Artemis part 2 A Sailor Moon Meta-MSTing original story by: Strike Fiss original MSTing by: John Felix Meta MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan Okay, the standard disclaimers go here. I don't own Sailor Moon. Naoko Takeuchi does. I don't own MST3K. Best Brains does. I made up the character of Michelle. I don't own any of the products that may be mentioned during the course of the MSTing. Their respective creators/owners do. Everyone walks out of the theatre and look around the ship for Crow. They hoped that his feelings hadn't been hurt earlier. Tom stops off at Crow's room to look for him. When he opens the door, he sees a sight that no man wants to see. No, it's not the Magic Hour. It's Crow standing in one of those Borg regeneration chambers. He has multiple implants on his body. One of his eyes has a telescope on it, and his arm has a toy "Laserblast" laser on it. His torso has multiple doo-dads on it. "Crow? What are you doing?" Tom asks. "We are about to take over the ship," Crow answers in an unfeeling voice. "How? Why?" Tom asks. "We will assimilate you all. Resistance is futile. We... are Crow." "Okay, that may be a nice speech, but it just doesn't really fit. Your personality is just wrong for the world domination bit," Tom says nervously. "Personailty is irrelevant. I will assimilate the whole ship, then the universe." "Crow, I hate to burst your bubble, but you don't really have the technology to do that. I mean, look at this. You don't even have a Bambleweenie 7945 motor drive/ energy storage unit! You aren't going to be bending people to your will with that stuff! And I hope that if you go through with that plan, you have some Urgzon 2345 mind control implants. Otherwise, you won't be able to control the people that you assimilate. And what about a Mornocrip 20 Thriple storage? If you don't have that, then you can't store your thriples! I mean what you have here is, bluntly stated, stone age stuff!" "Okay, okay!" Crow exclaims. "So I'm not going to do it! Geez, you'd think that you'd have to own a whole planet to do it!" "You do," Tom says simply. They both exit onto the bridge, where Mike and Michelle are waiting for them. "What was up?" Mike asks. "Not much, just the usual hair-brained scheme," Tom asys. "He seemed pretty set on it, too!" "How'd you stop him?" Michelle asks, while staring after Crow, who has proceeded into the theatre. "I threw a bit of techno-babble at him," Tom replies. "That stopped him in his tracks. "It pays to watch Star-Trek," Mike says, amazed. Then, fanfic sign goes off. Everyone rushes into the theatre. Door 6: It's a curtain of peace beads. You push them out of the way and get a whiff of marijuana smoke as you pass through. Door 5: It opens from the center, spiralling outward. Door 4: It's a castle moat. The gate falls and misses your feet by inches. Door 3: It's a wall of bone. You break it down, only to have it rebuilt by an invisible force. You decide to go around it instead. Door 2: It's in the shape of a heart. You board a small ship and ride it through the door. Door 1: It's a vault door. The center ring swirls and the door opens easily. > [A Tip From Hotmail.] > >Read Message Dictionary > RELATED: >In-Box Thesaurus > >Date: Sat, 25 Jul 1998 00:53:19 -0800 >To: shinji_70@hotmail.com >From: oderusu@mscomm.com (John Felix) Save Address Block Sender >Subject: Msting of artemis: part 2/2 Michelle: Part two halves? Wouldn't that then mean that it's back to part one? All: Not again! > Reply Reply All Forward Delete Previous Next Close > >(note to Tim: >this was co-written by sim, his e-mail is at the bottom of the story. go >easy on him >this is his first time ever trying this. anyways here's part two of the >story. cut right >at the dotted line as usual) Tom: Why couldn't the dotted line have been at the top of the fic? >---- > >[7...6...5...4...3...2...1] Crow: I thought that they were coming out of the theatre, not into it. >(mike is off to the right side of the screen with cymbols, >crow is to the left with a trumpet, suddenly servo pops up in the middle with >a big floppy hat) Mike: I thought that we had agreed never to dig that thing out of storage when we stored it away! Tom: Come on! We've already done the "Ri-co-CHET!!!! Bar-B-Q Sauce!" >Tom: Ladies and gentlemen, in a desprate attempt to bring you people some >kind of culture, Michelle: Us? Culture? >we >are proud to share with you, one of our time honored tradtions: the ancient >Antarctic sport of >penguin booting Mike: No, don't! You'll get PITA on us! >(Mike ducks down below the screen and pops right up with... Pen Pen in his >arms, he delicatlly >places the penguin ) Tom: Mike, you have a stuffed penguin? (starts laughing hysterically) Mike: Hey! Stop making fun of Pen-pen! We've been together for years now! (rest begin to join Tom in laughing) Mike: Shut up! >Tom: It's rather simple, you wrestle the penguin to the ground... > >(Tom takes a few hovers back from Pen-Pen ) > >Tom: You... Boot the penguin! All: KICK THE BABY!!! >(Tom suddenly hovers across the screen at a quick pace, IMPACT! the penguin >goes flying and hits the wall) > >Tom: why don't you have a go Mike, its not just for the fans! Mike: No! I'd never kick my beloved Pen-pen! He's been my best friend through Hell and high water! I'd disembowel myself before I hurt Pen-pen! Michelle: Shut up and read, Nelson. >(Mike puts down the cymbols and drags Pen Pen back to the middle of the >screen, takes >a few steps back and punts the penguin, who hits Crow and riccochets off >him, hitting the wall >and causing a breach in the hull) Crow: Damn! That's one hard penguin! Mike: Did I mention that to prevent any damage befalling him, I made him out of cement? >Crow: AUUUUUUUUGH WE'RE GONNA DIE!! >Mike: Get into the theater you guys, and quick!!! > >[1...2...3...4...5...6...7] Tom: No, he said get into the theatre! You're all gonna die! >Tom: Good one Nelson, just kill us all why dont you? >Crow: yeah Mike, what's going to happen to us? Michelle: You're going to read some more of a crappy fanfic, what else? >Mike: Gypsy can handle it, she has some weird suction function so she can >stay in there. >Crow: ...Or the author can't think of anything good >VOICE: HEY! Tom: Fourth wall? Fourth wall? WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' FOURTH WALL! >Tom: You know its true... >Voice: Well, uh... >(Tom's head explodes) >Voice: I'm the god! I'm the god! Mike: This guy's been watching our motion picture too much. Crow: As long as he hasn't been a naughty boy... (shudders) >>Mina kept going over the sequence in her mind. >>What was she thinking? Tom: She was thinking what she was going to have for dinner. Michelle: (Mina) Fried or broiled Artemis? >Tom: Why she agreed to do such a bad fanfic? >Crow: She wonders if Oscar will be jealous. >Tom: (shudders) Thanks for the flashback, Crow. Crow: Just payback for the riffs earlier. >>She shouldn't >>have put him in such a position, she knew that now. > >Crow: I wish she would put me in... >Mike: Crow.... Tom: I'm with Crow! Crow: Thanks, Tom! >>But the way he ran off wasn't just him being shy. >>It was something else. Michelle: It was jealousy! Mike: Jealousy for what? Michelle: He was jealous of everyone else who wasn't going to be the first one to sleep with Mina. >> The sky was cloudy, but no rain was due until later that night. > >Crow: Rain's flight was delayed. Crow: Oh, he was on the flight with the newbie pilot. Tom: (pilot) What does this little switch thingie do? >>It was actually a dreadfully black setting. > >Mike: Oh, She's in Seattle. Michelle: No, she's in Tokyo. There's a big difference. >>She tugged on the collar of her jacket as she walked down the street to >>her house. > >Tom: Does that mean that she dragged herself down the street? > >>Suddenly, > >All: As if in a dream Mike: Where did we come up with that one from? Tom: I think that it was from another of our fics. >>a white flash sprang out form the bushes and went up into her window. >>She smiled. > >Crow: Michael Jackson is making his rounds tonight >(All Shudder) Crow: Except for the fact that Michael doesn't go door-to-door. >>"Well at least he didn't get into another fight last night." >>She opened the door and went upstairs to her room. "Artemis?" Mike: No, it's Felicia OF COURSE IT'S ARTEMIS!!! >>Artemis was curled up on his pillow, pretending he was sleeping. >>"Artemis? Are you okay?" she came over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. >>Artemis yawned. "Oh Mina. Sorry I was sleeping." > >Tom:(Mina) Liar Liar Liar. Crow: I loved that movie! Mike: I belive that the riff you're looking for is... All: (singing falsetto) LIAR! LIAR! >>She rolled beck her eyes. > >Mike: Now that would hurt. >Crow: I wonder if Beck is expecting a pair of eyeballs? >Tom: Strike's spelling at it's best. Tom: And Johns grammar at *it's* best. Michelle: Notice the not-so-obvious play on words. Mike: (singing) He's a loser, baby, so why don't you kill him! >>"Artemis, i saw you darting around outside. Now whats going on? >>I want to know!" >>she flopped down on the bed violently. Tom: Hey, now what did that bed ever do to you, Mina! It's not like you've gotten any real use out of it! Yet...! Mike: ... >> Artemis tried to look innocent. "Nothing. > >Crow: (Bullwinkle) Up my sleeve....Presto! Crow: Nothing in his head, either. >>I just couldn't stand being in water that long. Sorry." >> Mina frowned. "Artemis, I've known you for over three years now, and >>I can tell when you're hiding something." Michelle: I don't know if you want to see what he's hiding. >Tom: (Mina) Because your paws are behind your back. Crow: More like they're between his legs. Mike: Crow... >>Artemis swore under his breath. > >Crow: (Artemis) Why you dirty no good.... >Mike: Be nice crow. >Crow:(fuming) Sorry.... Crow: Why'd you call me on that one? Mike: I'm not really sure. You've done more and I've not called you. >>"Mina ... it's just that... I'm a freaking cat." > >Crow: (Artemis) AHHHH!!!! I'm freaking out!!! >Tom: That is not that funny, Crow. >Crow: Bite me. Michelle: Good call, Tom. Tom: You know, he'll actually get some good use out of that title in a little bit. Mike: Tom... > >Mina blinked. >>Artemis stood up. "I can talk, I can plan, I can teach... > >Tom: (Artemis) I can sing... >Mike: (Artemis) I can dance... Crow: Heck, put those together and you've got a pretty good Broadway musical! >>but it comes down to the fact that I'm a cat." >> Mina smiled. "Well, being a human isn't much different. Some people >>would consider you lucky that you can..." > >Tom: (Mina) Lick Your sweaty Poe-poes >Mike: Don't you start, Tom! Mike: Exactly *what* is a sweaty Poe-poe? I'm not down with the recent slang after about three or so years up here. >> Artemis shook his head. "Mina, I am different. And that's what's >>killing me." >> Mina was silent for a bit. "What do you mean?" she said finally. Crow: (Artemis) I used to be a human woman! >All: (singing) Killing my softly with his loooooovvvvvve!! Michelle: The Fugees did it better. Besides, wasn't it "with his song?" > >> Her small white companion leapt to the floor, out of sight. "I...love >>you, Mina..." he said simply, hiding under the bed. Michelle: Last time on, "All My Senshi"... >> Mina went wide eyed. That was why Artemis had ran off, that was why >>he always looked after her. "But, I don't understand? What do you mean?" >>she didn't >>need the answer. Tom: She knew that it was made for a man, ph balanced for a woman. >Crow: Then why ask the question for chrissakes?! Just to make us sit here >and weep!? >(Crow breaks down and cries) Crow: It's not the first time. >> Artemis was quiet, too emotional to speak. >> Mina fiddled with her hair, trying to sort out what was going through >>her mind. Michelle: She was trying to follow the plot of Final Fantasy 7! >(Crow immedeatly stops crying and....) >Crow: Which hair? >Mike: It's nice to see you back, Crow. Mike: No, I think that I'd still call him on that, then compliment him. Can't let one get past without a call of some sort. >>"Artemis?" >> "Yeah?" he replied weakly. >> Mina took a deep breath. "I love you too." All: (imitate suspenseful music) Dum-Dum-DUMMMM!!! >> Artemis blinked. His eyes glowing in the darkness under the bed were >>wide. Tom: About as wide as Frank's waist band! Mike: Tom, be nice. >Tom: So the bed was wide, or the darkness was wide? Or his eyes... >Mike: If you try to make any sense out of it, you're just going to hurt >yourself! Michelle: Funny. Makes perfect sense to me. >> Mina rolled over onto her back. "I guess I always denied my feelings >>for you >>because...well, you're a small feline animal." she laughed briefly. "What >>are we going to do?" Mike: Hide away your emotions and never tell anyone! Crow: It's better to keep them bottled up in this case! >Crow: Dip you into 'Spring of Drowned Man'? >Tom: ...Thank you 'Ranma 1/2'! Michelle: If Ranma was here, he'd be demanding blood at this very instant! >> Artemis didn't dare move. He didn't know weather to jump up and down >>in joy, or feel worse. >> Mina poked her head down to see under the bed. "Artemis, I do love >>you. Crow: About as much as chicken chow mein that's been left in the sun for ten days, and has been ran over a couple of times by a car, but she loves him! >>I hope this >>doesn't ruin our friendship, but I care about you more than anything I know." > >Mike: Now lets get down and dirty! >All: Oh Fun Key Bay Bee! Mike: Sorry, Crow, That was your line. >> Artemis laid down, making his eyes sink in the darkness. "I-I don't >>know what to say..." > >Crow: Shellac! >Tom: Well that makes sense, HUH? Crow: Actually, a better word to say at that point would be... Tom: SUPERCALIFRAJELISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS! Crow: Or... Tom: ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM! Crow: Maybe even... Tom: BUTT! >> "Say you'll come out." Mina smiled. "You don't have to hide." >> Artemis slowly came out. He felt overwhelmed. Mina picked him up >>and held him >>close. Artemis smiled for the first time that day. Michelle: ...It was a smile of pure madness... >> Mina held him up to her face. "So." >> "So?" >> She smiled. "How do you talking cats kiss, anyway?" > >Mike: Oh for the love of "Bob"! >(the Bots): NOOOOOOOOOO!! All: DITTOOOOOOO!! >> Artemis went wide-eyed once again as Mina brought him closer and they >>embraced in a rather passionate kiss considering the size difference. >> They parted. Artemis had a funny little smile on his face. Mike: (Artemis) She... had... drug... in... lipstick! >>Mina >>smiled. "You know, you're a pretty good kisser, Artemis." > >Crow: Did you hear that? All that is good and decent in this world went > up in smoke like *SNAP* that. >Mike: How did you snap? Crow: Don't you remember installing opposable thumbs on us, Mike? Mike: Oh, don't be silly! I would never... Crow: You did, Mike, you did... >> Artemis turned pink. "I've been in love with you for a very long >>time, and..." >> "Let me guess, the Paris train trip?" > >Tom: The crotchless Panties? Tom: Ummm... No? >> He blinked, mouth wide-open. "How did you know?" >> She shrugged, as he sat down besides her. "I don't know. Probably >>not until yesterday. >>You acted the same way on the train as you did in the tub." Michelle: Except for the fact that Mina didn't get any deep scratches on the train. >Crow: And if I paid any attention to the story, I would know what you're >talking about Crow: Finally, a sensible comment! >> Artemis nodded. "I hoped you wouldn't notice. I was too careful not >>to let this interfere with our jobs." > >Mike: To fight crime in tight clothes and lots 'o cleavage? Mike: I'm OOC, and I think that the author means it! >> Mina looked down at the floor. "Artemis, do you cats...well, what I >>mean to say is, do >>you find me attractive? Michelle: He does in a cat food type of way. Crow: That just had so many meanings... >>I mean, I always thought you were kind of cute. >>But in an attraction way as well..." > >Tom: Well, love usually does include the visual package too... >Mike: Unless you're Anna Nicole Smith >Crow: Or Lisa Marie Preslie Mike: Or Oscar. Crow: That was my line! Mike: Sorry, it must be rubbing off. >>Artemis smiled. "I thought I kind of gave it away when I bolted from you >>in the shower. >>"You're absolutely stunning!" He said, getting back to more of himself. > >Tom: Did he split from himself? Tom: Oh, I wouldn't like that. Then, there'd be multiple versions of this fic, with the two main characters in different positions each time! >>Mina smiled. "Listen, I've gotta go fore some fresh air." > >Crow: (announcer voice) Mina lines up her drive on hole three. >All: (Yelling) FORE! All: FIVE!! >>You coming?" Artemis yawned. Crow: No, that's later on in the fic! Mike:... >>"I'd better get some sleep. I was up all >>night, thinking." Tom: Thinking one-handed! Michelle: Tom... >>She nodded. "I'll see you later," she leaned down and kissed him "my >>little fur ball. " Michelle: ...which hopefully she'll be coughing up soon! >>she giggled and left the room. Artemis sighed happily. "I don't believe >>this." > >Crow: Neither do we. Tom: Hey! Let us speak for ourselves! Crow: Never! >>he got up, did the feline equivalent of a moonwalk and curled up in a ball >>to sleep. > >Tom: Micheal Jackson made his rounds all right. >Crow: I wonder what Artemis caught from Michael Jackson to make him do that? >Mike: Be good Crow. Mike: On second thought, you can bash Michael *all you want!* >>Mina was walking on air. She still couldn't believe that she was in love, >>with her >>guardian cat of all people, > >Mike: People? I thought he was a cat. Mike: He is, that's why it's funny! Michelle: It isn't funny. It just hurts. >>but that didn't stop her from enjoying it. She was positively glowing, > >Tom : Thats what you get for playing around a nuclear power plant. >Crow: No wonder she is in love with a cat. Tom: I don't think that radioactivity would have any effect on her lovelife. >>and Rei noticed this. Mina had felt so good, she went over to the temple >>again and offered to help. >>Rei, Chad, and Grampa couldn't believe she volunteered. >> Rei got over her initial shock and let her in. >>"Come in! Hurry! Before you change your mind!" she smiled. Michelle: Man, that is one loud smile! >>"Oh it's no >>problem." Mina beamed. Tom: (Mina) I love shoveling large piles of shi- Mike: Tom! Tom: I mean ashes! >>Rei led her over to the fire-reading room and the two dug in with a kind >>of shovel, >>putting the ashes into garbage bags. Michelle: ...to cover up the dead body inside of them! >>"So...how's Artemis doing?" Rei said, trying to make small talk. >>Mina blinked, not sure how to answer. > >Crow: Try talking Mina. >Tom: (laughing) What is the matter Mina? Cat got your tongue? Crow: Well, considering the fact that Artemis isn't there, I'd have to give a neutral answer to that particular question. >Mike and Crow: (feeling ill) Servo, that was vulgar. > >>" He's fine. We had a little talk and cleared up the matter." >>she said eventually. Rei nodded. "It must have been some talk! >>You're practically spewing off good karma!" All: (barfing noises) >>"Hey, I thought you couldn't do that stuff without the fire!"Mina said. >>Rei shrugged. "You don't need a fire reading to see that you're >>practically glowing." >> > >Mike: (Mina) AAAAAAH! MY HANDS ARE ON FIRE! >Tom: ...reading fire GET HIM! >(tom and crow start attacking mike) Mike: I don't really know why I made that joke. It was both pointless and hard to get! Tom: Maybe that's why we killed you. >> "Oh." Mina smiled to herself. "Well, I'm in love." >> Rei dropped her shovel. "That's great!" she ran over and gave her an >>hug. "Who's the guy? When was this?" Michelle: You don't want to know, and about ten minutes ago. >Mike: (Rei) Does he know the differences between using 'A' and 'An'? Tom: Is Rei breaking the fourth wall? Crow: ...and with a bad joke, even! >> Mina wasn't too sure how Artemis wanted to tell the others, so she >>improvised. "Well, I can't tell you yet, but you know him." >> Rei crossed her arms. "It's not Darien, is it? He has a knack for >>doing that, but it always ends up with Serena and him being destined together." > >Tom: He has a nack for ending up with other girls? >Crow: Well if he always ends up wtih Serena, then who cares what > he does in between the long run? All: Yeah! Mike: And what about the scarecrow's brain? >Tom: ...And if this is the american version, shouldn't it be Raye? Michelle: I believe that we have already harkened upon that particular point. >> Mina shook her head. "No. But I only really knew this a few days ago." >> Rei smiled widely, "Oooo, how romantic," she said, doing an impression >>of Serena "luuuv at first sight!" Tom: OOC! Raye would never act anything like Serena! >Mike: Starring George Hamilton as Dracula Michelle: Nope. Mike: Well, what would it be, then? Michelle: Love at first *BITE*! >> Mina tried to frown, but was still smiling. "Do you want me to help >>you with this or not?" Crow: In other words, "If you act any more insane, then I shall beat you over the head with this shovel until you have sustained multiple sharp blows without dying..." >> Rei snapped back to Rei' mode. "Oh, sorry." she smiled, continuing >>to shovel. > >Tom: (Rei) ...What a pile of >Mike: Hey! Michelle: Again, I believe that we have already harkened upon that point... >> "Actually, Rei..." she started. "You have a lot of clothes, don't you?" >> Rei nodded. "Sure. The only one out of us that shops more than me is >>Serena. You need to borrow something?" Mike: (Mina) How about a Smith and Wesson? >> A smile crept across her lips. "You must promise not to tell anyone!" >> Rei raised an eyebrow. "If you're going to ask for some leather >>bondage get-up, too bad. I don't have any." > >Crow: Check with Sailor Uranus! >Mike: Don't you start either! Crow: Darn. So close! >> Mina shook her head. "Got anything from Victoria Secret?" >> >> Artemis woke up as he heard the bathroom door slam. "Uh?" he got up, >>shaking out the last bit of sleep from his bones. "Mina? It that you?" Tom: No, it's the ax-wielding maniac, hired by Mina to hunt you down and kill you. Slowly. Painfully... >> "Just a minute!" she called back. >> Artemis shrugged. "You want me to order pizza or something tonight?" > >(The bots start dancing around while Mike gets up and does the Funky Chicken) >All: (Singing) I feel like Chicken tonight! Like Chicken tonight! All: All right! (Everyone gets up and starts trashing the theatre. In a few moments, the chairs are completely burned down, the door are a bit less healthy-looking, but the screen is fine.) Mike: Damn! I've tried everything that I know! Michelle: Looks like this isn't going anywhere. Now, we don't have anything to sit in while we're being tortured. Tom: Plus, Forrester paused the fic while we were having our fun. Mike: Damn again! >>he asked, pressing the button on the speaker phone by Mina's bed. >> "That's okay, Artemis. I brought something from town." Mina said, >>smiling to herself. > >Tom: ...And tonight you can go to town! Crow: Well, according to the fic, she already went to town. Why, then, would she need to go again? Mike: To screw with the continuity and the readers' minds at the same time? Michelle: Of course, no one with a mind would be reading this fic in the first place! The MSTing, on the other hand, is a different story... >> Artemis shrugged. "Okay." he hung up and curled up on his pillow, >>curious to what Mina was doing. "You need any help in there?" he smiled >>to himself. Crow: (Mina) Thanks, I already have Amy! >> Suddenly, she same out of the bathroom in a loose robe tied around >>her. "Well, actually, you can help me." > >Mike: Artemis is really good at tongue bathing. Tom: Two things. First, that's an OOC comment. Second, the tongue bathing comes into play later. >> Artemis looked down at her slender feet, realizing she had no pants >>on. "W-with wh-at?" he stammered. Crow: (Artemis) Miss Aino, are you trying to seduce me? Michelle: You've already done that one, Crow! >> Mina gently took off her housecoat, revealing herself in nothing more >>than a silky white pair of panties, and a skimpy lace bra. Mike: (Mina) I'm the new spokesperson for Playboy international! Michelle: Mike? Mike: I think that the OOCness is rubbing off on me. >>"These seem to >>be stuck. Could >>you help me undo them?" she winked at him coyly. > >Tom: What about her *TENNIS*? Tom: He brings up a good point... >Crow: Nah, she didn't putted them on. Tom: Of course, he brings up a better one. >> Artemis looked like a deer that had been hypnotized by a car's >>headlights. Michelle: So, he was looking like a splotch of red on the pavement? >>"M-m-Mina..." he gasped. "Isn't this a bit fast?" Mike: No, the Indy 500 is fast. This is sonic-speed! >> She lay down next to him, her breasts only an inch from his face. >>"Now, Artemis," she giggled "I think three years is too slow. Tom: If you're a prostitute, then yes, it is! For normal human beings, it sounds about right! >>It's time I >>payed you back for >>all your instruction and guidance, don't you think?" Mike: Will that be in cash or credit? >Mike: Oh to be a Guidence Councilor. > >> Artemis was silent as Mina sat up slowly and reached behind her back, >>undoing her bra and letting it fall onto his face as he shivered in >>anticipation. Crow: You know, that was kinda' a pointless gesture. Now, he can't see what she's showing! Mike: I think that's the point! If he can't see it, then we can't see it! >>Artemis >>was stunned as Mina laid down on her back and pressed him against her >>chest. She smiled. "We may >>not be compatible species, but I can give you a good show, my love." > >Crow: Tell that to Kefka the dark one. Tom: (press agent)I don't believe that Mr. Torringjan can comment on this particular subject at the moment, mostly because he hasn't read any Kefka fics. Michelle: Did you hear that crumbling sound just a few seconds ago? That was the fourth wall collapsing under the pressure of our riffs... >>Artemis leaned over and started licking her nipple. "It's not fair that >>you do all the work," he said happily as Mina moaned quietly. > > >Tom: You call that work? Michelle: No, I'm calling it work, trying to keep my lunch down! >>Her nipples were already rock-hard from the lacy bra rubbing against them, > >Crow: You could cut glass with those. Crow: Zing! Huzzah! Rest: Shut up! >Mike:(Feeling Ill) This can't get any worse. >Tom:(Feeling Ill) Don't bet on it Nelson. > >>but here even more swollen now as he passed his tail over her other breast. >> Mina's breathing became more rapid and the motion of her chest heaving >>was really turning Artemis on. Michelle: For Pete's sake! That cat's a friggin' light bulb! Anyone turns him on! Mike: He's a doorknob! Everyone gets a turn! Tom: He's a hardware store! Five cents a screw! Mike and Michelle: (slap Tom) >>"I'm going to give her a night to remember," he promised himself. > >Tom:(Shaking) A night I would want to forget. >Mike:(Feeling Ill) Hang in there Tom. Tom: Anyone not know what I'm about to do? I could spoil it for you! I'm about to explode! Anyone know why I haven't exploded with this author? Michelle: Why not ask him yourself? We've bashed a hole through the fourth wall big enough to drive a mack truck through! >Crow: (Artemis) And a *Usual morning* she'll want to relive > >> Mina's nipples were aching unrelentlessy as she fondled by her friend's >>talented tongue. Mike: Well, it's had enough practice, with his own fur! >>She couldn't help but to reach for her panties, rubbing the silk against >>her damp pubic hair. > >Tom:(Shaking violently) I can't take much more of this! >Crow:(Shaking) This is sick! >Mike:(Feeling very ill) Hang in there guys! Mike: Which reminds me, is everyone here doing fine? Michelle: Aside from feeling slightly nauseous, yeah. Tom: I'm cool! Crow: Fine! Mike: I think that I can make it! >>Artemis saw this and dove down into her crotch, >>carefully shreading her silky panties for easy access. >>A musky sweet smell filled the room as Mina started caressing her own tits, >> moaning with her eyes closed. > >All: @_@ All: What is that? Tom: So, we said, "at dash at?" >Tom: (At point of meltdown) THAT IS IT! AHHHHHH!!!! >(Tom's head explodes in a array of sparks and smoke) >(Mike and Crow take cover from the explosion.) Mike: (derranged voice) I am the Midnight Bomber what bombs at midnight! >>A musky sweet smell filled the room as Mina started caressing her own tits, >>moaning softly with her eyes closed. Michelle: So, they've gone into self-torture, have they? They're going to watch that same line over and over and over and over and... >>Artemis looked at the expression on >>her face. "Mina, I do believe you're enjoying this." he smiled. Tom: What did you friggin' expect? You're @#$%@ing her and #(*&%$ her, while she's $?^!% herself! Michelle: How'd you do that? >> Mina bit her upper lip provocatively. "Oh, Artemis..." she gasped, >>"lick my pussy, please!" she begged, licking one finger and rubbing it >>across her aching tits. Crow: From one pussy to another! Mike: Crow! Time out! (duct tapes Crow's mouth shut) >Crow: I'm sorry, but a cat tounge across the most sensitive part of my body > is not somthing I want to experience! > >> Artemis smiled, and started licking her inner thigh as her tight, >>swollen clit started dripping fluid in response. Michelle: At least this hentai writer isn't making hers out to be a fountain drink machine! Tom: Whoah! Biological malfunction! >>Her triangle of light, >>golden hair now damp >>and sticky from her panties and love juices. > >(Mike is fiddling with Servo's head, which dosnt have the sphere anymore... >He replaces the dome Mike: Well, which is it? A dome or a sphere? >and simply uses a big rubber band to keep it attached) > >Tom: (woozy) auuuuugggg i had jello today Tom: Yeah, and it tasted good, too! (whispering) Just put the poor sap out of his misery! >>Artemis wanted to plunge into her right then and >>there, but, alas, he was oo small, even though he had a big member for a cat. > >Tom: It was orange... Tom: Of course it was... (kill him!) >> Instead, he started licking her swollen outer cunt lips. Mina moaned >>louder, and started to shiver as Artemis' tongue got closer to her pink, >>swollen slit. Artemis >>smiled and plunged his Tom: ...knife into the small of her back, the area that she couldn't reach. >>paw into her. Mina sat up, gasping for air as a >>wave of intense pleasure >>hit her. > >Crow: Ack! I hope artemis was de-Clawed! Michelle: As we mentioned later, if she had de-clawed him, then he wouldn't be able to do much more than be a load to the Senshi. Tom: As if that's not what he does anyway. >Tom: It had little peices of fruit in it. Tom: Yeah, apples! (At least clear his memory board!) >(Mike suddenly hits servo upside the head multiple times) Tom: Hey! ABUSE!!! >Tom: Hey guys, AUUUUUGH! It's still on! Michelle: What did you expcet, that we'd listen to your imbecilic whimpering for more than three minutes while we suffered through the lemon scene? >>She lay back and thrust her chest forward, teasing her nipples >>ferociously. "Ohhh, >>that's it...oh..." Michelle: (Mina) That's all I can take! Get out! >>she moaned as Artemis slowly moved his paw in >>and out of her slick love hole, bringing out more pre-cum as Mina got more >>excited. > >(Crow opens his mouth) >Mike: ...No Ranma 1/2 "Cat fist" jokes, crow. Michelle: There's a reason that Ranma would kill you again if he was here! >> Suddenly, Mina grabbed Artemis and placed him upon her chest. "I'm >>going to give you a titfuck," she announced happily, squeezing her mounds >>together with a moan. All: (singing) Sometimes you feel like a nut... >> Artemis gladly accepted and mounted her chest, caressing er nipples >>with his slippery paws. > >Tom: Hey Mike, what's this on my head anyways? Mike: It's called C-42, you know, that plasic explosive? >Mike: Black elastic band >Tom: ...I feel like a nun >Crow: "er nipples"? Was this written by Sherlock Holmes? Michelle: No, it was written by an ignoramous without a spellchecker! >> Mina began fingering herself as well. Her pussy easily accepted her >>first finger and she eventually worked in another as Artemis began to pump >>his cock between her >>tits happily, licking them as he went. Tom: Unfortunately, by this point, she had taken the same route as the audience... Michelle: Killing herself? Tom: No, but that works, too! >>Mina smiled. "I always knew you >>loved my tits. > >Tom: I was thinking of somthing... If size DOES matter to women, > how can they easily get off with one finger? >Mike: I've often have asked myself that. Tom: Of course, we have a perfect specimen of a woman here with us, and she may be able to answer that. Michelle: No comment... Tom: There you have it folks! The age-old question solved! >>You always pretended you were looking at my face, but it was hard cause of your >>height." she smiled before another pulse of pleasure rippled through her >>from her >>finger fucking herself. > >Tom: I have an idea guys! Lets do the Wayne's World 'Fade into Future' gag! All: Just now?! Michelle: If we could have done that, I would have initiated it long ago! >All: Doo le dee doo! Doo le dee doo! Doo le dee doo! Doo le dee doo! >(The whole screen ripples and suddenly...) > >> "O-oh m-my god..." she gasped, finally regaining her composure. >> Artemis lay on her, tail out of her pussy, flat on her stomach. Mike: Man, I don't like the sound of that. Good thing that we flashed ahead, eh? >>He >>gasped. "Mina, that was great..." Tom: (Artemis) For a FRIGGIN' THREE-TOED SLOTH! You did better than that for Amy! Aren't I more important to you? >(All let out a relived sigh) >Crow: Guy's it worked! > >>Mina smiled. Thank you, my dear Artemis." she said, exhausted. Michelle: (Mina) Now, I'll have to go through years of painful therapy! Thanks a lot! >>"Like I said before,you're pretty damn good, especially for a cat." > >Crow: What does she have to compare a cat to? >Tom: I don't want to know. Mike: Probably something in the area of vibrator... >>Artemis and she lay together, stretched out and enjoying each other's >>warmth, until they dozed off to sleep. >>Rei stood at Mina's front door, purse swung over her shoulder. All: (singing) Like a continental soldier... >>She >>was always a sucker for juicy gossip, and she wanted to find out if >>Mina had successfully' used the lingerie she had borrowed. > >Crow: Successfully? Is there a wrong way to use lingerie? >Tom: Yeah, around your head. >Mike: (sighs) I don't want to relive that! Tom: Relive what? Did I miss something? Mike: Ahh, my Frat-house days... >>She pressed the little door speaker buzzard. "Hi! Heh, Mina! >>You in? I hope I'm not interrupting anything!" she giggled. >>"Oh! Rei! Yeah, just a second..." Mina replied. >>Rei whistled to herself as she calculated how long it would take Mina to >>get dressed >>if she had been sleeping with someone last night and was still naked. Michelle: So, she's better than Amy at mathematics now? >Tom: (Rei) Let me take out my calculator.*beep* *beep* Damn your're fast. >Mike: (Mina) I'm not a slut, Really. Michelle: I wouldn't bet on it... >>Sure enough, Mina appeared at the right time, with only her housecoat on. >>Rei smiled evilly. "Is he here? I wanna meet him!" >>Mina gasped. "Uh, no! He, uh, left. Mike: (Mina) He was scared away by the fact that I would have sex with a cat... >>"Rei let herself in and started snooping for hidden boyfriends. >>"I just came buy to see how you were doing with your new hunk, > >Tom:(Evlis) Thank you, Thank you very much. Tom: Anyone know who "Evlis" is? Mike: Michael Jackson's new wife from the Presley family, obviously. Michelle: Okay, that's anough Jackson-bashing for this fic. >Crow: Hunka hunka burning love. > >>I mean, Victoria Secret stuff." She said, looking in a closet. > >Crow: What is Victoria's secret? I wonder. >Tom: No one in this closet but Ellen Degeneres, k.d. Lang and Melissa Ethridge! Michelle: Okay, let's put it this way. That's enough musician/entertainer bashing for this fic. With a few exceptions, of course. >>Mina sighed. "Nobody here but me and Artemis." Artemis ran in from the >>kitchen. >>"Hi, Rei. What's you looking for?" >>Mina smiled. "Oh, she thinks I slept with that guy that was over last night." >> Artemis blinked. "What guy?" Tom: (Artemis) Only other person I saw here last night was Serena! >>Mina frowned. Artemis shrugged. "Who? What?" > >Tom:(Artemis) Why me? >Mike: (Strike) Because this is my sick and twisted little world! get used >to it, pink-boy! > >>Rei looked at the two. "Oh. So he wasn't over last night? I thought you >>said he was?" Michelle: (Mina) You question the great and all-mighty Sailor V?! You must PAY!!! Mike: She's not Marissa Piccard. >>Mina shut her eyes. "Here Rei, I'll get your clothes, I should be >>done with them." she went into her bedroom. >>Artemis looked confused. Tom: (Artemis) Dear Life in These United States, A funny thing happened to me the other day... Mike: One problem. They're in Japan. Tom: Get over it, Nelson. >>"What guy?" Rei sighed. "You know...Mina's new >>lover?" > >Crow: (artemis) Me, The cat of love? >Tom: (Singing) Strange love, Cutest thing ive ever seen >All: (singing) You remind me of somthing, that I have seen in a dream! Mike: Who's that by? I need to know so that I can avoid it. >>Artemis blinked. Rei blinked. "Wait...no way..." Mina stormed out of >>her bedroom. "Here, Rei. I gotta take Artemis for a walk, so will >>you excuse us?" > >All: He's been a bad boy. Michelle: Not as bad as you guys have been. >>Rei took her stuff and put it into her purse. "Uh, okay. I'll talk >>to you later, I guess..." Mina smiled politely, pushed her out the >>door and shut it tightly. She turned to Artemis. >>"What were you THINKING!?!" > >Tom:(Artemis) Of how I and Rei can... >Mike: Don't say it Servo. I still feel ill. Tom: Still, it is a legitimate riff... >>Artemis blinked. "Can I ask one question?" "Uhhhh!" she growled. >>"What?" "Who's this new boyfriend?" She scowled at him. "Artemis, it was >>just an excuse!! >> I told Rei that so I wouldn't have >>to say it was you until I made sure I could tell everyone!" Mike: Well, why should it matter? They didn't care when they found out about Oscar. >Crow: Why is she so mad? >Tom: It just dawned on her what she did. >Mike: (Mina) I feel dirty. Michelle: Well, I feel ill, and I was just reading the fic. >>Artemis blinked. "Oh." Rei turned as she heard Mina yelling something to >>Artemis behind the door. "Geeze! >>The way those two fight, you'd think they were married." Mike: Don't give Strike any ideas! >>She paused. >>"Na... couldn't be..." she shrugged off her crazy idea and left. > >Tom:(Rei) Those two? Na of course not. Not them. Nope. >Mike: (Rei) off to my orgy with Serena... Mike: Gosh, Crow rears his ugly face, and he's even tied up! >>The End! Tom: Finally! >Crow: Let me out of here! >Mike: Even I feel dirty now. Michelle: I believe that I harkened upon that point already. >>There you go. For information's sake, Luna gets turned into a human later >>on because she'd in love with a human. However, I didn't turn Artemis >>into a human for their >>big sex scene because the Serena would have to know and change them with >>her crystal. Tom: So the whole thing about grossing us out was inadvertent? >Tom: Plus he wanted to make us puke up our ram chips. > >>Besides, Mina never seemed to mind Artemis seeing her change, so why >>change a good thing? Mike: Because it's the way of nature! Michelle: Because no one likes it! Tom: Except, obviously, for Oscar... Michelle: Bite me! >>I tried to spell check. No promises... > >All: GOOD THING?! GET HIM!! Mike: Oops, a bit late on the draw there. >>Any comments? E-Mail me at: ncrceo@ccinet.ab.ca >> >>Ask for Strike Fiss > >Crow: Ask for Mr. Horny Pants... Michelle: Then, they'd be getting Crow, so why call? >> Comming soon...SAILOR MOON AR... >> THE fanfic series of the decade! > >Tom: Can we please get out of here, I cant stand it any longer! >(Mike picks Tom up and heads out with Crow in tow) (Tom tries sneaking out) Mike: ...and where exactly do you think you're going? Tom: It said that we leave! Mike: No, it said that they leave. >[7...6...5...4...3...2...1] > >(The whole place is crowded with discarded boxes and canisters of Peptol >Bismol and >Asprin. Mike: Hey! How come we don't have one of those? Michelle: We do, you just don't know where to look. >the camera pans down to find... Crow, Servo and Mike passed out on >the ground. >Mike suddenly awakes with a scream) Tom: (other Mike) Oh, what a nightmare! I dreamt that I was trapped up in Satellite and was being forced to watch... DAMN!!! >Crow: Augh! don't do that Nelson! >Mike: I'm sorry, but... Uch... I'm not feeling so good >Tom: we're lucky we hold stock in stomach remedy companies... Tom: Tell me where they are, or the penguin gets it! >(Gypsy enters from the left with a rather charred Pen Pen in her mouth) >Mike: Thanks Gypsy, but we're not up to penguin booting right now... I >think what we need >is a nice rest.. Mike: (Gypsy) Will I get paid for that cameo? >(Fade Out) > >Mystery science theater is copyright(c) 1998 by best brains inc. >Sailor moon is copyright(c) by toei animation and dic inc. Michelle: These particular versions of the characters are the sole property of John Felix and Sim. They're welcome to it! >Msting of part 2 or 'artemis' was done by John Felix and co-authored by Sim. >John Felix: Stubbles@gwar.net >Sim: pparris@ix.netcom.com Tom: TomServo@Mannix.com Mike: MikeNelson@RegularJoe.com Michelle: Michelle@NoLemons.com Mike: Crow@HentaiBoy.com >>"Mina ... it's just that... I'm a freaking cat." > >------- >John Felix >Gwar-Fanfics-IRC-Mstings >stubbles@gwar.net >------- Mike: Let's get out of here, guys... (all exit, Mike takes the tape off Crow's mouth) (Reverse door sequence) Outside, the red light is flashing. Mike pushes it and the viewscreen turns on. Deep 13 We see a very confused Ranma staring up at the Satellite. "Why do I get the feeling that I haven't fought you?" Ranma asks. "You wouldn't happen to be Happosai or Ryoga in diguise?" "Nope, nothing of the sort," Mike says. "Hey, is it the least bit hot down there?" "Well, now that you mention it, it's burning up down here!" Ranma replies. "A good way to alleviate that would be to take off that headgear!" Michelle says cheerfully. "Why, of course! Thank you!" Ranma takes off the helmet, and his eyes are filled with understanding. "Hey, guys! I see that the bots got back safely!" Suddenly, a tranquilizer dart hits him in the side of the neck, after a moment, he falls to the ground, crushing the mind control helmet under him. Forrester walks on screen, holding a dart gun in his hand. "Well, I knew that this would happen sooner or later. I guess that you will just have to suffer some more now!" Forrester says. "As for him, I'll just stow him away up there with Usagi. Which reminds me, I've got to see if she's turned into a pile of goo from watching Artemis's Lover yet. I guess that I'll press the button." He walks over to the console and presses the button. *BLIP!* *FWOOSH!* Well, usual post-MSTing notes here. Thanks to Strike Fiss for writing the fic. Thanks to John Felix for writing the MSTing. You too, Sim! I couldn't forget you, could I? MST3K created by: Joel Hodgeson MST3K produced by: Best Brains, Inc. Original fic by: Strike Fiss Original MSTing by: John Felix and Sim Meta-MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan Keep circulating the fanfics! >(The bots start dancing around while Mike gets up and does the Funky Chicken) >All: (Singing) I feel like Chicken tonight! Like Chicken tonight!
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