Author's note : Ok, so I haven't written in a while. I had a bit of writter's block
and a whole lot of other things. So you might not guess but this story is about
Makoto. It's a bit out of character but I have a reason for that. I wrote that almost
a week after this story happened to me. I hoped it would help me because I'm in the
dumps right now. Well anyway, better not talk too much. See ya round! Ja ne!
Disclaimer: Makoto is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all others who have rights
to her. Please don't sue me.
Only Time Can Help
The shattered pieces of my heart lie around me. Only a few days ago, I had finally
worked up the courage to tell Him. My friends all think I'm steady as a rock and that
even guys won't faze me. I guess I've always wanted them to think that. Thinking back,
I guess I wanted to make myself believe that. It breaks my heart every day since I said
IT. I see Him every day. I really should let him go but it's just to hard. I know deep
down that we were meant to be together. He just won't see it though so my like is a
wreck. I want the floor to open up and swallow me.
---------
So most of the time I act before I think. I'll usually end up hitting or
insulting guys before ten minutes have passed. I can't help it though. That day was no
different than any other. I see him at school all the time. He's in all my classed
except one. We were actually working on an assignment together. I was sure lady luck
was on my side but I guess I saw it wrong. I'd been asking innocent questions for a
little while. You could call that that a really stupid thing to do but I get really
shy around guys I really like. Ya right, I'm as stable as a rock. I guess my friends
just don't know me as much as they think they do. I had been working for a while on
the best place to tell him I liked him. I had the ice rink as the perfect plan but it
would have had to wait for another two to three weeks.
I couldn't stand it any longer. I knew he has something to do that night but
that he would back early. I told him to meet me on the net that night. I had something
to tell him. Something important. Somehow, I thought I'd chicken out of telling him.
Just like every other time I had tried. I went home kinda hoping He wouldn't show up
so I wouldn't have to say IT. I spent the night on the net waiting for Him. He cam on
two minutes before I had planned to leave. I knew it was the time for me to tell him.
The conversation went like this.
- We're friends right?
- Ya
- Ok. So here goes nothing. This is probably the most stupid thing I'll de in my life.
Well you see, I love you.
- ...
- I'm really sorry for springing it on you. I know it's really selfish of me. Can't
help it.
- ...
- Well that's why I asked if we were friends. Anyway, I think I better got before I make
things any worse. I really didn't mean to spring it on you like that but I couldn't keep
it in any longer. Bye!
That night, I didn't sleep much or well for that matter. I could only think of what I had
said to him only a few hours earlier. I twisted and turned hoping that he wouldn't turn
me away. I also hoped he would be able to keep what I'd told him to himself. After a long
time, I fell in a restless sleep.
The next morning, I got up early so I would be in school before him. When I saw him
arrive, I crossed him in the hall. I wispered to him : "I'm really sorry about last night.
I didn't mean to do that to you but I couldn't hold it in any longer." He responded with
an off the hand "That's ok". In a way, I felt relieved that he didn't hate me but it also
saddened me to know he didn't seem to care.
After having eaten with my friends, we had to work on out assignment together. While we
were walking together to the library, I made yet another mistake. I asked him his response.
He answered "Just friends". I should have seen it coming but I had kept my eyes shut to
that fact. It hit my hard even though I wouldn't be willing to admit so to others. I went
through the rest of the day in a daze. When I got home, I was in no mood to do homework
so I just sat around for a while. When I finally allowed myself to look back on my day,
the barrage of tears could be held back no longer.
Another restless night was passed and I had to face him again. It's hard to act normal
when all you want to do is cry. I tried hard and I mostly succeeded other than for the
fact that my friends asked if I was ok. I was touched but I didn't dare tell them what
I was feeling. I guess I just want to keep up the "steady as a rock" attitude. That
night, I again looked back at what had happened and cried myself to sleep.
I can't say I'll get over it soon. I just know that I'll have to if I want to be any
help. If anything, I love him more than before. I know we are meant to be so I'll wait
for him. More restless nights await me but I'm ready to face them if only to be able to
see his smile tomorrow.
(Ok so what did you think? I'm in a slightly dark mood right now so I wrote that on
impulse.If you have any comments just send them my way. Ja ne! Moonchild_j@hotmail.com)
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