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A Matter of Life and Death

Part Two

Original fic by: Valerie Howson

MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan

	It was night time.  James and Kelly had forgotten about the fic almost completely, 
thanks to some good snack-food that had been given out at the staff meeting.  Their tent 
was incredibly cool.  Bud and Ted had said that the only way that they could tent together 
was if they kept the tent flaps open at all times when both were in the tent.  
	Suddnly, a knock came on their front porch.  It was John again.
	"What do you want, John?" James asked.  Kelly groaned something about sleep 
and sat up in her cot.
	"It's time to go back to the fic," John said.
	"But it's midnight!" Kelly complained, looking at her alarm clock.  "I'm not awake 
enough to review a fic right now!"
	"Amen to that, girl!" James said.
	"Let's put it this way," John said, rubbing his chin in deep thought.  James would 
have said something about smelling smoke, but he was able to restrain himself.  "How 
much do you want docked from your pay if you don't come?"
	"You just said the magic words!" James exclaimed.  He jumped out of bed and 
went to get his shoes and socks.  Kelly was quick to follow in suit.
	They rushed with John to the headquarters building and the fic viewing room.  They all satdown in their usual seats, hoping that the fic wouldn't get worse.
	"We're sorry, Valerie!" James exclaimed.
	"It's not our fault!" Kelly said.

>Hello again! This is chapter two. Usual I Didn't Come Up With All These Charaters 
>disclaimer goes here. Also you shold know that most of this was composed at about two 
>in the morning so there may be grammer, spelling, punctuation errors-or just stupidity.

John: I'll take things that a fanfic writer might say for five-hundred, Alex�

>                                ---Valerie :)

Kelly: And it even required an emoticon, eh ?; )
James: How'd you do that?
Kelly: Trade secret.

>                        Chapter Two: The Mage's Gifts

James: Gold, frankensence, and myrhh.
John: That's Magi.

>        The next morning, the girls practiced for a while with their old
>powers for a while, then Ithica said, "All right, it's time."

Kelly: (Ithica) Time to die!

>        Lita grinned and said, "Cool, new attacks!"

James: (Lita) Did I mention that Ithica looks like my old boyfriend?
John: Eww�

>        "Oh, more than that."
>        "More than new attacks? What, then?"

Kelly: A NEW CAR!!!
All: (cheer)

>        "Not much, really. I'm just going to give each of the Inner Senshi
>control over one element of Earth.

John: (sarcastically) Oh, well that's all�

>Sailor Mercury, you shall control the water." She gave Ami a large blue ball. When Ami 
>placed her hands on the globe, it flashed with pure energy. When the flash subsided, her 
>fuku was solid blue and there was a symbol that looked like the planet Mercury, with a 
>tidal wave crashing over it. She looked down and grinned, and said, "Thank you."

James: (Mercury) Now I can kick the ass of that guy who cut in front of me in line to check 
out a book at the library last week!

>        "Hai. Sailor Mars, you control fire, and lava." She handed Rei a
>large red globe. Rei took it and there was a bright flash. Rei's fuku was
>solid red, with an emblem of Mars burning on it. "Thank you, Ithica."

Kelly: Then, she used her new powers to burn the body of her enemy, Sailor Moon, to a 
crisp!
James: Getting a bit dark, are we?

>        "Sailor Jupiter, you shall control the weather, and thus the wind."
>Makoto accepted the green globe and watched her fuku turn solid green, with a picture of 
>Jupiter being struck by lightning. She said, "Thanks, Ithica."
>        "And Sailor Venus, yours is not really an Earth element, but is just
>as powerful. You are gaining control of the acids that make up your planet."

John: Acids?  She is gonna get so high!
James: (Mina stoner) Wow!  Why didn't you give me this power earlier?

>She handed Minako a yellow globe which turned her uniform solid yellow, with a picture 
>of Venus melting, like from acid burns, on the front. "Cool."
>        "And to Tuxedo Kamen I grant control of the ground. When you throw a
>rose, the ground will split at that place, swallowing your enemy, and then
>close back."

Kelly: Wait!  Tux-boy actually being useful?  I call out-of-character!

>        "Wow. Thank you, Ithica-sensei."
>        "Luna, Artie, will you please revert to your human forms?"
>        They did so, and she said, "Meet Senshi Stella and Cosmos."
>        Everybody gaped as Luna's dress suddenly became a black fuku with a
>shooting star on it, and Artemis was clothed in a white pantsuit

James: He's turned into SAILOR BUSINESSMAN!!

>with a symbol
>of a streaking comet on the front. "Luna, the stars in the heavens will heed
>your calls. Artemis, you control the comets and asteroids."

John: So that's how they made the cover of that Counting Crows album!

>        They smiled. "Thank you, Ithica."
>        "Thanks, Maggie."
>        "And I am Senshi Sun!" (Surprise!) Solar Ray Power!"

Kelly: Anyone playing the anime drinking game, belly on up!
John: Wha?
Kelly: It's a game based on cliches in anime series.  That's mabe three that I've seen in this 
one fic alone!
James: Name 'em!
Kelly: Let's see here, there's killing off and resurrecting a character; new powers for the 
main characters, and Sailor Sun.   'nuff said about that last one.
John: You forgot one!  The author writing in the solution to a problem that has been fixed 
sufficiently in the series.
James: Don't forget the continuity problems!  Rini was still there when Rubeus was alive, 
and Sailor Pluto wasn't introduced until after Rubeus was dead.
John: Let's get on with it, though�

>To the awe of those present, Ithica was bathed in a glorious light, which, when it >dissipated, turned her into a Sailor Scout. Her fuku was gold, with an emblem of the sun 
>on the front.
>	Her hair, which had previously always been tied into a bun, was loose, with golden 
>ribbons and red streaks all through the blonde tresses, which came all the way down to 
>her heels. She smiled at their awestruck faces. "You look like codfish."
>        They laughed. "Well, welcome to the Sailor Scouts, Ithica."

Kelly: Who just said that?  Magic voice?
James: Watch out for snakes!

>        "Thank you, Ami. There remains but one thing to do."
>        "And that is?"

John: (Ithica) Ditch the other Senshi and get your own series!
James: (Ami) I'll start thinking of a new theme song!

>        "In staying here, I give up my right to rule. I must go this night to
>the sun and name my replacement."

Kelly: Bill Gates!
James: No, then he'd have control of both Earth and the Sun.

>        "You give up your throne for us?"
>        "No. For the Princess."
>        "Works for me."
>        "For Usagi."
>        "Rei, didn't you and Mamoru go to karate school?"
>        "Hai. Why?"

John: (Ithica) Because I'm producing this kung-fu movie for distribution in the U.S., 
where it'll be dubbed badly and no one will watch it.

>        "I think the others should learn a thing or two about self-defense,
>roundhouse kicks and stuff like that. I'll set up a practice dummy."

James: (Ithica) Serena, get over there.
Kelly: (Serena) Duh, okay, boss!

>        "OK." They did so, and ten minutes later lined up it order of their home
>planet's distance from the sun. They received the shock of their lives when quiet,
>timid Ami gave the dummy a vicious roundhouse that knocked it ten feet into the
>air. Only Rei and Ithica heard her whispered, "For Usagi."

John: (Ami) On her seventeenth birthday

>        "Damn, girl," said Makoto. "You been holding out on us!"

James: Makoto's turned into Barrett!

>        Ami turned and said, in a vicious tone. "Nobody messes with my friends."
>The others nodded in understanding.

Kelly: (Ami) Except for me!

>        Then Minako stepped up and, instead of kicking the wooden 'Monster' or
>punching it, she very calmly and without breaking a sweat ripped its head off.

John: Two words, Minako: Pro-zac�

>Ithica smiled. They were very protective of their Princess. That was good. They
>would need to be.
>        Darien was next. They were all curious to see what he would do to the
>Wiseman, who had caused him and Usagi so much pain. He said, "Ithica, what is this
>model made of?"

James: (Ithica) Old fish heads and dried up tomatoes.

>        "The body is wooden and the face is cloth. Why?"
>        "Just curious. Can you make it any more similar to a human being?"
>        She nodded and cast a spell. "The bones and skeletal system,
>inclding the spinal cord, are now made of thin iron rods, the 'skin' and 'muscles'
>are of a thick cotton and styrofoam."

Kelly: And the personality is still more appealing than David Duchovny!

>        He thanked her, calmly, and then pulled the dummy off its pole and snapped
>it in two, breaking the iron rods easily. Then, he gutted it with a dagger, just as
>Rubeus had done Usagi.

John: Anyone know where he got the dagger?

>The others backed away at the cold rage on his face as he
>ripped out a handful of styrofoam and said, "For Usako. For Reni. And for myself,
>damn you to Hell."

James: I wonder what Doll Hell is like�
Kelly: Let's imagine, shall we?  Little children tearing the heads off of each and every doll 
over and over again.
John: Large animals dragging the dolls through mud, weeds, and other piles of 
unspeakable materials.
James: And the worst torture of all for a doll, the part where they're put back in and taken 
out of their packaging over and over again, only to have a worse type of damage inflicted 
upon them!

>They looked down and realized that the styrofoam
>was in approximately the same place as a human's heart. They shuddered at the
>symbolism of the act. Then Ithica said, "There are a few more powers I can
>grant you. They are known as the Mage's Gifts: Flight, telepathy,
>comprehension of all the Earth's languages, past present, and future, and
>perhaps the most important,

Kelly: Talent!

>immortality."
>        "Cool." All the Scouts accepted black balls which exploded with power.

John: IT'S A BOMB!!!

>The first thing they noticed when the energy died down was that they all had
>wings in the same shade as their uniforms. 

James: (singing) Free� As a bird�

>        "Oh, wow! You didn't tell us we got wings!"
>       "Did I forget that? Don't worry, they don't show up when you aren't
>Senshi-although flying cats might be interesting."

Kelly: Shampoo, run for your life!

>        The others grinned at the thought, and at the looks of terror on the cats'
>faces. "NO WAY!"
>        "I believe I must concur with Artemis on this one. I am not going to fly, uh-uh!"
>        Darien smiled, coldly. "I'm looking forward to seeing the Wiseman
>outside of my dreams."

Kelly: Val, stop DiCing things up!
John: (Darien singing) �and into my car!

>        The dreams didn't bother him that night, as if the Wiseman was hoping
>that he would be granted a reprieve. Darien didn't think so.

James: But then again, Darien doesn't think much anyway.  Besides that, he's not even 
supposed to be here!

>End Chapter Two
>Tell me what you think. My E-mail is sailorisuzu@hotmail.com

Kelly: Stop that, Val!  You'll start making people want to mailbomb you!
James: Or buy a car.  One or the other.
John: Come on, you guys, let's go.
James: (yawns)
Kelly: (Yawns)

	Outside the headquarters, the two staffers stumbled their way back to their tent, 
trying to find their way in the dark.  It seemed like they had just read something about 
fifteen pages long.  Well, they knew that the job would have beeen dangerous when they 
took it.
	As they stumbled around, trygin to find their tent, they were assaulted by another of 
the staff members, Jack.  He was one of the First Year Campers instructors, and he didn't 
look too good at that moment.  He was standing by the entryway to the shower house, 
holding his stomach.  James took a minute to talk to him.
	"What's up, Jack?" James began with.
	"I think that I had too much of that cheese with dinner tonight," Jack responded.  
"Earlier, I was all stopped up at one end and feeling like it would come out the other.  So I 
went to the health lodge.  They gave me a laxative, but they gave me too much!"
	"So now it's not stopping?" Kelly asked, overhearing the conversation.
	"That's about the size of it," Jack said as he rushed in the bathroom.  A soft 
splashing sound could be heard in the background.  James and Kelly looked away in disgust.  As they walked into their tent, Jack yelled out, "Hey, anybody got a magazine out 
there?!"

End of part two
Proceed to part three: the final part!