Top 10 Anime Racks!
So you thought that our Top 10 Anime Chicks List was the epitome of our perverted thoughts? You thought we couldn't possibly go any farther in flexing our ecchi muscles? Well, think again! For behold: our Top 10 Anime Racks List. Our selections went far beyond mere aesthetics, and were based on other criteria such as how these luscious love bumps influence the character they're attached to, and if they serve any purpose other than being drool fodder. The selection process was grueling, but not without its rewards. So, in case you've ever discussed this topic with your friends (and we know you have), here are our selections for the Top 10 Anime Racks of all time.
10. Faye Valentine (Cowboy Bebop)
One of the first exposures that many of us had to anime racks was at 11:00 on weeknights on Cartoon Network during the soon-to-be-famous Adult Swim block. Faye Valentine is the pinnacle of hotness, with a figure that could kill most marines at fifty yards, and more importantly a rack that gets shown off with gusto. Faye always knows what she wants, and she’s never afraid to show off the goods to get it. For distraction purposes, to blend in, or just plain for fun, these ta-tas can do it for her.
9. Saori Shikijo (Mahoromatic)
Very few women take as much pride in their bustline as Shikijo, and even fewer show it off with such aplomb. She uses tight clothes and very thinly-veiled sexual innuendo to garner the lascivious stares of her students. And we're certainly not complaining, since her endowments are a pleasure to stare lasciviously at. They really shine through when she's holding them over the head of Mahoro, figuratively and sometimes literally. I tell you, if one of my high-school teachers had jumblies like that, I'd get detention on purpose. Every day.
8. Madame President (Golden Boy)
Her name is not important. All you need to know is that she is the proud owner of one of the fullest, bounciest, wobbliest racks in all of anime. The fact that she was never given a name even in the anime should be proof enough that the focus was not placed on her character, but rather her pendulous love pillows. And how hard it is not to focus on them, what with their near constant and hypnotic jiggling. Those who would accuse Kintaro of being a lust-crazed pervert, consider the possible effects of the long-term exposure to Madame President's raucous rack.
7. Narusegawa Naru (Love Hina)
Another legacy pick on the list, these blouse-bouncers were the basis for some of the most famous grab-da-bewbie jokes in one of the most widely recognizable harem series. While Naru doesn’t particularly appreciate the attention they receive, the focus of almost every scene in the series is drawn to them, as Keitarou always finds a way to bumble of stumble onto them, followed by a swift kick to the head. However, for the pleasure of touching them, wouldn’t a little bit of pain be worth it?
6. Yumi Omura (Chobits)
“They’re E-cups.” With those three words, Yumi found her way into our hearts and into the minds of millions upon millions of teenaged boys. While, admittedly, they don’t look exactly like E-cups (or D-cups by American standards), the fact that she is always willing to tease Hideki with the aforementioned bustage makes her attractive enough that we really don’t care what size they really are. Just make sure not to mention persocons around her, or you might find neither hide nor hair of the hidden treasures.
5. Mikuru Asahina (Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)
A relatively new addition to the list, the utility of her sweater bunnies comes not from her own choice, but from Haruhi’s insistence to bend them to her own ends. Be it by dressing Mikuru in scanty cosplays for publicity purposes (can anybody say, bunny suit, thank you god?) or using them as blackmail for obtaining resources, these have some of the best utility and aesthetics of the past two years. If I was Kyon, I would let Haruhi have her way more often.
4. Naga the White Serpent (Slayers Movies and OAVs)
She must be an accomplished sorceress, because only the strongest magic could support those round and bouncy coconuts with nothing more than a strip of dark fabric and a rodent skull. The impressiveness of her rack is more than just her contrast to the relatively flat-chested Lina Inverse, and could easily stack up (no pun intended) against just about any set of sweater puppies in the anime megaverse. So I'm willing to forgive her for her laugh. After all, anyone with breasts that perfect has a right to be in a perpetual laugh-out-loud good mood.
3. Tifa Lockhart (Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children)
While the original martial artist vixen was slightly more pixilated than the recent releases in the series, there was no denying that her gazongas were legendary and unbelievable at the same time. While she never got to show them off all that much in the game, what with all the fighting monsters and trying not to die, there was no denying that these breasts were of the legendary sort. Even though Cloud may have been too stupid to take notice for most of the game, the viewers had enough sense to want to rub their faces in her volcanoes of love for all seventy hours of the game.
2. Mii (Jungle de Ikou)
In my personal opinion, large hooters are a source of power in and of themselves, but Mii takes it to a whole other level. Being able to use the power of her breasts in some manner to get out of even the toughest scrapes is the reason why she ranks second on our list. Her rack goes beyond being nice to look at; without her astounding assets, she is not the same character. Without even intentionally drawing attention to herself, the weight of the world seems to pivot around her massive melons. Good thing they're heavy enough to counteract all that weight.
1. Rushuna Tendo (Grenadier)
Of all the women who get all they can out of their breasts, Rushuna unquestionably tops the list. Her breasts run the gamut from eye candy, to speed-loader, to peacemakers. The fact that they are large, smooth and milky white is just an aside; Rushuna is all about function over form. Fortunately, the form is just as good anyway, and even without all the utilitarian purposes, they represent just about everything one could hope for in a bosom. That's why Rushuna's Swiss Army Boobs are tops among all anime racks. Jump (and bounce, and jiggle) for joy!
After all that time we've spent ogling the breasts of anime girls, we have finally put our connoisseurship of cleavage to good use, and have created this list for your reference and entertainment. We know you probably didn't see some of your favorite funbags on our list, but know this: even though this list has only ten entries, we appreciate and are captivated by any and all pairs of anime breasts (except for the chicks in Eiken; those were just scary). So there you have our choices. Wasn't that a relaxing read? Don't you feel calm and refreshed? Of course you do. Which proves our long-standing theory: big breasts bring peace.
Also, for more fun names to call breasts, check out the definitive list of euphemisms at Cousin Mammy’s World of Breast Euphemisms!
Return to Index