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A Matter of Life and Death

A MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan

Original story by: Valerie Howson

	All right, I don't own Sailor Moon.  I don't own any of these characters in this 
story.  I don't own any of these characters in the MSTing.  I don't own any of the products 
mentioned in this MSTing.  I'm just doing it for the fun of it.  Sorry, Val!  Just something 
that I have to do (for practice.  No insult meant, 'kay?)

	The Headquarters was hot on the first day of camp.  No one wanted to be there, but  
they all had to or they wouldn't get paid.  It wasn't something that they wanted to do, but 
someone had to do it.  Everyone was just hoping that they would get the easy job, 
reviewing the fanfics.  Camp director, Ted Williams, sat at his desk, wishing that the fan 
would go faster, blow colder air on him.  His assistant, Bud, walked in and sat down.
	"So, Ted, you got any new fics for the staff to review?" Bud asked, trying to get 
even a small breeze from the fan.
	"As a matter of fact, yes I do," Ted replied, turning to his filing cabinet to search 
for thenewest fic.  He fished around inside the dark recesses of the drawers until he found 
it, lying under a pile of rosters from past years.
	He handed it to Bud and Bud went into the break room.  The staff was sitting 
around, waiting for their next jobs.  They had all already been tired out from the day's 
exertions, and it was only just past luch time.  Bud pointed at two people sitting around.
	"You two go down to Pawnee campsite and set up three more tents and fill them 
with matresses and cots.  We need them ready for campers in three days!" Bud ordered.  
He could because he was the program director.
	The two scouts hurried off, grumbling about how much they wanted to see Bud 
hazed so badly.  Bud laughed to himself.  He loved that feeling he got when he exerted 
power over everyone else.  He looked around the room at the crowd of people waiting, 
biding teir time with whatever they could find to do.  He singled out two staffers playing 
some little card game.
	"James!  Kelly!" The two scouts' heads perked up at the menion of their names.  
"I've got a job for you two."  James Harrington and Kelly Keegan got their cards up and 
went over to Bud.  James readjusted his glasses, which had fallen down as he had been 
playing cards.
	"What's up, Boss?" James asked.  "I hope that it's not more trash policing.  We've 
already gone around the camp three times.  If anyone throws down another piece of trash, 
I'll throw the dumpster on them."
	"And ia had better not be cleaning the animals' cages in the nature lodge, either," 
Kelly said.  "I've had enough of pooper scooper duty for my whole life."
	"Two things," Bud said.  "First, you'll do what I bleeding well say.  Second, it's 
not what you might think.  I've got a fanfic for you to review."
	"What?  Why are we doing that?" James asked, shocked.
	"Weren't you paying attention at the staff meeting this morning?" Bud asked.
	"I was late, remember?" James said.
	"Oh, yeah, sorry about that," Bud said.  "Well, we have to reivew these so that we 
can tell what's good readiung material to give the campers in their spare time.  You are 
going to tell me if it's good after you've read them."
	"Well, we can't only do it with two people," Kelly said.  James was content with 
what Bud was giving him, though.
	"Good point," Bud said, looking the rest of the room over.  "John!" John Isley 
stood up and walked over. He knew what was going to happen.  He was even senior staff, 
so he had had experience at this sort of thing.
	"So, are you guys ready?" John said as he and James and Kelly storlled into the 
viewing room.  He closed the door and turned the lights off.
	"Hey, I'm set!" James said.  "I write these sort of things in my spare time!"
	"And I've read some of them, so I know what I'm supposed to be doing," Kelly 
said.  "So what is this fic, anyway?"
	"It's called 'A Matter of Life and Death' by Valerie Howson," John said as the fic 
projector started rolling.
	"Oh, man!  I don't want to do something by a friend of mine!" James whined.
	"Neither do I," Kelly complained.  "Whoah, I'm getting to be too much like you, 
James."
	"Hey, you're the one who said that you wanted to come to one of these things," 
James said.
	"Hey, you two quit pissin' and moanin' and watch the fic!" John said, stopping the 
conversation in effect.

>        Intro: Hi! I'm an unimportant 16-year-old named Valerie Howson who
>just happens to be a major SM fan, who had a little idea, that
>evolved into a little fanfic named A Matter of Life And Death.

James: Thanks to Microsoft '95, I'm sure. (blows raspberry)

>        Things I Have To Say Or I Might Get Sued: I didn't come up
>with any of these characters except Ithica and the Solus Unicorns, whom I
>cannot explain without giving away the plot which would suck and make you
>lose all interest in reading it.

Kelly: Please, Val, please tell us!  Then we won't have to tear this fic limb from limb!

>Most of the others are property of Nakeo
>Takeuchi.

John: The others are courtesy of Stock Characters Inc.; a conglomerate of Cannon Fodder 
Ltd.

>       Thanks to William for introducing me into the joys of SM.

James: Yeah, thanks a lot, William!

>Also, in case the Japanese vocabulary lesson surprises you, I have a 17-language
> encyclopedia/computer program, and Japanese is one of the languages.
>	This will convert a lot of weak-stomached people to vegitarianism,
>  because it does get graphic. (Examples-rotten meat, gutted like a fish)
>  So if you have a tendency to throw up, don't read this without a pail.

Kelly: Why is it that a lot of fics starts with that warning abut the pail?
John: Concerned?
Kelly: No, pissed off!

>			A Matter of Life and Death
>                        Prologue: Usagi's Death

James: Man, I had no idea that Val was into anti-fics!
Kelly: Shame on you!

>        Sailor Pluto watched impassively as Princess Serenity and Tuxedo Kamen battled >Rubeus.

John: (Pluto) Yeah, they're probably going to lose according to the title of the chapter, but 
I'll just kinda' do nothing about it.
James: Lame riff.

>The Scouts had ceased to be important to this fight a long time ago, being unconscious, >although one- Sailor Mercury-was simply tied up.

Kelly: Plot device number one!

> Serenity's attacks did nothing against Rubeus. Neither did Tuxedo Kamen's roses. It >looked as if interference would be necessary. They weren't doing very well.

John: Actually, they were getting their asses kicked.

>**********************************************************************>******

James: (singing) Twinkle, tinkle, little starÉ
Kelly: Star light, star brightÉ
John: (singing) I'm dreaming of a white fanficÉ
James: Considering how white Sailor Moon is, it probably will be a white fic.

>        Sailor Mars' sofu (grandfather) was watching the battle in the sacred fire. The >talking neko (cats) were with him. They were watching as Usagi and Mamoru fought.

Kelly: (Usagi) No, it was you fault that mother in law didn't approve of our marriage!
James: (Mamoru) No, it was your fault!

>The cats had been surprised when he addressed them with an invitation to watch, but had >not refused. The little one named Reni, the daughter of those in battle, was gone.

John: Foreshadowing even more the death of the main character.

>It was killing them emotionally
>not to go to help, but it would more than likely kill them physically TO
>go to help, so they decided against taking action.

James: Let's do nothing!
Kelly: INACTION BRIGADE TO THE RESCUE!! Or, maybe notÉ

>Besides, it might also
>"kill" Usagi-chan and Mamoru-chan if they distracted them. So they sat back
>and watched their futile efforts.

John: Yep, there's nothing like sitting back an watching your friends get their asses kicked!
James: And you call yourself a Scout!

>**********************************************************************>******

Kelly: I've always wondered what those stars are made out of.
James: Cannon fodder.

>Ami watched in horror as her two best friends fought for their lives, and for the future. >Nothing was working and they were fading fast. She tried to muster some energy, but the >bonds that Rubeus had on her.

John: What about the bonds?

>So she watched, helpless, as Serenity and Mamoru battled to save eternity.
>**********************************************************************>******

James: Okay, I'm out of star riffs.  Who's got any left?
Kelly: I'll take this one.  AhemÉ You might want to put some sand under your tires as you 
go out to work or a fanfic todayÉ

>And then it happened. Princess Serenity attacked again. Rubeus laughed again. Only this >time, he didn't merely blast her with the black energy. He said, "You no longer amuse >me, Princess. I believe I shall enslave you all, but I may be persuaded not to destroy you->if you agree to be my concubine."

John: (Usagi) But I don't have any spines on my backÉ

>	"No way in Hell." Serenity was furious. She let loose a powerful blast of energy >that almost hurt Rubeus.

James: (Rubeus) Did someone just try to get ahold of me?

>	"All right then." He motioned, and a black wind swept the Princess to him.

Kelly: (Rubeus) What about in Heaven?

>Then he smiled, a vicious smile that froze her blood. And he brought up a hand to her >chin, smiled again, and said, "Your loss." Then, to the horror
>of those watching, he gutted her from chin to belly with the dagger in his
>hand.

John: Rubeus *is* Blackbeard the pirate.
All: ARRRR!!!

>Six voices joined, across space and time, in the heart-wrenching
>cry...

Kelly: Wait, if all the Scouts are there, hen that would be eight, minus Serena, that's seven.  
That still leaves one person not screaming.  Amy doesn't care either?
John: That and the Scouts were all asleep.
James: We were?
John: You know what I meanÉ
James: Be more specific.  Oh, yeah!  Almost forgot!  (covers ears)

>	"USAAAAAAGI! NOOOOOOOOO!"

John and Kelly: (grab ears) OUCH!!
James: (takes hands from ears) Yep, I knew that C-ko would be making some sort of 
cameo somewhere in here.

>	Rubeus laughed, then said, "Oh, Prince Darien. You remember those dreams where >Usagi died at it was your fault? Well, they weren't true.

Kelly: Wait, she just died and it was his fault, wan't it?
James: Not really.  Just stop trying to make sense out of these stories.

>The Wiseman was the voice. I just thought you should know before you died." 
>	He laughed again, then screamed as Sailors Pluto and Mercury attacked, Ami >having broken her bonds.

John: Well, that solves that problem.
Kelly: Okay, but what will Mercury be able to do?  Blow bubbles at Rubeus?

>Rei's grandfather even teleported in the paralyze his shields, and Endymion sent a blast of >energy through his sword. Rubeus was dead. Victory came, but at a price.

James: If it was that easy, then why didn't they do it in the first place?

>	Sailor Pluto teleported them all to the temple, where Luna and Artemis explained >that Rei's sofu knew everything.

Kelly: Tonight for your viewing pleasure, we have the all-knowing, all-seeing Pervert!
John: Happosai?

>After they woke up, the Scouts ran everywhere, meditating, crying onto each others >shoulders,even blaming themselves and each other.

James: Éand then building a couple of tents and tying some knots.
Kelly: There's an inconsistancy!  She's using the Japanese version and calling them 
Scouts!  She really DiC'd that one up!

>Sailor Pluto and Mamoru merely sat with the Princess and, soon, the Senshi witnessed >something that spoke eloquently about all their despair.

John: Well, thank you for getting it right this time!

>	The Guardian of Time had seen hundreds of thousands of millions of wars and >seen more people die than she cared to remember.

James: Éand she had killed every single one of them herself.

>She had not cried since Queen Serenity and the Moon Kingdom. All her emotions were >bottled up
>inside her. But Usagi dying was more than enough to make the Pandora's Box
>of anger, fear, guilt, frustration and helplessness open.

Kelly: She took up quilting and joined the circus midgets!

>	Mamoru was strong. Emotionally, mentally, physically, he was, and always had >been, a powerful man. A man who, like Pluto, had never cried over anything, not in ten >years. Not even when his Haha and Chichi (mother and father) had died. But the woman >he loved was another matter.

John: He was tried in the state of California for murder in the first.
All: (hum theme to Dragnet)

>	And within five minutes, the Guardian of Time and Prince Endymion were
>crying, uncontrollably, at the biggest loss they had ever known.

James: (Mamoru) How could they cancel Seinfeld?!

>			Chapter One: Ithica
>
>	In the heart of the sun slept a creature of myth.

Kelly: Bob Barker's career?

>She should not
>exist, and many scientists and physics teachers will not believe what I say
>merely because of it. They assume that they cannot be wrong about something
>this important. So I would like to remind them that in the Middle Ages,
>people "knew", amoung other things, that flies developed from rotten meat.

John: Of course, they were right.
James: John: Did you actually take high school biology?
John: Yeah, but I never paid attention.

>That they were born from it, like children from the womb. And they, too,
>thought they couldn't be wrong. But they were. And so are you.

Kelly: Hey!  I know not what you talk about!

>For there is a unicorn living. On Earth she is a human. Her name is Ithica.

John: And she is trying to take the belt away from Evander Holifield!

>And she was
>asleep in the sun when suddenly she woke and began to fly, for a creature of
>myth can do whatever she wishes, to a small building in a small city in a
>small country on a small world that held a very dead, yet crucial, young
>Princess.

James: (Usagi) I'm not dead!

>**********************************************************************>******

John: Anyone got any of those left?
Kelly: Tom Servo might have.
John: Who?

>The Princess in question was dead, there could be no doubt.

James: (Usagi) I think I'll go for a walk!

>And yet there was, much doubt and denial. Usagi dead? No way!

James: (Usagi) I feel happy!  I feel happy!
John: (slaps James on the back of his head)
Kelly: Thanks, John.

>Sailor Moon couldn't be defeated. She wasn't even mortal. And yet she must have been, >for she was gutted like a fish. (Got that pail handy?)

James: Only to put my dirty clothes in before washing them.

>Her organs were showing. Not, as Rei had said, a good thing. 

Kelly: Not unless she's an anthropomorphic starfish.

>	What was a good thing was that it was summer. Nobody was in school,
> Mamoru had some vacation time, and the Tsukino family could be told a little white lie to >prevent them from finding out that Serena was Sailor Moon.

John: You see, she's got a special status that makes her turn into an amazonian warrior 
princess with magical powers whenever there's a full moon out.
James: She's Xena?  Oh, "Minako: Warrior, Princess, Sidekick" flashbacksÉ

>In fact, Mamoru was going to do that when there was a knock on the door. "Who is it" >asked Rei.

Kelly: Avon calling!

>      The response surprised them. "I am Ithica, child of the Sun. I have
>come to bring the Princess life."

John: You b**ch!  She can't eat anything when she's dead, let alone cereal!
James: And she can't play any board games either!

>	They looked at each other in shock. Mamoru crossed the room, feeling
>angry words about cruel jokes and sensitivity march to his brain
>like an invading army. He opened the door, preparing to fire.

Kelly: No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

>	And the army went into full retreat, waving a white flag. (Damn I'm
> good at this simile/metaphor stuff!)

John: Insert any random Self-insert author joke here.

>The beautiful woman in the door had
> driven all words from his mind. She was tall, around six feet with
> honey-blonde hair, red eyes, and a great body, fully shown off by a red
> exercise suit.

James: Isn't it a bit soon to be getting into another relationship, Mamoru?
Kelly: (Mamoru) What dead girlfriend?

>They would have looked awful on anybody else, but on her,
> they worked. She said, softly, "Greetings, Prince Endymion. I am Ithica,
> High Mage of the Solus Unicorns. I served Queen Serenity on the moon.
> Hello, Scouts. Setsuna, how are you?"

John: (Setsuna) I'm feeling rather de-sensitized right about now.

>       "Oh, hi, Ithica. I could be better. Serenity's dead."

James: (Ithica) What, again?

>       "I have come to change that." She crossed the room.
>She looked at the damage and sighed. "For this they wake me up. Damn." She
>pointed to the princess and said "Live."

Kelly: From New York, This is Saturday Night!

>        Nothing happened. She sighed. "Well, Hell. LIVE!"
>        A faint glow appeared, and they thought it would work, but it didn't.
> "Well, shit. I wonder why it doesn't work... oh wait. Mars, can you still
> detect evil?"

John: (Mars) Yeah, and it's going off the meter because of you!

>        "Yes."
>        "Search her for it."
>        Rei did, and her eyes widened. "There is evil all around her."

James: That's no way to talk about your friends!

>        "Who killed her?"
>        "Rubeus."
>      She frowned. "This smells more like a Wiseman spell."

Kelly: Or perhaps an anti-fic in disguise.

>      Ami said, "Rubeus worked for the Wiseman."
>      "Past tense? Ah, good he's dead. One less obstacle. The Wiseman put
>a spell on her. She cannot be healed. We will have to destroy him first."

John: Well, that should be an easy task, considering how easy it was to kill his lackey.

>      "If that's what it takes, let's go!" Makoto was pissed off. 
>	"Wait. If Rubeus, a mage of minor abilities, can do this to Serenity, who was >without a doubt the most powerful of you,

James: And yet, she couldn't fight worth a crap, she didn't have an ounce of courage, she 
couldn't walk a block without tripping over herself or tied shoelacesÉ I could go on.

>don't you think you should get your new powers before you go tearing off after The >Wiseman, who might be as powerful as I am?"
>        "MIGHT BE?"
>        "MINOR?"

All: (grab ears)
James: Damn!  Didn't see that one coming.
John: Get a room, James!

>        "New powers?
>        "Yes, might, yes minor, and yes, new powers.

Kelly: Okay, and let's see here, your new powers are *real personalities!*
James: This is fic number ten thousand, three hundred forty-two that gives the Senshi new 
powers.
John: And the tally is still rising!
Kelly: Okay, so the idea is that the author has written the Senshi into a corner, and the only 
way to get them out of it is to use an over-used fanfic element?
James: That's the idea.

>That's another reason
> I'm here. I was instructed to boost your powers when the powers I am going
> to give you became necessary. A matter of life and death."

James: Éand we have the title!
John: What?
James: Look, it's the title!  Isn't it so cool in the story?
John: And we're supposed to be happy about this?

>        "Instructed by whom?"
>        "Queen Serenity."

Kelly: Oh, the dead b**ch.
James: Kelly, hush!

>        "Who are you?"
>        "Oh, she's the Queen of the Solus Unicorns. Nobody important or
> anything," said Artemis.

John: Well, I'm glad that we got that all cleared up.

>        The others all stared at him, including Luna. "What in the world are
>you babbling about? That's not a unicorm."

James: It's a bird!
John: It's a plane!
Kelly: No, I'm pretty sure that it's a flying hamdinger.

>        "No, but this is," said Ithica, and she transformed into one of
>those mystical creatures of wing and horn and hoof. Hers were gold. Her fur
>was red. On her, it looked right. "Do you remember me, Artie?" This
>affectionate nickname brought surprised snickers from all present. Artemis
>facefaulted, then got revenge.

John: He set fire to her fur to see if she was like a phoenix.

>        "Yes, Maggie." That nickname got nervous giggles and scared looks.
>        "Oh, good."
>        "How did you get Maggie from Ithica?"

James: (Ithica) Oh, sorry!  My parents were Marge and Homer!  I should have mentioned!

>        "I didn't. I got it from Magus.

Kelly: Is this some sort of Gargoyles crossover?

>I just called her Maggie. We all did. I'm surprised you don't remember, Luna."
>        "She's going senile," said Minako. "Nothing important."
>        "Going? I thought you'd been there before the Kingdom was destroyed,
>Luna," Ithica deadpanned.

John: You clean that up righ now, young lady!  I can't belive that you'd d that in front of 
the people whose house you're a guest in!
Kelly: No, John, that would be "bed panned".
James: Actually, Luna's been there and back about fifteen times now.

>Every else laughed and Luna got a sweatdrop.

John: (Luna) Could someone please turn down the thermostat?
James: (Luna) Ha, ha, b**ch!

>"I shall give you your powers tomorrow. I need to recover from my long flight." She >approached Rei's sofu, who was looking at her funny. "Hino-sensei, may I stay here for >the evening?"
>        "Who am I to refuse a creature of legend? Hai, you may."

Kelly: (sofu) But what are you willing to do for me?

>        "Domo arigato, Hino-san. Beddo ruumu wa doko des ka?"

James: Translation: May I put my feet in your cheese?

>(Thank you, Mr. Hino. Where is the bedroom?)
>	Rei and the girls smiled at her impressive control of the Japanese
>tongue. "I'll show you later, Ithica."
>        "Domo arigato, Rei-chan."
>        "Dooitashimashite. Kore kara dono?"

James: Translation: Are you available for an "escort" on Saturday night?

>(You're welcome. Are you staying?)
>        "Hai, my time in the sun is over."
>        "Sugoi!

James: Translation: Bite me!

>(Wonderful!) We'll become friends."
>        "I would like that." The girls smiled at each other. 
>        "So, tomodachi (friends), what shall we do? It's not late yet. A
>movie perhaps?

John: (Rei) I don't know, is the hentai theatre open this late?
James: JohnÉ

>Or kaimono? (Shopping)"
>        "Hai, kaimono. I need some more appropriate clothing... this is a
>good outfit for living in the sun, but not so much for Tokyo."

Kelly: Well, you could use the excuse that you were in that video of "Get Physical".

>	“You live in the sun?”
>        “Hai, all my kind do. And I really do need new clothes."
>        "The ones you're wearing look fine to me," came an appreciative voice. The girls 
>turned to see Yammuchiro in the doorway.

James: Peeping Tom theatre!
John: He's a voyeur!

>Ithica smiled and said, "My lifemate would agree with you-I hope-but I do not wish to get 
>arrested for indecent exposure.

James: Don't change on my account!
Kelly: What?
James: Hey, I was just making it even!

>So ladies, shall we go?"
>        "Hai. We’ll be back soon, Grandpa. Mamoru are you coming?"
>        "Iie. I don't want to leave Usako."
>        "Mamoru-chan, she won't be any less dead-" started Rei, but an
>intense glare from Darien shut her up.

John: Momentary Dub Lapse Syndrome (MDLS) can strike at any moment.
Kelly: She's making a real DiC of herself! Thank you!

>        "I said I'm staying. Get another baggage boy."
>        "Hai, Mamoru. Sui masen.

James: Translation: Get the hell out of my house before I take a gun and chase you around 
the block before pantsing you and throwing any amount of dignity that you might have had 
out the window along with your head on a stick.
John: The threat that goes on and on and on and on andÉ

>(Yes, Darien. I'm sorry.)"
>        "Come on. Let's go."
>        And the girls managed to put Usagi's death partially behind them.
>Three hours and several thousand yen later, they returned home and fell
>asleep, having first called their parents for permission. Mamoru slept on
>the floor next to his Usako.

Kelly: (Darien) I'm going to curl up in her sock drawer and sleep for days and daysÉ

>	He dreamed of death.

James: Neil Gaiman's Sandman makes its debut in Sailor Moon.
John: Okay, that's the end of part one.  Let's take a break.

	Everyone got up to exit the viewing room and waited politely as John opened the 
door.  They blinked a few moments to let their eyes get re-adjusted to the bright light of the 
outside.  The Lounge area of Headquarters was empty except for the furniture and a couple 
of people here and there.
	James and Kelly sat down to try and get back to their game of Magic.  John went to 
get them some drinks from the fridge.  He wished that they would allow booze at the camp 
setups.  He riffed so much better after a couple of brewskies.

End of part one