi's asses and
then let them leave for any reason. If she was any type of fighter for the Negaverse, she'd
finish them all off slowly, painfully, and efficiently!
Michelle: Good rant, for a beginner...
>Later that day.....
>
>Serena was pacing back and forth.
Ash: She was expecting?
(All groan and hold stomachs)
>She was worried that Mars would be
>disabled, or worse. Everyone was upset, but they only had a few minutes
>longer to wait. Then the doctor would come out, and say everything was going
>to be OK. Wouldn't he?
Brock: Look, you're the author. Don't go askin' us about your story!
>When the doctor came out, his face was very grim. "I'm sorry," he said.
>"Maybe if we had gotten her sooner, we could have done something for her.
>The only thing that can save her now is a miracle. You may see her if you
>want. It will probably be your last chance." He walked away. The girls went
>in to see Raye.
Michelle: Smells like Anti-fic in here...
Brock: That's what that was. I thought that it was smoke.
>"Hi, Raye," Serena said. "How are ya feelin'?"
>
>"Fine, for someone who's just been burned." Raye let a smile appear on her
>face.
Ash: You know, I think that we all know what she's talking about.
(All except Michelle nod their heads)
Misty: Consarned fire pokemon. My water pokemon could kick their rear ends...
>"Could the rest of you wait outside? I'd like to talk to Serena
>alone." The others simply nodded, and left. "Serena, I know I've been on
>your case a lot in the past, and I just wanna say I'm sorry." Serena held
>Raye's hand.
Michelle: Yeah, this would be one of the most used cliches in fanfics. Work out the little
problems between two feuding characters. In other words...
All: SEEN IT!!!
>"Apology accepted in advance," Serena said.
>
>"And...I just want you to know, I've always liked you. And I always will."
>Raye closed her eyes for the last time. Serena wept silently at her side.
Misty: (Serena) She didn't leave me in her will!
>"Don't worry, Mars. I will avenge your death."
>
>To be continued...
Misty: Do we really have to watch this whole thing?
Michelle: Sadly, yes...
>A Second Chance
>
>When I last left off, Sailor Mars had just died. Now, on with the story.
Brock: Yeah, stuff had happened. It was cool.
>Serena was still weeping when Lita walked in. As soon as she saw the sight,
>she knew what had happened. She immediately tried to console Serena.
Ash: (Lita) Don't worry, she was a jerk anyway!
>"I'm sorry, Serena. I know how hard this is for you. All of us do."
>
>"Yeah, well, all I want to do is go home. I need to be alone for a while."
Misty: (Serena) Alone... with you, of course...
Michelle: Misty...
>"OK." Lita took Serena home, and all the other scouts went home. Serena
>managed to quit crying long enough to say hello to her mother. She ran to
>her room, and shut the door. She began crying again.
Michelle: The hourly emotional outburst in Sailor Moon Land!
>"I'm sorry about Raye," Luna said. "I know what you are going through."
>
>"How could you! You've never lost someone you truly cared about! Raye was
>one of my closest friends, and now I will never see her again." Serena
>continued crying.
Ash: Oh, so now Luna's an uncaring, self-centered bitch!
>"Serena, I think I know a way you can see Raye again."
>
>"Go on. I'm listening."
Brock: Man, those are some violent mood swings!
>"Well, this may not work, but it is theorized that the Crecent Moon Wand can
>bring people back to life, but only if they died fighting for a noble
>cause."
Misty: Saving the planet? I think not!
Michelle: Hey! That's just outright weird!
>"But... I thought that it was used to heal people who were turned into
>monsters."
Brock: (Luna) Oh, yeah! That's right! My mistake!
>"It is, but it could also bring back the dead if used properly. All you have
>to do is point it at the person you wish to revitalize, and say Moon
>Revitalizing Action."
All: (Church-lady) How conveeeeenient!
>"And that'll work?"
>
>"Yes, but so far that is only a theory. It might give her full strength, or
>very little strength, maybe none at all. It is our only hope. The only
>problem now is getting past the security guards and doctors at the
>hospital."
Michelle: Of course, all problems have semi-logical answers, and those few ones that don't
have completely illogical answers!
>Luna started licking her paw. Serena tried to think of a way to
>get past security.
>
>"I know! I don't know why I didn't think of this before!"
Brock: Because the author didn't think enough of you to give you half of a brain cell in this
fic!
>"What is it?" Luna asked in a tizzy.
>
>"The Lunar Pen! I can transform into a nurse, or something." Serena ran out
>of the house, only to find that the temperature had changed from 20 degrees
>to 100 degrees. If Serena ran, she would most likely have heat stroke.
Misty: Of course! I mean, she's like so thin that she wouldn't retain a teaspoon of water!
>"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
Ash: You know, I don't really find much of anything funny about this particular situation.
Michelle: I don't really think that it's a funny ha-ha, but funny I'm going to kick your asses
funny.
>You fool! You are to easy.
>Now I can finish you off!
>
>"That's Zoisite! But.... I thought she was killed."
Brock: Oh, great. It's a resurrection fic. Plus there's a new Senshi.
Misty: Two fanfic cliches violated at once!
Michelle: (head shaking slightly, as if it would explode like Tom's dome) It's a bug hunt,
man! We're gonna get burnt! We'll be roasted like peanuts!
>"I was, but now I have been brought back to life by Sailor Nature. She has
>the power of life and death at her control in the Negaverse, and she chose
>to bring me back to life as the new queen!
Ash: (Serena) Yeah, yeah, yeah, new queen, that's nice...
Michelle: (Zoicite) Don't you ignore me!
>I have more power than before, so
>I'd watch my back if I were you! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!"
Ash: I still don't see what's so funny, even after that little exposition!
Brock: Ash, don't try to understand it. Just smile and nod...
>"Aren't you afraid of Sailor Nature? She could kill you if she wanted to."
Misty: (Zoicite) Oh, damn! I hadn't thought of- (static noises)
All: Oh, the humanity!
>"No, she couldn't. You see, I am only vulnerable in your universe, so I
>would think twice about facing me in the Negaverse. See ya!" The voice was
>gone. Sailor Nature appeared.
Michelle: Unfortunately for everyone, including us, she had brought with her a couple of
friends!
Brock: Who?
Michelle: Nav, Oscar, Bane, Tuxedo Chris, et cetera...
Brock: Who?
Michelle: The reader will understand...
>"Ready to work up a sweat?" She launched an all out attack on Serena, who
>didn't even have time to transform. Serena ducked behind some bushes, where
>she finally did transform.
Michelle: Maximize!
Rest: (look at her with concerned looks on their faces)
Michelle: You get used to it...
>"That's it! Nobody messes with Sailor Moon! I am the champion of justice. I
>will right wrongs and triumph over evil, and that means you!"
Brock: It's the battle of the bulge, SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!!!
>"I'm soooooooooooooooooo scared.
Michelle: Anyone else here detect a note of sarcasm in her voice?
Misty: Wherever did you get that idea?
>Take this!!" Sailor Nature threw a
>lightning bolt at Serena, but it hit a rose instead. Thet rose came from
>none other than Tuxedo Mask.
Ash: Hey, I believe that we can all say, "It took him long enough!"
Michelle: Nah, why would we say that? It's like something in his contract that says that he
can't do anything until the girls are about to die...
>"What?!??!" Sailor Nature saw Tuxedo Mask and
>started laughing maniacally. "Who do think you are? You certainly don't look
>tough."
Brock: (Tux-boy) Well, I think that I am President Jefferson, but I might not be...
Ash: That costume's cutting off the blood supply to his brain.
>"I am Tuxedo Mask. And looks can deceive." He leaped at Sailor Nature, and
>hit her with everything he had.
>
>"Pathetic," said Sailor Nature, who was unaffected by the blows.
>"Supreme....... Fire......... Engulf!!!"
Misty: Of course, during the time that she took saying this, the victims are escaping.
>Within a second's time, Tuxedo Mask
>was surrounded by a wall of fire that reached 18 feet into the air. "That
>ought to hold you. Now, on to you, Sailor Moon."
Ash: Of course, Sailor Moon didn't have to worry about him for very long, considering the
fact that the heat incinerated him within ten seconds.
Brock: (Sailor Moon) Oh, well, there goes another fiancee. Darn. I wonder if Ranma's in
town...
>"Not so fast. I have something for you. Moon...... Healing......
>Activation!" There was no effect.
Michelle: (Sailor Moon) Damn! I knew that the batteries were low, but geez!
>"I am not in need of healing, but you soon will be!"
Ash: I think that she's referring to us.
Michelle: They never are.
Brock: Wishful thinking...
>Sailor Nature unleashed
>an icecicle spike towards Sailor Moon. Luckily, Sailor Jupiter was in the
>neighborhood and saw the fight.
Michelle: How conveeeeeenient!
>"Jupiter..... Thunder...... Dragon!"
Misty: Unfortunately, when the two opposing elements met, the water was electrified,
making it do more damage!
>The Thunder Dragon demolished the
>icecicle spike.
>
>"What?! This can't happen! You girls are lucky, but I WILL be back, don't
>you worry."
Brock: (Random Senshi) Oh, no! We might not get our butts kicked again!
Ash: REAL big loss...
>Sailor Nature disappeared. Sailor Moon ran to the hospital.
>Tuxedo Mask was released from the wall of fire by Jupiter.
Michelle: Yeah, lightning works real well against fire. Where's Mercury or Neptune when
we need them?
>"Disguise Power! Turn me into a doctor!" Within 30 seconds, Serena was a
>professional (looking, anyways) doctor. She managed to get to the mourgue,
>and find Raye's body.
Misty: (Serena) Ah, a veritable buffet!
Michelle: Please, no necrophagy... or necrophilism... or necropotence... Hell, just stay
out of the morgue!
>"This had better work." After transforming back to Sailor Moon, she took out
>the Crecent Moon Wand. "Moon Revitalizing Action!" There was no response. "I
>said, Moon Revitalizing Action!" Still no response. "Come on! Wake up, Raye!
Brock: (Serena) Come on, Raye, it's time to get up for school!
>It's me. Serena. WAKE UP!!!" Raye's body just lay there. "Moon Revitalizing
>Action!" Serena stared at the motionless body of Raye. "Come on," Sailor
>Moon whispered. "Please wake up."
Ash: (Serena) Wake up, honey, we're at Grandma's!
>Next time.... find out if Raye stays dead, or if she is brought back to
>life.
Michelle: We'll stay for one more part, then we're outta here!
>When I last left off, Sailor Moon was trying her best to revive Sailor Mars.
>Nothing was working.
Brock: Maybe if you connected her to some jumper cables and a '96 Dodge Plymouth...
>Also, Zoisite revealed that she was the new queen of
>the Negaverse, and that she was invulnerable in her world. It is also
>apparent that Sailor Nature is invulnerable.
Misty: Yeah, that's a real bitch when that happens, eh?
>But everybody has to have a
>weakness, don't they? If you read on, you may just find out.
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ash: What? Are we supposed to tear along the dotted line?
>"Come on, Raye. Wake up," Serena said in a very shaky voice.
>
>"Serena," Luna said, "I don't think this is going to work. I'm sorry,
>but..."
Misty: (Serena) But nothing! She still owed me five bucks!
>"But what? There has got to be something that we can do!" Just then, a
>security guard spotted Sailor Moon.
Brock: (guard) Get bumped down because I beat up one suspect... I'll show them!!!
>"Hey! What are you doing here?!"
Ash: (Serena) Ummm, uhh, Oooh, aliens, scary! (Quick, push the button!) E.T. phone
home!
>"Serena," Luna whispered, "teleport out of here, now!"
>
>"Right." Serena closed her tear-filled eyes, and disappeared, alomg with
>Luna.
>
>"What the...?"
Michelle: (Guard) Man, maybe I shouldn't have had that weed before coming on the job...
>Meanwhile, in the Negaverse......
>
>Sailor Nature was planning her next attack on the Sailor Scouts. She had
>sent a spy out to find their meeting place. She knew where to attack.
Brock: Oh, like that's so hard to find out. They go there like every day! Plus... I don't
really know where this is going...
Ash: You're trying too hard.
Michelle: You know, a couple shots of morphine usually helps that clear up right away!
>She
>only needed to know when. As she was planning her attack, she was summoned
>by Zoisite.
Misty: (Zoicite) Thank you for coming, now... DANCE!!!
>"Sailor Nature, let me congratulate you on killing Sailor Mars. You did very
>well.
Michelle: (Zoicite) Well, you did well, considering that all you did was stand there like an
idiot.
>"Thank you. Queen Zoisite, I feel I should tell you that I know where the
>Sailor Scouts always meet. It is at the Shinto Temple." Sailor Nature's spy
>suddenly appeared.
Ash: Boris makes a cameo!
Brock: How do you know that it isn't Natasha?
Michelle: And what about Maxwell Smart?
Misty: And don't forget. It could be Austin Powers.
>After the smoke diminished, the figure left was one that
>was very familiar to Zoisite.
Misty: (Zoicite) What's my psychologist doing here?
>"What the.....?!"
>
>Back on earth......
Brock: Elliot Ness and his Untouchables speed to the scene of the crime!
>"Guys, I don't think it would be a good idea to meet at Raye's temple."
>
>"What makes you say that, Serena?"
Ash: (Serena) Well, the fact that it's scheduled for demolition about ten minutes from now
gave me the idea.
>"The fact that she's...no longer with us. Geez, Amy. I thought you were the
>smart one."
Michelle: (Amy) No, I'm the good-looking one.
Misty: (Mina) I thought that I was the good-looking one!
Michelle: (Amy) No, you're the air-head.
Ash: (Serena) I thought that I was the air-head!
Michelle: (Amy) Okay, you're both the air-heads!
Misty: (Mina) Then which one of us is the smart one?
Michelle: (Amy) I don't know...
>"Don't fight," Lita said. "We've all got to pull together if we're going to
>stand a chance against the Negaverse. Especially now." The other three
>agreed. Suddenly a minion of the Negaverse appeared. This minion was the spy
>for Sailor Nature.
Brock: Just wondering, but why not just flat out say, "Suddenly, a spy for Sailor Nature
appeared"?
Michelle: Take up space.
Brock: Same as this whole fic!
>"Malachite!" Mina shouted.
>
>"In the flesh. I've come to announce the arrival of Sailor Nature."
Michelle: Okay, that's now four cliches broken! Resurrection, new Senshi, work out
conflicts between characters, and kill off a Senshi or two!
Misty: The list could probably go further!
Michelle: My head hurts. I'm going to go lie down for a while. You don't mind, do you?
Others: No, of course not!
(Michelle gets up and leaves)
>Sailor
>Nature then appeared before the Sailor Scouts, which transformed.
Brock: I don't know, which transformed?
Misty: Is this another one of those audience participation fics?
Ash: Now snap your fingers if you want Mercury to transform!
Brock: But which ones did transform?
Misty: Ummm, 42?
>"And don't forget me," said Zoisite, who appeared to the right of Malachite.
>
>"We're going to have a little fun," Sailor Nature said in a mocking way.
Brock: (Sailor Nature) Yeah, we're going to play ball now! Who's up for Tiddly Winks?
>A
>battle commenced immediately.
>
>"Wait! shouldn't we take this somewhere more remote?" Asked Sailor Mercury.
Misty: Oh, why? Then stuff wouldn't get blown up and it wouldn't be anime!
Ash: Well, we don't blow stuff up, and we're anime!
Brock: Hey! They've still got the short skirts, the big eyes, and big... other parts! They're
still anime!
>"No! it ends now!" Zoisite yelled. She then sent forth shards of ice,
>injuring all the Scouts. "Hahahahahaha!!! You fools thought you had beaten
>me before, but you ain't seen nothin' yet!" Zoisite sent forth blasts of
>energy, hitting all the Scouts, except Sailor Moon.
Ash: That makes it all the more convenient to open up a big, frosty can of whoop-ass on
the Nega-scum!
>"That's it! Nobody messes with my friends. Cosmic Moon Power!" The Silver
>Crystal began to glow, and millions of balsts went flying towards Zoisite.
All: 1!...2!...3!...4!...5!...
>They hit her, causing her to lose tremendous amounts of power. Her energy
>flew into Sailor Nature, causing her brain to overload. The result was a
>dead Sailor Nature, and a seriously wounded Zoisite. Malachite died, due to
>energy that hit him, as well.
Brock: Okay, so what was the purpose of having Malachite again?
Misty: He's dead, so they've got to bring him back!
>"You...haven't seen...the last...of me!" Zoisite disappeared, and Sailor
>Moon attended her wounded friends.
>
>To Be Continued......
Ash: ...at a later date...
>Email: cowboys@wwd.net
Misty: Come on, guys, lets go check on Michelle.
Brock: I hope that she's okay...
(All stand up to leave)
Reverse door sequence
Outside, Michelle has an ice pack beside her head and is sitting in front of the
computer. Brock, Ash, and Misty walk up beside her.
"Feeling better now?" Misty asks.
"A bit," Michelle replies.
"Good," Ash says. "We were worried about you! Will you be able to make it into
the next part of the fic?"
"I might, depending on wether I can finish what I'm doing on here," Michelle
replies.
"So, what are you doing anyway?" Ash asks.
"Well, I once heard that when you felt bitter or resentful, it helped to write an anti-
fic," Michelle replies. "This is a bit of a joint effort. I've connected computers with the
other one, where I used to be, and we're writing it together. Crow really can write pretty
good!"
Everyone else gets blank looks on their faces. They look at each other, then smile
and nod carefully towards Michelle. On the screen, text rolls across the field until it stops,
and Michelle starts typing on their side. She stops tytping ands heaves a sigh of relief.
"Oh, God, that is as good as any chicken soup for the soul..."
End of Part 1
Contact me at: jehdjh@worldnet.att.net
Contact the author of this work (whoever they are) at: cowboys@wwd.net
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Sailor Nature J. Eric HarringtonJ. Eric Harrington ࡱ ; Text file Source (historic): geocities.com/tokyo/shrine/2955/SM
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