The Way
Part 2-Phase 6a
By: Sailor Jes
E-mail: Sailor Jes@aol.com
Minna!
Gomen nasai! I am so sorry for the untimely posting of this phase. I have been
drowning in things to do and haven't had much time to sit down and write this
thing. I've chosen to post this phase in halves for two reasons: 1) I think it
would be two long for one posting and 2) it gives you guys something to tide you
over. I'll try to get the ending to this phase out in two weeks. That might be
very idealistic, though.
I'd like to give a shout out to my savior, Fifi. Without her, you guys couldn't
read this fic cause she's taking care of my author's index. So, if you like
this phase, take some time to thank her for allowing it to be here. Thanks,
Fifi! (Her e-mail is fidelia_ho@hotmail.com)
Anyways, Sailor Moon is the property of Kodansha, Bandai, Toei, and the great
Naoko-sama. This piece of fanfiction belongs to me. Please ask my permission
first before you post it anywhere. Thanks!
Jessi
P.S. E-mail me. I need e-mails!
P.P.S. The more discerning readers will note my homage to Takeuchi Naoko and
her "prince" early in this phase.
***********************************************************************"War is
like love, it always finds a way."
-Bertolt Brecht
********
Someday
My friend:
We will
know Love -
Of its existence.
In time
Existing within it:
Becoming part of it.
You and I.
- Jonivan
***********************************************************************
"When Naoko discovered Yoshihiro was to be her lab partner, her eyes bugged out
like she was choking on a bite of food too large for her to swallow. She stared
at the list on the bulletin board in disbelief, praying it would morph into
something more acceptable.
'No,' she muttered. 'Oh, no.'
'Damn,' cursed a voice from behind her, a voice that was all-too familiar.
Yoshihiro. She spun around and glared at him.
'I'm not happy about it either, alright?'
'I'm speaking to Nakazaki-sensei about this. I can't work with you," he spat.
'Good! I'll go with you! The faster I get you out of my hair, the better!'
Yoshihiro marched off with Naoko on his heels. They both walked into their
class where their teacher, Nakazaki-sensei, was busy grading papers.
'Nakazaki-sensei, I can't work with her," snapped Yoshihiro.
Peering up from his bifocals, the gray-haired teacher cast a glance from
Yoshihiro to Naoko and back again.
'That's a problem, now isn't it, Yoshihiro-san?" he said. "If the both of you
want a grade for this class, you'll just have to accept it. Good bye."
Both stood open-mouthed and staring at their teacher.
"But, Nakazaki-sensei," protested Naoko," How can we get good grades if we can't
even get along?"
Nakazaki smiled. It was a sly, coniving grin. "You'll just have to figure that
out for yourselves. Now, I have work to do. Good bye. I will see you tomorrow
in class."
They shuffled out of the class and stood glaring at each other. Yoshihiro threw
his hands in the air-- Yoshihiro sneered. Glared. Huffed.--"
"Ugggghhhh!" groaned Usagi, tearing the sheet of paper out of her notebook and
crumpling it.
"Frustrated?" Rei asked, sitting on the couch in Usagi's apartment.
"Yes! It's a pity Shakespeare never knew how incredibly lucky he was," cried
Usagi.
"Because he wrote well?" Rei replied.
"No! Because he got to make up his own words! If only could do that. I
just can't find the right word for this stupid sentence!"
Rei chuckled. "I'm sure it'll come. What are you writing about?"
Looking at Rei for a millisecond, Usagi lowered her head. "Uh...nothing
special."
"It must be of some importance if you're getting so angry about it," Rei
clucked.
Just then, Minkao entered the room, eating an apple.
"How's the story about you and Mamoru-san coming along?" she asked, chewing
loudly on the piece of fruit.
Rei's eyes widened and she stared at Usagi. Glaring at Minako, Usagi felt her
whole body begin to burn with embarrassment. Minako glanced innocently at Usagi
until she realized her faux pas.
"Oh, uh, whoops," she stammered. "Sorry."
She ducked out of the room faster than a sinner in a church. A long silence
engulfed the room. Usagi and Rei didn't know what to say to each other.
"It's a piece that I'm working on," Usagi explained. "Uh, it's based on me and
Mamo-chan...somewhat. Not too much, though. He he, um...I thought it would be
good..."
The injured, furious look in Rei's eyes caused the words to die on Usagi's lips.
"I've never known what was up with your relationship with Mamoru," Rei began
softly, her voice dangerously low. "And I've had my suspicions that it was
always more than friendship-"
"Rei-chan, please--"
"Usagi, let me finish," Rei snapped. "I don't know what it is and frankly, I
don't think I want to know. But, I know that I'm sick of these games that
you to are playing with each other and me. Do me a favor, and stay away from
Mamoru when I'm around--"
"Rei-chan, listen to--"
"Usagi! I'm not done! I hate doing this because you're one of my best friends
but I can't stand you, or myself for that matter, when the both of you are in
the same room together. Please, I'm asking you, just don't come around when I'm
with Mamoru, okay?"
Rei had tears in her eyes. So did Usagi. Standing speechless, Usagi watched as
Rei picked up her purse and walked towards the door.
"Rei-chan, I...I'm sorry. Don't be mad. Please, let's not fight," begged
Usagi.
Rei glanced back at her. "When two people want the same thing, Usagi, war is
almost always the result. That's just the way things go."
Opening the door, Rei walked out of the apartment and slammed it shut, the
sudden noise echoing in Usagi's ears.
******
"What do you mean 'she doesn't want to be around us?'" Mamoru asked into the
phone.
"Just that," sobbed Usagi. "She said she didn't want me around when the two of
you were around." Then, Usagi began crying again. "I don't know what I did,
Mamo-chan. I feel terrible."
"Usa, what happened before she said that? Did you say anything to her?"
"No, I said nothing. All I mentioned was a story that I was writing based on
some of the stuff we went through...It's nothing."
Mamoru remained silent on the other end of the line.
"Mamo-chan?"
"What kind of story?" Mamoru asked sternly.
"Just...a story."
"No, I mean, what's it about? You said it was based on us? What part of us?"
Usagi was confused. "It's all of it. I mean, I've only got the beginning down
but I plan on doing a story based on our high school experiences."
"But nothing after that?"
"No, I don't think so. Why?" Usagi asked.
Sighing into the receiver, Mamoru replied "Usa, there's a lot of things about us
that I never told Rei. And, I really don't want her finding out about it,
either."
"Like what?"
Mamoru paused. "Usa, you know what it is. You don't have to think hard."
Usagi knew exactly what it was. "Oh."
"Rei can get very jealous, Usa, and I just don't want to see her get hurt--by me
or you. Maybe it's best if you weren't around when she is."
Was Usagi hearing straight? Mamoru actually thought that Rei's ridiculousness
should be taken seriously?
"You're her, Mamo-chan?" Usagi questioned.
"Not defending her but--"
"No, you are defending her! If you're upholding what she believes, then you're
taking her side. I can't believe this!"
"Usa, it's just until things settle down!"
"What? Settle down to me? Or to Rei-chan? Things might never settle down
between me and her! Does that mean that I can't see you anymore?"
"No, it doesn't mean that! We can still see each other! That's what Rei said,
right? But we just can be together when she's here, that's all. Frankly, I
think I like it better that way myself."
Mamoru regretted the words the moment they fumbled from his lips. He heard
Usagi start crying again.
"Usa, I didn't mean--"
"Mamo-chan," she interrupted. "It's better. I'll...I'll talk to you...soon."
Click. Usagi hung up the phone and stared at the wall, chewing on her thumb.
So, Mamoru and Rei didn't want her around. Fine. That was fine. No, it
wasn't. Usagi had become "that girl." The one who is always somewhere in the
background, pulling the guy away from his girl. It was a horrid, unflattering
person to be. Burying her face in her hand, Usagi whimpered and let a tear leak
from her eye. she thought.
*******
After class one day, Usagi stepped outside and wrapped her jacket tightly around
her. The seasons were changing. The air was no longer warm and moist but cool
and crisp. It whipped across Usagi's cheeks and nose, sending a shiver down her
body.
"Usagi!" someone from behind her called.
Turning, she saw that Rei was running towards her.
"Hi," Rei said. "I'm glad I caught you."
"Rei-chan," Usagi breathed.
"What are you doing tomorrow night?" Rei asked.
"Rei-chan, I thought you weren't speaking to me," Usagi said, amazed.
Flushing, Rei pushed her hair behind her ear. "Usagi, I'm not angry with you or
anything. I just thought for my own sanity that I shouldn't be around you and
Mamoru at the same time. But, you're still my friend. I'm sorry I reacted so
badly that day."
Usagi nodded and blushed, recalling that day. "That's okay, Rei-chan. We all
make mistakes. I don't think I'm doing anything tomorrow. Why?"
Putting her arm around her friend's shoulder, Rei began walking. "Well it's a
surprise, really. Can you be at the temple at, say, 6:30?"
"Sure, 6:30 it is," Usagi replied.
"Great. Okay, I gotta run! I'll see you then, Usagi! Bye!" Rei squeezed
Usagi's shoulders and then ran off.
Smiling, Usagi sighed. The wind rushed past her. Now, it seemed to carress her
skin. She sighed and walked to her next class.
*****
At 6:43 the next night, Usagi showed up at the Hikawa Jinja. Rei sat on the
steps, waiting impatiently.
"You're late," she commented.
Checking her watch, Usagi replied "Hey, it's early for me."
Rei rolled her eyes and then said "Come on, we're going to be late."
"Um, can I ask where exactly we're going."
"A benefit concert," was all Rei said. "In the park. Now, come on! We're
gonna miss the bus!"
Pulling Usagi's arm, Rei dragged Usagi along.
"Ow! Stop, Rei-chan, Owww! You're huting me!"
*
Rei and Usagi arrived just as the first band was exiting the stage.
"Dammit, Usagi, we missed the first act!" Rei said.
"Sorry," Usagi apologized, taking a seat in the crowded amphitheater.
The two girls listened to the rest of the musical acts: a few bands, two
singers, a pianist, and a trumpet-player. The performers were mostly local
talent, better than average. Usagi wondered why Rei asked her to go. She knew
Usagi wasn't really interested in music.
As the last act was finishing up, the MC reappeared on stage and announced
"Alright, ladies and gentlemen, especially you ladies out there, for our final
band, we have a great treat. They took some time off of their international
tour to help our cause. Let's give a hige hand for everyone's favorite..."
Three spotlights, one red, one blue, and one yellow, shone onto the stage. A
form was in each light.
"...The Three Lights!"
Gasping, Usagi covered her mouth with her hand. The music began. Usagi knew
the words by heart; heck, she even knew the meaning behind the words. God, the
songs she thought she'd heard for the last time. Her mind flooded with so many
memories that she thought they would come bursting out of her ears. Rei nudged
her with her elbow. Glancing at her, Usagi saw Rei cheering wildly along with
thousands of squealing girls. Usagi stared at the stage, at one person in
particular. Crooning into the microphone on his headpiece, Seiya shut his eyes
as he always did when he sang "Nagareboshi He." He had once told Usagi that he
couldn't sing that song with his eyes open. To sing the song properly, he had
to envision the person he was singing about and to do that, he needed to squueze
his eyes shut. Who was he envisioning? Not her still, hopefully.
Usagi's mouth was dry like gauze. The screams died in the backgound. Usagi thought. Seeing him again
made her miss him. The song faded and the screaming increased.
"I'm glad we could be here!" Seiya said into the microphone. His voice boomed
in her ears. It hadn't changed. It still sounded as it did when he murmured
soft secrets in her ear. Yaten and Taiki said a few words, but Usagi couldn't
pay any attention. She felt Rei nudge her.
"We're going backstage," she said.
"W-what?" Usagi stuttered.
"Yup! Come on!"
"Wait, Rei-chan. We...I can't! He might--. Does he know I'm here?"
"No," Rei smiled. "But won't he be surprised! Let's go before it gets too
crowded!"
Usagi felt Rei pull her arm and lead her through a swarm of people. She
followed like one in a trance. What would he say? Would he be angry?
Overjoyed? Dismal? They walked through the backstage hall and stopped at a
door with a sign that said "The Three Lights." Turning towards her, Rei grinned
and then rapped at the door.
"Yeah?" asked a voice from inside. Usagi knew it was Yaten's.
"There's someone here to see you gus," Rei teased, squeezing Usagi's wrist.
"Who?" Yaten replied.
"Just open up," Rei ordered.
The door unlocked and creaked open. Yaten's face appeared through the door.
When he saw Rei, his face merely hinted at recognition. But when Yaten saw
Usagi, his jaw dropped open. He let the door open half-way.
"Who is it?" Seiya asked, peering out from the background. When he caught a
glimpse of who stood outside, his jaw, like Yaten's fell agape. Then he smiled
broadly. "Usagi!"
"Hi, Seiya," Usagi sqeaked.
Pushing past Yaten and Rei, he stood no more than two feet away. "How long's it
been? Wow, you look great! Come in, both of you."
Ushering Rei and Usagi into the dressing room, Seiya closed the door behind
them.
"You look good too, Seiya," Usagi said. Relief flowed through her. Now only
was Seiya not angry with her, but she discovered her heart wasn't pounding
frantically like she thought it would.
"So, Rei-san," Yaten said, attempting to give Seiya and Usagi some space to
talk. "How have you been?"
Rei spoke with Taiki and Yaten and Seiya pulled Usagi over to the corner of the
spacious dressing room.
"How have you been, Usagi?" Seiya asked.
Smiling, Usagi replied "I've been great. I'm happy."
To her great relief, Seiya grinned and nodded. "That's wonderful. Really, it
is. Have you...found anyone?"
Chuckling, Usagi shook her head. "No, not yet. I've been really busy with
school and writing so I haven't really been looking. What about you?"
Seiya grinned and looked at the floor. "Yeah, I did. We met in London. She's
really sweet. I bet you'd like her a lot."
Again, to Usagi's surprise, she felt nothing but relief for her old boyfriend.
She worried that he would have never gotten over her. It seemed he had.
"Seiya, I'm happy for you," she replied. From the smile on her lips, Seiya knew
she wasn't being facisious. "So tell me, how's touring been?"
Seiya then began talking wildly about the many sights he'd seen. The glitter
and magic of Carnival in Venice. The mob of fans in Singapore. New Year's in
Hong Kong. Usagi listened. She could have been by his side throughout it all.
She could have seen Venice and Singapore and Hong Kong and thousands of other
places. Usagi listened and smiled with no remorse. There was no other place in
the world she wanted to be than Tokyo. Tokyo had her friends. Tokyo had her
family. Tokyo had Mamoru. The past year and a half Usagi had felt pinned down
by the weight of her own mistakes. Now, listening to Seiya talk of "what could
have been," she realized that she preferred the "what actually happened." Her
errors and her sadness and her grief had only taught her. They had allowed her
to live.
When Seiya finished, Usagi was beaming.
"Oh, Seiya," she sighed. "I'm so happy."
Seiya smiled too. "Yeah, me too. You were right, Usagi. I mean, we were happy
together and it was one of the best times of my life. But, I feel
extrordinarily blissful now. I woldn't trade this feeling for anything."
"I do know, Seiya."
The conversation Rei, Taiki, and Yaten were having had finished and the three
were staring over at Seiya and Usagi. Both felt that they had been cleansed of
their own fears. It was time for Usagi to leave.
"Well, I wish you the best. And more happiness," Usagi said.
"You too," replied Seiya.
Turning towards Yaten and Taiki, Usagi bade them goodbye. She waved and was
about to leave when Seiya called to her "Usagi! What ever happened with
Mamoru?"
Eyes widening, Usagi checked if Rei had heard. However, Rei was half-way down
the hall packed with screaming fans. She didn't hear. Usagi turned back to
Seiya and grinned. Winking, she told Seiya all he needed to know. He laughed
and waved goodbye.
*******
It was a cold January day when the envelope came in the mail. Thick and
cream-colored, it could only hold some kind of special information. The
calligraphy on the front was addressed to "Miss Tsukino Usagi." She had no idea
what it could be and ripped open the seal with an excited apprehension. Inside,
a thick cream invitation with a gold foil border and writing read:
"You are cordially invited to witness Osaka Naru join Guro Umino in holy
matrimony-"
"Oh, my God..." she gasped, as she covered her mouth and re-read the words "in
holy matrimony." Quickly skimming the rest of the words, Usagi's focus was
drawn back to the two names printed in gold letters. Osaka Naru and Guro Umino.
Could it be possible?
"Hey, what's that?" Minako asked, joining her friend on the couch. Ami, who was
resting on a recliner, looked up from the book she was reading.
"An invitaion," Usagi muttered.
"To what?" inquired Ami.
"A wedding."
"Hey, don't give me much information. Let me see that," Minako scolded.
She peered over Usagi's shoulder and read "Osaka Naru and...Guro Umino? Who are
they?"
Usagi shook her head slowly. "Naru-chan's my best friend from back home. I
can't believe she's getting married. And to Umino-kun. Who'd have thought?"
"Who's Umino-kun?" Makoto yelled from the kitchen.
"Umino-kun," Usagi chuckled "Is probably the goofiest kid in Japan. He had the
hugest crush on me throughout elementary and middle school. When I moved to
Tokyo, he started dating Naru-chan and, well, the rest is history. I would have
never guessed that Umino-kun, the boy who had a crush on me forever, would end
up marrying my best friend."
"That seems to happen a lot to you, Usagi-chan," Makoto joked.
Upon hearing the sly reference to the love triangle between mamoru, Rei, and
herslef, Usagi stuck her tongue out at Mako.
"Yes," mused Ami, "Except, in this case, Usagi-chan didn't end up falling in
love with Umino-kun."
Usagi's eyes widened in shock and Ami immediatly slapped both hands over her
mouth. A moment of charged stillness pervaded the room.
"What?" Minako asked, peering from a mortified Ami to a cringing Usagi.
"Nothing," Usagi insisted.
"What was that supposed to mean?" Makoto asked, appearing from the kitchen.
Eyes sparkling with mischief, Minako cried "Hey no fair that Ami-chan knows
something that we don't! Out with it!"
Usagi glared up at Ami who turned beet red.
"Usagi-chan, I'm so sorry," Ami apologized.
"Sorry about what?" attacked Makoto.
Bouncing up from the couch, Minako paced back and forth, scratching her chin.
Usagi knew she had figured her out. How could she not? It would take a brick
wall to not have pieced together all of the evidence. Yet, Minako always had to
make a show of things. Usagi burned with humiliation.
"Let's see if I, the great Detective Sherlock Holmes, can deduce this mystery,"
Minako began. "Usagi-chan, you said that the boy who had a crush on you forever
ended up loving your best friend. After this remark, Mako-chan cleverly
remarked that this often happens to you-a wry allusion to our good friend
Mamoru-kun's affections for you. Next, the ever-so-innocent Ami replied, and I
quote, 'Except Usagi-chan didn't end up falling in love with Umino-kun.' Now,
if this were still a reference to the great Mamoru-kun, one would assume that--"
Makoto sqeauled and clapped her hands. "I don't believe it!"
Burying her face in her hands, Usagi felt like she were going to implode from
anger and embarassment. Minako, bounding to her place next to Usagi, eagerly
whispered in her ear "Usagi-chan, is it true?"
The room became still, each girl anticipating the answer. Usagi could feel her
eardrums pounding and her body sweltering. They were waiting for an
affirmative. They knew the truth. There was no turning back. Face still
hidden in her hands, Usagi nodded twice. Minako slapped her hand on her
forehead and slumped down on the sofa.
"Well, it's about time," she murmured. "Usagi-chan, this is so great. Your
fate has finally come to be! I knew it all along. Now you both can be
together!"
"No," replied Usagi, uncovering her face. "No! It isn't great! Aren't you
forgetting soemthing, Minako-chan? Rather, someone?"
"No. Who?"
"Rei-chan!"
The excitement fizzed from Minako's face. "Oh. Right."
Shaking her head, Usagi turned away from her. So Naru was getting married.
Naru was living Usagi's dream. She was going to be a bride. Usagi recalled all
of the "let's pretend" games she and Naru had played when they were children.
Every single detail of their weddings, right down the the pink and yellow
flowers on the wedding cake, had been planned during those moments of fantasy.
Now, Usagi would finally see if all of her friend's dreams had come true. Yet,
on a more figurative sense, Naru was also living Usagi's nightmare. Umino had
fallen out of love with Usagi (not that she minded, of course) and winded up
marrying Naru. Was the same bound to happen with Rei and Mamoru? A feeling of
terror crept in her. The notion of Rei and Mamoru Forever had never entered
into her thoughts. Usagi had been so certain that marriage would never happen
for them. But...it could! Weren't Umino and Naru her proof?
Three sets of eyes burned into Usagi. What was she thinking?, they all asked.
Their nosy stares becoming unbearable, Usagi stood and sauntered back to her
room. She picked up the phone and dialed her old friend's number,
congratulating her on becoming a bride.
******
Minako thought while lying on her bed. She
stared up at the ceiling, her thoughts of Usagi and Mamoru drowning her senses.
She knew it. Had known it since the first day Usagi had come to Juuban. Like
owls spot their prey at night, Minako naturally had an intuition for spying
love. Call it a gift. Call it a joke. But Minako called it neither. For her,
it was natural. She observed more than others--saw the hazy stares, the
suspended exhales, the nervous twisting of hands. And she felt more than others
too (for love is more than longing sighs.) When two people are in love, there's
a bond between them like an invisible electric charge. With some, it could be a
smooth, continuous flow of electricity. With others, a sizzling, pulsing
charge, bursting of passion. Usagi and Mamoru were unique, however. With them,
Minako saw sparks. Everything they did or said was completely polar. In
denying what they had, Mamoru and Usagi made their underlying affection more
blatant to Minako. But, why did they deny them if they were so obviously there?
The answer, Minako knew, was in their nature. Some people feel everything in
life must be earned. Everything comes from hard work and struggle. Everything
is a challenge. A war. Usagi and Mamoru were these people. That's why they
engaged each other as they do. That's why they can't give each other up.
That's why, when they stop fighting each other, they can finally have each
other. Seiya could have never made Usagi truly happy, because Usagi never
for him, never cried or sweat or bled. The same with Mamoru and Rei.
It was a cock-eyed way to view love. Unfortunate, too, because it's so fragile
and spontaneous. Instead of realizing love together, Usagi and Mamoru had
succumbed to their "obstacles" at different times. One had realized possibly
too early, the other too late.
So, Minako lay on the bed calmly. Not surprised by Usagi's confession. Not
devasted by the inappropriate timing. But resting, waiting for a time when
maybe Usagi and Mamoru would finally see that love doesn't need a war to be
ligitimate. And that waving the white flag doesn't mean ultimate defeat.
******
"Hello?"
"Naru-chan?" Usagi asked tentatively.
"Oh my gosh! Usagi-chan?"
"Yup. Hey, Naru-chan."
"Hi! Oh, Usagi-chan! How are you? How's everything? I haven't talked to you
in such a long time!" Naru gushed.
Smiling, Usagi replied "I'm okay. Life is good. But, I didn't call to talk
about me! I just got the invitation in the mail. congratualtions!"
"Thanks, Usagi-chan."
"Wow, I'm so shocked. I can't believe you're getting married! Oh, but don't
get me wrong, I'm very happy for you. It's so terrific that you and Umino-kun
are getting hitched."
Naru's voice grew more demure. "Oh, thanks, Usagi-chan. Yes, it's wonderful,
isn't it? I didn't know it was possible to feel this happy. You know, I catch
myself grinning for no particular reason. Like I was in the grocery store the
other day, in the produce section, staring at the lettuce, and smiling. Some
lady comes up to me and goes 'I didn't know lettuce was so funny!'"
Both girls laughed. Hearing Naru's voice again took Usagi back to "old times."
It was the same laughter that she remembered from 2 a.m gossip fests during
their sleepovers. It was the same voice who had consolled her when Usagi had
lost the spelling bee in fifth grade. Through Naru's joy, Usagi felt
rejuvinated.
"So, Naru-chan, tell me, when did this happen? When did Umino-kun ask you to
marry him?"
"Well," Naru giggled. "He asked me officially the day I turned nineteen but I
told him that I was way too early to get married then. I still wanted to finish
school and all. Umino was great. He said he would wait as long as I wanted.
Well, he asked me again about a few months ago and here we are now!"
"Well, I'm very happy for you," Usagi proclaimed. "And I'll be coming, too."
"Great! I'm really excited! It can be just like old times again! We'll hang
out and go to the mall and eat junk food, oh, but what am I saying? I'm getting
married! I can't do that stuff anymore."
Usagi chuckled but inwardly began to feel sick. It wsn't like "old times" and
would never be like "old times." Naru was getting married. Marriage was
serious. You couldn't shop at the mall every weekend and have sleepovers when
you were married.
"Oh, Usagi-chan, I almost forgot to ask you," Naru exclaimed.
"Ask me what?"
"You can't say no, okay?"
Usagi knew that when someone tells you what to answer for a question, that
usually, that's the answer that would have been chosen. So, she expected the
worst. Naru would probably ask her to help her find a caterer or sew her dress
or something else she knew she wouldn't have the time, money, or energy for.
"Be my bridesmaid?" asked Naru.
Sighing in relief, Usagi replied "Of course I will! Geez, the way you put it,
you made it sound like I would have to sew your dress."
Naru laughed. "I wouldn't ask you to do anything like that, Usagi-chan. I
wanted to make you my maid-of-honor, but Naruru-chan* would have killed me."
"Yeah, and how could you give your own flesh and blood priority over your friend
from eons ago?" joked Usagi.
[Author's note: She isn't mentioned in the anime but in the manga, Naru has a
little sister named Naruru (very creative name, I know.)]
"You're right," Naru said. "Well, I'd better go. I was in the middle of
choosing a caterer when you called."
"I'm sorry. I'll let you get back to what you were doing. Tell your family I
said 'hi' and that I'll see them real soon."
"Okay, I'll call you later. Bye."
"Bye," replied Usagi. She waited for the click on the other end of the line and
then slowly put down the receiver to the telephone.
*******
"Ughhh," Usagi groaned, dropping her head down on the table. "I can't study!"
Removing his reading glasses, Mamoru glowered at her. "That's the fourth time
you've said that. I know can't study, but some of us are trying to get
into med school, okay?"
"Sorry," pouted Usagi. "I'll keep quiet and bottle up my emotions like
people I know."
Glancing at her, Mamoru couldn't help but crack a smile. "Okay, Usa. What's
wrong? Why can't you study."
Perking up, she answered "Well, it's this stupid wedding..."
It was Mamoru's turn to groan. "God, Usa, all you ever talk about is 'the
wedding.'"
"It's important to me. This is my childhood friend, the girl I played dolls
with, who taught me how to jump rope, my best friend for thirteen years!" she
exclaimed, gesturing wildly.
Mamoru rolled his eyes. "Okay, sorry I asked. So what about the wedding?"
Recalling her point, Usagi suddenly became serious. "Do you know what she wants
the bridesmaids to wear? Green! But not some dark, luxuriant forest green.
No! That might actually look decent on me. She has us in 'mint green.' That's
what she called it-'mint green!' Of all the colors for me to wear! Can you see
me in mint green?"
"I can't," Mamoru replied dryly.
The sarcasm flew right past Usagi. "Neither can I! And how are you supposed to
find mint green accesories? They don't make shoes the color of chewing gum, for
God's sake. I don't know what to do!"
Sighing, Mamoru reached across the table and patted her hand. "Usa, you're a
smart girl. You'll figure something out. And even if you don't, remember this
is Naru's day, not yours. No one's going to care what you look like."
The warm pressure of his hand on hers caught Usagi off guard. All thoughts of
mint green evaporated as she was plunged into the deep blue of Mamoru's eyes.
He smiled at her and raised his eyebrows reassuringly. It was enough to make
Usagi's stomach shoot up to her throat. All she could say was "Maybe someone
will care."
Shaking his head, Mamoru released her hand and slipped his glasses back on.
"They won't. You're not the one getting married."
He went back to his reading. Usagi, unfortunately, couldn't do the same. His
words were so cruel in their casualty. Shoulders hunched over, she felt utterly
defeated. She glanced back up at him. Mamoru held his chin in his hand,
tapping his thumb lightly against his jaw. Utterly engrossed in his reading, he
was oblivious to the way Usagi stared at him. Would be always be oblivious?
Would he never know how she felt about him?
"Mamo-chan?" Usagi murmured.
He replied, without looking up, "What?"
She looked at him painfully. Could he not even raise his eyes to her? He had
always excelled at hurting her unknowingly.
Dropping her gaze, she answered "Nothing. It's nothing."
******
A week and a half before the wedding, Usagi's phone rang. She peeled her eyes
away from the book she was reading and picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Is Usagi there, please?" asked a shaky voice. She recognized it as Naru's.
"Naru-chan?" she asked. "It's me. Are you alright."
There was a pause on the other end of the line and then a heavy sigh. "Uh, I
don't really know. Usagi-chan, I have some bad news."
"Oh my God, Naru-chan, you're calling off the wedding?"
"No! No, it's nothing like that."
Usagi exhaled in relief. "Good. Good. So, what is it then?"
"Usagi-chan," Naru began, her voice quivering. "I'm not really sure how to say
this. Please don't be angry with me. But, uh, I don't think you can be a
bridesmaid anymore."
Usagi sucked in her breath. She always assumed Naru had wanted her to be in her
wedding. "Alright...May I ask why?"
"Oh, you're upset. I can tell," Naru cried.
"No, Naru-chan, I'm okay. But, why?"
"Yesterday, Umino's cousin, who's an usher in the wedding, broke his collarbone
so he can't be in it anymore. And, well, Umino really doesn't have anybody else
he could ask to replace his cousin. Umino never was very popular. That means
that there's a bridesmaid without an usher which Mama doesn't want. She says it
would throw off the karma of the wedding. So, she told me I had to drop one
bridesmaid. Well, it's just you, two of my cousins and my best friend in
college. I couldn't drop my cousins, they're family and I know my parents would
freak! And well Suziko-chan...I mean, she's my best friend...Oh, Usagi-chan,
I'm so sorry."
Pausing, Usagi made sure to hide the disappointment she felt before she replied.
"It's okay, Naru-chan."
At this point, Naru started crying "This is so horrible for me. I wanted you
in my wedding so badly. We've dreamed of this since we were kids. I'd do
anything to have you in my wedding. I'd take a stranger off the side of the
street to be Umino's usher! Anybody!"
With Naru's words, an idea popped into Usagi's head. "Anybody?" she asked.
"Yes!" Naru exclaimed, sniffling.
"Naru-chan," Usagi started, the idea growing to fruition, "If could bring
someone to replace the usher, could-"
"Yes!" Naru interuppted. "Yes, Usagi-chan! Oh, that would work out perfectly.
I'm sure Mama wouldn't object to that."
"Alright, let me ask him and then I'll call you back, alright."
"Sure, Usagi-chan," Naru said cheerfully.
Usagi bade Naru goodbye and hung up the phone. Seconds later, she picked up the
receiver again and dialed a number. It rang twice and then...
"Hello?"
"Mamo-chan, can I ask you a huge favor? And you can't say no."
*******
"Bye," he replied, hanging up the phone and pacing back into the living room.
He seemed puzzled.
"Who was it?" Rei asked, watching TV.
"Usa," he said.
Looking down at her lap, Rei replied "Oh." She could tell by the way Mamoru's
brow creased that Usagi had rang up for a friendly hello. This was serious
business. Rei felt a twang of jealousy.
"Is everything okay?" Rei asked, trying to sound like the concerned friend as
opposed to the envious girlfriend.
Mamoru sat down on the sofa next to her and picked up her hand. "I have to ask
you something," he said seriously.
In confusion, Rei blinked twice. Her stomach flipped. "Okay, Mamoru, what is
it? Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," he replied. "But, I don't think you're going to be after I ask you
this."
"Just ask me."
"Okay. That was Usa on the phone. You know she's going to that wedding next
weekend and she's a bridesmaid in it, right?
"Yeah, that's all she talks about. She's really excited What about it?"
Mamoru sighed. "Well, she can't be a bridesmaid anymore."
"Oh, that's too bad. Why?"
Sighing again, Mamoru shook his head. "On of the groom's ushers can't do it, so
they had to cut Usagi from the wedding."
"That's terrible. Poor, Usagi. She was really looking forward to it," Rei
shrugged. "Oh, well. There will be other times for her, I guess."
"Hold on," Mamoru replied, putting his hand up. "There's more. Usa's friend
told her that she really wanted her in the wedding. Naru, I think that's her
name, said that if Usa could bring someone to replace the usher, than Usa could
still be in the wedding. So..."
At this point, Rei realized what Mamoru was about to ask her. Realization broke
on her face like a crash of thunder.
"...Usa wants me to do it," finished Mamoru.
Rei frowned at Mamoru for a long moment. Shutting her eyes, she tried to curb
the anger and jealousy that was pounding through her. She exhaled and collected
herself.
"So you're asking my permission?" she asked slowly.
"Well," Mamoru stated. "You my girlfriend."
Nodding, Rei answered "Then you shouldn't be going off to weddings with other
girls, now should you?"
The answer was like a punch to the stomach. Mamoru had definitely not expected
it. "So, are you saying you don't want me to go?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
Suddenly, Mamoru stood from the sofa. "You're just going to let your friend,
who really wanted to be in this wedding, down like that?"
Rei stood also. "And you're going to abandon your girlfriend, who really wants
you to stay?"
"I don't understand why, Rei! Usa wants this so badly and if I can help her
have it, then I think I should!"
Glaring sideways at him, Rei answered cooly "You don't understand? Let me
explain to you. Weddings have significant meanings, Mamoru. It's a powerfully
romantic and sacred event. This wedding has even more emotional strings for
Usagi and knowing the way she feels about you, I think that she would-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Mamoru interrupted. "What do you mean 'the way she feels
about me?'"
Rolling her eyes, Rei threw her hands in the air. "Oh, come on, Mamoru! Don't
play innocent with me. You know excactly what I'm talking about."
"No, I don't. What do you mean the way Usagi feels about me?"
"Mamoru. I've always thought you were detatched from your feelings and blind to
others', but I've never suspected you to be utterly clueless! You're telling me
you don't see anything? The way she looks at you? The way she talks to you?
How she always wants to be with you? You don't see any of these things?"
Mouth agape, Mamoru attempted to collect the bits and pieces of his shattered
thoughts. What was Rei telling him? "She's my best friend, Rei! That's why
she does all those things. She doesn't...feel...
anything for me! She told me she never would."
Rei furrowed her eyebrows and asked in genuine confusion "Why would she tell
you she would never feel anything for you?"
Though he didn't react on the outside, Mamoru winced inwardly. His fingers
began rubbing his temples. It was now that he realized that this moment was
going to change everything about him and Rei's relationship. Mamoru remained
silent, searching his brain for a way to cover up what he had just said. But,
Rei was too shrewd. Her eyes grew wide and her jaw fell open.
"You..." she muttered "You...were in love with her...weren't you?"
Mamoru winced outwardly this time. Rei stared at him bewildered. When he
averted his eyes, she knew she had spoken the truth. She bit down on her lower
lip with all four front teeth and rubbed her face with her hands.
"I should have known it all along," she muttered.
"That doesn't matter anymore, Rei," Mamoru protested. "I'm with you now! Not
Usa!"
Physically and, maybe even mentally, he was with her, she knew this. She even
suspected that he loved her. But there had always been that chamber in his
heart that she couldn't access. The room that only Usagi had access to. Rei
had figured it might come to this one day. She hadn't known whether she would
fight a losing battle or surrender gracefully. There was one way, however, that
the decision could be made for her.
"Mamoru," Rei began, looking back up to him. He was surprised to find her eyes
placid, even loving. "Go with Usagi if you want."
Mamoru immediately shook his head. "No, Rei. It's a dead issue. I'm not
going. You're right, I shouldn't go to this wedding with Usagi-"
"Mamoru! I want you to go," Rei interrupted.
He seemed puzzled. "But-"
"You want to go, right? Then go. I can't stop you. It's ineveitable, Mamoru.
You have to do what you want. I trust that you'll make the right decisions
about Usagi and about us," she declared. Rei wasn't lying. He sensed that she
needed him to make the decision.
Hesitating, Mamoru knew what he wanted to do. Glancing up at his girlfriend's
face, he didn't know whether he should do it. From the expression in Rei's
eyes, he knew she was being genuine. She wanted him to go...and she wanted him
to return to her. Mamoru nodded.
"Are you sure you want me to go?" he asked.
Rei smiled. "Are you sure you'll come back to me?"
"I promise," Mamoru replied, taking her face in his hands and kissing the top of
her forehead. "I'll go call Usa and tell her the good news."
He walked back into his kitchen, where the phone was. Rei never took her eyes
off of him. Squeezing them shut, she felt tears come to the corners of her
eyes. she thought.
*******
Gritting her teeth, Usagi groaned as she yanked the zipper to her suitcase. Ami
sat on the bunny-covered bed watching.
"Maybe you shouldn't take so much stuff, Usagi-chan. Then your suitcase might
close," she suggested.
"Can't," replied Usagi, still struggling. "I need...everything! Argghh!"
Giving the zipper one last pull, she suitcase finally shut. "Yes!" she cried,
raising her fists in triumph.
"I don't see why you need a huge suitcase-full of stuff plus an extra duffel bag
if you're only going for four days."
"Because, Ami-chan," Usagi said, placing her hand on her friend's shoulder. "I
have to be fabulous."
"For Mamo-chan?" cooed Minako from the next room. When she started making
kissing noises, Usagi rolled her eyes. Then, the buzzer rang.
"That's him!" Usagi cried. "Okay, everybody. I'm leaving!"
Ami stood from the bed and hugged her friend. "Have fun," she said. Nodding
Usagi gripped the handle to her luggage and struggled out of her room. Mako met
her in the hall and took the bag from Usagi swiftly, with only one hand. Minako
opened the door.
"Hi, Mamoru-san," she exclaimed. "Come in!"
Usagi swallowed while she went back to her room to retrieve the duffel bag with
all of her toiletries. she begged silently. Finally, Usagi appeared and smiled at Mamoru. He raised his
eyebrows.
"I thought we were going for only four days! I didn't know you were moving back
there, Usa," he mocked.
"I need my things," she protested.
Makoto smiled and handed the suitcase over to Mamoru. "Have fun you two. Don't
party too much," she said.
Wrapping her arm around Usagi's shoulders, Minako winked at her friend. "Don't
do anything I wouldn't do," she whispered.
Usagi narrowed her eyes at Minako and strode towards the door. "That leaves my
options pretty open, then, doesn't it, Mianko-chan? Alright, guys, I'll see you
in a few days. Don't miss me too much!"
"Bye, Usagi-chan!"
Waving, Usagi shut the door to her apartment.
"Ready?" Mamoru asked her.
"Yup!" she replied. "Let's go."
******
It was a five hour train ride. Usagi could have used the time to sleep or write
or read three chapters for her World Literatures class, but her nerves prevented
her from doing anything except worrying. When lunch was served, Mamoru was
stunned when Usagi only ate three bites of the ham sandwich she had ordered.
"Are you okay?" he asked her.
Smiling, she nodded. "I'm just not hungry."
After lunch, Mamoru dozed off and left Usagi to gaze at the scenery whizzing by.
The train raced by flat rice-fields dotted with the occasional farmer bent over
his crop. It passed through a valley, the strong mountains of Japan shooting up
on both sides. Nature's beauty eased Usagi's heart a bit. It was when the
conductor announced that the next stop was hers and they would be there in half
an hour, that Usagi went into a mild panic.
At first, she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Half an hour until she saw the
best friend she hadn't seen in over five years. Half an hour until her old
town, old friends, old haunts would engulf her completely. Would it be vastly
different? Will they all have missed her? What will they say about her?
Glancing at Mamoru, she marvelled at how he could be sleeping at a time like
this! Couldn't he understand what she was going through?
"Mamo-chan," she whispered. No reaction. His slow breathing continued.
"Mamo-chan, wake up," she whispered again, this time more sharply. Nothing.
"Mamo-chan!" she said, nudging his with her elbow. He inhaled and his eyes
opened.
"What, Usa?" he croaked, stretching up in his seat.
"We're almost there," she replied.
"Okay."
Mamoru rubbed his eyes with his fingers. "Did you sleep?" he asked her.
She shook her head.
"Read?"
Again, Usagi shook her head.
"Well, what'd you do?"
"Worried."
Sucking his teeth, Mamoru rolled his eyes. "Why are you so uptight about this,
Usa?"
"Because I haven't seen these people in a long time and I grew up with them.
I'm sure my old friends will be there and it just drives me crazy! Oh, my God,
look! We're crossing the bridge!"
The train passed over a small canal and Mamoru didn't see what the big deal was.
"The big deal," Usagi informed him, "Is that right after this bridge, is home.
I remember once me and Naru and two of my other girl friends were sitting on
this bridge throwing bread at the ducks and suddenly we heard the whistle of the
train. Well, we got so panicked that we didn't have the sense to run off the
bridge. So we all jumped into the dirty, smelly canal. I came home soaked and
my parents grounded me for a week."
Mamoru laughed. "I can just see little Usa-chan with her odangos all wet!"
Usagi hadn't even heard the remark about the odangos. She was already pointing
to another landmark from her childhood and telling a related tale. Mamoru
watched her and thought she reminded him of a child walking past the window of a
toy store. Eyes wide and sparkling, she couldn't stop smiling.
"-And then he threw this huge orange at us but he missed and broke the window
instead!"
By now, the train was rumbling through the downtown area and Usagi was blabbing
nonstop.
"Oh, my god! That was Kawazaki-sensei!" Usagi cried, pointing to someone who
she had seen out the window. "He was my English teacher in eigth grade. We
used to make fun of him so much and he was deaf in one ear so he couldn't tell
the difference!"
Finally, when Mamoru thought he could take no more of Usagi's stories, the train
squealed into the station. That shut Usagi up quickly. The passengers getting
off all stood to take their things but she remained sitting in her seat, staring
out of the window.
"Usa, let's go," Mamoru said reaching up for his duffel bag. "The train's gonna
leave with you still on it."
Slowly, she turned her face towards him. It was pale and very scared.
"Mamo-chan, I...I can't do this."
"Yes you can," Mamoru said, the annoyance creeping into his words. "And you
will. Let's go!"
He took hold of her arm and forced her to stand. From there, Usagi operated on
her own, taking her things and exiting the train, but she was deathly silent the
entire time. She stepped off the train and her eyes perused over the station.
The last time she had been here, she was on her way to Tokyo, everything that
was to come unbeknownst to her. What a long time ago that had been. Usagi
looked up to Mamoru and he looked down to her. They both smiled.
"I'm back home," she whispered. "I can't believe it."
"Let's go get our luggage. Well, make that luggage," he joked.
Nodding, Usagi followed him. Her eyes were wide, soaking in all that she had
missed. As Mamoru waited in line to retrieve her luggage, Usagi glanced around.
Naru was supposed to meet her here. So far, though, she was nowhere to be seen.
Once the giant suitcase had been recovered, Usagi and Mamoru began walking to
the front of the station.
"I wonder if we've already passed each other and we just don't recognize each
other. Or, what if she forgot? Naru-chan always was absent-minded. Or,
maybe-"
"Usagi-chan!" yelled a voice from the crowd.
Clamping her lips together, Usagi shot her head from right to left, straining to
see where the voice had come from. Mamoru, who was a head taller than she,
could easily see the person.
"Over there, Usa. Look," Mamoru said, pointing to a young woman with red hair.
Usagi stood on her tiptoes and stretched her neck to see. Once she caught sight
of the person, she broke into a smile and screamed.
"Naru-chan!"
Dropping her bags, she pummelled through the crowd of people until she reached
her old best friend. Naru had tears in her eyes and her hands were shaking.
Upon seeing Naru's reaction, Usagi burst into tears of happiness. She looked
exactly the same. Nothing had changed. Then, the two girls hugged fiercely.
"Naru-chan," Usagi wailed. "I missed you."
"Me too, Usagi-chan," cried Naru.
This was the specatacle Mamoru finally trudged his way over to. Dropping the
bags down on the ground, he watched as the two girls hugged and cried. He felt
a twinge of jealousy. Though he knew she had had a life before Tokyo, he'd
always thought that her Tokyo existence was superior. Now, here in front of his
own eyes, was the evidence that Usagi hadn't always belonged in his world.
Looking around, Mamoru noticed a short man with large glasses also staring at
the couple. He was smiling and giggled once or twice. Mamoru
thought. Finally, the two grils tore themselves apart.
"Usagi-chan, you still have the same hair!" Naru exclaimed.
"Of course I do. I could never cut it off. And look at you! You look great.
Exactly the same as when I left," Usagi replied.
"Thanks. It feels like you were never gone. Oh, gosh, Usagi-chan, this makes
everything perfect! We've got so much catching up to do."
"I know," said Usagi, throwing her arm around Naru's shoulders. "You can tell
me on the way to the hotel."
"Alright."
The two women began walking off and Mamoru cleared his throat loudly.
"Forgetting someone, Usa?"
Usagi spun around. "Oh, my gosh, Mamo-chan! I feel like an idiot. Osaka Naru
this is my friend, Chiba Mamoru."
Smiling, Mamoru bowed politely. He wasn't expecting the huge bear-hug that Naru
gave him.
"Oh, thank you so much, Mamoru-san! I'm so grateful to you. Thank you for
letting Usagi be in my wedding. It means so much to me," Naru said.
Mamoru could only nod for the shock prevented him from doing little else.
Suddenly, the man from before, the "pervert," sashayed up to Usagi, Naru, and
Mamoru.
"Hi, Usagi-san," he said meekly.
Usagi turned to see...
"Umino-kun! I don't believe it. How are you?" She stared in shock at the
"boy" who had loved her since grade school. He hadn't changed either. The
frames in his too-thick glasses still looked the same. He still wore pants a
size too small. And, though she knew he was marrying Naru, he still stared at
her with that adoring, puppy-faced look. Usagi burned with embarassment and
discomfort.
"I'm alright. How about you?" he replied.
"I'm...I'm terrifc," she stammered. "Oh. Congratulations. I couldn't be
happier for the both of you."
Umino chuckled and turned red. Mamoru sighed in relief. So the "pervert" was
Naru's fiancee. The two were introduced and both bowed politely.
"Shall we go?" offered Umino.
"Yup! I can't wait to drive through town again," Usagi exclaimed.
Giggling, her and Naru walked ahead, leaving the two guys to lug around the
suitcases. While Mamoru had no problem carrying his own duffel bag and Usagi's
large suitcase, Umino seemed to be struggling with the smaller duffel bag of
Usagi's.
"You know Chiba-san, there was a time I'd have given anything to be in your
position right now," Umino remarked.
"Excuse me?" Mamoru asked. "I'm not sure what you mean."
Tittering, Umino replied "You know, to have Usagi-san gaze at me the way she
gazes at you. You're one lucky guy. To be able to stare into those eyes of
hers whenever you want. I used to fantasize about those eyes before I went to
sleep every night. I...I wanted to be her boyfriend since I was seven."
What was this funny, little man saying? This conversation seemed to be heading
to a twisted place. "Oh," Mamoru said, stumbling onto what Umino was referring
to. "Usa and I...you've got the wrong idea. I have a girlfriend. We're...Usa
and I...are just friends, that's all."
"Ohhh," Umino exclaimed. "I'm so embarassed. Sheesh, a thousand apologies,
Chiba-san. I had no idea. Maybe because I used to find her so captivating, I
just assume every one else does too."
Smiling, Mamoru looked down at Umino and figured that he didn't know how right
he was. It seemed the two of them had something in common, though Umino didn't
know it.
"So, how did you decide that Naru-san was the one for you?" Mamoru asked.
Umino guffawed and rubbed his neck. "I don't know...it just happened one day, I
guess. It happened a few weeks after Usagi-san had left for Tokyo. I went to
Naru to ask how Usagi-san was doing, you know, cause they're best friends and
all and I figured Naru would know. So we got to talking and Naru ended up
crying to me about how lonely she was without her. I wanted to say to Naru 'Me
too. I miss Usagi-san as much as you do.' But you know what? I couldn't say
it. Because suddenly I didn't miss her anymore. I realized then just how
pretty Naru was, how green her eyes was (especially with fresh tears glistening
in them) and I asked her on a date. She accepted and the rest is history."
Mamoru smiled. "That's a nice story."
"Yeah," Umino agreed. "And the funny thing is, I'd known Naru just as long as
Usagi-san, and I'd never realized my love for her until I had my obstacles
cleared from me (not that Usagi-san is an obstacle...but you see what I mean,
right, Chiba-san?) We only see the true value of things when our vision is
pure. My vision was cluttered. But, everything seems perfect now. Yup,
everything looks perfect from my vantage point. Oh, you probably don't
understand what I mean. I'm talking nonsense. Here we are."
Umino dropped the bag down on the pavement in front of a small, red car.
Commotion ensued as Umino and Mamoru struggled to cram the luggage in the trunk.
There were a lot of teeth gritted and expletives uttered, yet during it all,
Mamoru managed to sneak a peak at Usagi, who was busy chattering away with Naru.
Had he ever seen her this radiant? Despite her nerves and a five hour train
ride, Usagi seemed to glow with happiness. He recalled Umino's words: "We only
see the true value of things when our vision is pure." What kind of vision did
he mean? Vision as in how you see? Or vision as in dream, as in what you want,
as in your intentions? Either way, was Mamoru's true vision being impaired by
something?
He didn't have time to ponder these questions for they were now packing into the
small car; Mamoru and Usagi in the back seat, and Umino and Naru in the front.
And as Usagi bubbled over with glee, Mamoru sat back and shared her revelry.
*******
At the hotel that afternoon and at dinner that night with the Osaka family,
Usagi could not manage to keep her mouth shut. When she wasn't talking, she was
either smiling or eating. She felt like she had stumbled upon a missing part of
herself when she was back here. One voice that she had never used in Tokyo had
burst through; she was singing.
All Mamoru could do was marvel at her. He felt like an outsider and he was.
Usagi had dived back into the first sixteen years of her life. Sixteen years
that hadn't included him. Of course, he was going to be sidelined. So, he
understood when she spoke barely ten words to him the whole evening. And he sat
back and smiled when a bunch of her old friends from school came over to the
Osaka's. Usagi squealed and cried all over again. He forgave her on the
fifteen minute walk back to the hotel when all she could do was talk about
herself.
But he didn't understand her the next morning when she woke up, pale and silent,
like it were a funeral she were going to rather than a wedding.
*******
Usagi dropped her earring on the floor for the third time.
"Shoot!" she muttered, stooping to pick it up. Her fingers trembled as she
reached for it.
After she finally secured the small pearl in her earlobe, she stared at herself
in the mirror. she thought bitterly. Suddenly,
Mamoru rapped at the bathroom door, causing Usagi to jump.
"Usa, hurry up. It's almost twenty till and we've got to be there at five!"
Biting her lip, Usagi shivered and continued staring at herself in the mirror.
She looked ugly and felt it, too. Her lower lip quivered dangerously but she
forbade herself from crying. It would ruin her mascara, she told herself.
"Coming," she squeaked. Exhaling, she opened the door and stepped out. Her
first sight of Mamoru in a tuxedo made her draw in her breath. The black and
white gave him a crisp, finished look. The jacket and pants, though altered in
a hurry, made him seem like a sculpture by Michaelangelo himself. He looked
stunning. Standing in front of the mirror by their beds, he was adjusting his
bow tie.
"Wow, Mamo-chan," Usagi breathed. "It seems that tuxedos are your thing."
The honest awe in her voice sent a shiver down his back. Rei's words echoed in
his mind and he felt his stomach tremble. He kept his focus to his stubborn
tie.
"You don't look so bad yourself," he replied.
Usagi looked away and felt a lump rise in her throat. He hadn't even looked at
her. All this preparation and worry (which was only in part for the wedding)
had gone unnoticed. She threw some lipstick, powder, and money into the small
handbag she brought. As she did, Mamoru glanced at her from the corner of her
eye. The dress was simple and modest with a cap-sleeve, form-fitting bodice
that draped down to a small train of fabric. There were no bows, no glitter, no
lace, and the ensemble looked lovely. Though she claimed mint green wasn't her
color, Mamore thought Usagi looked fabulous in it. The color transformed her
pale blonde hair into an almost shimmering silver. Mamoru was also surprised to
see that her hair was not in the usual "odangos." She had twisted and curled it
in a way that only a female could and stuck a beaded-pearl clip into the mass of
hair on her head. A simple strand of pearls with matching earrings finished off
the look. Though he couldn't tell her, she looked regal.
"You know, Usa," he said, finally championing over his bow tie, "You're a pretty
classy lady."
She didn't answer right away and when she did, she turned away and muttered
"Thanks."
"Usa?"
"What?"
"You okay?"
She looked over her shoulder and grinned as genuine as she possibly could.
"Yes. I'm just nervous, that's all." Then, inspecting Mamoru's bow tie, she
shook her head. "Let me help."
She paced over to him and steadfastly began adjusting the tie, pulling, yanking,
and prying it to her will, all the while trying to resist the warm spicy scent
of his cologne. Peering sideways for a brief second, she caught a glimpse of
him and herself in the mirror. Her heart stopped in her chest. Usagi thought
"Okay," she said, finally straightening the tie. "It's about as good as it's
gonna look. Now, let's go see Naru-chan get married."
*******
When Usagi and Mamoru arrived at the church, they discovered, to their horror,
Naru's mother, grandmother, two aunts, three cousins, and best friend attempting
to calm a frantic Naru who was panting into a brown paper bag.
"Oh, Usagi-chan!" Naru said when she arrived. "I'm so glad you're here. Oh,
and you too, Mamoru-san. Usagi-chan, I'm so nervous!"
"Usagi-chan," said Naru's mother. "We'll leave you alone. See if you can talk
some sense into this girl. I know you always could."
As they filed out of the room, Usagi could only smile in amusement and adoration
for her friend. "Naru-chan, don't be nervous. You look...so beautiful. More
gorgeous than I've ever seen you look. That dress is absolutely amazing. And
your hair...the flowers in it are a nice touch. Umino's going to keel over when
he sees you walking down the aisle."
Blushing, Naru removed the paper bag from her face. "Really?"
Kneeling down by Naru, Usagi began to tear up. "Yes. Oh, Naru-chan, I'm going
to cry. This is more wonderful than we could have ever imagined it. I...I'm
speechless."
Naru smiled softly and took Usagi's hand into her own. "Even after all this
time, when I look at you, Usagi-chan, I feel at peace. I only wish I could look
at serene and beautiful as you. Thank you for being with me today."
Wiping her eyes, Usagi grinned.
"Oh, and thank you, Mamoru-san, for letting her be here today," Naru added.
He nodded and swallowed. Having never been to a wedding before, the display of
raw emotion-the fear, the anxiety, the love-was overwhelming. Mamoru wondered
how Usagi could stand it. Between his nervousness and aprhensiveness, he
thought he would burst. Usagi stood and brushed off her dress.
"Well, we'd better get out of here and give some quiet time before you get
hitched," Usagi said.
Naru smiled weakly and tightened her grip on Usagi's hand. Squeezing it in
reassurance, Usagi gently released her hand from Naru's.
"You'll do fine," she reassured her. "See you in the aisle, Naru-chan. Good
luck!"
"Good luck, Naru-san," Mamoru echoed.
Opening the door, they both walked out. When it shut, it took all of Usagi's
stregnth to not break down and cry.
*******
She had never felt closer to him as she did then. Or as distanced, too.
Walking down the aisle, in perfect time with the music, with all eyes on her but
anticipating someone much greater, Usagi fought a losing battle with her
emotions. He was so close to her, walking with her. The coarse sleeve of his
tuxedo brushed her arm and she nearly crumpled to the floor. As they reached
the flower-laden altar, she stared up at him and he saw the fear brewing in her
eyes. They stood and waited for that familiar march and it came, whisking the
bride, Naru, into her wedding.
Reverent murmurs filled the church. Walking down the aisle, Naru had visible
tears in her eyes. She glanced at Usagi and smiled before joining Umino. It
was all Usagi needed to break down. Throughout the ceremony, she cried
silently. Tears ran down her cheeks along with her mascara and eyeliner, she
imagined. From the opposite side of the altar, where the ushers and the best
man stood, Mamoru saw the slight quivering of Usagi's chest. Her nose was red
and her eyes were pools of sadness and joy and everything else women felt during
weddings that men simply could not. As if she felt his gaze on her, she glanced
over to him and he smiled for a brief second. Usagi returned the smile,
breathed deeply, and focused her attention back on the couple.
"I pronounce you husband and wife. Congratulations."
Naru and Umino beamed at each other and kissed amid the applause of family and
friends. They stepped down from the altar and paraded down the aisle, the
ushers and bridesmaids following close behind. Mamoru pinched Usagi's arm as
they sauntered away but Usagi remained mute and lifeless. She wiped her eyes
and stared ahead.
*******
"There's nothing worse than the Chicken Dance," commented Mamoru as he took a
sip of coffee.
She looked up to the dance floor to see dozens of people foolishly clapping
their hands, flapping their arms, and twisting their hips in a drunken euphoria
that only a wedding (or ten shots of tequila) could produce. Not replying,
Usagi continued pushing the wedding cake around on her plate. The icing had
turned into one greyish-pink mush. Slouching in her chair, Usagi was the
picture of discontent. Her lips had permanently drooped into a sulk and she
refused to smile or enjoy herself. Throughout dinner, she had remained silent,
causing the other guests at her table to believe she was a snob. In fact, in an
unusually uncharacteristic gesture, Mamoru had done the chatting and socializing
for her. Now, when everybody had left the table to dance and they were alone,
could Mamoru confront his friend.
"Usa," he said, leaning close to her. "What's wrong?"
For the first time that evening, Usagi felt something else besides depression.
Her eyes widened as she gazed into those of Mamoru's, no father than half a foot
away. Practically forcing her eyes down, she sighed.
"Come on. Out with it," he urged.
She couldn't possibly tell him the whole truth. Not now. She could see it:
"Frankly, Mamo-chan," she would say. "This wedding is making me realize how
much I love you and if this goes on as it is, I'm going to go insane."
Yeah, right. If she told him what was really weighing down her spirits, they
both wouldn't know what to do. It's not like she could retreat to her apartment
and he to his. They were sleeping in the same room! And then would have to
take a five hour train ride together. No, even if Usagi wanted to tell him that
this wedding was making her want him even more, she couldn't. It wasn't
practical.
"I'm just sorry," Usagi said delicately, "To be losing a friend like Naru-chan."
"Usa, you're not losing her. She got married. That doesn't change anything
between the both of you."
"Yes. It does. Gosh, how can I explain this to you?" Usagi excalimed in
frustration. "You see, she's living in an entirely new realm now. Once I could
have called her up and said 'Let's go shopping Naru' and the only thing she had
to worry about was whether or not she had money. Now, she'll have to see if her
and Umino can afford it since they'll be paying rent on an apartment and even if
she did have the cash, she might not be able to since Umino might need dinner in
a hurry. Or, she just might want to spen time with him or, or-"
"Usa, you're taking this a bit far, don't you think," Mamoru scolded. "Some
things change and you have to learn how to accept those things. On the other
hand, some things never change. Naru will always be you friend. Just not under
the same conditions."
Usagi frowned and slouched back in her chair. Mamoru words made complete sense,
she knew. She realized that Naru would still, and always be, her friend. And,
Usagi also knew that this wasn't even half of the reason why she was upset.
Glancing over to Mamoru, the frown on her face settled more into her lips.
The Chicken Dance wound down and then the DJ began playing a slower song.
Mamoru smiled sadly as he watched his friend struggle with her emotions.
"Dance with me?" he asked. "It'll take your mind off of everything."
Standing, he held out his arm to her and grinned. What could Usagi do? He was
her Achilles heel, her apple on the Tree of Knowledge, the pot of gold at the
end of her rainbow and every other silly cliche. Was he doing this on purpose?
He wanted her to fall deeper down into the abyss. And, helplessly, she
accepted.
Together, they walked out onto the dance floor. He squeezed her hand and
wrapped his arm around her back. Without looking up at him, Usagi placed her
arm on the back of his neck. They swayed in time to the music. She rested her
head on his shoulder. Dammit, why did her heart have to keep thudding like
that?
she thought.
Closing her eyes, she felt them again. And she didn't resist. Tears spilled
from her eyes, slid down her cheeks, and buried themselves in the material of
Mamoru's jacket. Usagi cried quietly and the music played on.
*******
That night, back at the hotel, she should have fell fast asleep. Mamoru had.
He lay on the other bed, breathing softly. Gazing at him, Usagi let her tears
flow calmly, soaking her hand. Some hours later, Usagi fell asleep.
*******
The next morning, when Usagi awoke, she discovered Mamoru missing. Glancing at
the clock, she saw why. It read 10:34. Knowing that he was an early riser and
an excersiser, she figured he had gone out jogging. Usagi rubbed her swollen
eyes and got out of bed. Taking one look at herself in the mirror, she cringed
and shuffled to the bathroom.
She was supposed to go to the Osaka's today for brunch, however being part of
the merry wedding atmosphere was not top on her list of things she wanted to do.
She ran a brush through her long, tangled hair. Snagging the brush on a nasty
knot, she winced
After performing all of her necessary grooming, Usagi walked back into the room
to discover Mamoru sitting at the table with a styrofoam cup of coffee in one
hand and a newspaper in another.
"Hey," she grumbled, flopping down on the bed.
"Morning, sunshine," he replied sarcastically.
"Where were you?"
"Running. And then I got some coffee at the bakery down the street. I got you
some too."
She mumbled her thanks. Taking one look at her, he flopped the paper down on
the table. "What's wrong with you, Usa? Why so glum?"
Sighing, Usagi muttered something under her breath. Mamoru rolled his eyes and
then said "Well, you better get dressed because we have to be at the Osaka's in
less than an hour."
"I'm not going," Usagi said flatly.
Why wasn't he surprised? Usagi either seemed to be caught in a terrible funk or
to have regressed back to the terrible twos.
"Why?" he droned.
"Mamo-chan, I can't. Now today. Not like this. Naru-chan won't even be there.
She's half way to Hawaii by now. I'll call her parents and tell them that I
won't be able to make it."
Mamoru sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. He wasn't liking this
depressed version of Usagi. "Alright then," he began. "What do you suggest we
do today?"
Usagi shrugged.
"Okay," Mamoru answered.
Then, Usagi replied "Maybe we can go see my old house...if you want to, that
is."
Sighing, he replied "Sure. I'll do what you want to do."
"And then maybe we can drop by my old school?"
"Yes, Usa, okay. Now get dressed so that we can get out of here before
sundown."
For the first time in a day, Usagi grinned genuinely. She hopped off the bed
and ran into the bathroom to get ready.
*******
"Here," Usagi said pointing to the street up ahead. Complying with his
co-pilot's orders, Mamoru turned the rental car down the tree-lined street of
this quite neighborhood. Usagi squirmed in the seat, unable to control her
excitement. She recognized everything. Naru-chan's old house. And the old
twisted tree still in Kawamura-san's yard. The park where she used to play at.
And then...
"Right here," Usagi said, gazing out. She placed her palm on the window and
held her breath. Before Mamoru could put the car in park, she flung open the
door and bounded out of the car. Shaking his head in amusement, Mamoru took his
time getting out, seeing as Usagi had already left him in her tracks. She paced
around the front yard of the light blue house they had come to. Walking over to
a small tree in the far corner, she touched the coarse bark and scanned the
trunk. There it was.
"T.U., O.N., '86." Naru and her initials, carved in 1986. Usagi smiled and
chuckled to herself, recalling how angry her mother had been when she discovered
her tree had been marked up.
Usagi sauntered to the window and peered in. It seemed as if no one was home.
She was surprised to see that the living room looked completely foreign to her.
Redone in dark wood and old furniture, it looked nothing like the pastel-draped
room of her memory.
The grass crunched as Mamoru walked up to her. "So this is your old house,
huh?"
Eyes gleaming, Usagi nodded. She had her arms akimbo and slowly traced her gaze
across the yard. Shrill laughter echoed in her mind and the ghosts of her
childhood streaked past her. Everything had a name, a story.
"You wanna go in?" Mamoru asked, gesturing to the house.
The hint of a smile still on her lips, she shook her head. No, she didn't need
to see the inside. Here was enough. Besides, she couldn't bear the idea that
invaders had changed everything, possibly even her room, with its pink
wallpapaer and carpeting. She looked over at Mamoru and smiled. Then, pulling
her gaze away, she asked him:
"Do you want to go see my old high school?"
He smiled. "Sure. Let's go."
As they drove away from the house, Usagi couldn't force her eyes away. She
looked back at it until it disappeared behind a corner. Sighing, she leaned
back in the seat, a secret grin molded onto her face.
*******
That afternoon, Mamoru and Usagi covered her high school and elementary school,
an park where had played as a kid, and the "Feel Better Drugstore" where she had
worked for two years. While Usagi indulged in her memories, Mamoru followed
oblidgingly. Maybe he should have felt jealous or bored. He didn't, however.
Instead, he felt like an honored guest in the palace of a king. Here was Usagi,
reveling in the memories of her life before she had known him. And rather than
excluding him, rather than saying "These were good times that you could never
know about," she was offering him a window to her thoughts. She was letting him
in and making him understand where she had come from.
They drove back to the hotel in silence. The sun had set minutes ago and the
sky was washed with a dim, hazy lilac. Sighing, Usagi closed her eyes. She
felt peaceful. Mamoru glanced at her and couldn't help but share in her
happiness. He felt closer to her than ever before. And maybe this was why
something in his heart yearned for more. He turned his eyes ahead and glared at
the road in frustration. His greed angered him. This was the best he had ever
felt in his life. He had medical school, and a great friend like Usagi, and,
financially, he was well off, oh, and then there was Rei. The present held so
much love and success and potential for him. And here he was, wishing for more!
Usagi had always chided him for being too self-centered. Was she-
"Mamo-chan," she suddenly murmured, opening her eyes.
"Yes," he answered.
"Thanks for taking me everywhere today."
He wondered if she would be thanking him if she knew how self-absorbed he was.
"It was my pleasure."
"You know what else?"
"Hmm?"
"Today I was thinking a lot about what I gave up to come to Tokyo. And, well,"
she paused and felt herself blush, "Did you know that you were the first person
in Tokyo to talk to me?"
Mamoru smirked. "Really?"
"Yup. I mean, besides my family and all. You were the first person that I
voluntarily spoke to in Tokyo. Isn't that neat?"
He smiled. "Yeah."
Usagi yawned and sat back in the chair. They drove the rest of the way in
silence.
******
"What a difference a day makes," Usagi wrote in her journal. She sat on her bed
in the hotel in her flannel PJs. Her hair, still damp from the shower, fell
around her face and down her back. "Last night, I felt like I was a leaf being
carried by a strong current-helpless and without direction. Naru-chan's wedding
had me thinking that if I didn't have love (specifically, Mamo-chan's) that my
life was pointless. What's living if you can't have passion and respect and
love from another person, right? I cried last night. Partially for Naru-chan,
for losing my friend. But mostly, I cried because I felt sorry for myself.
Will I ever have what she does?-"
Usagi glanced over at Mamoru who, even in his white T-shirt and plaid, flannel
pants, looked adorable reading his book "The Nature of Genetics in Single-celled
Organisms." She smiled and continued writing.
"And it saddened me. Because I could have had him and I let him brush past me
as if he had been a stranger in a crowded mall. I couldn't stop the "What if's"
from flooding my head. In fact, my self-pity was so horrible that I couldn't
bear to go over to Naru-chan's house today. But, it's a good thing I didn't
because I had an epiphany. It happened when we were driving back to the hotel.
Today, I took a tour of my past. I saw my old house and my old schools and even
my old job. And, while savoring my memories as if I were at a massive banquet
or a museum chock full of DaVinci's and Picasso's, I realized that I had been
happy. In bliss, actually, before I met Mamo-chan. There had been a Tsukino
Usagi that had smiled and laughed and sang prior to him. I didn't know where
she had gone. It's not that Mamo-chan makes me miserable but...yes, he makes me
miserable. Ever since the beginning, when we hated each other. Even now that
I'm in love with him I'm still miserable (granted, it's the sweeteset misery
I've ever felt.)
But, no more. No more sorrow and tears and pain and all that other nasty stuff.
If I'm going to be in love, it's going to be under my conditions. I'm
reclaiming my emotions. I love him but he can't domanate me anymore. I'm going
to find my happiness. And when I do, maybe then I'll regain the opportunity
that almost slipped by me unawares."
Closing her journal, Usagi smiled at Mamoru. She yawned and slipped into the
covers of her bed.
"'Night, Mamo-chan," she said.
Looking up, he replied. "Goodnight, Usa."
********
Rei glanced at the clock again. The minute hand had barely moved since she last
looked at it. She bounced her leg impatiently. Sitting in the train station,
she anxiously awaited Mamoru and Usagi's arrival. They didn't know she was
meeting them there. Rei didn't know why she felt she needed to be there when
Mamoru got back. In her heart, she felt an urgency. Like their entire
relationship relied on her greeting him here. It was ridiculous, she knew. A
manifestation of her growing insecurities. She needed Mamoru's arm around her
and his gentle words to reassure her.
"The 10:42 train from Kobe is approaching the station," announced the intercom.
This was it. Rei stood and paced to the tracks. The squealing brakes of the
train hurt her ears, but it was nothing compared to the thudding of her
heartbeat. she pleaded. People began
flooding off the train. There were swarms of families reuniting and businessmen
running to their next meeting. How would she ever find them?
And as if the question had inspired divine intervention, she suddenly spotted
Usagi's distinctive blonde hair in the crowd. Rei's first intinct was to wave
and call out to them. She wanted to run over to her boyfriend and kiss him over
and over again. And she wanted to bear-hug her best friend. So, she couldn't
understand it when she merely stepped to the side and began watching them like a
hawk eyes its prey.
Though her hair and clothes were rumpled, Usagi gleamed. Rei couldn't put her
finger on it. Maybe it was the way Usagi was walking, or the knowing half-smile
on her lips, or the way she brushed her hair over her shoulders in that
non-chalant way. Rei witnessed Mamoru point at a sign. Usagi nodded, looked up
at him and grinned. She said something and then jabbed him in the ribs with her
elbow. "Ow" she saw Mamoru mouth, as he smiled devilishly. Glancing up at him,
Usagi threw her head back and laughed. It was a friendly altercation, one that
maybe even Rei and Usagi might have had. But, Rei felt like it was more to
them. For Usagi and Mamoru, it was a dance, and endless tango. Always teasing.
Waiting for the right moment to plunge into something forbidden. She watched
from a distance and knew that's where she would always be. Smiling sadly, she
turned and shuffled through the crowded station, her ambitions of a grand
homecoming squandered.
********
Stay tuned for the second half of Phase 6...
(
geocities.com/tokyo/spa/Spa) (
geocities.com/tokyo/spa) (
geocities.com/tokyo)