Only Two Thousand Yen!

A Ranma 1/2 Lemon MSTing

Original story by: Kristin Laura Huntsman

MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan

	I'm trying my first Ranma MSTing in this one, and it's my second 
Lemon MSTing.  (If you're getting tired of these pointless reminders of 
what number story these are, I'm going to stop updates.  Are you happy 
now?).  I don't mean any insult to the author, and I don't mean to harm 
their integrity in any way.  I don't mean any insult to anyone who feels 
insulted by any of the jokes in my works.  Ranma 1/2 is the property of 
Rumiko Takahashi.  Any products mentioned in riffs are the property of 
their respective creators.  On with the story…

Roll season X credits (I've strayed so far from the plot that I'm not 
using season six anymore)

	The scene opens to the bridge of the Satellite, where Mike walks 
on the screen, wearing a bedrobe.  He's rubbing his eyes as if he has 
just been awoken.  Michelle comes on from the opposite direction, wearing 
normal clothes.
	"Hi, everyone, and welcome to the Satellite of Love," Mike says.  
"We're just waking up early for a sunrise experiment.  It's been scheduled 
for about a month now, but Ranma forgot to set his clock to practice waking 
up early.  We'll probably play heck waking him up.  I just need my coffee 
and a newspaper.  I'll just go get it."
	Michelle hears this and her ears perk up.  "Mike, I've been up since 
four A.M. and it hasn't come yet."
	"WHAT!?" Mike exclaims.  "It's always here before we wake up!  I 
swear, if the paper delivery boys ruled the world, nothing would get done!  
I should call them up, but I'd just be wasting my time!  I just want one 
little paper when I…"
	"Mike, calm down.  I'll be back in a little while," Michelle says, 
heading towards the airlock with a spacesuit in hand.
	"I can't wake up enough to make any good riffs without my morning 
paper!"  The commercial sign starts flashing, and Mike presses the button 
without pausing his complaining.

	When we return, Mike is still going on about the missing paper.  
Ranma has woken up and isn't too happy about it.
	"…what's happening in Serbia with the Communists!  What about the 
various cultists who reside around the world?!"
	"Mike, if you don't shut your mouth and let me get back to sleep, 
I will be forced to kill you," Ranma says with a yawn.
	"You need to be awake anyway.  We've still got that experiment."  
Michelle walks back on stage and hands Mike a copy of the paper.  "Where'd 
you get that?  And where'd you go, anyway?"
	"I went outside to the Mir," Michelle says.  "You know, we're passing 
past it today.  Anyway, those guys were really friendly.  I think they 
enjoyed my presence, considering that they've been communicating over 
thousands of miles between themselves and their spouses for the past 
couple of months.  Anyway, here's your paper, now shut up."  The Mad's 
light starts flashing and Mike presses the button on his way into the 
galley, where he asks Gypsy to fix up a cup of coffee.

Deep 13
	"Hello there," Frank says.  "Dr. Forrester's asked me to do the 
experiment this morning, considering that he needs his beauty sleep."

Satellite of Love
	"Man, if he's trying for beauty rest," says Michelle, "He'll need 
to be asleep for about three millenia…"

Deep 13
	"Yeah, well, I've been taking special preparations to get through 
the experiment without Forrester today.  I think that Dr. F said something 
about this being the last invention exchange for a while.  We've got a 
special one today for music lovers everywhere.  It's the Marilyn Manson 
Talking Doll."  Frank pulls the string in the back of the doll that he 
holds up, and it starts talking.
	"Satan is cool." the doll says.
	"F**k the government," it contnues.
	"Buy my music," it finishes.
	"Sure, we'll have to work on the sayings, but it's just a prototype," 
Frank says.  "Up to you."

Satellite of Love
	"Well, we've invented something that'll help out Gypsy," Ranma says.  
"It's a machine that'll take care of the higher functions of the ship so 
that she can get some time off."
	"I need it," Gypsy says, slithering on screen.  She is followed by 
Mike.
	"What do you think sir?" Mike asks.

Deep 13
	"Well, it's a good thing, so I think that I might just have to 
destroy it.  But that'll come later.  First, your experiment.  It's a Ranma 
1/2 lemon called,'Only Two Thousand Yen!'  I picked it out myself, and I 
personally think that I picked a good one."

Satellite of Love
	"Do you only watch lemons up here?" Michelle asks.
	"Nope, I just think that the Mads are feeling especially evil lately," 
Mike answers.
	"Can I go now?" Gypsy asks.
	"Sorry, Gypsy," Mike says, "But I think that it might be a good idea 
for you to stay here prepared with a sedative for Ranma just in case the 
fic gets to be a bit much for him."  The sirens and klaxons go off and 
the lights start flashing.
	"WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!" everyone yells out as they all run in 
except for Gypsy.

Door 6: It's a page from a fanfic.It doesn't do anything, so Michelle 
gets impatient.  She tears the page up and they all pass through.

Door 5: It's a bookbag.  You pull a couple of books out of it and walk 
into it through the top.

Door 4: It's a castle gate surrounded by a moat.  The gate falls and 
misses your feet by inches.

Door 3: It's a refrigerator.  You open it up and try to avoid the living, 
breathing fungus in the back.

Door 2: It's a computer monitor.  Everyone breaks it when they notice that 
it's an IBM product.

Door 1: It's a vault.  The center ring swirls and the door swing open easily.

	Everyone sits down in their usual place.
	"Hey, Mike, good job fixing up that fourth door in there," Ranma says.
	"Don't thank me, thank Gypsy," Mike says.  "She's the one who does 
all the maintenance around here.  Well, she didn't fix the bots, but that's 
beside the point."

>ranmafan@cats.ucsc.edu  (Kristen Laura Huntsman)

Mike: All right, we know where to send our usual mail bombs!

><> indicates thought
>>> << indicates sound effects
>
>
>Ranma 1/2 Lemon

Michelle: Okay, if you can get through this, Ranma, then you're better than I.

>Only Two Thousand Yen!

Mike: Sounds like we're in for a prostitution fic here, guys.
Michelle: Mike, don't make me hurt you.

>Ranma climbed the stairs to her room sullenly.

Ranma: Okay, there's a mistake right off the bat.  He's calling me a girl!
Mike: I think that he's referring to your feminine side.
Ranma: Well, couldn't he at least say, "Ranma-chan" or "Ranko"?

> she asked herself, opening the 
>door and going in.  Not only did the old man try to kill her, but Akane, 
>too, after she told her to try her own cooking.

Michelle: That was a mixed-up sentence.  Whose cooking was tased by who?
Mike: Happosai tried to kill him again.

>

Mike: Actually, with all that criticism, it probably is.
Ranma: Hey!

>Sighing, Ranma pulled off her shirt and laid down on her futon.  The 
>evening was too warm to even consider taking a hot bath to change back 
>into her boy-form.

Ranma: Actually, it's not really a matter of comfort.
Mike: It wasn't too warm to go to bed with Akane, though…
Michelle: (slaps Mike)  You weren't like this when I knew you.  
	You want a repeat of the last fic or something?

>Like she would have a chance of getting past Akane with that sword of 
>hers…

Mike: Akane *is* Speedy Surrhichae.
Ranma: She's got a bokken?

>Sighing, Ranma reached for one of the washrags she kept in a bowl of 
>cold water next to her bed these days.

Mike: It's a portable bath!
Michelle: Bath In A Bowl!

>The summer was so hot in Furinkan that she always needed these cool 
>rags at the end of a day.  Not like in China; the summers there were at
>least tolerable.

Ranma: Especially during a monsoon.

> Ranma thought 
>

All: YOU THOUGHT, "IF YOU STAY AWAY FROM THE CURSED SPRINGS"!!

>Ranma looked at her nipples with surprise; they were tingling from the 
>contact with the cool water.  She smiled faintly and put the cloth back in 
>the bowl.

Mike: (Ranma in fic) My little babies…
Ranma: (Slaps Mike)

> she thought as she started to 
>caress her breasts

Ranma: Oh, no, I'm not gonna…

>playing shogi with Mr. Tendo…>

Michelle:  Which old man?  Genma, Happosai, or the guide from the Jusyenko Springs?

>Closing her eyes, Ranma reveled in the sensation as her touch upon her
 >breasts caused her inisides to start that slow, churning feeling…

Mike: She's making butter.

> she decided 

All: (singing) He's going the distance!  He's going the speed!

>Ranma untied her waistband and kicked off her pants, then pulled off her 
>undershorts as well.  Sighing, she picked up one of the washrags again,

Ranma: Undress, masturbate, repeat…
Michelle: (slaps Ranma)

>and started rubbing the coolness across her stomach and legs.  As she 
>gently caressed her inner thighs, she felt the sensations within her 
>quicken.

Michelle: (singing) I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it!

>She let her head roll back as the drawing inside of her start to pull…

Mike: Someone's playing tug of war with her innards.

>Dropping the washcloth back in the bowl, she sat on her heels and started 
>to play with her breasts in earnest.

Ranma: So earlier, she was just pretending?

>Softly, she moaned as her heartbeat duplicated itself between her loins.

Michelle: Tender loins, cooked any way you want them.

>She reached down and placed her first two fingers between the folds of 
>flesh and began to tease her wetness around her femininity.

Mike: (Ranma in fic) I'm dry and you're not!  Nya, nya!

>>>KLACK!<<

Ranma: Oh, no!  It's Kuno and his bokken, and they're pissed!

>Ranma's eyes flew open as she heard the door close.  "A-Akane!" she 
>said, startled.

All: (muted trumpet sound) Wah, wah, WAAAHHH!!

>She'd been so distracted that she hadn't even heard…

Michelle: …the bad reviews that this fic had been getting.
Mike: It hasn't been that bad yet.

>Suddenly, Ranma blushed and looked away.

Ranma: I don't think that this is the time to be fixing your face.

>To be caught doing this by anyone, even by her kawaiikune iinazuke…!
>"Ranma," she heard Akane say softly, after a pause "Do you do this >often?"

Michelle: (Ranma in fic) Yo!  Uhh… Nes!  Uhh… I don't know!

>"No." she answered miserably.
>
>Akane smiled softly.

Mike: It's all the rave: Audible Facial Expressions!

>"Then you must be the only girl in this house who doesn't." she said.

Ranma: Didn't see that one coming.

>"What?!"

All: SHE SAID, "YOU MUST BE THE ONLY GIRL IN THIS HOUSE WHO DOESN'T"!!

>Ranma said, looking back at her as she knelt down on the floor.
>
>"We all do this to ourselves, Kasumi, Nabiki, and I," Akane said, smiling 
>"We talk about it sometimes, when you men aren't around."

Michelle: Ah, yes.  Good ol' fashioned chicken soup for the soul.

>"Talk about it?" Ranma asked "What do you talk about?"

Mike: (Akane) How we plan to kill you.

>"We talk about our fantasies, mostly, and compare notes." Akane said.
>
>"Fantasies?  You… fantasize?" Ranma asked, curious "About who?"

Ranma: (Akane) Oh, Sean Connery, Leonardo Dicaprio, the usual.

>"Oh, Kasumi mostly about Tofu-sensei,"  Akane answered

Mike: Eww…

>"Nabiki about some of the guys in her magazines, sometimes some of the 
>guys in her class."

Michelle: (Akane) Mostly her banker, though.

>"And you?" Ranma felt compelled to ask.

Mike: (Akane) Gosunkugi, Melvin, Mackie, et cetera ad infinitum.
Ranma: (Akane) Nabiki, Ukyo, Kasumi, Shampoo et cetera ad infinitum.
Michelle: (slaps Ranma)

>"… I fantasize about you." Akane answered quietly, looking away.

Ranma: I'm starting to like this author.

>"About… me?" Ranma asked.

Mike: (Akane) Oh, I meant to say Kuno.  My mistake.

>Akane nodded.  "About me as a boy or a girl?"

Ranma: (Akane) Neither.  You're a tentacle.
Michelle and Mike: (slap Ranma)
Ranma: I don't have to take this, you know.
Mike: Yes, you do.  You're up here just the same as us.

>"… Both," Akane answered, blushing

Michelle: Okay, this is unusually demure for Akane.

>"And sometimes about both at once."

All: Ewww!!  TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!

>"…" Ranma replied, looking away.

Michelle: (singing) Echoes of the sound… of silence.
Ranma: So, I said, "Dot, dot, dot"?

>"Next time make sure your door's shut all the way, Ranma," Akane said, 
>getting up "It might not be me next time."

Mike: (Akane, knowingly) It might be Nabiki with a camera getting some leverage.

>"Akane…" Ranma said.
>
>"Yes?" she asked, pausing at the doorway.

Ranma: (himself in fic) No, on second thought, I don't want you.

>"I'm sorry I said what I did about your cooking," Ranma said "It really 
>isn't your fault that you don't know how to cook."

Michelle: Now, can anyone think of a better way to say, "I want you in my bed tonight"?
Others: Nag, nag, nag! *smack!* Shut up!

>"Ranma…" Akane said softly, turning to face her.  She walked back to 
>where Ranma-chan was sitting 

Ranma: I think that it's finally dawning on the author that I shouldn't 
	be called Ranma in my feminine form.

>and kneeled down.  "Thank you."

Ranma: No, thank you…
Mike: (Akane) I have this sudden urge to sleep with you for no good reason…

>"Akane…" Ranma said, watching the tender look on Akane's face, 
>something that she rarely had an opportunity to do.  It seemed like they 
>were always fighting…

Ranma: At least they got the characters down right.

>Suddenly, Akane pulled her blouse over her head.  As it dropped on the 
>floor next to her, she unfastened her bra and laid it oin top of the blouse.

Michelle: Spoke too soon, did you?

>She looked at Ranma with a seriousness in her eyes that she usually only 
>got when she was fighting.  "You don't think it's sick, do you, wanting to 
>be with another girl?" she asked.

Mike:(Ranma in fic) Yes, now get out of my room!

>"I'm a boy," was Ranma's immediate response, but she caught it halfway.

Ranma: Reading this fic could cause me to have an identity crisis after a while.

>She considered the question, picturing making love to Akane as a girl, and 
>slowly shook her head.

Michelle: (Ranma in fic) Get the voices out of there!  Get them out 
	before I hurt someone!

>"No, I don't think it's sick at all."

Ranma: (himself in fic) But only because the author says so.  Otherwise, 
	I would demand that you re-dress immediately.

>"Then… would you…"

Michelle: …please change back into a boy?

>Akane said, unsure of how to phrase the ending.
>
>"Yes," Ranma said simply.  She reached for another washcloth as Akane 
>stood and stepped out of her skirt and panties.  As Akane sat back down, 
>completely naked, Ranma gently started to rub it over her breast.

Mike: (Akane) What are you doing?  I was asking if you  could do 
	my homework while I took a bath.

>"You really do have nice breasts," she said "They're not as big as mine,
 >but they're nice."

Ranma: Now, *that* was bad taste on my part.

>"Ranma…" Akane said through gritted teeth.

Mike: (Akane) Need I remind you why everyone calls you Madame Silicone?
Ranma: (hits Mike) Another word, and you die.

>Suddenly she thought of the right way to get back at Ranma.

Michelle: She waited until that night, then she shaved Ranma's pig tail off.
Ranma: Principle Kuno would love her for that.

>She kissed her.

Mike: Who kissed who?

>"A-Akane!" Ranma said, shocked, as Akane drew back.

Michelle: …preparing to strike.

>"I think that neither of us know how to kiss very well." Akane said, 
>sounding rueful.
>
>"Want to try to teach ourselves?" Ranma asked, thinking of a way to one-
>up Akane.

Ranma: (Akane) Good idea.  You go to the side of the room, and I'll stay here.

>Akane looked at her, startled.   
>she thought 

Mike: I hope that she's got the right number.  It's really awkward when 
	you dial the wrong number.
Michelle: (Akane) I was right! She's only got two of a kind!

>They closed their eyes as they leaned together, meeting in the middle.  
>Their lips met each other, and they kissed.  

Ranma: Of course not!  It's not the Fourth of July!

>Ranma thought 

Mike: Well, there is still that AK-47 over there near the door…

><…It's missing something,> Akane thought 
>
>

Michelle: Fran Drescher, NO!!

>Ranma thought as Akane opened her mouth wider against hers and gently 
>put her tongue into Ranma's mouth.  

Ranma: (stupid voice) Tongue hockey…
Mike: Uh, oh, I think we're losing him.  He's fantasizing.

>Akane would have smiled, were she not so busy teaching Ranma to 
>French kiss, as Ranma put her tongue in her mouth.

Michelle: Eww! Ranma's tongue fell out?

>They gently sucked on each other's tongues for a while, until Ranma 
>gently started to caress Akane's breasts.   Akane 
>thought from behind her closed eyes 

Ranma: (imbecilic) Yes, do…
Mike: (Akane) …get out of this fic.

>Ranma opened her eyes, startled for a second, as Akane raised her hands 
>to her breasts, and started to tease at the nipples.

Michelle: Nya-nya-nya-nya-boo-boo!

> Ranma thought, closing her eyes again as her breasts 
>started to tingle, and the sensations below kicked back in, teasing, taunting 
>with pleasure.

Mike: Fire in the hole!
Ranma: (falls asleep) Zzzzz…
Michelle: Yep, we got him out of bed too early.

> 
>she thought, feeling the juices flowing from her body again.

Michelle: Starburst!  The juice is loose!

>Slowly, she lowered one of her hands between Akane's legs.
>
>Akane slid her hands apart as Ranma's hand rested for a second upon her >mound.

Mike: (singing) Sometimes you feel like nut, sometimes you don't.

> she thought as Ranma touched her core.

Michelle: She turned into an apple!
Mike: A rotten one, no doubt.
Ranma: (sleeping) Zzzz…

>This was one of her fantasies, and she was living it out.  How many 
>women got to do that?

Michelle: I have.
Mike: Yeah, I can vouch for that one…
Michelle: You think I'm referring to you?  Ha!

>It was so good, even better than it had been when it was just a fanasy and 
>she was touching herself…

Both: (singing) When I think about you I touch myself…

>As Ranma began to stroke her, Akane softly moaned.  It felt like fire, like 
>burning lava pouring through her body.  It kept building.
>She needed to do something…  Restlessly, she dropped her own hand 
>between Ranma's legs and felt her wetness, her readiness,

Mike: This story's wetter than a water park.

>as she began to tease at Ranma's femininity.

Michelle: Nya, nya… Oh, forget it…

>"Ah… Ah…" Ranma moaned, breaking their intertwined kiss in order to 
>breathe.  Akane was good at this; her touch burned upon Ranma, building 
>her higher.

Both: (singing) Your love's liftin' me… higher and higher!

>She'd never been this wet before, never been this ready.

Mike: We get it!  They're wet!  They're ready!  If I hear it one 
	more time, I'm gonna scream!  Enough with that fire thing, too!

>As Akane stroked her,she moved her own finger upon Akane more 
>furiously, in turn.
>
>"Oh, God…" Akane moaned, as she felt the fire build high,

Michelle: (Rei) Sacred fire, banish this evil which has invaded our ship!
Mike: It didn't work.
Michelle: Poopie…

>higher than she'd ever gone before.  She was nearly there already…

Mike: (stoner) Man, why haven't I done this before?

> Ranma thought as the passion threatened to 
>swallow her.  Only by concentrating upon her fingers, still moving in 
>Akane's cleft, was she able to keep it at bay…

Mike: Is that bass or treble?

> Akane thought, desparate, neeing release.

Mike: That's what we're saying…

> Ranma thought, fighting the pleasure, needing it to stop.

Michelle: Why not just say "ibid"?

> thought Akane.
>
>"Ah…! Ah!  AH!!!" they cried out together they both reached their 
>climaxes, and the world around them went black.

Mike: It's like "A Day in The Life".
Michelle: Take any sixth grade grammar class.  It teaches one 
	how to avoid run-ons.

>"Akane…" Ranma whispered, a few minutes later.

Mike: And a few cans of booze later.
Michelle: (Ranma, surly) You can't do a thing for me that Shampoo could.

>"Ranma…" Akane whispered back.

Michelle: John!
Mike: Marsha!
Michelle: John!

>"You know, you realy are a kawaiikune tomboy…" Ranma said

Mike: Oh, REAL romantic.

>"But you're MY kawaiikune tomboy."
>
>"You're an idiot, Ranma," Akane replied

Mike: Touche!

>"But you're MY idiot, and that makes it different.
>
>"Akane…  I like you."
>
>"I like you, too, Ranma." Akane said as they laid down on the futon 
>together.  Slowly, their wet hands met each other, and they were silent.

Michelle: Those are some really noisy hands.
Mike: A moment of silence for this story…

>
>
>
>
>

Mike: All right!  The story's over! (gets up to leave)

>Outside the door to Ranma and Genma's room, Nabiki and Kasumi sat 
>quietly, listening.

Mike: Damn! (sits back down)

>As they heard Ranma and Akane cry out their pleasure, they both smiled,
 >and got up, heading downstairs into the kitchen.

Michelle: (Nabiki) See, Kasumi?  Eavesdropping can be fun!

>"That's two thousand yen you owe me, Kasumi." Nabiki said, helping 
>herself to a cookie.

Mike: I always knew that Nabiki was a pimp.
Michelle: (Kasumi) Well, I'll be deducting the cost of that cookie from 
	how much I have to pay, so that comes out to one-thousand, nine-
	hundred, ninety-eight yen I owe you.

>"Geting those two together was well worth it," Kasumi said, handing 
>Nabiki the money

Mike: (Nabiki) Hey!  This is American money!

>"Though I admit, I didn't think that you could do it."

Michelle: (Chief) Good job, Gadget!  However did you do it?
Mike: How did she do what?  I'm still in the dark about what's going on.

>"Hey, I can do anything if you give me a monetary incentive." Nabiki said 
>as she left.

Michelle: (Nabiki) I AM the money-grubbing bitch, aren't I?
Mike: Hey, Michelle…

> Kasumi thought as she picked up a knife and prepared to 
>make dinner All I had to do was bet you couldn't, and you immediately decided to get 
>Ranma and Akane together.

Mike: Exactly *what* part did she play in this "chance" meeting?

>And only for two thousand yen!>

Michelle: With the big sister discount, of course.

>
>
>
>
>

Mike: Let's get out of here before we have to read more.
(Mike wakes up Ranma, and all leave)

Reverse door sequence

	The bridge is covered with candy bar wrappers and trash from various 
junk-food types.  Gypsy is sitting in front of a small television set.  She 
has a box of tissues sitting next to her.
	"Gypsy,what happened to you?" Mike asks as the group exits the theatre.
	"I didn't have anything to do, so I sat down and started watching my 
soaps.  I got real hungry, so I got some snacks, then I watched some more, 
then I got hungrier, then I…"
	"We get the idea," Ranma says.  "You just take the day off and go 
somewhere to get some exercise, then you can come back tomorrow."  Gypsy 
thanks them and leaves.  The red Mad's light starts flashing, and Mike 
pushes it.

Deep 13
	Frank is sitting in front of his computer, apparently on the 
internet.  He's looking for the next fic to show the guys and Michelle.
	"Huh?  Oh, yeah, guys, real good job.  Uummm… I've got some work 
to do, so if you could just scamper along…  Frank, push the button."  
Frank sat there for a few minutes, then came to a realization.  "Wait 
a minute, I'm Frank, so I'll push the button."  He gets up and goes to 
the console, where he pushes the button to end the transmission.
*Blip*
*Fwoosh*

	Well, insert post-fic comments here.  I thought that it turned out 
well, thanks for any help, no insult meant, blah, blah, blah, flag on the 
moon…  But anyway…

MST3K created by:
Joel Hodgson

Original story written by:
Kristin Laura Huntsman

MSTing by:
M. H. Torringjan

E-mail me at:
jehdjh@worldnet.att.net

Keep circulating those fanfics!

>"About… me?" Ranma asked,  Akane nodded.  "About me as a boy or a 
>girl?"
>
>"… Both," Akane answered, blushing "And sometimes about both at 
>once."