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2-part Koopa extravaganza

Original story by: Koopa

MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan

	Hello again, everyone!  I'm MSTing my fourth and fifth Samurai 
Pizza Cats stories and merging them into one MSTing.  They weren't 
long enough to have alone.  Anyway, as usual, no insult is meant to 
the writer, his story, or anyone else that I may be indirectly insulting.  
The products that I refer to are the sole property of whoever owns them or 
whoever made them.  Now, let's get on with it.

Roll season six opening

	The scene opens to the bridge of the SoL with a not-too-happy- 
looking Mike Nelson standing in the middle of the screen.
	"What were you doing out there?!? You stink!  You stink!"  Mike 
notices that the transmission has begun.  "Hi, everyone.  We've just 
finally played that football game against Voyager.  You might remember 
that from a couple of episodes back, but in case you don't, we challenged 
Voyager to a game of football.  As you might be able to tell, we lost.  
This is the post-game pep talk."
	Cambot turns to look at the others, who have bandages all over 
them.  Tom's dome is broken, Crow's headgear has been punched through.  
Gypsy's in a neck-brace.  Ranma has a bruise under his eye.
	"We stink as players, huh?" Tom says indignantly.  "Well, you 
suck as a coach.
	"Well, you can't play," Gypsy says to Tom.
	"Touch‚!" Crow exclaims.  The yellow commercial light comes on.
	"We'll be right back," Mike says, pushing the button.

	When we return, the guys and gal are talking about the game.
	"I thought that it was a good idea that you had, Tom," Mike 
says, "Putting the Torgos in to fill up our roster.  Unfortunately, 
when we wrote up the rules, we never said anything about them not 
being able to use phasers."  The red Mad's light starts flashing.  
"Sonny and Cher are calling, guys."  He presses the button.

Deep 13
	"Hello, my little athletic supporters," Forrester says.

SoL
	"Hey, Forrester!  You've already used that one!" Ranma yells out.
	"Guys, I just thought of something," Crow says.  "If we're 
his little athletic supporters, then doesn't that mean that he's 
got little…"  Mike cuts him short.
	"Hush, boy, you'll anger the overlords."

Deep 13
	"Well, today, I'm in a good mood," Forrester says.  "Our 
invention is sure to glow you out of the water.  Just because I'm 
so confident in my invention, I'll let you do yours first."

SoL
	"Well, sirs," Crow begins, "Don't you hate it when you wash 
your hair, and you go to sleep for the night, and the next morning, 
your hair looks like poopie?  Well, our invention handles that problem.  
It's called the Hair-Safe.  Just put it on your head, and it protects 
your 'do."
	Ranma comes out, sopping wet, his hair has been washed and is in 
the 'do that he likes.  Crow gets Mike to put the Hair Safe on Ranma's 
head.  After a moment, Ranma asks, "Crow, are there any air-holes in 
this, because if there are, I'm not working them right."
	Crow thinks for a minute.  "You know, I knew I forgot something 
on that.  Let me try to remember the combination to get it off.  Uumumm… 
Let's see here, six, seven, forty-two? No, that's not it.  Seven, twelve, 
ninety-four? No…"  After a minute, Ranma gets impatient and just punches 
the safe open.  As the two halves fall to the ground, Ranma gasps for 
breath and grabs Crow by the neck.
	"What… the hell… were you trying… to do?  Kill me?" Ranma asks 
between gasps for breath.  He drags Crow off screen and various sounds 
of Crow in pain can be heard.
	"What do you think, sirs?" Mike asks.

Deep 13
	Forrester glares at the screen in disgust.  He hadn't counted on 
the experiment inventing something that even he would want, with certain 
adjustments, of course.
	"Hey, guys, can you send me one of those?" Frank asks.
	"Frank, shut up.  Electro-shock.  Pain, Frank," Forrester says in 
a fury.  Frank shuts his mouth.  "Well, anyway, you may remember our 
invention from a while back, the Unhappy Meals, am I correct?"  The 
sounds of Tom and Crow gagging signal his continue.  "Well, I've come 
up with a new line of special meals for fast-food joints.  As opposed 
to 'Kiddie Meals,' I have 'Grown-up Meals.'
	"They're meals with such food as low-cholesterol, high protien, 
tasteless hamburgers, potato sticks to keep the fat level down, and 
prizes that only an adult could love, like a pack of Rogaine or a 
condom, or even a lawyer for any divorce or lawsuits brought up against 
them.  Of course, only one fast food chain has bought it so far, and I 
won't mention it to protect the integrity of the places… oh, what the 
hell, it was Hamdingers R Us.
	"Now, I believe that you're about due for a fic right about now.  
I should know because I'm about to send it to you.  It is a double 
feature by our friend, Koopa!  The fics are called 'A Digital Horror' 
and 'Emperor Fred the Genius'.  Enjoy!"

Sattelite of Love
	Crow and Ranma re-enter, with Ranma holding various limbs that he 
has taken off Crow in his arms.  "I believe that these need to be replaced, 
Mike," Ranma says.  The lights start flashing and the klaxons and sirens go 
off.
	"We don't have time for that now, Ranma, we've got fanfic sign!"

Door 6: It's a set of venetian blinds.  You pull the string and walk 
through, just barely missing being crushed as it falls down again behind 
you.

Door 5: It's a wall of molten lava.  You shoot water at it and it turns 
to stone.  It opens for you to pass through.

Door 4: It's a castle gate.  It falls apart from the wood in it rotting 
(I told Mike that we should have covered that thing in water sealer).

Door 3: It's a filing cabinet.  You put some old insurance accounts in 
it and it opens.

Door 2: It's a sliding door like from the Tendo dojo.  You slide it open 
and walk in to the awful smell of Akane's cooking.

Door 1: It's a vault.  Its center ring swirls and the door swings open 
easily.

	Mike, Crow, Tom, and Ranma sit down in their usual places while 
they wait for the fic to start.
Tom: Do you thnk that anyplace else will buy Forrester's idea?
Crow: I doubt it.  That place was the only place sleazy enough to buy 
	anything from Forrester.

>A Digital Horror
Tom: Microsoft Windows '98?
Crow: As if '95 wasn't bad enough…

>Written by Koopa
Mike: Good old Koopa.  Never fails to bring us the same vivid description 
	and good grammar as the best.
Ranma: Are we talking about the same Koopa?
Mike: The big lizard from Mario, right?

>Big Cheese has captured all the best scientists in the world
Tom: Must be a small world then.

>to have them
Crow: …watch the worst movies in all existence.
Mike: Then, it would really be called Mystery Science Theatre.

>build a Pizza Cat robot that will be a match for the Pizza Cats.
Ranma: Then it'll have Polly's temper, Speedy's balance and Guido's ego?

>It is not long until the Pizza Cats hear of this and fly into action.
Tom: They offer to cater for the scientists!
Crow: They flap their wings real hard and remember that they're cats, not 
	birds.

>They crash into Big Cheese's labrotory
All: *crash*

>were he is having the Scientist work.
Ranma: Whoah, I thought that he had all the best scientists in the world 
	there, not just one.
Mike: Don't try to understand it.  It's just Koopa trying to write again.

>Big Cheese orders them to set the robot on
Tom: Set the robot on what?

>before the cats ruin everything.  The scientists say that the robot is not 
>ready yet.
Crow: Well, why don't they just say it themselves?
Ranma: (bodyguard) the scientists speak to no one!
Crow: Wait a minute!
Ranma: no minutes, no waiting.

>Big Cheese says he doesn't care.  The robot is activated.
Mike: The sentences get choppier.

>It locates the cats and attacks.  It punches Polly to the ground
All: BOOO!!

>and slashes Guido with its sword.
All: YAAAYYY!
Tom: …spilling his guts all over the floor.

>Speedy gets out his sword and lunges at the robot.  The robot dodges 
>Speedy's attack by flying into the air. Speedy says " No fair!  That's 
>cheating! "
Ranma: I personally don't remember any rules to combat, so technically, 
	anything is fair.

>The robot puts away his sword and brings out spiked mace.
Mike: The robot put Speedy's sword away?  How'd it manage that?
Tom: With the help of Mister Spiked Mace!

>He says " I like this weapon much more then the sword.  No prepare to 
>fell the wrath of Digital Cat."
All: TIM-BER!!!

>Big Cheese asks Jerry if they gave him a name or not.  Jerry says they did 
>not have enough time.
Crow: It's like a raptor.  It's too damn smart.
Tom: So smart that before they had turned him on, he had figured out 
	the recipe for rice pudding and the reason for income taxes.

>Big Cheese wonders how the robot came up with the name.  Digital Cat 
>flies down towards Speedy.  While going down, he swings his mace 
>around and around.
Ranma: As he swung it faster and faster, he began to rise into the air.

>The mace hits Spedy right in the face.
Mike: Then, it hits him left in the face.

>Speedy falls to the ground.  Digital Cat says "Ha! Ha! This was to easy!"
Tom: To Easy, with love.

>Big Cheese comes over to him and says good work.
Crow: What happened to dialogue?

>He also says he will be a fine addition to his minions.
Ranma: Mini Ons, collect all five.

>Digital Cat looks at him and says "Ha! If you think I'm going to waste 
>my fine ablates as your lackey
Ranma: (holding dictionary) Let's see here, "ablates"…
Tom: Where'd you get the dictionary?
Ranma: Same place as where Akane gets all those mallets.  Nope, no 
	"ablate".

>then you must have some brain disorder."
Crow: Much like the friendly author of this fic!

>Jerry walks over to them and says he's known that for a long time.  
>Digital Cat flies off.
Mike: Wait, he didn't finish his job!  Why didn't he finish the fight?
Tom: Just relax, Nelson.  It'd only prolong the fic.

>Just then the cats get up and free the scientists.  They then leave so Big 
>Cheese can blow up.
Ranma: (Big Cheese) Why, those *bleep* *bleep*ing *bleep* *bleep* 
	with a chicken *bleep* *bleep* cantaloupe.

>As the cats go home Digital Cat floats in the sky watching over them 
>thinking of how he kill them off.
Crow: (Dr. Claw) I'll get you next time, Gadget!
(The door to the theatre opens for a break)

	Outside, on the bridge, Mike, Ranma, and the bots are sitting 
around with really thoughtful looks on their faces.
	"Sshhh," Mike says to the audience.  We're just trying to figure 
out some things about the first fic.  Mostly, why Digital Cat would leave 
so abruptly without really putting up much of a threat."
	"Maybe he had a dentist's appointment," Ranma says.
	"Maybe he had to meet Oscar, something about destiny," Crow says.  
The others slap him silly.
	"Maybe he was suddenly filled with a sense of humanity which overode 
the main commands in his circuitry, giving him insight into the meaning of 
life itself and the character of mankind," Tom says.
	"Maybe he was just chicken," Mike says.  Anyway, we want to know 
your opinion.  No, really we do.  I want you to send your suggestions 
about why he ran off to us at:

jehdjh@worldnet.att.net

	We appreciate your support and we'll read some of the best during 
the next episode that we write after this one gets posted."  The lights 
and sirens go off again.
	"WE'VE GOT DOUBLE FANFIC SIGN!" everyone yells as they run into 
the theatre.

Same door sequence as earlier.

>Emperor Fred the Genius
Crow: That's a contradiction in terms if I ever heard one.

>Written by Koopa
Mike: Edited by Princess Toadstool.

>It is a beautiful day in little Tokyo
Tom: Tiss a beautiful day in Little Tokyo.
Ranma: Hey, another oxymoron!  Tokyo isn't really *little*.

>but the it is all shattered by the repeating words of "Fa-red!"
Tom: I'm sorry that I've got to steal this from another author, but, 
	"In-fa-red!"

>Fred is running around the palace like an idiot
Crow: So that's what happens when you watch Teletubbies.
Mike: You mean watching it too much, right?
Crow: No, I mean just watching it in general.

>trying to find tools and stuff.
Ranma: Man, his orgies with the Pizza Cats are really starting to get 
	out of hand.
Mike: Ranma, we had gone one whole fic without being hentais, now you 
	went and ruined it.
Ranma: Sorry, I had to.

>Vi and Al wonder what the Emperor is up to.  After Fred has gotten a lot 
>of stuff he goes into a closet and starts working on something that is most
>likely to be a mess and a complete mystery.
Ranma: See, I told you so, but no, wouldn't listen to me, would you?

>Vi and Al try knocking on the door but Fred only opens it once to put a 
>sing on the door saying
Crow: (singing) Come to my window!
Tom: Which window?
Crow: The drive-through window, the hell should I know?

>"Booly boply goop!"
Mike: Translation: Bite me, you dickweeds.

>To Fred, this means "Keep away, Emperor at work.  After about 500 
>years, oh sorry I mean 5 days Fred comes out of the closet with a device
All: EEEWWWW!
Crow: I knew that Fred was gay.
Tom: This is one long sign!

>Every one looks at it and thinks it is a masterpece in electronic designs.
Ranma: Oh, yeah, the same way that Artemis's Lover is a literary masterpiece.

>In reality is a piece of junk that looks really cool and people think it is a 
>wonder of technology.
Mike: Kinda' like any Windows series that is followed by a date.

>Still no one can figure out what it does.
Tom: It's a brainwashing machine, didn't the author just say that?

>Al calls Guru Lou to come to the palace and tell everyone what it is.
All: (make duck sounds)

>When Guru Lou gets there he looks at the device and says it is really a 
>piece of junk that looks really cool.
Mike: Kinda' like Lost In Space the movie.

>So once again it is proven that Fred is a total nut case.
Tom: And once again, it is proven that Koopa can't write.

Theatre doors open, freeing the guys from their fic for the day.

Reverse door sequence

	On the bridge, there seems to be a large pile of junk sitting on 
the middle of the desk.  Mike, Tom, Crow, and Ranma notice this as they 
exit the hall of doors.
	"What do you guys think it is?" Mike asks.
	"I dunno," Ranma says.  "But it looks a lot like what Koopa vaguely 
described the thing that Fred invented as."
	"What does it do, anyway?" Crow asks.
	"Damned if I know," Ranma answers.  He presses a button on the side 
marked, "on".  Instantly, a loud explosion can be heard from outside the 
ship.
	"Cambot, give me Rocket Number Nine!" Mike yells. Everyone gets a 
good view of the surface of the planet, where multiple tiny points of 
light can be seen.  "Wonder what that was all about," Mike says.  The 
red light starts flashing and Mike presses the button.

Deep 13
	"Guys, we just got word that the fast food franchises that bought 
our Grown-up meals all blew up instantaneously," Frank says to the 
Sattelite.  "I don't think that Dr. F has heard yet, but I'll have to 
tell him."  Dr. Forrester walks in the door from behind Frank.
	"Well, Frank, I'm back from my evening jog!  Anything important 
happen while I was gone?"
	"Well, let's see here," Frank says cautiously.  "Nope, except for 
the fact that all the Hamdingers R Us's across the globe just up and 
exploded. It was the darndest thing, too.  No one knows why.  Please 
don't hurt me."
	"You know, Frank, I'm not going to hurt you this time," Forrester 
says with a sinister glint in his eyes.  "I'm going to let someone else 
do it for me.  I'm sending you to San Fransisco.  There, you'll stand out 
on the sidewalk and perform for the passerby to raise the money to make 
up for what we lost.  You're sure to get mugged a couple of times at 
least."
	"Oh, poopie," Frank says as Forrester prepares the transport ray 
for Frank.
	"By the way, Frank, while you're waiting for me to get ready, could 
you push the button?"
	"Sure, Steve," Frank says, walking over to the console.  He pushes 
the button.
*Blip*
*Fwoosh*

	I'd like to say that I used more references to Hitchiker's Guide 
in this story, and if you didn't understand them, read the book.  Also, 
one last thing, I really would like you to send in your ideas on that 
project in the betweener segment.  I didn't write it just for the heck 
of it.  As usual, C&C is read and enjoyed by me, so please send me some.

MST3K created by:
Joel Hodgson

Original stories by:
Koopa

MSTing by:
M. H. Torringjan

E-Mail me at (if you didn't catch it during the story):
jehdjh@worldnet.att.net

>"Ha! If you think I'm going to waste my fine ablates as your lackey then 
>you must have some brain disorder."