Before - You take my breath away......
After - I feel like I'm suffocating.

Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation......
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.

Before - Lucy and Ricky......
After - Fred and Ethyl.

Before - Saturday Night Fever......
After - Monday Night Football.

Before - Don't stop......
After - Don't start.

Before - Is that all you're having?......
After - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey.

Before - It's like I'm living in a dream.......
After - It's like he lives in a dorm.

Before - $60/doz.......
After - $1.50/stem.

Before - Turbo charged.......
After - Jump start.

Before - We agree on everything.......
After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

Before - Victoria Secret.......
After - Fruit of the Loom.

Before - Charming and Noble.......
After - Chernobyl.

Before - Feathers and handcuffs.......
After - Ball and chain.

Before - I do.......
After - Idle.

Before - I love a woman with curves.......
After - I never said you were fat.

Before - He's completely lost without me.......
After - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

Before - Time stood still.......
After - This relationship is going nowhere.

Before - Croissant and cappuccino.......
After - Bagel and instant.

Before - You look so seductive in black.......
After - Your clothes are so depressing.

Before - I can hardly believe we found each other......
After - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.

Before - Passion.......
After - Ration.