THE BIZ

On the Set...

Kenshin: (draws sakabatou) Evil doer, you are doomed.....!!!!!
Hiko Seijirou: (megaphone in hand) CUT!
Kenshin: Oro?
Hiko: (in director's chair) Babe, babe you're going about it in ALL the wrong ways! (drags cig) PASSION! Passion is what we're after here, babe! I'm not feeling the passion, the suspense! My nerves aren't getting the signal! Scare me, baby! Scare me! Sweat, pant, moan, go yellow-eyed on me! Do whatever it takes but make me wet myself! Now take it from the top!
Kenshin: (sigh)
Hiko: Roll 'em!

(Later, offset)

Kenshin: (stirs latte) Yeah, so I mean I TRY to be feral and whatever Hiko wants but I mean REALLY, how much am I supposed to take? Every day...!
Kaoru: (nodding) Oh, I completely understand! (curlers in hair)
Sano: (on cig break) Don't take that shit from directors, Kenshin. YOU'RE the star!
Kenshin: I mean, next time he tries to tell me how to swing that sword, that Hollywood jockey is gonna lose me! I'm out, gone, KAPUT! (drags cig) Stupid bitch....!
Yahiko: (on cel phone) No, no, NO Lionel! YOU tell them I DON'T do kid stuff! No way, I give not a fuck about early education, you just tell those sopheads at PBS that Sesame Street can kiss my ass! I DON'T do kiddie jobs!

(On the set)
PA: SAVING KAORU FROM VILLAIN SCENE, TAKE 3!
Kaoru: (over Jin-E's shoulder) EEK! EEK! Save me, Kenshin! Oh please save me!
Kenshin: (draws sword) Jin-E....
(Kenshin theme music plays)
Sano: (suddenly slams his fists together) NOW you magnificent sonofabitch...!
Hiko: (bellows) CUT!!!!
Sano: (insane) NOW what the fuck was wrong with THAT take?????
Director: (red and fuming) You acted in on Ken-baby's fuckin lead! (buggy- eyed) HOW many times do I have to tell you! When the guitar starts strummin, KEN-BABY has the fuckin lead! You ruined the whole damn shot!
Kaoru: (still over Jin-E's shoulder) Nice going, blockhead.
Sano: (groan)
Kenshin: (whimpers) Sano, Sano, Sano...I want to go home!
Hiko: (pouts in chair) Sorry Ken baby but no one's going to the goddamn JOHN until this scene is taped FLAWLESSLY! (glaress at Sano)
Sano: (smoking cig) Kiss my ass, Hiko.
Hiko: (mutter) Actors....!
PA: TAKE 4!
Hiko: Action!
Kenshin: JIN-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Hiko: CUT!
Sano&Kaoru: Gaaahhhhh!
Kenshin:(sigh) What was it this time?
Hiko: Your hair was in your face, babe. It blocked the PASSION....!
Kenshin: (breathes slowly) I am tired, I am hungry, I need a cigarette, I am BURNING up under these lights and you seek to prolong my misery for one stray lock of hair???
Sano: (cracks knuckles) You want passion, Mr. Director?
Hiko: Look, perhaps you'd like UNEMPLOYMENT better, fellas? ShishiO and Usui have been DYING to read your lines for you...!
Kenshin: You'd replace me with USUI???
Sano: And that walking talking Ace Bandage???
Hiko: Shishio's pretty happening these days, Mr. Sagara! He's got FIRE! He's got the spirit of one who's been burned, hanged and fucked by his own government! THERE'S a boy I can use, goddamit!
Kenshin: (snarls) Grrrr....!
Sano: (pants) (foams) (growls)
Kenshin: RYU SUI SEN!
Sano: KAME HAME HA!
Hiko: (yawns)