Kogepan


Why must I be subjected to this horror?




Review by: M.H. "I EAT bread, not WATCH it!" Torringjan

Length: 14 episodes, five minutes per episode
Genre: Hellspawn
Watched: Eight. Full. Episodes.

You may wonder why I only watched just over half of the show when the rest was only a little bit longer. You may wonder why I watched this at all. Well, first off, it's a democratic club, and technically, I could have left whenever I felt like it. I, however idiotic this may have been, was willing to give the show a chance. Just like any other show, I thought it might have redeeming qualities later on and would make up for the first episode or two. I found no redeeming quality for a mature, self-respecting anime viewer to find in this mish-mash of Hello Kitty and a dash of yeast. Yes, it's kiddie anime, and it's kiddie anime at its most banal. I have above provided one example of the drawing in the show so that you may imprint it in your mind and avoid it as though it was a televangelist telemarketer part-time door-to-door salesman lawyer Fox executive with the plague. Any other images will be of real bread, which holds more interest, appeal, and nutritional value than this show has, had, or can ever have. As a side note, the person who initially presented this anime was not willing to allow me to borrow the CD so that I could subject myself to the end of the series, instead suggesting that I download the whole thing myself and take up my disk space with this tripe. As much as I'm willing to do my job, I'm not willing to waste disk space with something that I *know* I'm not going to keep and will in fact remove from my possession as soon as I am done with it. Now that that's out of my system, let's do this categorically.

Plot Summary: It's bread. In a bakery. Talking to other bread. That's it. Not anything of any moral import nor any sort of comedic value as one would expect from a perfect absurd setup like "inanimate object animated and placed in normal setting." No boulangerie-esque "Three's Company." Nothing. Just bread sitting around. Talking. About life as bread, which turns out to be startlingly similar to what I would have imagined it would be, had I even bothered to care about the lives of bread beyond what date it would start growing mold.

Artwork: A three-year-old could draw it better. The crew who did the last two eps of NGE could draw it better! If you're going to make an anime, even if it is meant to appeal to children, how about stimulating their minds with some decent artwork, too!

Music: The only remotely likable feature of this show, the bouncy theme makes me forget momentarily what I'm going to be watching. A nifty little reprieve that's lost under the weight of the characters' talking during the episodes.

Characters: There's a whole lot of burnt bread. That's actually what the series focuses on, a couple of pieces of burnt bread talking to other bread, some of which isn't burnt. These characters have little to no personality other than the familiar catch-phrase, "I'm burnt," which is appealing the first two or three times they say it. It gets old when they say it every episode at least twice! Kogepan himself tries teaching the newly-baked breads in the ways of the world, which again delves into the depths of inter-variety relations and the lives of bread in general. Utterly thrilling, isn't it? As well, the burnt breads are scorned by other fresh breads, which some could say teaches children a lesson about racial prejudices or some other such nonsense. Have you watched Sesame Street lately? They're doing the exact same thing for less money and with less publicity and with characters that don't drawl out their lines like they're half-stoned throughout the taping.

Plot: I've already stated what I think of the plot. There is none. And if anyone can prove me wrong and get me to admit it, I'll eat my copy of Kevin Murphy's "A Year at the Movies."

CHICKS!!! Dude, it's bread. If you find yourself admiring bread with fanservicey thoughts in your mind, please seek help immediately. If it's at a psychiatrist's office, good for you. If it's at a bakery, leave me the hell out of it.

Overall: Okay, take a deep breath in, breathe out. Find your calm place. ("Slide...") Now, don't get me wrong. I think that Kogepan is an acceptable substitution for some shows that are available for younger kids these days. It's wholesome fun for 4-5 year-olds, and maybe even younger ones. However, I am unable to understand how anyone over the age of 9 could enjoy this anime in any way, shape, or form. It's like finding a teenager who likes the Teletubbies. They tell you that and you begin questioning their mental capacities. In the case of the people in my anime club, I know that most of them have exceptional intelligences, which leads me to question their reasons for liking this mindless, pointless drivel. The only reason that I can find is that they enjoy having a chance to turn off their minds and just watch away as the pretty colors pass on the screen. And fundamentally, I think that everyone enjoys that from time to time. I didn’t laugh once. You could just guffaw through the entire hour and a half. I didn't take well to it. You may. On the other hand, I could just be wrong, and this series could be more worthless than a college student on any given Saturday night, from anyone’s perspective. I don’t know, and I’d prefer not to think about it any more than I absolutely have to. By merit of my overall reaction to this series, it has henceforth been deemed the inaugural winner of the not-very-coveted Golden Ass Award! Step forth, bread, and take a bow! You suck beyond all comparison!

In a nutshell:
+Might have a decent soundtrack.
+/-Fits mindless entertainment to a tee.
-No plot
-No characterization. Period.
-No point.
-Bread.

Final rating: 1/10



Flee from this place before it rubs off on you.