So I ran faster, but it caught me here...
Yes, my loyalties turned like my ankle,
in the seventh grade,
running after the rain.

Doshite? Why am I always running away from him? I never run away. I'm Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier. Mission acknowledged, mission accomplished. I don't stop until the job is completed. So why do I refuse to finish the mission my heart accepted for me?

I was ready to kill him in that cell, so many months ago. I've been ready to kill him many times. God knows I've threatened him enough. But I just wasn't willing to go through with it. Why does he disrupt my life like this? I was loyal only to myself and my mission. It was working out fine. Then he comes along, and my whole perception shifts. Suddenly, I twist; I know I must protect him, at any cost. Chikusho.

These precious things,
Let them bleed, let them wash away.
These precious things,
Let them break their hold over me.

So, where am I now? How fitting. In the park again. It's so quiet here, and dark, that eerie darkness of well-after midnight, when dawn is just out of reach. I've left him alone, again. I left him in that tiny apartment, left him with a look of shock across his handsome heart-shaped face. If only I could leave the thought of him behind, too. Those gorgeous violet eyes, so soft as their gaze follows me across the room. They haunt me. That beautiful smile, those long chestnut locks cascading down his back, the glint of sunlight reflecting off the cross around his neck --- he has such power over me! I've never been controlled like this before. I've never...I need to break free.

He said you're really an ugly boy,
but I like the way you...play.
And I died, but I thanked him.
Can you believe that? Sick, sick.
Holding on to his picture, dressing up everyday.

He left me here, again. He just ran out on me, without a word, before I could even tell him I --- how I feel about him. Damn it, Heero! You care about me, I know you do! At least, I think you do. He never says it; he never says he likes me, or that he thinks I'm...attractive. Of course, that doesn't mean he hates me, or thinks that I'm ugly or anything. No way! If he felt that way, why would he...why would we...I mean, he wouldn't make love to me if he found me repulsive! Would he? You're fooling yourself again, Maxwell. He's only in it for the sex. Why not, you give it up to him so easily. Every night he spends in my bed, a piece of me dies. But I continue doing it, ne? I walk through life holding a picture of him in my head, an idealized picture, a perfect Heero who really...who loves me for who I am. And everyday I dress myself up as the boy I think he might like, making myself into someone I'm not, just to please him.

I want to smash the faces of those beautiful boys,
Those Christian boys...
So you can make me come, that doesn't make you Jesus.

I never asked for this. I never wanted to find someone, to fall...to...aw, hell, I never wanted to fall in love. Not here, not now. And not with a boy. If the others only knew. I can see the look in their eyes, that condescending little self-satisfied look. The snickers, the whispers, the taunts of "faggot" and "queer." Look at little Duo, debasing himself with another man. Like they've never sinned themselves. Grr, I just want to hit them, smack the smirks off their faces! K'so! And then Heero...Heero would be the worst of all. He'd never admit it. Even if he did, the catcalls wouldn't phase him. He'd just keep moving through life, pretending nothing ever happened. Just because he's so good in bed doesn't mean he has to use me!

These precious things,
Let them bleed, let them wash away.
These precious things,
Let them break their hold over me.

Chill out, Maxwell, you're just upset. Stop pacing around the apartment like a caged animal and just think for a minute. Would it really be like that if someone found out? Does he really hate you that much? No, he doesn't hate me, I know it. I can see it in those cold blue eyes as he watches me braid my hair. I can feel it in his touch when he holds me at night. Every thrust of his body as he takes me whispers of something more than lust, something beautiful. I wish I could throw it all away! I want to escape the torture of life, passing day by day without him. But I'm trapped here, trapped by my attachment to material things. It's the silver of my cross, the cool metal of my Gundam, the smooth green tank top on tanned flesh. They run my life. I want to take a gun, a knife, hell, a dull spoon, and free myself, let the flow of my blood wash it all away. But I can't. I love him. I can't leave without him. He has such...power over me! I need to find him.

These precious things,
Let them bleed, let them wash away.
These precious things,
Let them break their hold over me.

Every action is ruled by him. Every moment of my life is controlled by thoughts of him. And I've never even told him how I feel. I've never said...those words...I have to fight it! I have to rid myself of this weakness! How can I let myself care so much for a single person when there's a war going on? I can't have this chink in my armor. I can't let the enemy have an edge over me. They could use it against me, use him against me. I'd never forgive myself. If they hurt my Duo, I --- my Duo? Heh, I must be delusional again. He's not mine. I don't own him. He likes me, I know he does. I think he does. I'm more sure of it than he must be of me. I wonder if it hurts him, when we make love in silence. He's usually such a talker. Sometimes I think he's pretending for me, trying to act like what he thinks I would like. Doesn't he know I lo...I want him just the way he is? I can't let myself stay attached like this! I could die any day. And what would that do to Duo? Duo...

These precious things,
Let them bleed, let them wash away.

I thought I'd find him here, in the park. He's predictable. And sentimental it seems...the park, the place of our first kiss. I swore he'd take me, right there in the grass. But he waited. He has so much control over himself. I wish I could be like that. I wear a mask of good humor, but it only runs so deep. Dear God, he's so beautiful, isn't he? It just breaks me, crumples me into piles of nothing. I need to know. I need to know if he loves me, too. I can't let his silence keep running my life.

These precious things,
Let them break their hold over me.

He found me. I should've known he would. Good, I'm glad. Now I can say goodbye, the way I wanted to. No temptations of the room, the bed, the closeness of his body. I can break away clean, leave nothing behind. Nothing but the dull ache in the pit of my stomach every time I think of him. But it's the only way. I can't be an effective Gundam pilot unless I...unless I break his heart...

These precious things,
Let them bleed, let them wash away.

Heero, you left me. You ran away before I could finish my sentence. You've been running away more and more often. I can't keep going on like this. Heero, I love you. I've loved you for a long time. If you...if you don't feel the same way, then I think you should stay away. For good.

These precious things,
Let them break, let them wash away...

Duo...I care about you. I do. But I can't. I just can't let myself. I can't have that weakness controlling my life.

These precious things,

It's not a weakness, damn it! Love is not a weakness. It's the strongest bond that exists. It can withstand anything, if it's true enough and pure enough. Love is everything. If you fight it, yes, then it weakens you. If you reject it, you're the weakest person in the world. But if you accept it into yourself, it can only make you stronger. If you let it fill you, body and soul, it will no longer control you. It'll consume you, become one with you. Then...then you'll be invincible.

Let them bleed now, let them wash away.

Invincible...

These precious things,

Only if you open yourself up. Only if you let yourself love, Heero.

Duo?

Yes?

Let them break their hold over me.

Duo...ai shiteiru.

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