Catch Me if I Fall
By Alicia Blade
Kammi22@sprintmail.com
Arigatou, Stormlight, for giving me tips on this one!
This is a short story, obviously, and won't be continued, but I do hope
you'll all enjoy! Please tell me what you think!
"When Jesus was born in the village of Bethlehem in Judea, Herod was
king. During this time, some wise men from the east came to Jerusalem
and said, 'Where is the child born to be king of the Jews? We say his
star in the east and have come to worship him.'"
Matthew 2:1
Is love the spinning?
Turning faster in an open room
Watching the walls turn around you
As multitudes of color
Blur together into dull life.
~ Mamoru ~
I may never know what possessed me to take the left trail in the
park that day. My mind was full of clouded thoughts, stress weighed
down my spirits, and for some reason, depression was even darker in my
heart than usual. Though the day was quite sunny and bright, with only
a small, barely noticeably breeze about, there were few people in the
park. No children or couples… It's like they had all decided to take
the day off from free time, just so that I would be alone. With these
thoughts my mind urged me to get home as soon as possible.
But when I came to that fork in the trail, where I had turned
right so many times on my way to the empty apartment… I turned left.
Not a moment's hesitation. And so I continued up the path, through
unfamiliar gardens and over new bridges. My breathing strangely became
quicker as I progressed and I felt like some foreign adventurer, on his
way to find valuable treasure.
And I knew I was close when joyous laughter reached my ears.
I froze instantly, standing in the middle of the path, one foot
ahead of the other, my hands at my sides. An image flashed in my mind
and I knew I had struck gold.
Gulping roughly, I unsteadily pivoted to the left to see an
almost invisible trail cut into the bushes from precious explorers. No
one could really take any notice of it unless they were searching in
exactly the right spot, the hints of passage so miniscule.
I paused for a moment, daring not to move forward just yet, if
perhaps the sound had been an illusion. But in a matter of seconds
since I had seen the torn bushes, I heard it again, that same chiming
laughter.
Holing back a nervous smile, I crept forward, holding the
branches back with one arm as I walked through, careful not to lose
track of the path I treaded upon, knowing it would be easy to lose. It
continued on for some time and I proceeded with precise movements,
guaranteed for stunning quiet.
Finally, I found an opening, another wall of bushes, slightly
marred. I realized now that my surroundings had grown steadily darker,
until it felt almost like twilight in a dark forest, no longer mid-
afternoon. Though the foliage ahead did allow rays of light to filter
through, casting playful shadows upon the ground.
Her voice was louder now, sounding not fifteen yards away, and I
found my palms grow warmer. Pursing my lips together, I reached out my
hand and pulled the wall aside.
The next visions I beheld will forever be embedded into my
memory. So glorious, spectacular, something to be found in water color
paintings.
An angel, a sprite, a fairy, my little golden haired bunny stood
in the center of a small clearing, surrounded by vines, ivy, bluebells,
and wildflowers of all sorts and colors. Her crystal eyes were closed
tight, her arms held out to her sides as she spun around incessantly,
like a helicopter, on pointed, bare toes. Her mouth was wide and
smiling, an occasional giggle pouring from small pink lips and two
long, sunny locks of hair whirled about her tiny frame like spiral
staircases.
At that moment, I knew she couldn't possible be an earthly
creature.
I stood there, watching her spin faster and faster until my lungs
began to burn from lack of air and I breathed again, miraculously
finding thought possible.
My shaking knees forced my body towards her, or maybe it was the
other way around, but either way I soon began moving forward, my mouth
hanging slightly open and eyes unblinking the entire time. I don't know
how I managed that, still unsure that I was breathing.
Something happened and suddenly, she was aware of my presence.
She stopped momentarily, wide eyes glancing into mine, and she stumbled
forward. I dodged ahead, instantly wrapping my arms around her waist,
and she stood stiffly for only a second before collapsing completely,
my firm embrace now her only support.
Pale, slim arms unconsciously tied themselves around my shoulders
and my throat went try. Her breathing was hard, a giggle erupting from
her mouth occasionally. The small nymph felt so fragile in my arms, and
yet I continued to tighten my hold unconsciously every time her legs
would wobble beneath her. It felt good, phenomenal even, just to feel
her heartbeat against my chest, and I dreaded the moment when her
thoughts would calm to realization and she would pry herself away from
me.
Eventually her breathing did slow and she lifted her head to look
into my eyes. A grin still lingered upon her feature and a twinkle
glinted in the azure recesses of her gaze. Looking up at me now, I
could see a blush tint her already flushed cheeks, and she looked away,
surprisingly increasing her hold about my neck.
"Mamo…" she choked out, still desperately trying to reclaim her
breath. "Mamoru-san… Arigatou. For… catching me." She giggled lightly,
closing her eyes, and then her head fell to my chest.
I gasped, loudly I'm sure, though she didn't flinch. I could feel
my voice scratching against my throat, and still managed to inquire,
"Usagi, are you alright?"
There was a quiet moment between us, and then she nodded
slightly. "Hai. Just dizzy. All the world is spinning round and round…
except for you and me…" she whispered.
A choked laugh seared my lips. "That's pretty much how I feel…"
Again, only silence pursued, and I welcomed it, brushing a strand
of hair away from her shoulder and resting my head upon hers. Inside, I
highly doubted that I would ever have the chance to be this close to my
Usako again.
After a long while, I felt her stir beneath me, and her arms
began to slide away from my shoulders. I glanced down at her red face.
Her eyes were glued to mine, an almost frightened look within them. I
gulped, loosening my hold about her body slightly. My mind began to
shout urgency at me, and I sighed. So the day was truly ending.
Forcing a smile, I tilted my head to my shoulder, trying to show
her a side of pure friendship. Her eyes widened.
"You should be careful, Usagi-chan. I… suppose there won't always
be someone here to catch you… when you fall…"
She only stared a little longer, before nodding her head
silently. I smiled, forcing the saddened frown back when her arms were
completely gone from my shoulders.
"Arigatou…" she whispered for the second time. My eyes felt
teary, and I wondered why. Slowly, I removed my hands from her
completely, and forced my legs to turn away from her.
"Ja ne…" I heard nothing for a long time, but as I stepped again
into the dark path, I heard her voice, quietly whispering.
"Sayonara… Mamoru…"
I nearly stumbled at the serious undertones in her voice. Good
bye? Why would she say good bye? And no 'san'…
I refused to turn and steal one more glance at my bunny, and
continued walking out of the clearing, and park, all the way home
without looking back.
My heart tugged inside, wishing I had stayed.
Sayonara, Usako.
~ Usagi ~
I breathed in deeply, clutching my bag in front of my chest. The
arcade doors stared back at me cruelly, and I gulped, squeezing my
fists together.
It had been nearly a week since the day at the park, and he had
been avoiding me since. Usually, I wouldn't have minded, but if only he
hadn't been so darn… different that day! So sweet and… gentle. It was
like he was some man that I had never even met. Completely opposite
from the rude college jerk who teased me frequently as a favorite past time.
Like an ongoing joke to see how angry he could make me. That day
there had been something about him, something tender, almost loving.
When he held me against his chest, with one hand stroking though my
hair, I knew I could have fallen in love with him, and I'm beginning to
wonder if maybe I did. I'm terrified of seeing him now, looking into
those cool blue eyes as they glare at me so cold and reserved, frowning
as if nothing had happened. I don't want that. God, I don't want that.
And if it happens… I have no idea how I'll be able to take it. If he
looks at me like a child, immature and uncaring, even stupid. He has
looked at me so many times like that, and though it makes me quiver
inside, I hate it anyway.
But I'll find out soon. I'll find out if it meant anything to
him, anything like it meant to me. My brow furrows and I continue to
stare sadly, debating on whether I want to know what it meant to him or
not. I think I would almost rather just watch him from a distance,
never knowing… But I can't do that. Before, I could survive with just
the teasing and mocking. I never understood why I actually liked it,
deep down. It did hurt tremendously when I thought of how much he must
have hated me, but now I realize why I did enjoy it. Because deep down,
I always wanted to find what was beneath the surface. I didn't mind the
teasing as long as someday I would hear the real him, I would see his
real smile. And I've seen it now, I've seen it, and it was lovelier
than I ever could have imagined. He was… beautiful. Yes, I think that
on that day, at that moment when he looked through me with those
crystal, raindrop eyes, he was simply gorgeous. And there was a chance,
in that moment, that someday we might be able to get along. There was a
chance in that gasping moment that someday he might be able to love me.
So that's why I'm terrified. Not that he will hate me, really, but that
he won't love me.
That settles it, then, I guess. I do love him after all. No, I
loved him at the park. I want him back. HIM. And once I walk through
these doors, I will know if that is at all possible. I will know if he
still exists beneath that hard, emotionless exterior. And if I still
stand the slightest chance of seeing him again, maybe holding him
forever. God I want him… Chiba Mamoru. The real Chiba Mamoru.
Inhaling deeply, I push my feet forward. My breath is short and I
know my cheeks are flushed from running here after school. I know
Mamoru always goes to the arcade, and I also know that he's been
leaving early lately, earlier than usual, since the day at the park, to
avoid me. Well, not today. After the last bell at school had rung, I
had dashed from my classroom, flying along the sidewalks to make sure I
would catch him before he left. I would see him. I would talk to him,
get him to look me in the eye, and then I will know what is between us.
Love, hate, or nothing at all. I trudge inside, nibbling my lip roughly
the entire time, and once in the middle of the buzzings and beepings of
arcade games, I look around. My stare travels straight to the counter,
lifts, and he has not left yet. In fact, the second I lay eyes on him,
he glances down at his watch, bids Motoki farewell, stands, turns, and
sees me.
He freezes. I freeze. Stalk still, his blue eyes colliding with
mine in bolts of electricity I hope he feels as well as I do. I gulp,
there's no turning back now. He's seen me and continues to stare, as if
I'm some ghost or apparition come to haunt him. Strange how he's almost
smiling. I shake my head, barely and I'm sure he doesn't notice. He is
still standing there in shocked silence. My core begins to tremble
inside and I close my fists tightly in an attempt to stop it. It
doesn't work well and as I stare at him, less than thirty feet from me,
he takes a moment to remove his gaze and look down at his watch once
more. I almost laugh. Caught him off guard at least.
He looks up at me again and I see him struggle with his breath
for a minute. Then, strangely, he nods as if saying hello, then throws
his hands in his pockets and begins to walk towards the exit. His eyes
never meet mine again as he continues through the sliding glass doors,
strolling past me so casually, almost as if I wasn't there.
I stand frozen for a long time, staring at a stool, or maybe the
counter. Whatever it is I pay very little attention to it, only seeing
the tiny smile that had crossed over his features when he had seen me.
The look in his eyes, had it brightened? I try to tell myself it
hadn't, or maybe I stand here convincing myself that it had instead.
Either way, my fingers are shaking and I begin to unclench my fists.
Slowly, my eyes come again into focus and I pull them away from the
read leather stool up to see brown eyes staring at me oddly. I force a
small tilt of my lower lip and smile at him as he furrows his brow,
knitting it together annoyingly. He wipes his hand off on his apron,
before waving his hand to call me over. I gulp unsteadily, but follow
his gesture anyway, strolling over to the man determinedly.
"Hai, Motoki-san?"
"Usagi-chan… what's with you and Mamoru lately?" he asks
suddenly, not beating around the bush at all. I nearly choke on air,
before forcing a smile and tilting my head to the side.
"Why, whatever are you talking about?" I ask innocently.
"Oh, don't you give me that. Last week you two were at each
other's throats every waking minute, night and day. Then all the sudden
he's making a point of leaving every day before you get here and when
he finally sees you, he just… what was that, smiles and nods?! Come on,
what's going on?"
"Nothing, Motoki-san. Don't worry about it. Please, just ignore
everything…"
"No. I won't. Look, he's my best friend and you're like my little
sister. Now if something's going on, I think I have a right to know,
don't you?"
"Motoki, nothing is going on between us! I swear!"
He folds his arms over his chest, frowning down on me. "I don't
believe you. Now Usagi-chan, listen. Whatever it is, I'm sure you can
tell me. Come on, is he being a jerk? Were you in a really bad fight?"
"No, Motoki, nothing like that."
"I really didn't think it was. Let me guess this then. You like
him, don't you?"
"What?"
"You like him. Have a crush on him… maybe more?"
"Motoki!"
"Well, don't you?"
"I… I… I don't have to answer that."
One eyebrow raises and his hands are placed on his hips. "No, you
don't. Besides, I know that's the truth. I hit it right, smack on the
dot, you can't fool me. And ya know what? I'm not sure what brought
around the change, but whatever it was, it affected dear Mamoru-kun
too, ya know. I wasn't sure until a few moment ago, but it's purely
obvious now. Mamoru's crazy about you too. Trust me on that one."
I gawked at him uncontrollably for a long time, just staring in
disbelief. Was he serious? He looked it… in fact, he looked down right
proud of himself for saying it. As if he'd solved the greatest mystery
of the millennium. "Come on, Motoki, you must be joking. Mamoru-san,
liking me?!"
"Oh, and why not? You're bright, your cheerful and whether you
like it or not, you're rather immature. Though some people would see
that as a bad characteristic, a fault, Mamoru needs someone whose just
like that in his life. Someone who knows how to have fun, who can make
him smile. Do you really think that you couldn't handle that job?"
"Motoki, I… Oh, have you completely lost your mind? Why am I even
listening to this? Mamoru can't stand me! Even if… even if by some odd,
whacked out turn of the universe I AM his type, he still wouldn't take
me! You must have noticed that, at least thought of it!"
Motoki shrugs. "I don't agree. He likes you, Usagi-chan, take my
word for it. Whatever you did to get him all riled up so that it's hard
for him to even look you in the eyes sure must have been something. Eh…
what DID you do, anyway?"
I sigh, slumping my shoulders. "Nothing, Motoki, nothing happened
between us."
"I don't believe that for a second."
Again, I sigh, quite loudly I'm sure, and begin to raise my eyes
to his. "Look, it's a long story, alright? But… do… you really think
he… has some sort of feelings for me?"
He chuckles. "Look at it this way: If he didn't, then whatever
happened wouldn't have mattered in the slightest and he would have no
problem whatsoever going back to the old groove of cat and dog fights.
But instead… he avoids you, and when he does see you again, just smiles
and walks away. Surely not ready to talk, but not wanting to get you
mad at him either. Makes sense, doesn't it?"
Suddenly, my heart is pounding stubbornly in my chest and I can
feel my lungs contracting, almost painfully. "Motoki-san, if you're
right then… then… that means I do stand a chance. That was the real
him!"
"Huh? What was 'the real him'?"
I lift my eyes and grin, quite idiotically, I'm sure. "Never
mind, it's not important. But I need you to do me a favor."
He stares at me strangely, I'm not entirely surprised, before
heaving a long sigh and letting his proud shoulders slump down.
"Alright, what is it that you need?"
"Mamoru's address."
His eyebrow raises, and then a smile pulls on his lips. "Going to
proclaim your undying love now, are you?" I feel my cheeks flare up and
close my eyes angrily.
"Just give me his address, Motoki! I don't have time for this!"
He laughs, telling me to calm down as he searches for a pen before
scribbling something on a napkin.
"Alright, alright, fine… here you go, use this wisely, my child."
I look down at the address, immediately memorizing it, feeling my
nervousness grow to a tumor within me. Smiling up at Mamoru's best
friend, I mutter a small thanks, before turning on my heels and fleeing
from the arcade.
I bang on his door for more than five straight minutes, and when
I finally take my hand down, it's burning from the continuous knocking.
My knuckles are already red and sore. Groaning, I lean forward, hitting
my forehead rather roughly against the wooden doorframe.
"Not home? How can he not be home? Doesn't he have any idea how
important it is for me to talk to him?!" I mumble to myself. How cruel
could fate be…?
I honestly don't believe I will have the same courage tomorrow. I
was so ready to confront him into honesty now. 'What happened between
us? Did it mean as much to you as it did to me? Tell me it was
important. Tell me there's something between us. Tell me you care… or
that I can make you care just as easily. Say you love me, and I'll
return the words, I promise. I'm so ready to admit it… where are you?!'
Mamoru… how do you get to me so? What was it about you? I slide
down the wall, my hands pressed up to the wood surface until I am down
on my knees and my entire body goes limp. Gritting my teeth, I wipe an
arm over my eyes to stop the tears before they start.
"Why on earth are you crying?" I reprimand myself. "It's not like
this is a life or death situation. So he's not home, get over it!
You'll see him another time. You can tell him how you feel tomorrow.
And maybe… maybe he needs time to think about you, anyway. They say
that absence makes the heart grow fonder… unless it'll just give him
more time to contemplate your many faults. Ugh! Why is love so
impossible?!"
Shaking, I stand to my feet, clenching my fists. I go through so
much trouble for him… where is he when I need the guy? Well, last time
he was… Oh, stop thinking about the past. Hasn't it gotten you in
enough trouble already? Making you fall head over heels for a man who
probably would much rather live his life without ever seeing you or
your stupid hairstyle again. Darn him!
I really need to get out of this building.
Slowly, I make my way to the elevator down the hall, pushing the
down button, and all the time waiting for the silver doors to open and
reveal him standing on the other side. But no, only emptiness and awful
music persist when the doors open. It would have been too much like a
fairytale, anyway. Why must I always remind myself that I do NOT live
in a romance novel?!
My legs carry me out of his apartment, down the sidewalk, into
the lush green surrounding of the local park. Ha, this place is a joke.
It was here that he had to be so sweet and caring the other day. It was
here that I met the real Chiba Mamoru. I still don't know if he exists
in real life, or just in my imagination, somewhere back in time. In the
arcade… I though I saw him again. For a brief second, I thought he
would once again take me into his arms, once again hold me so close.
But no… he smiled, nodded, walked on by… darn that man!
I find myself in the rose gardens. I take only a short moment to
analyze their all but perfect petals, worry a bit over picking one and
decide not to because of the thorns. Besides, they always seem so much
prettier on the bush. And so I leave the gardens, walking down a few
familiar paths, over a bridge or two, then I stop, realizing where I
had come. I always end up here, it's almost become a tradition, or
maybe just habit. No one knows of this place, at least they hadn't
until the other day. I realize that if I hadn't been laughing so
loudly, Mamoru never would have found me either. The existing pathway
is nearly invisible, and I can't even remember how I first found it.
Just… ended up there, sort of. But I liked it instantly, the
surrounding colors and scents trapped me and I fell in love with the
one place I knew I could always be alone. It was mine from the start.
Slowly, I push through the foliage, walking along the path I
tread deeper every time I come here, and soon find myself lifting away
a heavy branch and strolling into the open green field. That's where I
froze, right there at the entrance, my hand still holding the large
branch aside.
So… he was here the entire time. I should have guessed. Mamoru
leans against the only cherry tree in the field, almost like a
centerpiece amongst the tall grass. His cerulean eyes lift to mine the
second I step through, and our gazes are trapped together. My breath
catches and I hold it unwillingly, just staring up at his blue gaze. My
heart leaps straight to my throat, before plummeting down to my feet,
my lungs stiffening within my chest as I try to force them to breathe.
"Ma…Mamoru-san…" I whisper, gulping hard to find my voice. He
smiles slightly, thrusting his hands into his pockets.
"Konnichi'wa, Usagi-chan…" his voice is quiet, simple, almost
like I should have expected him to be here. Maybe I should have.
~ Mamoru ~
So she came here after all. How did I guess she would? And why
did I come here, waiting for her to show? For goodness sakes, I decide
to avoid her, so what do I do? Go to the one place she's bound to be.
What's wrong with me? And so I wait for an hour in a deserted area of
the park, and when she eventually does show up… I just stand here
looking at her.
Gosh, she's as beautiful as she had been in the arcade earlier,
more so even now that I can truly look at her, with the sun on her skin
and the wind in her hair. Even more gorgeous than she had been in this
same place just last Saturday.
I allow a friendly smile to come over my lips, gently tilting up
their corners. "I thought I would find you here," I mutter quietly.
Slowly, I see her surprised lips close from when her jaw had dropped to
the ground. "I'm sorry if I scared you, it's just… that… I thought we
should talk. Somewhere other than the arcade, and… I don't know where
you live so I…"
"I went to you apartment."
I stare at her, my mouth agape from being cut so short on my
stuttering speech. Her glowing ocean eyes gaze back at me before a
becoming rose tints her cheeks and she turns away.
"I thought we should talk too. I… was kind of disappointed when
you weren't there, at your place, I mean, and I always come here to be
alone and get my mind off of things. I… I can always smile here, so
when you weren't at your apartment, I thought that maybe I could come
here and just think things over before I saw you again. But… here you
are instead." Her blush only deepens as she stands there turned away
from me slightly. Her head is bent down, golden bangs completely hiding
her young features from my starving gaze.
There is a long silence as we simply stand there, my eyes raving
over every possible moment, and her with her gaze turned fully away,
willing the stained color in her face to disappear. Finally, I clear my
throat, feeling the silence take its first steps into uncomfortable.
"Um… how long… have you known about this place?"
She shrugs mindlessly. "A few months. It's a good place to come,
to be alone."
I smile. "I guess you really wouldn't got a lot of time alone
would you?"
She shakes her head, looking up at me shyly. "The bad part about
living in a house full of people."
I chuckle slightly. "I'm sure it has its ups and downs. So… do
you always… eh… spin?"
Our eyes are lock and slowly she begins to giggle, very quietly.
"No, actually. Last week was the first time. I don't know what
possessed me to do it, just seemed like a good idea. It's fun too.
Makes you feel like you could lift right off the earth at any moment
and go sailing away on the clouds…" Her voice turns to a dreamy
reminiscence. I grin down on her.
"Until you came falling down?"
Again her eyes dart to mine, her lips parted so slightly, full
and pouting like just awakened from a dream. "Especially when I fell
down…" she whispered. I had to strain to hear her.
I chew on my lower lip momentarily, pushing myself away from the
trunk of the cherry tree and walking into the clear opening. The grass
comes up to my knees, a few bright yellow dandelions growing around my
ankles.
Sighing, I look up at the sky. It was of the palest blue this
afternoon, almost like in a dream. "I used to dream about flying when I
was little," I remark, almost to myself. She says nothing for a long
time, and eventually I let my eyes close, letting the warm sunrays
cover my skin.
"Have you ever tried it?"
"Hm?" I look down on her again, seeing that she has moved
slightly away from the trail and thorn-decorated bushes.
"Flying? Or… spinning?"
My lips turn up quirkily, my head falling to one side. "I'm too
old for stuff like that," I joke. In my mind, it's almost true. I've
been acting like an adult since I was six. Why would I suddenly decide
to live out my youthful years now?
Her eyes lower to the ground, her small arms wrapping around her
waist. "And I'm immature?" she whispers carefully. I watch her, wishing
she was looking up at me so that I could read into her emotions.
Eventually, I shrug my shoulders, looking past her into the blurred
green forest.
"Of course you are. You're young, naïve, immature, carefree,
easy-going…" My eyes glance back to her to see her staring at me with
wide eyes, unblinking, and I smile. "It's part of your charm."
Her gasp is so small, almost undetectable, with only a small
parting of the lips. I lower my gaze again. I have no idea how to talk
to her. There are so many things I want to say, to ask, but just
looking at this shining angel, I'm rendered speechless. I wonder if she
notices how nervous I am, if she cares? Maybe she's just as… no, why
would she be?
"Try it."
"Huh?" I look at her again, shocked to see that she has moved to
less than two feet away from me.
"Try spinning. I promise, you'll like it."
I blink a few times, before curling my lips upward. "No, thanks.
I'd feel stupid."
She giggles, having the courtesy to blush and look away.
"Please?" When our gazes meet again, she has the most adorable,
innocent grin I have ever seen, making my heart skip a beat or two. "It
won't hurt, and besides, I'm the only person here." Oh yeah, that
helps. When I don't move, she laughs loudly, rubbing at the back of her
neck nervously. "I'll do it too, if you want…"
My eyes dance between hers nervously, before furrowing my brow.
"Why do you want me to do this so bad?"
She shrugs nonchalantly. "So that I can prove how fun it is.
Besides, I think it'll do you good. Honestly, when was the time you did
something completely pointless, just to loosen up?"
"Never."
"There you go! So come on, just hold out your arms like this, and
twirl around until you get so dizzy you can't stand up anymore!" Her
arms are out to her side like an airplane and I can't help but laugh as
she twirls around a few times, as if she was a training ballerina. She
stands still again, grinning up at me. I can see a tiny sprite living
inside of her, a little elf burning inside with endless joy.
I gulp unsteadily, staring at her for a long time, looking into
that ongoing smile. Eventually, she lets her arms drop to her sides and
a cute pout pushes out her lower lip. She sighs, before grinning
impishly and skipping towards me and holding my arms out to my sides. I
hold my face emotionless, just smiling down at her with curiosity, but
inside my heart melts. She is so close, our bodies touching.
"Come on, Mamoru-san! What's wrong?"
I stare down at her, wondering all the time if she can feel the
same warmth that I feel radiating from her small body. Licking my lips,
I unconsciously lace our fingers together, just lightly so that our
fingertips barely brush against each other. My gaze softens, and I
smile down upon her, before letting my grin spread across my entire
face and sweeping her into a tight hold. I wrap my arms about her tiny
waist, feeling her squeal against me as I lift her into the air and
begin spinning around like a helicopter. Her screams quickly die into
excited giggles and laughing. She begs me to stop after awhile, but I
only turn faster, delighting in the feel of her fragile fingers digging
into the material of my shirt. Her head is buried into neck, her legs
and the hem of her skirt flying out away from me.
"Ma…Mamo-chan, stop! I'm going to be sick!"
With that, I feel my feet catch and I stumble, holding onto my
balance only momentarily, before collapsing to my knees. The girl is
still in my arms, both of us breathing raggedly, laughing between gasps
of air. My ties never loosen from her, and her small arms refuse to let
their grip untie either. A small feeling of de ja vu washes over me
from when she had earlier fell into my embrace, lying limply in my
hold. I can feel my head go light, slight nausea building in my stomach
before vanishing as I let my head fall on top of hers. I feel her
shaking beneath me and tighten my hold gently.
"Wha…what did you call me?" I whisper, my head still spinning. I
feel her arms tense, before ever so slowly sliding around my shoulders.
Her hands lightly trace down my chest and I look down at her just as
she pulls away. Too quickly, and one hand grabs at her temple. She
moans, her brow furrowing. I chuckle, reaching one arm up and tenderly
bringing her back to me. Her head willingly falls against my chest
again, but her arms remain trapped between our bodies, showing no
desire to wrap around me again. "Just relax, Usagi-chan, the dizziness
has to go away eventually."
And so we remained there, locked together in a position I was
sure I could have spent the rest of my days in. When finally I could
think well enough, I looked down on her shining golden hair. I kissed
the top of her head on instinct, running one hand through her long
hair. "Mamo-chan, huh?" I whispered. Again, her muscles tightened
together.
"I… I… it just slipped out. Gomen ne. I won't say it again."
I held silent for awhile, before chuckling and raising her chin
with my fingers. Her unsteady gaze managed to hold mine and I smiled.
"I don't really mind, Odango. Don't worry about it."
She looks quite unimpressed and glances down again, before
pushing her small hands against my chest and prying herself away from
me. Eventually, I let my arms slide to my sides as she sits back on her
ankles, out of my hold completely now. Her fingers begin to massage her
temples slightly. "I think I'm going to have this headache for the rest
of my life," she complains idly.
"Gomen…" I whisper, reaching out to trail a finger along her
jawbone. She stops her hands, gradually letting them fall to her lap.
"Usagi… why did you go to my apartment?" I can feel seriousness tint
the air around us and frown at her suddenly drawn back position.
She hesitates, her fingers lacing together in her lap. "I…
thought we should talk."
"About?"
Another pause. "What happened last Saturday, between us…" her
small voice had dropped to a whisper. "Why… did you come here for me?"
"Same reason," I answer, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.
"So then what happened?"
"You tell me."
I feel a quirky smile cross my lips again. "Here's a better
question: What happened between us just now?" Her head lifts and I can
see fear and nervousness hidden behind glowing aqua eyes.
~ Usagi ~
I wish I knew. I wish I knew what is going on between us. I wish
I could tell him all of the things I'm feeling. Instead, I only shrug,
biting my lip. Can he see my unease? Can he tell how much I want him to
hold me again?
"You used to be so cold and held back," I whisper, analyzing
every minimal twitch of his chiseled features. He opens his mouth but
no words come out, and so I continue. "It was like you were completely
untouchable. Just some distant image where I could just tell that
inside you were sweet and caring, and I could even catch glimpses every
now and then. But you always closed up into a careless man who wanted
nothing to do with me." I pause, never taking my stare from his. He
looks confused, and I go on. "Then… when we were here and I was
spinning so fast that everything around me was just a giant blur, I saw
you and stopped. But my legs wanted to keep turning and so I fell and
then you… caught me. And… and I closed my eyes and knew… just knew…
that the man who was holding me was the sweet and caring Chiba Mamoru
that I'd always wanted to know, but been so afraid to reach out to…"
"Usagi…" he begins, barely above a whisper. I let my eyes drop to
the ground, clamping my eyelids down tight. I hear him stirring beside
me and soon after feel a warm palm cupping my neck, just below my
earlobe. "When I came here last week, and looked at you spinning, like
a child, I felt everything in me melt, completely, just by watching
you. Then when you fell into my… into me, I could feel the ground start
to turn as well, like… like you and me were the only stationary things
on this earth. But the strange thing is that I'd been feeling that way
for so long. Every time I saw you it was like my entire world
completely lost control. And I'd never felt that way before in my life,
and I'm still not used to it…" Suddenly, I could feel his forehead
pressed up against mine and force my eyes to open. They meet with hazy
ocean depths smiling back at me, terror somewhere behind the usually
masked off stare. "If you sensed something different about me, it
wasn't because I wanted to open up to you. It was because I didn't have
a choice. Whenever I'm around you, I just want to be so close, I just
want to hold you and tell you how much I… Then you gave me the perfect
chance. And I couldn't have turned away from you if I tried." His other
shaky hand comes up to push some of my bangs away from my forehead.
"Besides, it's not every day I get to hold an angel."
"Ma…Mamo…"
"Shh… Usa… please… would… would you forgive me… if I kissed you
right now?"
I gasp, my eyes widening as I continue to stare at him, trying
desperately to make sense out of the blurred image. Kiss… he would kiss
me? Why? I'm nothing special… I'm no angel… but to think of his smile
and his lips and his…
"Yes…" I finally manage to stutter, though I can barely hear my
own voice. "Though I might not forgive you if you don't." I close my
eyes quickly, hoping that if he was joking, I won't see his face before
he laughs at me. But there is no laughter. I feel both his hands
against my cheeks now, his fingertips caressing my neck and hair as he
steadily draws me closer. My head is already light, just with subtle
anticipation, and I lick my lips, inhaling sharply. Then, with all the
tenderness of the smallest breeze, his lips brush against mine, and
they are gone.
I hold still for a moment, still feeling his breath against me,
before letting a quiet whimper escape my trembling lips. His hands
still press against my skin, but I feel him move away and gradually let
my eyes open. He stares at me with concern, but hints of delight.
"Mamo…?"
"I don't want to move too fast," he whispers huskily, tucking
some hair behind my ears. "You're so precious. I guess… I'm afraid I'll
scare you away." A small chuckle spreads a smile on his face and I move
my hands up to hold onto his. I wrap my fingers around his palms,
slowly drawing them away from my face, and grin widely.
Taking in a deep breath, I lunge myself into his arms, tying my
arms around his neck instantly. He gasps, surprised, then eventually
lets his arms surround me.
"You're not going to scare me away, Mamo-chan." I wait for his
response to the name, and only feel him pull me closer. "I feel like
I've been waiting all my life to be with you."
He is silent, motionless, before his hands begin to trace subtle
designs on my back, and he buries his face into my neck, decorating the
tender skin with butterfly kisses. "Usa… do you realize that everything
in the world is spinning around us?"
I close my eyes, letting my mind see the world turn faster and
faster into a blur, leaving only us in the center. "Hai…"
"Promise me something," his voice has changed to sudden
seriousness, and I gulp unsteadily.
"Hm?"
"Promise that you'll always let me hold you like this…"
I take a minute to analyze our position, down on our knees,
locked so tightly together it's almost difficult to breathe. Giggling,
I promise him.
"But you have to promise me something."
"Hm?" he whispers.
"Promise that you'll always be there to catch me if I fall…"
He lifts his head to look me in the eyes, a tiny smile crept onto
his perfect features. "I promise… Usako…"
Or is love collapsing to the ground?
Feeling the chaos relax
And the world tone down
To calm stillness
And everything is back in place.
Love and God bless!
<3 Alicia-chan
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