Chrono Rugrats

A Chrono Trigger  Crossover MSTing

Original fic by: Crono 007

MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan

	Usual disclaimers here.  I don't own Chrono Trigger.  Square Soft does. (dammit, 
what happened to Schalla?!)  I don't own MST3K.  Best Brains does.  I made up Michelle.  
The Spam short is pretty much public domain, I think.  They E-mailed it to me, it's now 
mine!  So there!

Roll Season X opening

	The scene opens to the bridge, where Tom and Crow eagerly await something.  
Magic Voice breaks in with a voice over.
	"Welcome to the Satellite of Love.  Today, we'll probably be seeing another bad 
fic.  Right now, Tom and Crow are waiting for Michelle, so that they can play a trick on 
her.  If you have any sort of a sense of humor, you know about the beech nut can gag, 
with the spring snakes in it.  We up on the Satellite don't have access to a can of beech 
nuts, though, so we must make due with what we have.  The bots have replaced the beech 
nut can with a can of vienna sausages.  Let's see what happens."
	Michelle walks in and goes up to the counter.  "Wow, guys, what a wonderful day 
it is today!" she exclaims to Tom and Crow, who just grin evilly.
	"Yes, it is, isn't it?" Tom agrees.  "Say, aren't you hungry?  It's just about lunch 
time!"
	"You know, I am!" Michelle exclaims.  She notices the vienna sausage can and 
picks it up as soon as she opens it up... nothing happens.  She reaches in with her fingers 
and pulls out a nice sausage, which she pops into her mouth.  Crow's mouth hangs wide 
open as Michelle re-seals the can and walks away.
	"How did she...!" Tom exclaims.  Crow reaches over and opens the can again, 
which then sprays spring snakes all across the room.  The bots son recover from their 
shock and start blaming each other.  As they walk off-screen, Magic Voice makes another 
voice-over.
	"Let's see how it worked out," she says.  The screen rewinds to before Michelle 
walks on, and then moves forward at a hundredth of the speed of normal action.  We see 
Michelle grabbing the can, replacing it with a different can, and taking the original with her.  
"So, Michelle sped up to faster than the camera speed and switched cans.  There you have 
it, Michelle can do what she wants, when she wants."  Then, the Red Mads light starts 
flashing.  Mike walks on and pushes it.

Deep 13
	"Well, everyone, it seems that we're behind on our schedule," Forrester says 
quickly, "So I'll just send you in the theatre right away with your experiment and a short 
Spam message.  Enjoy it!"  Frank comes up behind him, wearing a bathrobe and yawning
	"Hey, Doc, not much to do around here today, eh?" Frank says.
	"Frank, shut up before I have to kill you," Forrester says.

SoL
	The lights and sirens go off, giving fanfic sign.  Everyone screams and yells, and 
bitches about having an experiment as they run into the theatre.

Door 6: It's a curtain of peace beads.  You push them out of the way and get a whiff of 
marijuana smoke as you pass through.

Door 5: It opens from the center, spiralling outward.

Door 4: It's a castle moat.  The gate falls and misses your feet by inches.

Door 3: It's a wall of bone.  You break it down, only to have it rebuilt by an invisible 
force.  You decide to go around it instead.

Door 2: It's in the shape of a heart.  You board a small ship and ride it through the door.

Door 1: It's a vault door.  The center ring swirls and the door opens easily.

	Everyone takes a seat, singing the Spam song.

>Subject: Upgrade to Retrospect 4.1
>Date: Fri, 18 Sep 1998 19:19:37 -0700
>From: "Dantz Development Corporation" 
>To: Retrospect 4.1 Upgrade Mailing 

All: (singing) Spam, spam, spam, spam...
Mike: Okay, that's enough of that.

>Hi everyone!

All: HI!!!

>We're proud to announce Retrospect 4.1, the latest version
>of our award-winning backup software!
>
>Retrospect 4.1 is the first product to completely integrate
>Internet backups with backups to just about anything you can
>plug into a Mac (Zip, Jaz, SyQuest, tape, CD-R, and
>SuperDrive).

Crow: Don't forget the Big Ass Drive, the Honker, the Bells'n'Whistles, and Good ol' 
Bessie!

>Other new features include:
>
> - Emergency boot CD
> - Full iMac support

Tom: Anybody know why they needed a new Mac anyway?
Michlle: Why not?
Tom: Less Spam.

> - DVD-RAM and other new device support
> - Improved speed
>
>Below is:

Crow: More crap that no one would read without pressing the delete buton "accidentally".

> * Retrospect 4.1 Press Release
> * Upgrade Pricing
> * Annoucing the Dantz Premier Technical Support Program

Michlle: ...which consists of threwe telephone operators, a cow, and three crowbars.

>Warm Regards,
>
>Everyone at Dantz

Mike: All ten of 'em!

>P.S. This email was sent to registered Dantz customers. If
>you feel you've received this email in error or do not want
>to receive further emails from Dantz regarding your backup
>software, please send an email to customer_service@dantz.com
>with REMOVE in the subject.

Michelle: Are we all taking notes on that part?
Rest: Yes!

>----------- FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
>
>ORINDA, CA - September 14, 1998 - Dantz Development
>Corporation announced today Retrospect (R) 4.1, the latest
>version of the award-winning Retrospect backup software.
>Retrospect 4.1 makes protecting valuable data even easier by
>using the Internet to keep copies of critical files offsite.

Tom: ...but in the process making them more accessible to hackers.
Mike: Next thing you know, your face is on a pastey porn site in the backwoods of the 
internet.

>Other new features include enhanced performance, more device
>support, and improved reporting. Retrospect 4.1 will ship to
>distributors, resellers, OEM's, and end-users October 1,
>1998.

Michelle: None of whom will want it.

>BUILT-IN INTERNET BACKUP
>
>Offsite backups can prevent data loss due to fire, theft,
>and other disasters.

Crow: What about in the *off chance*(snickers) that Windows crashes?

>Customers who combine Internet backups
>with backups to traditional media can easily maintain the
>highest degree of security.

Tom: Of course, it's just less expensive to not ge this program, not use the internet, and not 
own a computer all-together!
Michelle: Don't say that!  It'll kill the MSTings business!
Crow: Besides that, what else is there?  Paintings on cave walls?
Tom: There's a little something called Paper and Pencil.

>Retrospect 4.1 automates offsite backups using industry
>standard File Transfer Protocol (FTP), so Retrospect
>customers may take advantage of the thousands of terabytes
>of FTP space available on corporate, government, and
>institutional disk farms.

Mike: Okay, what I got out of that was that your files get stored on another business's 
computer.
Tom: I can see it now.  "Well, it looks like the Johnson Account is... What the hell?!?!"

>In addition, mobile and offsite
>workers can back up and restore important files while out of
>the office.

Michelle: ...and play with them all they want!

>Since bandwidth and space are often concerns, Retrospect's
>built-in compression can save time and money. Retrospect's
>built-in encryption provides security for backup files.

Crow: It's just so damn complicated that not even Bill Gates's staff can't understand it!

>iMac BACKUP SOLUTION

Mike: You know, I once got an E-mail that was for the iMac.  I thought that it was a joke 
because it was like, "Never be ashamed to show your guests your computer!"
Michelle: (patronizingly) That's very interesting...

>Retrospect 4.1 is an excellent solution for Apple Computer's
>iMac customers. Customers can back up important files today
>over the Internet and use new USB devices (such as the
>Imation SuperDisk) as they become available.

Tom:...every ten seconds.

>NEW DISASTER RECOVERY CD
>
>Retrospect 4.1 now ships on a CD that starts up all modern
>Macintosh computers including the latest G3 and iMac models.

Crow: But then again, who uses Macs?  It's like using Walls in Magic!

>Packed with a system folder, Disk First Aid, and Drive
>Setup utilities, users can boot off the CD and either
>repair the damaged hard drive or reformat it and restore the
>files, all without having to install a temporary system.

Michelle: Sure, it would be cheaper, easier, and faster to use the traditional system, but it's 
technology!

>SUPPORT FOR NEW DEVICES
>
>Retrospect 4.1 includes support for hundreds of devices
>including Zip, Jaz, SyQuest, MO, CD-R/RW, DVD-RAM, and tape
>drives. New drives supported in this release include:

Crow: ...the new Honda four-wheel *drive*, the Toyota rear wheel *drive*, and the...
Mike: I think that they get it, Crow...

> - DVD-RAM drives from Panasonic and Hitachi
> - SuperDisk from Imation (USB device)
> - NS20 drives (Travan 5 technology) from Seagate, Aiwa,
>   Tecmar, and Tandberg - CD-RW drive from Philips
> - DC-6000 drive from Tandberg (SLR6)

Michelle: Uh, oh!  We don't have one of those!  We'd better buy one, quick!
Mike: Why?
Michelle: Because it's technology!

>Retrospect 4.1 also adds support for high-end tape
>autoloaders from ATL Products, Quantum, HP, StorageTek, and
>Exabyte with the Advanced Driver Kit option (version 1.5).
>
>ADDITIONAL NEW RETROSPECT 4.1 FEATURES

Tom: ...a list of the phone numbers of lawyers that have already beenbribed into not suing 
this company, a bribe for you not to sue this company, and a bribe for your friends not to 
sue this company.

>* Improved Speed and Reliability: Retrospect 4.1 includes
>several general improvements, including faster recataloging
>of backup sets and improved support for large removables
>such as DVD-RAM and high capacity opticals.

Crow: Now, those are some *big* glasses!

>* Full Mac OS Compatibility: Anyone considering an
>upgrade of their system software should secure a good backup
>first. With added enhancements to improve HFS+
>compatibility, Retrospect 4.1 supports the latest Mac OS.

Crow: No, seriously, who all actually will admit to using a Mac?
Mike: Hush, Crow! You'll get a lot of people mad at us!

>* Expanded Automated E-mail Reporting: Retrospect 4.1 can
>now send backup status reports using Outlook Express and
>QuickMail Pro in addition to Claris Emailer and Eudora.

Michelle: Eudora...Wasn't that Samantha's mother's name in "Bewitched"?
Mike: No, that would be, Endora.
Michelle: Whatever.

>In
>the event of new media requests, error reports, or a failed
>backup, e-mail reporting alerts backup administrators of
>problems immediately.

Crow: Let's see here, eleven thousand E-mails in one day?  What the heck were they 
getting into?

>Rugrat Chronos Part 1
>
>                                By Crono 007

Mike: Man, that was an abrupt ending!

>time:986 ad

Crow: ...It was after the Appocolypse...
Michelle: Not according to the game.

>"Meow"said one of the cats.

Tom: Really?  I thought that it recited the friggin' Gettysburg Address!
Michelle: It's not Artemis, Tom.  At least, we hope that it isn't.  That would be another 
pointless crossover.

>As Chrono woke up he was happy today that his
>friend Lucca,and Glenny would come over.
>
>"Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"said baby chrono as he wined for his bottle.

Mike: Oh, so Truce villiage is in France!

>'Ohh no its the baby.Honey wake up our baby is hungry,"
>
>Plop!The bottle went in to the babys mouth.gulp gulp gulp.

Crow: Are we sure that this story isn't being written by the Cronoo character in the fic?

>"Ahhhhhhh yum yum"
>
>"Today is the day your friends come over chrono"

Michelle: ...as previously stated.

>KNOCK KNOCK

Tom: Primitive Avon calling!

>Here they are now
>
>"Hi deedee and lu heres lucca and glenn"

Michelle: ...and we've got one *big* continuity problem right off the bat! If this happaned 
before the game, then Glenn, or Frog, shouldn't be there!
Mike: It's a paradox!
All: (singing) A paradox, a paradox, a most ingenious paradox...

>"Hi there Chrono want to play roll the ball"said Lucca"
>
>"O.k,How about you Glenn"

Crow: (Glenn) My preference doesn't particularly seduce me towards the action which you 
have so aptly described as "playing roll the ball".

>"I don't know chrono maybe its not a good idea.Maybe magus will kick our
>ball over the fence"

Mike: It just seems so obvious that the foreshadowing is here for our benefit alone.

>"Oh come on don't be a baby"
>
>"O.k"
>
>"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

All: WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

>Magus came and kicked the ball over the
>fence. "Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,Why did you have to do that Magus.We could of let
>you play"

Michelle: (Magus) What do you want from me?  I'M EVIL!!!

>"Oh shut up you dum babies its a stupid ball anyway"Magus laughed and went
>inside to eat chrono's mom's cookies. "Mmmmmmm.Yum yum.Stupid babies don't
>even know who there up a against.Ha,"Magus goggled up all the cookies went
>outside and to hurt the babies feelings again.

Crow: Goggled?  The hell's that?
Tom: He was eating them underwater?
Mike: Maybe he turned into Cookie Monster.

>To Be Continued

All: NOT BY US!!!
(get up to leave, only to find that the door has been locked)
Voice of Forrester: Sorry, guys, did I mention that you have to stay for the whole thing?
All: No...
Voice: Well, you do!  Now sit down!

>Rugrat Chronos Part 2

Tom: ...Electric Boogaloo!
Mike: It's kinda' getting old, Tom.

>                                By Crono 007

Michelle: Now, there's a crossover that I'd like to see!  Chrono Trigger and Goldeneye!

>"Now what are we gonna do,Chrono,"said glenn
>
>"Lets play hide and go peek!"said lucca

Crow: On second thouht, let's not!  How about we sit in front of the TV and let our minds 
rot away?  That's fun, too!

>"I think we should play something on Magus or something what you say guys"
>
>"Yeah"
>
>"YEAH"

All: YEAH!!!

>"O.K here is what we do" (huddle whisper whisper)

Michelle: (whoever the hell it is that's speaking) First, we (whisper, whisper) with a 
cantaloupe, (whisper whisper) and a rubber chicken...

>"Thats it where are those stupid babys I got to use them to get the cookies
>on top of the fridge"

Mike: Man, Angelica sure is looking butch in this fic.
Crow: Maybe she got a sex change...

>"Magus we got you some cookies for you,(he he)
>
>"Thanks,you know you dum smelly babies are all r...rrr.say ahhh Chrono where
>did these cookis come from"

Tom: (Crono) I got them out of the box marked, "Rat Poison"!

>"The little box next to chronos cats foods bowl"
>
>"You idiots.YOU DUM FOOLS I SHALL CRUCH YOU ALL"

All: Heard it!

>.
>
>DARK MATTER

All: Seen it!

>.
>
>"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
>
>"eeeeekkkkkkkkkkk"

Tom: ADRIEEEENNNN!
Crow: RICOLAAAA!
Mike and Michelle: (singing) Stayin' aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-iii-iiive!

>"burppppppppppppppppp"

Michelle: (holding stomach) Oh, sorry!

>.
>
>"Where are we"

Crow: It's called a bad fanfic.
Tom: A.K.A.- Hell.

>"A worst place"
>
>"Whats that"
>
>"My BATHROOM HA HA"

Crow: Oh, no!  Infant sex scene!!
Tom: (head almost explodes, but is under control just before the crucial moment)

>.
>
>"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

Crow: That was a dull expression.  Not even an ending mark!
Michelle: Man, that exclamation just kept going and going and going and going...

>.
>
>A sad ending. to be continued

Mike: More like a vague ending!  The hell happened?
Michelle: Wait, that's not an ending!  It shouldn't say a sad ending if it's to be coniinued!
Tom: Shut up!  Maybe they won't notice!
Mike: Can we leave now?
Voice: Yes, you may exit the theatre in an orderly fashion.
(all get up and make a rush on the still-opening doors.  At the doorway, there is a pile-up 
which causes a slight bruise to Michelle's upper thigh)
Voice: Why do I even try?

Reverse Door sequence

	Outside, Tom is standing by his video game system.  Crow approaches him slowly 
and wonders out loud what Tom is playing.  Crow doesn't recognize the game.
	"This game, my dear friend, Crow, is a video game based upon the fanfic 
crossover that we read today!"  Tom says.
	"Where'd you get that from?" Crow asks.
	"I found it on the internet," Tom replies.  "You'd be amazed at what crap they sell 
on the net."
	"Anyway, what's it like?" Crow asks again.
	"Do you have to ask all of these stupid questions?" Tom asks, annoyed.  "Well, I'll 
start up a new game to show you."  And he does just that.  The game starts with Crono 
sitting in a big room, waiting for his friends to come over.  A couple of seconds later, they 
do.  Then, you throw the ball around a bit.  Then, it gets thrown away by Magus.  Then, 
you feed him dog biscuits.  Then, an attack sequence sort of happens.  Then, the game's 
over.
	"You know, Servo, this game sort of bites..." Crow says.
	"Well, it was worth the price," Tom replies.
	"How much did you pay for it?" Crow shoots back.
	"Only forty dollars!" Tom exclaims in his defense.  "If I had bought it off the 
market, it would have been a good ten cents more than that!"
	Crow just wanders off to his room, crying to himself.  On his way, he presses the 
red light, which is flashing.

Deep 13
	"Well, boobies," Forrester says with an evil grin, "You may have survived this 
part, but when more is written, I'll be there!  Waiting for you!"
	"Steve, would you happen to know where my Sting CD is?" Frank asks from off-
camera.  Forrester gets an innocent look on his face.
	"No, I don't, Frank," he replies.  "Now, what's the next fic that we've got up for 
their fun enjoyment?"
	"Well, it's either going to be a Sailor Moon fic, or the end of that Adamayham fic," 
Frank replies.
	"Thank you for the report, Frank, now press the button," Forrester exclaims.

*Blip!*
*FWOOSH!*

	Usual post-fic notes.  Thanks to Crono 007 for writing this fic.  Thanks to Dantz.  
I've been wanting to do that for a while.  The only thing that bugged me was that the Spam 
was longer than the fic.  Too bad it wasn't a longer fic.  Anyway, no insult was meant with 
this MSTing.  I'd like to thank you for joining me, and hope that you join me again.

MST3K created by:
Joel Hodgeson

MST3K prduced by:
Best Brains Inc.

Original fic by:
 Crono 007

MSTing by:
M. H. Torringjan

E-mail me at:
jehdjh@worldnet.att.net

Keep circulating the fanfics!

>"Oh shut up you dum babies its a stupid ball anyway"Magus laughed and went
>inside to eat chrono's mom's cookies. "Mmmmmmm.Yum yum.Stupid babies don't
>even know who there up a against.Ha,"Magus goggled up all the cookies went
>outside and to hurt the babies feelings again.
Text file Source (historic): geocities.com/tokyo/shrine/2955/Various

geocities.com/tokyo/shrine/2955
geocities.com/tokyo/shrine
geocities.com/tokyo

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