So, who out there thinks that Rei is a little Drama Queen? Well,
this story FINALLY deals with that. Well not really but I think
it's funny. This is the last installment, so don't go asking for
no more. But do mail me at kaorunagisa@yahoo.com I hope I get
some feed back and if you get any time after this, please drop
by my page and read EvaLeSs! The address is
http://animation.acmecity.com/blotter/186 I hope you enjoy this and
all other stories. Okay poor little Tabris Enterprises presents...
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Apathetic Drama Queen
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Rei Ayanami was looking at the 'Mall of Doom' directory.
Rei: This sucks we've barely survived getting through two stores
and a phone booth and she wants us to do the entire mall! Then
screw that damn Queen. Hey, waita minute this is an open-air
mall. That must mean that I can float us outta here.
Pen-Pen: I suppose that's true.
Rei: What don't you believe I can fly?
Pen-Pen: No, I do and don't ever come that close to an R. Kelly reference
again.
Shinji: You can fly, just get in touch with your womynpower!
Rei: My womynpower...right.
Suddenly many images surrounded Rei, all of them was cloaked in shadow.
But because the shadows were so badly drawn you could tell it was all
the characters of Eva, just like that scene in ep. 25 with tall he 'I
am the me in your mind'.
"Why she's so chubby and cheap-looking, she'd make Clinton's
knees knock!"
"Didn't anyone tell you that short skirts and fat pasty thighs make
for a nasty combination?"
"Man, she's WAY to fat to fly!"
"She's Springer bait. She's got all the requirements: broken home,
apathetic and small willed."
"Next time on Springer, pathetic little trailer tarts who have
crushes on their fathers and think they're magical."
"Rei's as white as the driven trash."
Rei concentrated quietly as all the insults were flung at her and
suddenly she and her band of friends were floating. They lifted
high into the sky and easily levitated over the open air mall.
Shinji: You're like a role model of female empowerment.
Rei: HA! Who's not magical?
Rei and her friends magically flew off and magically found the
location that the un-magical P.C. Queen was sitting petting her cat.
Pen-Pen: Oh, is this a Austin Powers ref. or what?
It was Kensuke dressed up in a little cat costume and curled up
on Hikari's lap.
Hikari: HO HO HO HO!
Kensuke: Meoww. Prrr
Hikari: HO HO HO HO!
Kensuke: Mrowr?
Pen-Pen: Your subconscious is more interesting than I thought.
Shinji: I don't know if this is more offensively objectifying to
women or animals or both...!
Rei landed with a thud from her Dock Martin boots.
Rei: Okay, Queenie I got through your little Mall of Doom...
Shinji: Actually you sort skipped over it.
Rei: ...so now you can reverse your little curse! Restore my Shinji,
I am so tired of this analytically correct GIRL.
Hikari: I don't really wanna. If this is upsetting you, you can e-mail
me at I.Don't.Give.A.Rats.Ass@aol.com So nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa!
Hikari rasberried as Kensuke cuddled on her chest.
Rei: P.C. Mother-father!
Hikari: Caucasian wannabe COCKERSPANIEL!
Rei: "B"-Word!!!
Hikari: "C"-Word!!!!
Shinji: We're all sisters here, can't we all just get along?
Hikari: Why don't you deal with my NOT-so-little friend!
Hikari raised her hand to show a giant sized Gendo in a bad Eva-01
costume. He was walking through the streets, well rather crashing.
Hikari: Behold...GIANT ROBOT/HUMAN COMMANDER GENDO!
Shinji: Eep.
Hikari: Relish in his presence, the product of how a Japanese man
'should' be, garbed in a sexist, fan service and fetishistic degrading
costume that leaves not too much to the imagination around the crotch
area.
Kensuke: Mrowr?
Pen-Pen: Damn, your subconscious is a LOT more interesting than I
thought.
Shinji: Run away!
The hand of the giant Gendo came crashing down on Rei but a cigarette
flew. Rei and Gendo looked up.
Kaoru: I would be quite upset if you were to hurt Rei, for her heart
is pure and good like heroine's should be. So I the oddly omnipresent
Tuxedo Angel declares that...
Suddenly Kaoru felt a hand around his body. The hand then squeezed and
his head popped off.
Hikari: Die, bad excuse for an animated gay male!
Rei: H-Hey. I think, at least according to some of the latest fanfic
writers, that Kaoru should be considered something more trendy like
bi-curious. I mean I always assumed he liked Shinji but according
to these new writers, Kaoru seems to want relationships with females.
No names. Okay maybe he was only an angel in a tux. But he was my
DAMN angel in a tux!!!! So you're going down you supersized L-O-S-E-R!
Rei began to fly into the air with her, erg, um, wand glowing.
Pen-Pen: Watch out!
Hikari: Princess, prepare to experience the power of...GENDO'S
GASTLY GROTESQUE AT-FIELD GENERTAION DECONSTRUCTOR!!!
Rei crashed to the ground as her clothes predictably tore off
of her. She landed in a conveniently set up pool. When she got
up she looked around to see a chibi form of herself. They began
to spit that 'I am the I that exists in your mind' crap at each
other. Rei then had on a new costume. It was her original one
only it shined pure white. Rei then shot up at the robot.
Rei: CHEW ON MY STUPENDOUS BEAT THE HELL OUTTA THE COMMANDER
AND SAVE THE FRICKIN' WORLD ATTACK!
Hikari: We're saved.
Rei landed on Hikari's head as a zillion people just popped up around her.
Shinji(female): You're SO inspirational!
Pen-Pen: You ROCK!
Sailor Moon: Yay, Rei!
Touji: You're a mini skirted Goddess!
Misato: I'm so proud of you!
Shinji(male): You're so darn wonderful.
Asuka: She's so numinous.
Kensuke: Mrowr!!!
Misato: I hereby declare today 'Rei Appreciation Day'!
Shinji: Getting turned into a girl was the best thing that ever
happened to me because it brought me closer to you...
Sailor Moon: You're my role model as a magical heroine!
Hikari: Rah, rah, rah! Rei's the queen of the world!
Touji: You are SO smart, too!
Rei: Huh?
Pen-Pen: Uh-oh...
Rei: Wwwait a sec. This isn't real, you think I'm conceded. And
you don't appreciate me Misato, you think I'm not adept at living.
And YOU-!
Rei grabbed Shinji.
Pen-Pen: Dang it, she's gonna wake up.
Rei: You're not a prince, you're a jackass. A stupid, horny, sniveling
little jackass!
Shinji:...
Rei: I'm in love with a stinkin' jackass who's name means 'true hatred'!
What the HELL is wrong with me? All of you people despise me, that is
those of you who even care that much about me. So obviously the only
reason that all you bastards are here clapping for ME is because, either
I became the star of Eva or...I'm dreaming.
Pen-Pen: Here I go, back to my two-word vocabulary...
Rei: GOD, I ahte having pleasent dream cause...
Rei's eyes shot open as she looked around her abandoned apartment
room. She was staring wide eyed at the ceiling. She spoke once
again in her normal monotone.
Rei: ...cause I always wake up.
The End!
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Did anyone else LOVE that? (the tumble weed rolls by) Oh, alright!
I'll be finishing up EvaLeSs so you fans look out! I'll also be
starting work on another story. I hope everyone continues to read
my work and I have a few people who's work I like, but as not to miss
on anyone, I'll say nobody. Just check out all Eva fanfiction, I think
I've read just about ALL there is out there. Can any one else say that?
Then again I have entirely TOO much freetime. Waita second, no I don't
I have a series to finish! And one to start...gotta go get busy writing.
Busy, busy, busy!
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