A Lifestone for Aeris
A Chrono Trigger/ Final Fantasy 7 crossover MSTing
Original fic by: Goatmeal
Original short by: Jacob Cbrl
MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan
Okay, I'll level with you. I don't own MST3K. Best Brains does. I don't own
Pokemon. Nintendo does. I don't own Chrono Trigger or Final Fantasy 7. Square does.
I made up Michelle. I probably don't own any of the products mentioned in the course of
this MSTing. Most probably, at least.
Now, I'll level with you again. I didn't write these fics. The afore-mentioned
authors did.
I'll level one more time with everyone. I don't have anythign against the authors of
these fics. I don't do this to insult the authors. I'm sure that they have written many good
fics other than this, it's just that these weren't one of them. I just don't like the idewa of
bringing Aeris back. I also don't see the point in crossing over stuff. Now, with that
said...
In the not-to-distant future,
Next Sunday A.D.,
There were some bitchin' trainers,
Pokemon trainers to you and me.
They fought against Team Rocket,
to save the world from them,
They did good for a while,
But then were shot into space!
(Ash: Pi-ka-chuuu!!!)
We'll send them crappy fanfic,
the worst we can find! (la-la-la!)
They'll have to sit and watch them all,
and we'll monitor their minds! (La-la-la!)
Now keep in mind Ash can't control when the fanfics begin or end,
He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his trainer friends!
Poke Roll Call!
Cambot!
(He's actually a bot...)
Misty!+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++VVV ++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ + ++ ++++++++ ++ ++++ ++++ +++++YY Y++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++h+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++aiting the completion of the machine. Michelle comes
out of her room, wiping her eyes tiredly.
"What the hell have you been doing out here all night?" she asks with a yawn. "I
swear, I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep. You don't want to see me without a
good night's sleep."
"Oh, not much," Brock replies nervously. "Jst working on the pokemon trading
machine. One problem."
"What was that?" Michelle asks.
"I couldn't find the right parts, so I had to improvise a bit," Brock continues, more
careful with every word.
"You!" Ash exclaims. "Less talk, more work!!!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Brock says, bending back down to his work.
"You had to improvise?" Michelle asks. "What do you mean 'improvise'?"
"Well, you remember that box of old records that we found in the basement?"
Brock asks, not taking his eyes off of his work. Michelle nods her head slowly. "Well,
we needed the vinyl for the internal workings."
"WHAT?!?!?!" Michelle exclaims at the top of her lungs. Brock cringes in the
corner. He wasn't sure why she was so mad. After all, it was only Barry Mannilow.
"And we needed some paper for a screen, so we used those stamps that you keep in
the drawer in your office," Ash adds in. The reaction leaves Ash and Brock both lying on
the ground. "We didn't think that you'd mind, I mean, they were just some old, screwed-
up stamps of an upside-down airplane." Upon hearing this, Michelle faints to the ground.
"Better finish while she's still asleep," Brock says. Just then, commercial sign
comes on. Misty comes in and pushes the button.
When we return, Misty is waking up Michelle with smelling salts. Michelle's eyes
open and she instantly attacks Ash and Brock. She's able to get her hands on their necks
before she gets pulled back by Misty. As Michelle breaks down in tears, thered Mads'
light begins flashing. Michelle presses the button with a sudden show of composure.
Deep 151
"Hello, my little Magikarps!" James exclaims as the communication channel opens.
"James? What are you doing there?" Brock asks. "I figured that you would be
dead a couple of times over by now!"
"I was," James replies. "It's just that I'm kinda' like TV's Frank. I never die for
more than one episode. Don't worry about me, I think that I'm getting used to the pain."
"Well, good luck!" Misty says.
"Thanks, you guys!" James exclaims cheerily. "Well, guys, the others are out
today, doing some shopping at the Evil Pokemon Mart, and they left me in charge. In
other words, we're running things my way today! How would you guys like to skip the
inventions today?" His suggestion is answered with thunderous cheers from the Satellite.
"Just as I thought. Now, I do, however, have to give you an experiment." This
suggestion is met with groans and bitching. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, just do it. I don't want to
die any more times than I have to. Now, your experiment this week is called, 'A Lifestone
for Aeris?' No, I'm not asking a question. That's the name of the fic. Plus, there's a
similarly themed short entitled, 'The Return of Aeris?' Same deal here. That's the title.
Have fun!"
"You know, James is really a nice guy once you get to know him," Michelle says.
"Trust me, you don't want to get to know him," Misty says. Just then, fanfic sign
goes off and sends the viewers into the theatre.
Door 6: It's a Snorlax. You play your Pokeflute and he moves without much objection (as
if).
Door 5: It's a wall of weeds. You get Psyduck to Cut it down.
Door 4: It's a castle gate. It falls and misses your feet by inches.
Door 3: It's the head of a Gyarados. It opens and you walk through.
Door 2: It's a wall of fire. You grab a nearby bucket of water and throw it on, wishing that
you had a Squirtle, or a Wartortle, or even a Blastoise.
Door 1: It's a vault door. You turn the handle and it swings open easily.
Everyone takes a quick seat in front of the screen to view the fic, all the time
wondering why the Battle of Breed's Hill is listed under the misnomer of the Battle of
Bunker Hill.
Don't ask why, they just were.
> The Return of Aeris?
>
> By Jacob Cbrl
Misty: Sounds like the name of one of those Mortal Kombat characters...
Brock: Fatality, Cbrl...
>Cloud and Cid were in space. Cid built a new rocket that ran on a new source
>of power discovered by Professor Clyde. This new power was called
>electriticty, and didn't hurt the planet.
Michelle: No, it didn't hurt the planet. The sources of this "electricity" stuff, however, did.
>"Cloud, we have to crash land on
>that planet, the engine just blew up." Cid said.
Misty: (Cloud) So, how does that affect the ship?
Ash: (Cid) It means that the ship is knid of dead-ish.
Misty: (Cloud) Oh, poo!
>"Maby you should have given
>Shera more time, she was checking the engine."Cloud said.
Brock: (Cloud) I mean, she can check my engine any time, but other than that...
Michelle: (slaps Brock)
Brock: You know you love it. All day longus...
>"Cloud shutup.
>**** Cloud just shutup." Cid awnsered. "We will hit the ground in ten
>seconds." The computer said.
Ash: (Computer) Ten...nine...eight...seven...five...
Brock: (Cloud) Five? The hell happened to six?
Ash: (Computer) Just kidding!
>.
>
>BOOOOM!!!!
>
>.
Michelle: Crunch!
Misty: Smack!
Brock: Zammo!
Ash: Sushi!
>Crono woke up. "What was that noise." he said. He went downstairs and just
>before he left the house to investigate, his mom said. "Crono, It's about
>time you woke up" "Mom it's only seven O'clock."
Brock: (Crono) Come on, Mom! I'm still tired from the orgy last night!
>Crono opened the door and
>went outside. What is that, he thought when he saw the rocket. He saw two
>men jump out of the thing.
Ash: (Crono) What are those coming out of her nose? Space Balls? Oh, s**t, there goes
the planet...
>"Who are they and what is that thing."
>
>.
>
>"Cloud I'll repair the rocket, you go find somthing to do."Cloud saw a house
>with a red haired teenager in front.
Misty: Ranma-chan? What are you doing here?
Michelle: Molly? How'd you get in this fic?
Brock: A-ko? Yesss!!!
Michelle: (buries her face in her hands)
>"I'll ask that person where I am."
>Crono saw one of the men walking to him. The man had a sword. "Who are you?"
>Crono asked. "I'm Cloud, where am I?"
Ash: (Crono) You're in Hell.
Michelle: (Cloud) A bit less hot than I expected.
Ash: (Crono) Damned propaganda...
>"You are in Gaurdia Kingdom, where are
>you from?" Cloud told Crono about his planet, and about the rocket, and
>about Shinra and Sephrioth. "Sephrioth sounds alomost as bad as Lavos."
>Crono mumbled.
Misty: He's reacting as if this was normal dinner-table conversation.
Brock: (Crono) So, another planet, eh? What do you think about the Yankees this year?
>"Lavos??" Cloud asked. Crono said "You are not going to
>belive me, but.." He then told Cloud about his adventure through time to
>save the planet from Lavos. "You were killed by Lavos?!?"
Misty: (Cloud) I don't even know who Lavos is!
Ash: (ibid) I'm just humoring you!
>"I knew you
>wouldn't belive me." Crono said.
Michelle: (Cloud) Oh, I belive you, all right. (Whatever "belive" means...) This is part of
an alien conspiracy, isn't it!
Rest: (whistle theme to X-Files)
>"You're right I don't belive it, but rember
>how I told you Sephrioth killed Aeris. If that story were true I would like
>to bring her back to life."
Ash: (Crono) Good. Now that you believe me, I can show you my resurrection machine.
It's in my room. By the way, to make it work, you have to be wearing these boxer shorts
and handcuffs.
>"You would have to ask one of the other people
>who killed Lavos with me." "Why?" Cloud asked. "I don't know what my friends
>did to save me because I wasn't there, I was dead at the time."
Brock: (Cloud) Oh, well that makes perfect se... huh?
>"Where are
>the people who were in your team?" "Only Marle and Lucca are in this time."
>Crono and Cloud were in Crono's bedroom by now.
Ash: Huh? I was right? Yuck!
>The doorbell rang. "Sorry
>Cloud, I have to go. Ask my mom where Lucca lives." Marle was at the door.
>"Hi Crono, you ready?" "Yeah" Crono and Marle went to the Epoch and fley
>away in it.
Misty: Whatever the Hell that means...
Michelle: I think that it has something to do with subterranean travel...
>Cloud saw Crono's mom. "Hi are you Crono's mother?" "Yes. I
>haven't seen you before. What is your name?" "My name is Cloud." "If you are
>looking for Crono then I'm sorry he's not here. He just left with Marle on a
>date. He better be home in time for lunch."
Brock: (Crono's mother) And the first word that I ear about whore houses, he's out of the
will!
>"Do you know where Lucca is?"
>"Yes, do you see that island over there, thake the bridge to that small
>island and you should see Lucca's house."
Misty: (Crono's mom) Oh, and try to avboid going to the nuclearpower plant that was
recently invented there!
>Cloud went to Lucca's house. On
>the way there some monsters attacked him, but he killed them with his sword.
Michelle: Wait, I think that thewre was a moment of taut almost-action!
Brock: Nope, just a fly on the projector lens.
>When he finally reached Lucca's house it was locked. He nocked on the door.
Ash: ...And straight as an arrow, Lucca came to the door!
All: (groan in pain)
>Eventually he talked to Lucca who told him he would need the Epoch, and the
>Epoch was being used by Crono and Marle at the time.
Brock: And you all know the old saying! Don't come a-knocking when the time-machine's
a-rocking!
Michelle: (slaps Brock)
>When Crono and Marle
>got back Cloud got on the epoch and Crono, Marle, and Cloud went on the
>quest.
Ash: What quest? The Quest for the Holy Grail?
Michelle: (singing) We're knights of the round table!
Misty: (King Arthur) On second thought, let's not go to Guardia. 'Tis a silly place...
>They got the clone, and the time egg and styed at the End of Time for
>a while. Spekkio told them that if he taught Cloud of any other Final
>Fantasy person CT magic it wouldn't work, and if Cloud taught any Chrono
>Trigger person how to use materia, and they tried it it would not work. The
>different magic systems were not compatable.
Misty: Foreshadowing thick enough to stick a fork in!
Brock: Never did like foreshadowing. Too much cholesterol.
>Then they continued thier
>journy and eventually got to the top of death peak, and used the Time Egg.
>They went to when Aeris died, but time did not stop and they couldn't touch
>anything there, they just walked through it.
Michelle: Uumm... Didn't time stand still?
Brock: (author) Did I say, "walked through"? I meant "Didn't walk through"!
>The Chrono Trigger revival
>process wasn't compatible with Final Fantasy either. It seemed Aeris must
>remain dead.............
Misty: That is one long-ass paragraph!
Michelle: That was one paragraph?
Misty: Yep.
Michelle: I couldn't tell with all our riffs.
>.
>
>THE END
>
>.
Ash: Can we take a break before the actual fic starts?
James: Uummm.................. No!
Ash: Jerk...
>Crossover Part 1
Michelle: Well, at least it's an honest fic!
Misty: It says what it's going to give you, then it damn well gives it to you!
> A Lifestone for Aeris
>
> By Goatmeal
Brock: Sounds like one of those sweathogs from "Welcome Back, Kotter"...
>Chapter 1: The Mission
>
>Cloud and his gang were sitting around in the Ghost Hotel at Gold
>Saucer.
Ash: His gang? What are their colors?
Brock: Purple.
Misty: So, Tinky-Winky is in their gang?
Ash: Hush! You'll get Jerry Fallwell on us!
>Cloud was still in shock after defeating Sephiroth.A ghost was
>pestering Cid."Go away or I'll kill you again you blanket for body!!"he
>yelled.Everyone giggled.
All: (other characters) Hee, hee, he used improper grammar!
>Cloud still yearned for Aeris.He missed her a
>lot.Tifa tried to comfort him,but it just wasn't the same."I got it!"Cloud
>exclaimed.
>
>"What are you talking about Cloud??"Cid asked,puzzled.
Brock: (Cloud) Gonorrhea! That's what I've got!
Michelle: Something you haven't been telling us about, Spikey?
>"I'm talkin' about how to revive Aeris,"Cloud answered.A frown from Tifa."We
>can go to Bugenhagen's lab and ask him what to do,"he said."C'mon guys,let's
>go,"he continued.
Misty: And so the story just cuts off in the middle of the conversation? What a rip-off! I
bet that he said something worth quoting, too!
>They headed southwest towards Cosmo Canyon.In 15 minutes,they had
>arrived.When they stepped out of the Highwind,five Iron Golems attacked
>them.TINK!Cloud and Cid had hit their targets.CRUNCH!Cait Sith had satisfied
>his lust to kill.POW!KAZING!Yuffie and Tifa had mangled their targets.
Michelle: I'm sensing some sort of trend in these battle sequences.
Ash: I've heard that hinting is in style this year...
Misty: And apparently, the Batman style of fighting has made a big comeback.
>"What was that all about?"Cid asked.
>
>"The monsters on your world are weak,"a voice said from behind.Everyoneone
>turned around,ready to fight.The man they faced was tall with long white
>hair about shoulder length,purple skin,wore a purple cape and black
>clothes,and carried a scythe.
Misty: It's Death, come to put this fic out of its misery!
>"Who the **** are you?"Cid demanded.
>
>"I am Magus,and I have come to find a mage better than I,and eventually take
>over the world,"he said.
Brock: My, but he is being a bit over-zealous, isn't he?
>"It's a Sephiroth wannabe,"Yuffie whispered.
>
>"I heard that,but to tell you the truth,I am not at all like Sephiroth.He is
>weaker than me and I could prove that by saying we had a magic match in ****
Misty: Hmmm, Four-star Land! Sounds like fun!
Ash: (Announcer) Come to the all-new Four-Star Land in beautiful Boise Idaho!
>and I won.I got to get out of ****
Ash: But who would want to get out of Four-Star Land? There's so much to do there!
There's the roller coaster, the pirate ship, the Star Wars ride, and gobs more!
>to a world of my choice,"he explained."I
>will demonstrate my powers right now!"he yelled.He chanted three words
>towards the skies and a bolt of lightning came down and hit Yuffie,killing
>her.
All: YESSS!!!
Michelle: Well, that's the first intelligent move that I've seen this author make!
>"Umm...where are you from,exactly?"Tifa asked.
Brock: (Magus) The Bronx. You really need to be able to defend yourself there.
>"I come from Guardia and I am the most powerful mage there.
Misty: Ummm, what about Crono? And Luca?
>So I decided to
>find out if anyone was better than me so I came here,but so far,no one had
>seemed worthy to challenge yet,"Magus said.
Michelle: Oh, give me a break! Just KoR the bastard once and he's atomized!
>Cloud replied,"Well,we are trying to revive a certain Cetra,an ancient,named
>Aeris that was killed by Sephiroth."
>
>"And you think that this Cetra can beat me?"Magus laughed,throwing back his
>head."I'll help you revive her,and to prove that I will,I will heal your
>fallen friend."He pulled out a vial of white,thick liquid that he called
>Elixir.Yuffie got right back up,revived.
Brock: And, true to fanfic form, the author is already screwing up given facts from the
game!
Misty: Next, he'll be saying that Final Fantasy is a tournament fighter game...
>.
>
>Chapter 2: Crossover
Michelle: Nope, too late!
Misty: But, damn it, he's still giving us exactly what he says!
Brock: Then, why not just entitle every chapter "Crap"? It'd save a heckuva lot of time...
>At Cosmo Canyon,Bugenhagen had said there had once been such a thing as a
>Lifestone.He said now it exists in another world.This world was called
>Guardia.
Ash: ...and lots of creappy fanfics came out of it!
Misty: Hey, they're already there!
>Magus interrupted,"Hey old man,that's where I'm from."
>
>Bugenhagen replied,"Excuse me,but you just interrupted my story.Oh well,I
>guess I'll tell you facts.The most important thing is you have no way of
>getting there."
Michelle: (Cloud) Man, if only we had some sort of a magician with us! That's make our
trip a lot easier!
>Cid piped up,"I know!We can buuld a rocket in Rocket Town.I'm sure my old
>assistants would help building the rocket.Especially Shera,since she ruined
>my first launch of going into space.But first,we need a special kind of gas
>called Sunburst Gas.Could you tell us where we could find some,Bugenhagen??"
Brock: (Bugenhagen) Well, just catch me after eating a plateload of refried beans!
Michelle: Bad gag, Brock...
>Bugenhagen replied,sounding unsure,"Yes,I've heard of that and I think there
>is some in the Crashed Gelinka because the Shinra used to use Sunburst Gas
>to fuel their planes."
All: (church-lady) How conveeeeeeeeeenient!
>Cloud grumbled,"I hate that place.It's TOO full of tough monsters.We need
>some more companions if we're gonna go back there."
Michelle: Uuummm... No?
>Magus shot back,seeming happy for once,"I can teleport some friends of mine
>to your world."
Misty: Then why not just transport them there?
>Cloud asked back,narrowing his eyes,"Why don't you just teleport us there?"
Misty: D'oh!
Michelle: You get used to it...
>Magus answered boldly,"My powers are not THAT strong.I cannot teleport or I
>cannot teleport anyone on the same world."
Brock: Um... it seems to me that it would be easier to transport someone standing beside
you than standing across the galaxy.
Ash: Well, there's all that red tape that you've got to go through...
Misty: And there's that part about the fines and charges for long-distance teleports...
>Cloud,sounding disappointed,said,"Oh,I guess we'll have to build a rocket
>and get Sunburst Gas then.Just teleport your friends here and we'll go on
>our merry way."
Brock: ...and the people rejoiced...
All: (deadpan) Yaaayyy...
>Magus chanted,"Hoga toga olay bolay teleportay ixsay!"
Michelle: Translation: "I'm going to have to have a long talk with my agent for getting me
this piece of crap role..."
>In three seconds,six figures had appeared out of thin air,looking
>puzzled.One had spiky red hair,
Misty: Hey! They're stealing Cloud's do!
>another with a blonde ponytail,another with
>wierd glasses on,another was a shiny brass robot who immediatly
>said"Greetings",another was a frog with his sword drawn,and the last was a
>woman with a loincloth on.
Brock: Man, talk about reaching far into my dreams!
>"Well,you guys look weak,"Cloud said.
>
>Crono replied,"You wanna piece of me and MY gang?"
Michelle: Well, we know two characters who are in charcter tonight...
>"Yeah,you guys ain't got nothin,"Cloud spat back.
All: (chanting) Fight... fight... fight...!
Ash: Give 'em a bloody nose, FF7!
>"SHUT UP!"Cait Sith,Vincent,Red XIII,and Magus yelled,their eyes flaring.
Michelle: Anybody know what happened to Tifa and Barrett?
>Both Cloud and Crono backed off."If we're gonna work together,we gotta get
>along,"Magus said,regaining his cool.
>
>"What's this about gettin' along wit' these fools?"Crono
>demanded.
Misty: Are you sure that this is the same Crono that we've all come to know and love? He
sounds like Hammer!
>Magus,Barret,and Cloud told the story.
>
>"I see.Why should my group help you?"Crono asked,trying to act cool.
>
>"Cause you ain't got no other **** way back!"Cid spat back.
Ash: (announcer) And don't forget fashionable Four-Star Travel Agency! Fly, Roll, or sail
in style with Four-Star travel, a Boise, Idaho-based company!
>"And why not?"Cloud added.
>
>"I guess I could help,"Crono said meekly.
>
>"While we're at it,why don't I summon another friend of mine?"Magus
>interrupted."His name is Thunder and he is a BIG ogre so I wouldn't talk
>back to him,"Magus said,directing all of his speech to Cloud and Crono.
Michelle: Big ogre hanging out with little lanky guy. Anyone else here see an "Of Mice and
Men" crossover coming?
Brock: First mention of bunnies and I'm tunneling my way out of here...
>As long as he's not like this group,"cloud said,referring to Crono.Crono's
>eyes narrowed.Magus then spoke two words and an ogre appeared.He was at
>least 15 feet tall and carried a huge axe that was taller than Barret.
Misty: (Barrett) About damn time I got mentioned!
Ash: (Cloud) You still ain't getting paid.
>He
>wore padded leather on his body and blue denim shorts tucked into leather
>boots.His muscles bulged and pulsated under the thick tan skin.The black
>hair tangled in his armpits and on his chest.
All: Eeewww!!!
Michelle: I didn't want to see that ever... EVER in my life...
>The one eye blinked,looking
>puzzled.
>
>"Where I be?"Thunder demanded.
Brock: You be in da' Hood, man!
Ash: That's rapper fodder if I ever heard it!
>"It's alright Thunder,you're with me on the Planet,"Magus said softly,trying
>to comfort the beast.
Misty: Awww, he's got a friend!
>"I wanna know where dat be!!!"Thunder bellowed,banging the ground with his
>fist.The earth shook and everyone stumbled.
>
>Short temper,"Yuffie protested,"and he acts like a big baby."
Misty: Look who's talking, Water-works girl!
>"Shut up human girl,or me crush your bones!"Thunder threatened.
All: Do it! Do it! Do it!
>Yuffie
>swallowed.
Brock: Somebody slap my wrist...
Michelle: I'll slap more than that if you don't watch out!
Brock: Ooh, kinky!
Michelle: (slaps Brock's face) Stupid Hentai...
>"We sure could use him,but he needs some discipline,Magus,"Cloud said.
>
>"No problem,"Magus remarked.Once again,he chanted a few words.
>
>"When are we going to the Crashed Gelinka?"the ogre asked,as if knowing the
>whole time that's where they were going.
Misty: When Hell freezes over, hopefully...
>"Whoa,how in the **** did you do that,Magus?"Cid questioned.
Ash: (announcer) And don't forget the Four-Star Information Center, located at the middle
of the park! Our courteous staff is ready to with any problem that you might have!
>"Mage's secrets,"Magus replied,soothing his hair.
>
>Let's get on the sub and go,"Cloud said impatiently.They hopped on the sub
>and went to the Crashed Gelinka.
Brock: Man, how'd they get the sub to Cosmo Canyon?
Michelle: More importantly, how'd they get it back to the ocean?
>Upon going in,they were met by three unknown
>creatures.
Misty: (George Carlin) But what exactly is an unknown creature? Everybody's known to
somebody.
>Cloud and Crono were the first to act,sending their swords towards
>the first one.It responded by casting Aero3 on the whole group.
Michelle: What? A battle sequence? It's one of those signs of the Appocolypse!
>Everyone fell
>to their knees except Thunder and Magus.Magus cast DarkBomb on Thunder's axe
>and Thunder attacked the second one with the axe,making for a DarkAxe double
>tech.It split in half and died.The third one healed it's wounded
>friend.
Brock: Boogie Howser, M.D....
Ash: M.D.?
Brock: Monster doctor.
>Ayla,Lucca,and Marle were starting a triple tech.Lucca cast Fire3 on
>Ayla's right foot and Marle cast Ice3 on Ayla's left foot.
Misty: (Ayla) The Hell you two doing?! That hurt!
>Then Ayla jumped
>into the air and kicked the third creature with a series if 15 kicks.The
>monster moaned and disentegrated.Cid then put the power of Dynamite in
>Tifa's glove making for a DynaFist attack one the remaining monster.
Michelle: And unfortunately resulting in the loss of one of Tifa's hands.
>Every
>punch from Tifa's glove exploded on the monster,nearly killing it.Robo and
>Barret temed up.
Brock and Ash: (Barrett and Robo, singing) We're a little teapot, short and stout!
>Robo cast StaticBomb on Barret's gun so Barret shot
>StaticBullets out of his gun.After the attack,there was nothing left of the
>monster.They searched the Gelinka until they ran into Reno,Rude,and Elena.
Brock: Excuse me, did I just hear a cliche over the horizon?
>"What're you doin' here?"Rude asked rudely.
>
>"Lookin' for the Sunburst Gas,"Cloud replied,sounding tough.
>
>"Well we already found it and you're gonna hafta fight for it,"Reno
>said.Rude gave him a shove.
Misty: (Rude) Oops, tripped!
Ash: (Reno) You were standing still!
Michelle: Now, now, guys, he's not Serena.
>"Shut up,I wasn't gonna tell them,but now I guess we HAVE to fight cause of
>yer big mouth!"Rude yelled.Crono drew his Rainbow Sword and directed his
>attack towards Reno.Lucca cast Fire3 on his sword and then he leaped up and
>slashed Reno.He cried in pain.Cloud and Tifa went to war with Rude and left
>him with cuts and bruises everywhere.Marle and Ayla went savage on Elena and
>she ran away.They tossed over the Sunburst Gas saying,"If it wasn't for your
>new friends,Cloud,you would be dead!"
Michelle: Well, they might have been if you had actually TRIED to hit them!
>On their way to Rocket Town,they encountered nothing else.They got to work
>on the rocket,and within two weeks(with the help of Cid's assistants and
>Thunder)they had it built.
Brock: (Cloud) Um, Cid? Are you sure that model airplane glue is an appropriate bonding
and sealing material for our means and ends?
>They poured the Sunburst Gas in the tank and
>hopped in the rocket.They launched the rocket and navigated through space to
>try and find Guardia...
Misty: (Cloud) Stardate 2952104387-88888. We... are nowhere nearer.. to our
destination... than we... had originally been... Plus, I seem to have... picked up a...
Shatner speech... impediment.
Ash: (Crono) I've got that beat. I've got a Piccard speech impediment.
Michelle: (Tifa) How about this, I've picked up the Janeway mannerisms!
Brock: (Barrett) So have I!
>.
>
>Chapter 3: A Lifestone Found
Michelle: I'm going to bet that they'll find a lifestone in this chapter. Anybody with me?
>They found Guardia after a month or so and crashed on the surface.
Misty: Fortunately, or unfortunately, however you want to look at it, they had forgotten
their rations back on FF7-world.
Ash: What happened?
Misty: Ever seen the movie, "Alive"?
>Magus
>recognized where they were.They took two days to get to Truce Village.They
>brought out the Gate Key and traveled to The End of Time.Gasper was asleep
>at his lamppost.
Brock: Asleep on the post, huh? He'll hear from his supervisor about that!
>Crono woke him up and introduced everyone and asked,"Is
>there such thing as a Lifestone?"
Misty: (Gaspar) Are you kidding? Of course there is! Look at the title!
>Gasper replied,"I think it is in 2300A.D. somewhere."He closed his
>eyes.Gasper then said,"Yes,it is in 2300A.D. and it is the same stuff the
>Sunstone is made of.
Brock: Anyone want to mention just how convenient this is? Didn't think so.
>All you have to do is cut a chunk of it,go to your
>damsel in distress,and imagine her personality,life power,and will
>power.Then she will awaken the same person you knew her as in the past
>before she died."
Ash: Man, but then Cloud won't be able to use his recountenances of his brave actions to
get some!
Michelle: But you've got to think, this whole adventure has got to be a blow to Tifa's ego.
I mean, she thought that she and Cloud had something going. Now, he goes back and
looks for this Ancient girl that was obviously attracted to him.
Misty: (Tifa) Great. "Tifa-who?" he says... I'll just nip off and shoot myself now.
>He turned around and asked,"What do you want?"
Ash: Who?
Brock: I think that the fic skipped.
>Crono replied rudely,"The Sunstone."
Brock: (Eventine) Ummm, would you like fries with that?
Ash: (ditto) I'm sorry, sir, but that's not on the menu. Would you like to speak to our
manager?
>"Well,to tell you the truth,I was just about to take it myself.My name is
>Eventine.What's you guys names?"
Michelle: (random character) John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidtt!
Misty: (Eventine) That name is my name, too!
>"Are you accusing us of being theives?"Yuffie asked sharply,drawing her
>weapon.
Brock: No, we're accusing our parents.
>"Umm...n-n-no,why?"Eventine asked.
>
>"O.K.,just making sure,"Yuffie said,putting her weapon back.
Misty: And now, after that moment of almost
7
s) You idiot, haven't you realized that he acts like a flippin' dog?
Ash: (Crono) Well, I kind of rued that out when he didn't whizz on every tree that we
passed.
>"Oops,me sorry,"Thunder said in a sincere voice.
>
>"It's okay.Anyway,let's go back to Cloud's world in the Epoch,"Crono
>said.They lifted into the sky and flashed away...
Michelle: You people put those clothes back on now!
Misty: (singing) Oh, yes, they call them the streak! (whistle)
>.
>
>Chapter 4: Aeris Revived
Misty: He's going out, but he's going out foreshadowing!
>After arriving at the Ancient City,they set up camp.After a while Shinra
>troops showed up and had their guns pointed at the camp.
Michelle: You boys point those things elsewhere! You might hurt somebody!
>"Everyone put their hands up,"they demanded.
>
>"Why should I,"Cid asked.
Brock: Ummm, do the words, "bang, bang, bang" ring a bell?
>"Just do it,"Cloud ordered,nudging him in the ribs with a sharp elbow.
>
>Then a voice that seemed to come from the mountains said,"Leave them
>alone!"The Shinra looked around.One by one,they fell,each with their hearts
>ripped out.
Ash: When did they end up in the Temple of Doom?
Misty: I don't see no Harrison Ford.
Michelle: Damn...
>Then a small man appeared.The man wore a long blue robe that
>pointed forward at the top,covering up to the man's nose.He wore a straw hat
>on top of his head that covered to his eyebrows.The only thing that showed
>on his body was a shadow for a face and glowing,slitted eyes.
Michelle: Damn it, I knew it!
Misty: She's good! What's the next crossover, O mighty one?
Michelle: I'm going to say Rugrats. They seem to be popular these days.
>The man carried
>a black staff with a carved dragon head at the top.Another man accompanied
>him,only this man wore a white karate suit with a black belt.He sported a
>black goatee and short black hair that was slicked back.
Brock: Uh-oh! All evil beware! It's Businessman Man!
>He appeared in
>flashed because he had super-speed.They identified themselves as Mobius the
>Wizard and TaiHo.
Brock: Look, man, why don't you just give them their real names?
>Mobius said he made the mountain talk while Tai Ho zoomed
>around and ripped their hearts out.Mobius was born from a half mystic-half
>monster and a human.He could cast any spell that you could think of and he
>controlled all of the elements.He had once died and went to ****,
Ash: (Announcer) And don't forget, should someone leave their corporeal body while here,
there is always the Four-Star Funeral Home, Mortuary, and Cemetary. And don't forget
our motto, "The Dead belong in the ground!"
>but he made
>a deal with the devil that he would carry out his orders if he would let him
>out.He said he was eventually going to try to turn the tables on Satan,but
>he needed help.Tai Ho was just a black belt who was just looking for
>adventure so he joined Mobius.
Michelle: Oh, yeah. A completely normal, run-of-the-mill black-belt who is able to rip a
man's heart out.
>"So in exchange for saving your life,will you let me join you and promise
>that you will help me?"Mobuis concluded.His voice was deep and gruff.
Misty: (Cloud) Well, there's always the one-to-one ratio of our saves to your saves. Now
if you take into account the interest rate of twelve saves per hour, you now owe us two
saves, five friendly reminders, and one bit of advice.
Ash: So, a real businessman, is he?
>"I don't care,"Cloud said sleepily.
Brock: Well, he's still in character. He's not been brainwashed by the fic!
>The next day,they went to get Aeris and revive her.Thunder,since he was the
>tallest,jumped in the deep water and rose up with Aeris.As she lay in front
>of Cloud,he took hold of the Sunstone and closed his eyes.He imagined Aeris'
>personality,life power,and will power.The Sunstone glowed brightly and
>Aeris' chest was beginning to move up and down.
Ash: He would be paying attention to her chest, wouldn't he?
>Cloud continued this until
>Aeris blinked her eyes and sat up.Everyone stared in awe as she awakened
>from death's grasp.First thing that came out of her mouth was,"I was having
>such a good time with mother Cloud,but where am I now,I'm scared."
Misty: (Aeris) And where's my damn dinner! You'd better have it ready, or you'll be in such trouble!
>***********************************************************
>
>Wel, I hope that you have enjoyed this fic.
Brock: Fat chance...
>I hope that you'll come back and take a look at the next part when it's posted.
Misty: There's a sequel to this piece of tripe?! There is no God!
>I already have it written
>on paper ready to type.If you enjoyed this story,please vote on me as your
>favorite fanfic author and read the next part.You will probably see the next
>part in a few days.
James: Which means that you guys will probably be watching it!
Michelle: Damn you!
>Well,if you liked my story or you think something needs
>to be changed,e-mail me at goatmeal1@yahoo.com and tell me PLEASE!!!I hope I
>wrote a good story.Well,be looking for my story in a few days posted up.The
>three big bad guys hre's my dinner? And I hope that you cleaned the house for when I got back! And where's my afternoon paper? I swear, I never should have married you!
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michelle: The lines on the road to a drunk, ladies and gentlemen...
>I hope you enjoyed my story,but it's not the end,yet.I will write another
>part to the story called The Dark War and I personally don't think it is as
>good as the first part,but it's still pretty good.
Ash: Oh, God. Another part tmatch in ****
Misty: Hmmm, Four-star Land! Sounds like fun!
Ash: (Announcer) Come to the all-new Four-Star Land in beautiful Boise Idaho!
>and I won.I got to get out of ****
Ash: But who would want to get out of Four-Star Land? There's so much to do there!
There's the roller coaster, the pirate ship, the Star Wars ride, and gobs more!
>to a world of my choice,"he explained."I
>will demonstrate my powers right now!"he yelled.He chanted three words
>towards the skies and a bolt of lightning came down
Rollix?!" Michelle rushes off to grab Ash and drags him back. "Okay, Ash, what gives?!
A Rollix?!"
"Well, Michelle, I had a surplus of imitation Rolex watches laying around," Ash
explains, "So I figured that I would sell them off. Besides that, you wouldn't make that
much of a fuss if we were in New York." She couldn't argue with that line of thought.
"And how about if I give you a tee-shirt to make up for the mistake?" He fished a shirt out
of a plastic trash bag and handed it to Michelle. He rushed off before Michelle could thank
him. When she unfolded the tee-shirt, she saw the Tommy Hilfiger symbol.
"Tomie Hillphiger?" Michelle said to herself, burying her face in her hands. The
red Mads' Light begins flashing. Michelle presses the button.
Deep 151
As the channel opens, Jessie and Meowth are just returning from the store. They
carry some bags in and set them down in the kitchen.
"So, James," Jessie says, "How did the experiment go today? Are they dribbling
masses of pudding yet?"
"Not yet," James replies. "But the experiment went very well."
"How about the invention exchange?" Meowth asks. "How did they fare?"
"Well, they invented... a... uuuhhh... an automatic fingernail-clipping organizer!"
"They did?" Jessie asks. "Damn, that was what we were going to invent for the
next invention exchange. Now we've got to think of something new! Go press the button
so that we can put the groceries away."
*Blip!*
*Fwoosh!"
Well, that wraps up another MSTing. I suppose that I'll do the second part of the
story next. Then, I've got a Pokemon fic by Dr. Thinker to MST! Woo-hoo! Anyway,
thanks to Jason Cbrl and Goatmeal for writing these fics. Couldn't have done it without
you, guys! Thanks to everyone else who has helped me! I don't own anything in this
MSTing except for Michelle. See ya' next time!
MST3K created by:
Joel Hodgeson
MST3K Prodced by:
Best Brains, Inc.
Original fic by:
Goatmeal
Original short by:
Jason Cbrl
MSTing by:
M. H. Torringjan
>They tossed over the Sunburst Gas saying,"If it wasn't for your
>new friends,Cloud,you would be dead!"
Text file Source (historic): geocities.com/tokyo/shrine/2955/Various
geocities.com/tokyo/shrine/2955geocities.com/tokyo/shrine
geocities.com/tokyo
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