EIKEN
Why do I have a sudden craving for milk?
Review by: Craig "Hypnotized By the Jiggling" Norris
Length: 2 episode OAV
Genre: Ecchi comedy
Watched: Every bouncy minute, subbed
Rack, bazooms, coconuts, muffins, sweater cows, twin peaks, wobblers, pillows, love bumps, double bubbles, dual air bags, chi-chis, honkers, snack trays, cupcakes, whoppers, torpedoes, tender twins, bazookas, fun bags, headlights, jumblies, or, my personal favorite, tracts of land. Whatever you like to call them, this OAV has them. They're big, they're bouncy, and they break about half the laws of physics.
Plot synopsis: Densuke Mifune has just enrolled in Zasshono Academy, a sprawling metropolis of an institution that holds over 50,000 students. His lack of any socially redeeming characteristics earns him the attention of the Eiken club, and he is forced to join. Densuke must come face to face with a dire prediction, a yogurt slide, and some of the biggest breasts on the planet to win the heart of the club's most popular member, Chiharu Shinonome.
Artwork: The most noticeable aspect of the art is the character designs, and the ridiculously large endowments that some have. I'm not really sure why the animation department felt that it was important to give such humongous hooters to some of the characters. Let's just chalk it up to artistic license and leave it at that. From a technical standpoint, the animation isn't too bad. It makes good use of color, and motion (especially bouncing and jiggling) is smooth. Considering the total lack of substance (or taste) in this OAV, the animation turned out a lot better than it could have.
Music: There's maybe one catchy melody throughout, and the rest is generic background stuff. Even the theme song, which might actually be good, becomes buried under untold volumes of breast flesh. At the very least, it makes no pretense as to what the OAV is going to be about. Apparently, all the chest-toppers left no room for chart-toppers from the soundtrack.
Characters: Character development is not very good, being that most of the female characters are relegated to fanservice dispensers. Densuke is the typical dullard male lead who falls for the most popular girl in school. He is very awkward around girls and is easily pressured into things. Predictably, he has a very hard time (no pun intended) in a club full of girls. As for the members of the Eiken club, since their bountiful bosoms are placed at the forefront of importance, I will list them in ascending breast size. Kyoko is in charge of the technology department of the club. She is critical, sharp-tongued, and, being of grade school age, appropriately flat-chested. Yuriko, Chiharu's younger sister, is extremely forward with Densuke, and wants him badly. This shows that she has absolutely no taste in men. She is very possessive of him, and often greets him by jumping crotch-first into his face, panties optional. She declares herself an A-cup, but she actually looks more like a healthy C. Komon is the faculty advisor of the Eiken club, though nobody pays that much attention to her, which sometimes upsets her. She is very meek and trembles often, seemingly under the weight of her inferiority complex. Grace is the flighty fortuneteller of the club, who is usually on screen just to look good in her Chinese dress or her bikini (which she does fairly well). She and Komon are both about DD's. Now we get into the real meat (again, no pun intended) of the roster. Chiharu is the cute straight-A student that everyone seems to want, especially Densuke. The feeling is somewhat mutual, but she is often put off by his complete social ineptitude. She is very shy about her appearance, which is definitely not advantageous considering her breast size. The series labels her as F-cup, but I'm looking strictly in the second half of the alphabet for a more accurate assessment. Kirika, who appears to be the leader of the club, has a very forceful personality and often tries to manipulate people and situations. She has an appetite for phallic foods (bananas and anything on a stick), and is probably the most consistently wobbly of anyone. As for her cup size, I can't even begin to guess. Suffice to say that the alphabet does not go on long enough for her. What's more, she's not even the biggest one in the club! That dubious distinction goes to Komoe, whose small, bespectacled frame is host to the most mammoth melons any follower of fanservice ever dared dream of. She always seems to get into situations (voluntary or otherwise) that cause her massive milkers to quake wildly, sometimes causing injury to herself or others. In conclusion, all I have to say is that the characters themselves are not developed nearly to the degree that their chests are.
Plot: Well, there is some nonsense about the romance between Densuke and Chiharu, but nobody will pay attention to that, for obvious reasons. Plot was completely pushed to the wayside in favor of rampant boob jiggling. From the get-go, it is fairly obvious that this OAV will not be deep or thought provoking, unless those thoughts include musings of how Kirika and Komoe can remain upright under the weight of their pendulous pillows. As a result, the fanservice becomes too dense, totally outlandish, and in some cases highly offensive. And for me to be at all offended by any fanservice is a significant breakthrough; the creators should be both proud and ashamed of that. Unless your idea of a plot is counting the number of times a pair of colossal cans bounces, don't expect to find much in the way of a storyline.
CHICKS!: If you enjoy giant gazongas more than you enjoy being able to breathe without machines, the chicks in this anime are a dream come true. Based solely on personality there are a couple of worthy additions to the anime chick megaverse. My personal favorite is Chiharu, whose obscenely developed figure contrasts sharply with her soft-spoken personality. Her sister is also notable, mainly because of her complete lack of inhibitions. Plus, her decidedly more humanoid dimensions means she probably has wider appeal. Probably the most physically improbable of the chicks is Komoe, who has a face that belongs in middle school and a set of jugs that belongs on the cover of Score magazine. The way I figure it, she'll only get bigger as she gets older, so by the time she finishes her last growth spurt she may need a bra that doubles as a pair of car tarps. At any rate, when the three sizes of breasts available are large, extra-large, and oh-my-god-don't-crush-me, it's a good bet that the girls are meant to be appreciated for their physical dimensions, and not their personalities.
Overall: If you look for fanservice above all else when watching anime, this OAV may be the perfect viewing experience for you. Otherwise, it's a tasteless jiggle-fest that is guaranteed to offend some, if not the majority of, its viewers. While it's not as deplorable as, say, a tentacle rape hentai, the "it's all in good fun" spirit of Eiken is overshadowed by the gratuitous and unnecessary fanservice. In the end, it might have been a better idea to just go all the way (yet again, no pun intended) and make this into a hentai; at least then people would know what they would be getting into. So, if you are easily put off by very thinly veiled and sometimes disgusting sexual innuendo, or if you are easily frightened by outsized protuberances of flesh in the chest area, then I strongly recommend not seeing this anime. You'll save yourself a lot of discomfort, including a case of whiplash from trying to follow all the bouncing around.
IN A NUTSHELL:
+ Pretty good artwork, considering
- Offensive and tasteless
- Death by fanservice
- No real redeeming qualities
Rating: 1.5/10
Go see a chiropractor