Kirei

It was a dark and stormy night

Well, not really.

It was actually a very nice, warm spring day. You could smell the cherry blossoms in the air, delicately covering the scent of food wafting out of the Aka-beko.

The woman tilted her head slightly and sniffed, closing her eyes, imagining food. She was tiny, perhaps four and a half feet tall. She wore black western-style pants, an off white shirt, and a slightly battered maroon overcoat. Her hair was black and fairly short, hanging down over the bandana tied around her head in uneven, spikey locks.

She flipped the red tails of the bandana over her shoulder and put her hands on her hips, mentally calculating the amount of money she had, and how much further she had to travel, seeing if she had enough for food.

It wasn't enough.

Not that it ever was.

A tall man stepped out of the doorway of the restaurant, hands jammed in his pockets, shoulders dropped in a habitual "tough guy" slouch. The woman stared in disbelief. "Man, it couldn't be…"

"Hey! Hey! You didn't pay for your meal!" A waitress ran to the doorway and shook her tray at him.

"Just put it on my tab…" The man looked back and flashed a hundred watt, melt-in-your-mouth smile, designed to charm the pants off of anything female in the vicinity.

The waitress was obviously unimpressed and charm-proof. "I've heard that song before. When are you going to pay your tab?"

"When I win enough gambling." The man waved languidly, ignoring the incoherent protests of the waitress.

The tiny woman narrowed her eyes. "I can't believe it…"

"Eh?" Sagara Sanosuke turned his face to the front, looking straight ahead. He didn't see anyone. "Huh?" He glanced left, then right, Still nothing.

"Ahem. Down here." The voice sounded exasperated.

Sano looked down. And down some more. Black, spiky hair stuck up into his field of view. Tilting his head down a little more, he finally caught sight of the woman. "Uh…hi."

"What, you don't recognize me???" The woman stepped forward, stiff legged, her hands on her hips, balled into fists.

"Er…no. What do you want, little girl?" WHACK! Sano bent almost double and grabbed his shin, memory suddenly coming back with a painful kick.

But not fast enough.

WHAM! The woman's fits connected with the back of his head, and Sano fell forward to eat dirt.

"Ungh…" He coughed and spat grit out of his mouth, rolling his eyes up to look at the woman standing over him like a diminuitive avenging angel.

"And I'm two months older than you, you big jerk!"

"Ugh…hi Kirei…"

She glared down at Sano's huddled up form. "Rolling in the dirt like the pig you are, I see."

"I had your help, sister dear…"

"You big dip shit! I thought you were dead! Why didn't you tell me?"

Sano scrambled quickly up to his feet, ignoring the pain in his shin and head. He didn't need to get kicked when he was already on the ground. I didn't tell YOU! What the hell are you talking about? When the family we left you with disappeared, I figured that the Ishin bastards had gotten you. And YOU are yelling at ME?"

Kirei felt the back of her neck prickle. A small, curious crowd had gathered. It was growing with each passing moment.

She really didn't care.

"Yes, I'm yelling at you, you selfish bastard! I snuck out and watched everyone get killed…I thought I was the last! And I bet you've been having a lot of fun, mooching free meals and gambling!"

Sano glared at her for a moment…then grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug. "You runt! I thought I'd never see you again!"

Kirei jumped up and wrapped her arms around his neck, her feet dangling quite a ways above the ground. She heard Sano laugh, and he spun around, then hugged her tighter.

"So…" Sano lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper "Do you still wear pink underwear like you had on that time I peeped on you at the stream?"

WHACK!

"ITAI!" Sano dropped her, and she landed lightly on her feet, grinning as he hopped around on one foot, clutching his knee.

Kirei continued to grin. "I don't know, Sano. Do you still sleep in the buff?"

Sano stopped hopping around and glared at her. Everyone in the street was looking. Somewhere, he heard a girl giggling. "Er…I don't know what you're talking about."

That shit-eating grin of Kirei's got broader. "I thought so."

Sano turned bright red.

"Ah…ah…Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Traveling to see a sick relative. What are YOU doing here, other than being lazy and leaching off of your friends?"

"Er…" Sano turned darker red. "Hey, why don't we go talk about this over a drink?" He glanced back toward the entrance of the restaurant.

The waitress had found a butcher knife somewhere. She was nonchalantly paring her nails. "You aren't coming back in here until you've paid your bill."

"Er…ok…" Sano rubbed the back of his head and looked at Kirei. "He he…it's a little joke we have." He grinned sheepishly.

Kirei and the waitress exchanged glances. They rolled their eyes in tandem.

"Yeah…so…anyway…Come back with me to the Kamiya Dojo. It's my friend's place…so you can meet them." Sano grabbed Kirei's arm and pulled her through the crowd.

The Kamiya Dojo was having a peaceful day.

Emphasis on the 'was'.

Kenshin had been hard at work. Sheets, shirts, and towels flapped on the clothes handers like so many captive birds. The kitchen was spotless, the floor was polished to an eye blinding shine. Through the doors of the main room of the dojo came the sounds of Kaoru and Yahiko practicing.

Kenshin smiled to himself and added another careful chalk line to the hopping game Ayume and Suzame wanted to play, listening to the two children talking with half an ear.

He looked up as the children's chatter ceased, then started up again in an entirely different tone. Without thinking, he stood up, tucked his sakabatou into his waistband, and walked over to the children.

"Look, Ken-nii! It's Sano-nii!" Ayume smiled happily, pointing at the door. Kenshin glanced over, relaxing as he saw that it was indeed Sano. The young man waved at him, grinning.

Suzame tugged at the leg of Kenshin's pants. He looked down. "Hai, Suzame-chan?"

"Ken-nii…who is Sano-nii's friend?" Suzame looked toward Sano, and Kenshin turned his gaze back that way as well. Nothing. Just Sano in the doorway.

"Ahem. Right here," came a voice with a slight tinge of resignation in it.

"Oro?" Kenshin blinked. The voice had come from the vicinity of Sano's right bicep.

"ITAI!!" Sano bent down and grabbed his knee, hopping frantically out of the doorway.

"Oro?" Kenshin felt even more confused as he watched Sano do a little dance of pain.

"You should know better than to stand in front of me, you colossal weenie!"

Kenshin looked back at the doorway. A very short woman was standing there, glaring at Sano. The quite giggling of Ayume and Suzame hung in the air for a moment as the tall man continued to hop around.

"What's going on out here?" Kaoru appeared by Kenshin, her bokken resting on one shoulder.

Yahiko showed up a bare second behind her. "Yeah, what's going on? I thought someone was out here murdering an animal."

Kenshin laughed. "No…it's just Sano being noisy."

"Hey, Sanosuke! Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends? Or have you lost the few manners you had?" Kirei grinned as every eye was suddenly rivetted on her.

"Yes, Sano…who's your…friend?" Yahiko started sniggering. Kenshin and Kaoru just smiled.

With a blood curdling glare at Yahiko, Sanosuke straightened up. "This is a very old friend of mine," he said, greatly emphasizing the word 'friend' "almost my sister, Sagara Kirei."

"Sagara…"Kenshin glanced at Kirei. "Like the boss of the Seki Houtai?"

"Yes. I'm his daughter." Kirei smiled sweetly, daring Kenshin to say something.

Kaoru smiled back. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Sagara-san," she said, effectively cutting off anything that Kenshin could possibly say. "Please, make yourself at home and eat dinner with us. I'll make it special myself, just for you." She shot a glance at Kenshin, ignoring the fact that he and Yahiko had gone pale at the mention of her making dinner, and whispered to him. "Why didn't Sano ever tell us about her?"

"I don't know…" Kenshin scratched his head.

Yahiko popped up between them, keeping his voice low. "Maybe him and her were…" He started giggling, unable to finish his sentence.

"Weren't they a little young?" Kenshin blushed.

Kaoru just looked speculative.

Glancing at the whispering group, Kirei grabbed Sano by his shirt and pulled him down to her level. "What the hell are they whispering about?" she hissed.

"How should I know, dumbass?" He hissed back. "All I know is that if Jyo-chan is cooking, we're in trouble."

Kirei smirked. "Why? It can't be any worse than your cooking."

"Look at them whispering, Kenshin." Kaoru glanced toward Kirei and Sano with their heads together. "They seem to be very close."

"I think they are just good friends, Kaoru-dono." Kenshin was beginning to feel nervous about that gleam in Kaoru's eyes.

"Sanosuke needs a woman to straighten him out." The gleam got downright maniacal.

"Yeah, right. Sano's way too cool to ever hook himself up with some stupid woman." Yahiko sniggered.

"You better shut the hell up, Yahiko."

Yahiko stuck his tongue out in reply.

Which was a big mistake.

Kaoru grabbed Yahiko and got him into a strangle hold, shaking him.

"Oh boy…" Kenshin sighed.

"What are they doing?" Kirei hissed as Kaoru began to strangle her student.

"Oh, that? They do it all the time. You get used to it after a while." The tall man shrugged.

Kirei stared at the murder attempt, which Kenshin was unsuccessfully trying to stop. "This really makes me wonder about your friends."

Suddenly aware of the scrutiny, Kaoru stopped shaking Yahiko, and Kenshin immediately stopped trying to separate the two. All three looked at Kirei and smiled sheepishly at the baffled woman.

"Hoo boy…"

A feeling of doom, like that of prisoners right before an execution, hung in the room. Only Kirei seemed happy, blissfully unaware of the impending disaster.

She elbowed Sano in the side and whispered, "Hey, why is everyone so quiet?"

"We're praying so that maybe we can live through this meal."

"Oh, come on. It can't be THAT bad." Kirei glanced at Yahiko, who seemed to be on the verge of committing seppuku with his chopsticks.

He looked at her with an air of tragic indifference. "Say that if you're still alive after desert."

Kirei sniffed, but didn't say anything, her keen nose detecting a slight burning scent coming from the direction of the kitchen.

Kaoru popped her head through the doorway. "Mina! It's ready!" She proceeded to carry several trays out, setting them in front of each person. "I worked extra hard on this, so I'm sure that it will taste great."

Kirei smiled and picked her chopsticks up. After a long, gloomy pause, the men reluctantly picked theirs up as well.

"Itadakimasu!" Kirei smiled and dug in. The men mumbled something that could not be made out, and poked at the food, as if expecting it to fight back.

With a slightly worried glance left, then right, Kirei shrugged and brought a morsel of food to her mouth.

All eyes snapped to her.

She began to chew slowly.

The eyes of the men widened with surprise.

She swallowed.

Kaoru's eyes narrowed, and a small, victorious smirk began to creep to her lips.

Kirei choked.

"Kirei!" Sano grabbed her and jerked her over his knee, pounding her on the back. "Don't die!"

The small woman coughed several times, then could breathe again. Sano continued to thump her back, oblivious. She glanced up, a gleam in her eye…on fist bunched up and drove itself into the side of Sano's knee.

"ITAI!" Sanosuke pushed her off of his lap and scooted backwards until he ran into the wall.

Kirei sat up and coughed again, then looked at Kaoru. Her voice was hoarse. "Kaoru-san…did you marinate that or just cook it straight?"

"I cooked it straight. Is there any other way?"

The short woman nodded. "I see." She stood up, grabbed Kaoru, and dragged her into the kitchen without another word.

"Oro...?"

Sano scooted back to his original place, still rubbing his knee. "I forgot how strong she is."

There was a long pause. The men stared at their full trays…strange noises began to eminate from the kitchen.

"Sanosuke….what is she doing?" Yahiko poked at the food one last time, then pushed the tray away.

Sano shrugged, then pushed his tray away as well. "You never know with Kirei. She does what she wants and drags everyone along with her. She was turning into an ok cook when she disappeared, though. At least, she can't be any worse than Kaoru, ne?"

"I guess not." Yahiko sighed. "I just hope that she hurries up if she's going to make something. I'm starving."

After about fifteen minutes longer, the two women reappeared, with trays once more. After distributing the new food, they sat down.

"Now, let's try this again. Kaoru cooked something different for us." Kirei glanced at each of the men, steel in her eyes. "Itadakimasu." She picked up her chopsticks. The three guys made no move.

"I said…ITADAKIMASU." There was no mistaking that tone.

"H…hai!" Sano, Kenshin and Yahiko hastily took a bite.

Kaoru looked at them. "Well?"

Chew, chew, chew, swallow. Relieved smiles showed all around.

"This is wonderful, Kaoru-dono, Kirei-dono." Kenshin smiled and took another bite.

Sano and Yahiko weren't bothering to say anything…they just shoveled food into their mouths.

"Kenshin, no need to compliment me. All I did was give Kaoru the recipe and watch her. She did the rest." Kirei grinned. "Though if I knew she was just making food for the two pigs over there, I wouldn't have bothered."

Yahiko set down his bowl and burped loudly. "That was great. Kaoru, you may be ugly and stupid, but at least you're finally learning how to cook." He reached for his tea cup.

Without blinking, Kirei moved with the speed of a striking snake, bringing a wooden spoon down on Yahiko's hand with a painful crack.

"ITAI!" The boy jumped back and glared at Kirei. "Hey, you stupid girl! That hurt!"

"Good. Now…I want you to apologize to Kaoru-san. That wasn't a very nice thing for you to say." She smiled sweetly.

"No way!" Yahiko clenched his fists.

"Uh oh…" Sano waved a hand, trying to get Yahiko's attention. He shook his head at the boy and mouthed, "Don't do it. Just apologize."

The spoon whipped around and stopped a bare inch from the man's nose. "You stay out of this. This is between the kid and me now."

His eyes crossed, focusing on the spoon. "Hai!"

"Kid, I'm not a kid, you stupid busu! I'm bigger than you!"

Kirei looked calmly at Yahiko. "This is your last chance. Apologize."

"Make me!" Yahiko's nose was almost touching the woman's.

"Alright. Let's take this outside."

"Eh?" Yahiko stopped, blinking owlishly.

"You seem to want to fight. I'll be happy to give you one…outside. I don't want to make a mess inside." With an exasperated sigh, Kirei looked at Yahiko. "Either apologize of come outside with me. Pick one, I don't care which, but stop wasting my time."

Sanosuke tried to signal to Yahiko again. The wooden spoon softly tapped his nose and he stopped.

Yahiko glared harder at the little woman. "Fine. Let's take it outside."

Kirei noded and walked out. Sano put his face in his hand, slowly shaking his head. "Hope you have enough money to pay for a funeral, Jyo-chan."

"What? She's that good?"

"No, she's better." Sano absently rubbed his knee. "When we were kids, she insisted on learning to fight along with me'n Katsu. Sagara always did spoil her, so she got to learn."

Kaoru and Sano looked outside, Kenshin peeping between them. Yahiko charged…right into Kirei's fist. Kenshin winced.

Sano winced as well. "And she beat us up regularly, too."

Kirei had Yahiko by the heels and was repeatedly banging his head against the ground.

Kenshin winced.

Kaoru looked back at Sanosuke. "Speaking of Katsu…does she know that he's still alive?"

Sano gave her a totally outrageous smile, indicating that he was about to seriously bend the truth. "Jyo-chan, it must have slipped my mind."

"Really…So I guess that Yahiko was right. You DO have designs on her."

Sano waved his hand frantically. "No, no. She's way too tough for me. She has gotten really cute, though…ITAI!"

Kaoru twisted his arm a little tighter. "And what does Katsu have to do with this, eh, Sano?"

"Nothing…AAAAA!!!!" Sanosuke flopped like a landed fight, trying to free himself from Kaoru's extremely tight grip."

"Eh, Sanosuke?" Twist, twist.

"Aaaah! I'll tell! I'll tell!"

Kaoru abruptly let go of Sano's arm, and the man ended up on the floor. "Ok, you can tell me now."

Sano rubbed his arm, making a face. "Katsu and Kirei were always really close. They were too young to be anything else. Hell, so was I. I always just saw her as a little sister. But now…she's gotten awful cute…"

"Sanosuke, I can't believe I'm hearing this from you!" Kaoru clenched her fist threateningly.

"No! Wait! You've got it wrong!" Sano waved his hands once more.

Kirei was now trying to bend Yahiko's arm in a way that nature never intended it to bend. Kenshin winced.

Kaoru clenched her fist a little tighter. "Oh?"

"I'm going to take her to Katsu's tomorrow. I just wanted to have my little sister to myself for a day."

"That's really selfish, you know."

He grinned evilly. "I mean, once those two get together, they'll probably throw me out on the doorstep and disappear for days."

Kaoru blushed.

Sano shrugged, grinning sheepishly. "Don't worry, Jyo-chan. As soon as she regains her strength, she'll punish me herself." He glanced outside and winced.

Yahiko was now lying on the ground in an undignified heap, moaning softly. Kenshin looked at Kirei, who was idly dusting off her hands, then at Sano. "She's monstrous," he whispered.

Sano nodded as Kirei walked back inside. She grinned, then called over her shoulder. "Oh, yahiko, don't you have something to say to Kaoru?"

The huddled, pretzel-like shape of Yahiko moved a little, to face the group. "Kaoru…erk…go…men…"

Kaoru smiled. "It's ok, Yahiko. I forgive you."

"Ungh…" The boy passed out.

Sano and Kenshin looked at each other. "Oni…"

Kirei smiled. "I think that's it for the night. I'd like to go to bed now, if you don't mind."

Smiling, Kaoru shook her head. "Go right ahead. You must be tired. Sano can find a room for you."

"Thank you, Kaoru-san." The woman looked at Sano. "Well?"

"Uh…sure…follow me."

(Due to space limitations, I've divided this story into two parts)