"For Argument's Sake."
By: Isis @}->--
isis@moonkingdom.com
Rating: G
Disclaimers: Don't sue and don't copy!
AN. He he he he he heee. Still with me? :-P
Chapter 19
*@}->--*
"Hi Mom. What's for dinner?"
That was a voice and a question that Ilene Tsukino hadn't
heard in far too long. Although through her surprise she noticed
the obvious, what was her daughter doing home unexpectedly on a
Wednesday night? "Serena? Honey, I wasn't expecting you.
What in the world are you doing here?"
"Oh, I just missed my loving family and I thought maybe
I'd pop over and surprise you," she said hopping up to sit on the
counter beside her.
She gave her daughter an odd look searching for any sign
that something was wrong. "That's nice dear. But are you sure
there isn't something wrong?"
Serena looked back at her obviously about to say that she
was imagining things but she stopped short. Ilene had always
found herself to be very good at reading people, and her only
daughter was no exception to that.
Instead the younger girl sat there staring off into a corner of
the kitchen without seeing a thing. Slowly Ilene took her chin in
one of her hands and turned her so that she had to look at her.
"Serena, what is it? You can tell me."
The other looked back at her for a moment before
answering. "Mom, I was wondering something."
She nodded listening carefully to the strain in her voice.
"What is it dear?"
She again looked down to watch her bare feet swing
absently off the edge of counter. "When did you and Dad fall in
love?"
So it had come to this talk. She smiled to herself as she
watched her little girl not watching her. "Well now let me see,"
she mumbled returning to her casserole's preparation. "Your
father and I were high school sweethearts. I guess it started there.
We started dating when I was a sophomore. Of course your
grandfather didn't like it any. But once he got to know Dad he
couldn't really object." She chuckled to herself as she thought
about it, "He reminds me so much of what your father did to you
when you first started dating."
"What do you mean? He still does the 'dad thing' to my
dates now."
She laughed looking over to see a little laughter in her
daughter's eyes too. "Yes, I suppose you're right." She sighed
looking out the window at the now passing storm. "Well, we just
carried on that way. He graduated a year before I did and as that
day got closer I was more than a little scare of loosing him once he
started college. But I shouldn't have worried about it. He was
always more than worried about things for both of us."
Serena giggled lightly, "He was always like this wasn't
he?"
She nodded solemnly, "Yes, he was. But he was a faithful
man and well, I guess I already loved him."
She paused, thinking back to their dating relationship,
Serena also remained quiet for a time. "What made you think that
you really loved him? I mean, how did you know?"
This wasn't an idle question. Her girl was looking for
something and she knew that what she wanted was an answer to
her own heart. "I suppose I knew by the way he treated me. More
of a growing feeling than anything else." She stared out the
window in thought. "It took me a while before I even realized that
I was falling in love with him. I finally admitted it to him the same
time that I realized it myself." She looked at the other smiling,
"And I think that might have just been when he knew it too."
"How were you sure what it was?"
Ilene sighed, "I wasn't sure of it Serena. I was a bit
frightened at first, but all I knew was what I felt when I was with
him. I knew he cared about me and wouldn't let anything happen
to me. Even when I was scared that I'd loose him when he started
college, he would hold me and say that nothing could tear us apart.
I felt safe with him, secure that he would always be there. I felt
loved back. I knew I couldn't live without that comfort or that
protection. He was just always there for me. I guess that was one
of the main reasons that I did fall in love with him. I trusted him
completely."
She paused smiling at the memories. Now they seemed so
far removed from her but she reflected mildly that she still felt
loved when he held her. After so many years that may have been
the only thing that didn't fade.
Turning back to Serena she was going to say more but
stopped seeing the troubled, far away look in her blue eyes.
"Serena, why are you asking? Has something happened?"
Again she didn't look at her but instead closed her eyes and
turned away. Perhaps she shouldn't have asked her like that. But
then the younger girl hopped down from the counter and wrapped
her arms around her mother nearly crushing her. "Oh Mom, I
don't know what's happening," she sobbed into her apron.
Ilene simply stood there hugging her back wondering what
to do for the child. "Tell me dear, what is it?"
She stifled her sobs and looked up at her with tears shining
in her eyes. "I'm scared."
Andrew walked up to Darien's apartment door carrying his
coat. The rain had stopped and the sun had come out with a
vengeance making it extremely humid and extremely sticky for the
end of winter. He knocked on the door and waited for some
response. It took long enough to come.
"Hey Andrew, come in," his friend finally said once he
opened the door.
Andrew noticed right off that something was wrong. He
hardly looked at him when he opened the door and at seven
o'clock on a Thursday night he was in a pair of sweats. "Uh-oh.
What happened now?" he asked following him inside.
He didn't even bother to turn around. "I kissed her."
"WAHOO!" Andrew sobered again when he noticed his
friend wasn't sharing the same enthusiasm. "Serena right? You're
not pulling in some other chick that I haven't approved of here are
you?"
Darien turned to him with a very annoyed look. "No."
"So what's wrong with that?" he asked instead. He thought
this should be good news.
"She hasn't said five words to me since and I'm with her
nine hours a day!" In frustration he threw a pillow from one end of
his couch to the other and flopped down on it.
"Oh."
"I don't even know what I was thinking! Actually, no, I do
know what I was thinking, I was thinking of those beautiful eyes
and how frightened they looked because of the storm. I was
thinking how well she always fit into my arms. I was thinking
about how her hair felt and what it smelled like." He sighed and
raised a hand to rub at the spot on his brow. "I gave her a little
peck on the forehead to tell her everything would be OK, and she
looked up at me with those eyes again and… I lost it."
Andrew sat down on the coffee table in front of him.
"Define 'lost it.'"
"Lost it! Let my brain waltz right out of my head! Opened
up my heart and said 'here, screw with my life as much as you
want to!' How else do you want me to define it? I KISSED her!
And this wasn't just a friendly 'Oops! missed your check' sort of
thing. This was a full-blown 'if you were an ice cream Sunday I'd
be hot fudge!' Do you see my point in here somewhere?"
"You know, you tend to get increasingly sarcastic when
you're upset about something."
"I am not UPSET!"
Andrew just stared back at him with an eyebrow raised.
"I'm not upset," he said much more convincingly. "I'm
frustrated with myself for being so stupid. And I'm confused to no
extent. And I'm… Oh I'm sorry this ever happened!" He leaned
over putting his face in his hands dejectedly.
Andrew sat there for a minute watching him. "Are you?"
he asked quietly hoping he was right. Darien looked up at him
confused. "Are you really sorry or is this actually what you
want?"
"How could I possibly want this?"
"Not this, Darien. Her. I think you have a lot more
feelings for her than maybe even you know. I think you have to let
yourself know what you really do feel for her," he coaxed.
"I've been trying to do that since this happened."
"And?"
"And I don't know."
He sat there and looked at him for a moment. "Then let's
do it this way. Add up every emotion you felt when you kissed her
and see what you get."
"What?"
He nodded, "I'm serious. You take a good long listen to
those feelings. Not the ones you have now. Those feelings! And
now you sit here and tell me what they tell you because those are
the only emotions that mean anything."
He purposefully stopped and stared back at him until
Darien turned away, his eyes glassing over slightly. He remained
stationary for what seemed like forever to Andrew but in his own
mind he had to be reliving everything those few minutes with her
had left imprinted on his heart. Slowly he closed his eyes still not
turning towards him but he knew he had his answer.
"I'm right aren't I? You've fallen in love with her."
Without opening his eyes he nodded his head slightly.
"And I really hate it when you're right."
Friday. Why was this week going so slow?
The silence stretching between Serena and Darien was
nearly deafening. Both wanted to say what they felt but neither
knew how. And neither was sure how the other would react.
Nothing seemed to bridge that gap between them and it was
starting to truly worry her.
Romola was sitting at her desk watching the younger girl
aimlessly searching through the files that she was placing gingerly
into their respective folders for quick referencing later. Usually
she didn't see either of them in her office until the end of the day
when they would normally enter together, file away their results,
and say goodbye before heading out the door together.
Now it seemed that both of them were simply looking for
an excuse not to be in the same room together for too long. She
began to wonder what they did say when they had no reasons to
excuse themselves from each other's company.
Serena slowly finished her filing, double-checked that she
had put them all in the correct slot, and then carefully closed the
cabinet gently but made no move to leave the room. Romola
simply sat there and waited for her to say what was on her mind.
She didn't wait long. "Romola, can I ask you something?"
"Well, sure dear. What is it?" she asked as Serena
wondered over to look out her window. She leaned her head
against the glass. "How did you and Dr. Benton fall in love?" It
was a simply stated question but the answer didn't come easy.
Romola leaned back in her chair and regarded the girl
before her. Serena for her part continued her unseeing stare out the
window. But thinking back she laughed despite herself, "It wasn't
easy, that I can tell you."
The younger girl finally turned to regard her. "Really?"
"Yes," she smiled wistfully. "We met in college. We were
taking a Calculus class together. We met and, well, something just
kind of popped."
"It happened that fast?" she said in awe.
Romola flashed her a devilish little smile. "No, that was
just the beginning. The beginning of something I never imagined."
Serena, interested now, came over to sit on her desk.
"You see," she continued, "we were both dating other
people at the time. Norman and I were just friends, although our
significant others at the time didn't happen to like that much." She
smiled at the younger girl. "Norman and I would spend an hour or
so together doing Calc. homework almost every day, and we
usually seemed a little… on the flirtatious side around each other."
Serena giggled at her choice of words but didn't interrupt.
"Well, the semester ended and so did our excuse to get together.
We made various excuses to see each other at least once a week.
Which infuriated my beau to the extent that he finally told me to
choose between them once and for all."
"And you chose Norman," she said with all the air of a
soap opera.
"No, I chose Richard."
"What?"
She laughed again at the other's shocked expression. "Yes,
I chose my old boyfriend. You have to remember that Norman
was still dating someone else and we were just friends."
"So what happened?"
"I told him about Richard's protests and we leveled off
quite a bit, although we still snuck out every now and then." She
gave her a wink. "Well, a little time past and I decided I was sick
of Richard. We were springing into more and more arguments and
in all truth I resented him. We finally split up for good about two
weeks before the end of school. I spent the whole summer gorging
out on chocolate-chip ice cream, but by the next year I was ready
for romance! So guess who I smashed into the first week."
"Norman!"
She laughed at Serena's enthusiasm. "Exactly. Well, we
got to talking, and talking some more. Come to find out that his
girlfriend had left over the summer too. And with no one to stop
us we resumed right where we left off."
"Still being friends?"
"Yes, that's all we expected to be. Of course," she
chuckled, "that lasted about a month."
Serena laughed back. "What happened then?"
She sighed, "He sent me a dozen roses with a note that only
read 'Will you go out with me?' Needless to say, I said yes. What
made him ask me then or that way I don't know to this day. But
that night he took me out and swept me off my feet. I haven't
looked back since," she finished.
Serena giggled and walked back to the window. "It really
sounds like the two of you were meant to be together."
"I think so, yes," she replied. "What brings this up?"
Serena was silent a moment as she stared out the window.
"Love seems so simple for some people and so hard for others."
"Yes, it can be that way."
"How did you know that you loved him? Not as a friend or
a boyfriend, but really loved him?"
Romola was silent a while before answering. "It was his
kiss, the way I felt when he held me."
"Safe, warm, protected… loved," she listed without turning
around.
"Yes," she was a bit surprised. "Serena, what is all of this
about?" she asked gently.
"Darien," was her only answer.
Silence hung for a moment. "Did something happen?"
Serena closed her eyes against the harsh sunlight. "Yes."
Romola waited for more but it didn't come and she
believed she knew what she was referring to. "I see." She
remained thoughtful for a minute. "And is this what you feel when
you're with him? Safe and loved?"
"I feel safe and cared for, yes. But I've always felt that
way in his arms." She sighed and opened her eyes again. "I've
felt it for literally years."
Romola smiled at the youth again. "How did the two of
you meet?"
Serena laughed and turned to face her, leaning back against
the glass. "I hit him with a test paper."
"What?"
Still laughing she stared off into space with memory. "I
was in eighth grade, fourteen, and a miserable excuse for a student.
I had better things to do with my time then study boring school
subjects. An attitude I still have by the way." She giggled at
herself.
"Anyway, I totally flunked this math test, right. I still
remember that stupid thing too. I got a thirty on it!" Romola's
mouth dropped open. *Thirty!?* "So I knew Mom was going to
short a fuse, so when I was walking home I got so frustrated over it
I crumpled it up and threw it away. Then of course, Wham!
Ended up hitting him right on the head."
Romola laughed uncontrollably. That was not the meeting
she had envisioned, but it fit.
"'Ow, watch it Meatball Head.' Those were the first words
he ever said to me. Of course I went into a total fit about him
calling me that. It only made matters worse when he picked up my
test and saw what I got. 'Are you stupid, or just incredibly lazy?'
Oh I could have killed him!" Serena humphed and crossed her
arms in front of her chest as if she was still mad about it.
Romola finally swallowed her laughter. "What a start."
"Yeah. The perfect beginning. We hated each other! Or at
least I hated him. He just found me to be a rather amusing object
to torment if you ask me. But of course we kept running into each
other, literally, and I came to find out that he was a friend of
Andrew's."
She gave her a confused look but didn't interrupt.
"Andrew is Darien's best friend since like forever. He worked at
the arcade that I normally hung out in, and he was totally hot! Oh,
I had such a huge crush on him! Anyway, Andrew knew both of
us and he did his best to try and get us to be at least civil to each
other. It never worked. We just went right on spouting insults and
tripping into one another. That was until Andrew decided that he'd
had enough of both of us."
She burst into a round of giggles that Romola didn't quiet
get. She stopped herself and walked over to sit on her desk again.
"One night the two of us were going at each other's throats
as usual. Some weather announcement said that we were in a
storm warning or something, I don't remember. But we were like
the only two non-employees in the place. Anyway, Andrew made
up this goofy story about us needing to take shelter so he ushered
us into the back room, arguing all the way, and said he'd be right
back… He never came."
"He left you two in there?"
"Yep. After about twenty minutes we finally realized that
no one else was coming with us. So we decided to leave… We
didn't. Andrew had 'accidentally' locked the door behind him."
Romola spurted into laughter at the image. "So how long
did he leave you in there?"
"About two hours, more or less," she grumbled. "But
you've never been in that room. If a hurricane came through that
back end would blow apart at first gust. It was cold and dark, and
it leaked! I spent half my time avoiding the water drips and the
other half avoiding Darien! Now keep in mind that I'm fourteen,
wet, cold, and I didn't like the company I was keeping either."
She nodded solemnly. "So what did you do?"
"I wailed my eyes out! What else?"
"I bet he appreciated that."
"No he didn't. At first it was the pretty atypical Darien.
'Calm down Meatball Head, you'll drown both of us!' It only
made it worse. I flung insults at him and he returned them with
equal frustration. So basically we sat there screaming at each other
until I ran out of come-backs and his voice gave out."
"So you sat there in miserable silence."
"Oh it was anything but silent. I was sobbing my little eyes
out and the wind was defining. Then it hit. The storm came in full
force and I swore it was going to take the roof off! Darien in that
unshakable nerve of his was perfectly calm through all of it. That
only made it so much worse."
She paused to laugh at herself staring at nothingness again.
"He just sat there watching the lightning through the window. I
mean, he was freaking me out as much as the storm was. But I
was quickly losing it anyway. It finally came to one bolt of
lightning. I screamed and ran to the door banging on it like a wild
animal! I was terrified and couldn't see reason in anything."
Romola placed a hand on her arm protectively. "I would
have been the same way dear."
"Thanks," she said with a smile. "Darien tried to calm me
down and drug me away from the door. I was sobbing so much I
didn't put up much of a fight. He finally gave up trying to talk to
me and just sat there with me in the middle of the floor until the
cold finally brought me back to my senses. I tried to stop crying
and force myself to calm down. From what I know now he must
have been watching me like a hawk. When I calmed down he took
off his jacket and wrapped it around me. Not without a few
protests though," she smiled.
"He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and scooted me
over to him, kicking and screaming I might add. 'Come on, I'm
not going to bite,' he'd said. I didn't know if I believed him or not
but after some debate I figured he was a lot better than my other
options."
She stopped thinking for a moment. "On second thought, I
don't think I thought about it at all, I just grabbed onto him and I
wasn't letting go. 'It'll pass,' was the only thing he said. Two
little words and I'll never forget them."
Romola regarded her carefully. Her eyes stayed unfocused
and unblinking, her memories stealing the sparkle from them.
"That was the first time I felt it," she whispered. "The first time I
felt so safe and protected. Maybe it was just the situation, but I
couldn't help but feel it."
"What happened after that?" she asked trying to snap the
girl out of her trance.
It worked. "Oh, Andrew came back to find us a while later.
He was apologizing all over the place for 'leaving' us in there. I
don't think he ever knew what we went through, although Darien
griped him out up one side and down the other! Somehow I don't
think I even heard half of it."
"So you ended up like you are now?"
"Oh no way!" she gave her a comical look. "We carried on
like we always had, but it was different. I guess we were softer to
each other. Slowly it got to the point where I admitted I trusted
him. To myself of course," she added hastily. "That was almost a
year and half later."
"Seriously?"
She laughed at her thoughts. "Yep, the end of my freshman
year. I had managed to fail my psychology course and I had to do
make-up work during the summer break in order to pass. Darien
and Andrew both helped me through it." She paused, "You know,
that was the second time he hugged me."
Romola smiled quietly. These two had a history a thousand
years long! And only now did they begin to realize exactly what
they've had. "And now it's come to this. …Serena, do you think
you love him?"
The other turned away slightly. "I don't know. The way
people describe love to me I've loved him for years. But I don't
think I'm ready to call it that."
"But it's changed," she said for her.
Serena closed her eyes a moment, fighting tears she could
tell. "Yes, it's changed. He kissed me Romola! And it wasn't just
a kiss, it was something I've never felt before. Something I
wouldn't have thought possible. …Something I want more of.
And it scares me."
She paused quietly gathering herself again. "We've been
very close for a long time, and we've had a few intimate moments
here and there. But we've always kept it light. Friendly. But
now…" her eyelids closed slowly and she clutched a hand to her
heart. "It's moving too fast maybe. I… I'm not ready."
Romola moved over and placed a hand over hers. "Have
you told him that?"
Serena looked back at her. "Tell him what? That I'm
scared I'm falling in love with him?"
*@}->--*
Serena paused looking out at the small river winding its
way below the bridge she stood on. Darien stood behind her
slightly seemingly watching the same thing. Neither had been
hungry, for obvious reasons, and they had both admitted that
afternoon that they needed to talk.
But every time she thought she had her words worked out
right those same emotions that haunted her sleep at night came
back and choked her. She couldn't block out what she'd felt with
his lips pressed to hers. She couldn't ignore what her heart told
her… and she couldn't ignore the fact that she had walked away
from him.
*Oh Darien, I didn't mean to hurt you.* She had been
trembling so badly when she'd pulled away from him that she
didn't even know if she could walk. Not to mention that every
piece of her screamed at her to stay in his arms. To let him steal
away her lips again, but she couldn't have. A fear, real and
intense, filled in her heart where she had just released all of her
emotions to him.
Why she truly didn't know. What that fear meant she
couldn't even tell herself and she was afraid of saying that to him.
But her silence, their completely hopeless silence was
finally broken. Just not how she wanted it to be.
"Serena, talk to me. Please."
She tuned away from the bridge's view. She didn't know
what to say; didn't know how to tell him what she felt.
He looked at her for a moment before dropping his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. She wanted to stop him, to just stop
this from ever happening.
He shook his head slightly. "I never wanted to put us
through this… I'm sorry." He was completely honest and her
heart melted. She stepped over and wrapped her arms around him,
hugging him tightly. She couldn't do this to him. She couldn't let
him blame himself.
"Serena…" His voice failed him as he hugged her back.
She simply held him, letting all of her emotions and thoughts slip
back to the reasons why they were here. Why she felt like this
when he held her and what she'd felt when he kissed her.
"Darien," she looked up at him without informing her brain
what she was doing. "What do you feel when I'm with you?
When you hold me?"
Her logical mind was shocked at her abruptness, but she
didn't care. She was way past believing that any of this was
logical on any level.
Darien recovered from his surprise enough to mutter a,
"What?"
"Please, I need to know."
"I… Uh, I…" He sighed and pressed her closer again. "I
feel… protective. Like for some small amount of time you've
been entrusted to me." He paused, working his words carefully.
"But I also feel warm, supported… cared for. Like you always
know me, the real me, and you're still here."
Tears fell down her face without notice as she listened to
his words.
"Serena, I can't lose you." There was a waver in his voice
that chilled her. "But you have to know," he swallowed, "that I
love you… I truly do," he whispered into her hair. He held her
close as though he was afraid she would run from him. Which
might have been exactly what he was afraid of.
Some irrational fear gripped at her heart. But why was she
afraid? He loved her! Wasn't that what she wanted? Why
couldn't she speak? Why couldn't she say those same little words?
Why?!
"I'm sorry," he whispered and slipped his arms away from
her. Every muscle in her body rebelled against being separated.
"I-I'm just making this harder. I'm sorry Serena. I don't want to
put you through this…" That same waver in his always sure voice
startled her.
She looked up at him with her tear stained face and saw the
same look in his eyes. No tear had fallen yet, but then threatened
just behind those dark eyes. Those eyes that stared into hers, so
unsure and… afraid.
Afraid. Scared. Real fear reflected back at her. And she
couldn't bare it! Couldn't bare to see that fear or pain in him.
What was she thinking? How could she just stand there and let
him believe for one moment that she didn't love him back? How
could she be so unsure?
But she was.
With a stifled cry she smashed herself back into him. He
shakily wrapped his arms around her again. She sobbed in spite of
herself. *Why?* she cried mentally. *Why can't I just say it?
Why am I scared? I love him. I love him. I have to love him!*
"I'm sorry," he whispered again.
"No!" She snapped her head up so fast it startled both of
them. "No," she sobbed. "I'm sorry. Oh Darien, I want to say I
love you so much but I'm so scared. I'm so unsure. I don't know
why; I don't know why I can't just tell you how much I care, how
much I do love you. But there is just some little fear that won't let
me…"
She trailed off unable to put words to what she held inside.
If he hadn't been holding her she would have collapsed; her legs
refused to support her. He pressed her closer and didn't, or
couldn't, say anything.
She slowly let her sobs subside. She knew he was waiting
for her to calm down before saying anything farther. And she was
afraid of what he would say.
"Serena," she made herself look at him. The late afternoon
light was fading and the shadows were stretching longer, but his
eyes were the color of midnight. "I never meant to put you
through this." He reached up to brush away some of her tear
stains, and he bent down to kiss her forehead lightly. It was so
simple but it meant so much to her. It meant he forgave her for
being so indecisive. It meant he still cared and he wouldn't leave
her.
It meant he'd wait for her.
"I know you didn't," she whispered back. "I know. And
I'm sorry Darien. I'm so sorry. I truly do—"
"I understand."
He always did.
"How can I expect to put all of this on your shoulders
without you being scared? I understand Serena, I do." He tipped
her chin up a bit higher and smiled down at her. "Besides, I don't
intend on giving up if you don't want me to."
She broke into a huge smile and hugged him fiercely.
"Don't you dare give up! Like it or not I am falling for you and I
don't anticipate seeing daylight again."
"Fine with me."
She giggled into his shirt letting a last happy tear slip down
her check. "Me too." And she meant it.
______________
@}->-- The Chinese symbol for crisis includes the
characters for both danger and opportunity.
@}->-- "The heart has its reasons which reason does not
understand" -Blaise Pascal.
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