Journal number seventeen: The storm after the calm.
11.28.04
Back in Ann Arbor. Man. I've made this pilgrimage many a time, but whenever I get back here, this town has a way of turning my stomach. It's not so much the separation from my family since I know that I'm going back home in three weeks after exams, but it's just the fact that no one's around for support. There's not much time left for the semester, but man, it's gonna be a hell of a crunch period in terms of homework. Final paper due tomorrow, skit tomorrow, job interview tomorrow, meeting my conversation partner tomorrow . . . man. Then Tuesday. If my English teacher doesn't answer my e-mail by then, I'm gonna be behind again. Maybe she's angry at me. Dunno. Either way, I can't image getting above a B in that class along with the others.
Well, it's 9:15. I slept from about 6-8:30 in hopes that it would clear my mind. It sort of did. Plus wrestling with the jar of chicken noodle soup got my blood flowing. That almost became an incident. But yes, I got it open and just finished half of it. I hear there's also some pumpkin pie in my fridge, so I think that should be attended to at this moment. Then homework. Ergo, I must leave you. Ah, and yes, it does seem to be winter, so I'll be changing this page in the near future when I have time. Oh, and uh, merry Christmas?
11.25.04
It's Thanksgiving, oh yes it is. We finished eating a little while ago. Video games are/were being played in the basement. Me, I'm writing this entry in the living room next to the fire place feeling toasty. Aw man. I'm so tired. My brain is retarded too. Woo. This is Thanksgiving all right, man. And it snowed all day yesterday too, so we're having a white . . . I started typing Christmas, but realized it's not Christmas yet.
11.24.04 Part II
1:49 PM. It's snowing like a banshee outside. I'm glad I'm at home already cuz this would be a pain in the ass to walk around/drive in. Although, can't really say that I'm toasty. The house seems to maintain only a lukewarm temperature. It's usually 15 degrees warmer than this in my tiny apartment. Brr. Plus I don't have a sheet on my bed, just my comforter. I wasn't too cold or anything last night, but it would've just felt nicer to have an extra sheet.
My stomach is being a disagreeable little @#$% again. RRR. Better eat those bagels. Mom bought'em special for me.
.
11.24.04
Yes, I am not at home. And it's 2:18 AM. I fiiiinally say "My Sassy Girl" on my mom's laptop. It's so strange. You have to change the region code in order to watch it, but you're only allowed to change it 4 times, and then that's it. What the . . . so I just changed it. My parents probably aren't gonna watch any foreign movies on here so I'll just leave the setting as that. Shhhh~ So yeah. Subtitles and everything. Cool! Oh wait. I still gotta watch the special feature DVD that came with it. Oooo! Gotta save that for tomorrow.
Man, it's so crazy. Right when I got home, Paul was like, circling around my house in his car. When we pulled in, he came out and asked if we should hang out right then and there. So he helped bring my stuff in, then we jettisoned off to the restaurant to see if Khris was working. Nope. But we sat down and ate anyway. We were there for a while without incident. An old acquaintance from high school ( a girl I was in German class with ) waited on us, so she was nice and we were obligated to give her a fair tip, even though the food came out pretty late. It was just fried rice . . . don't know what the holdup could be in the kitchen. Anywho, we had a nice albeit unusual conversation. Not your average dinner talk . . .
After that, we stopped by Khris' house. She seemed a bit stand-offish at first as she was watching some show about.. something with her mom. But after a few minutes she stood up and finally said hello. Paul and Khris had a fight involving a little fish net for a while. People were beaten over the head with little pots and there were threats with shoes. You know, the usual stuff that happens. Somehow I ended up playing Khris' violin for a long time. Paul got this image of a guy's throat getting cut by accident in his head and kept complaining about that while Khris and I passed the violin around playing old sheet music from high school. Ah, yes. Sweet memories. Come 10:24 though, we had to take off since my dad was coming home. Paul came in to meet my brother. Surprising they never ran into each other before. Anywho, he hung around till my dad suddenly called mom's cell phone since Paul parked his car in the driveway, blocking the garage. He seemed pretty unhappy that he was there, in the house. So Paul left shortly thereafter to avoid the awkwardness with dad. Yep.
Everyone seems pretty happy to see me again since this is the only second time I've been home in the semester, and I'm feeling good to be home too. Some things have changed. THey got new siding and shutters on the house although the latter of course are decorative and made of some plastic material, not wood. That's ok, they look good. Booger is also fine. Happy to get attention again. And I'm still on mom's laptop as it is so cool and runs really fast. Joh ta~~ I just wish I knew how to change the settings to Korean. That'd be mighty funky.
Well, the next five days will go quickly. But then, so will the rest of the semester. Then it'll be Christmas . . . before I know it, Do Won will come in the middle of January. There will be much heaven and hell, but hey, it's better than this weird stasis things are in now. Anyway, my stomach is upset after eating too much popcorn and soda. Good meals are ahead . . . need to prepare the stomach for it all. Whee!
11.23.04
I'm going home biotch!! MWAHAHAHA!!
11.22.04 Part II
11:51 PM. Ok, so I missed psych again this morning. So sue me. It was some special lecture from a GSI. Not a big deal.
Um. Blah blah blah. I was intending on saying something here but what. Ah yes. In my Umich mail, there came a message saying there's this newly launched page called uh.. some like the Michigan Facebook. I laughed, and decided to join just because the name is so retarded. Amazingly there are already about 500 some people signed up. You can find other people that are similar to you by clicking on your own highlighted interest and it'll lead you to other people with the same interest. Not a dating thing, but just friendly. That's cool. I was surprised cuz there were actually other people out there that like Rushmore. Yes!
Well, I'm going home tomorrow. Adios world . . . for five days. I have to write a paper in the meantime, but it's all good if I get to sleep in my own dilapidated bed and eat turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, etc.
Oh yeah. I met my Korean conversation partner today. She was a teacher at Yonsei University. Holy. Cow. That was intimidating... glad I didn't know about that beforehand. She's a super cool lady. She helped me with some of the stuff we were learning so it helped me with the test that I was almost late for due to the fact that I wasn't watching the clock and mistold her the time my test was at. ( I have a tendency to say 2 o'clock in Korean more often than 1 . . . I . . . dont' know why. )
Anywho, I'm supposed to finish an English paper for tomorrow that was assigned many a day ago. Then, to home I go! Woo woo! While I'm there, I gotta look up a girlfriend for Duk Hyun, hahaha. I enjoy the idea of being a matchmaker, but it would help significantly if I actually knew people.
11.22.04
1:08 AM. Oh, lonely again . . .
11.21.04
Oh yes. Lovely, post-intoxicated mornings. Ellen and Paul arrived around 8:30 bearing beer. But just an hour and a half earlier, Duk Hyun so obligingly got beer for me too. So we had plenty o' beer. ( By the way, Duk Hyun finally got that damn Porsche. Sick! ) Anywho, we settle down, say our hellos, then get straight into drinkin. We listen to the Pixies, the Cure, and Outkast. During Outkast things got kinda shady cuz they got in my bed and started cuddling, but whatever. Do Won came online at that point. I'm not sure if everyone was buzzed/drunk at that point or if it was just me, but either way, it was good fun. After 3-4 beers, we step out to walk the streets of Ann Arbor. First stop: food, cuz we got the munchies. So to the Mexican cafe we went. Man, that one single soft shelled chicken taco gave me the flatulence for quite some time later that night, but that's another tale. Anywho, we pick up later to find a bathroom. I'm pretty drunk and happy. Some guy was like "Sup, lady?" And I just sorta gaped and walked dazedly by, ignoring him. That was cool. Ellen and I both had to use the restroom. Fortunately Starbucks was there for us. Yes. Then Paul decided he had to go get his name up on the scoreboard for Soul Calibur II at Pinball Pete's, so we walked all the way down south over there so he could play by himself/with some Asian dude for half an hour. He actually made it to the end, but he didn't get his name in for some reason. Weird. Anywho, we left. My stomach had been hurting from standing up for so long. Everyone was kinda pooped, so we headed back home, taking the high road. When we got in, it was about 2 AM. Donnie Darko was popped into the player. Paul fell asleep, but Ellen watched all of it. Fortunately she liked it. Which proves she's cool. Hehe.
This morning we got up at 12. Since they had to be at grandma's house at 1, they left quite soon thereafter. Oh, such a short visit. But it's ok cuz I'm going home for Thanksgiving break. Yeaaaa~
After they left, I took a shower and walked over to Main St. to go eat breakfast by myself at a restaurant. Mm, quite the omelette, although the service left a little to be desired. Nevertheless, I gave a healthy $3 tip for a $9.60 or so bill. Looked like the clientele was mostly old people or families with small whiny children. Perhaps my presence threw some people off. Muhaha.
Well, Eunice's small group is having Thanksgiving dinner tonight. She's so incredibly altruistic, it astounds me. First she arranged for a ride for me to campus, then in her last e-mail she made some comment how there were going to be a lot more people there this time so I should put soot on my face since guys will be so attracted to me otherwise?? Err . . . interesting way of saying things. But yea, she's a cool bean too. Hopefully I'll get a picture of her this time on my cell phone. Hehe.
11.20.04
My stomach's still in a mysterious state of limbo. I think the thing that would cure it is a good turkey dinner with stuffing and vegetables. Oo yeah. I've had quite enough of this Mexican stuff. I mean it's good once in a while ( like Taco Bell Grilled Stuft Chicken Burritos were ) but, there's a time when you need to eventually need to eat healthy or else your heart will explode.
Man, can't to go home. In four days, I'll be there. There's a chance of snow on Wednesday too. So we might have something of a shimmery-white Thanksgiving after all. The tradition in the past was usually to go to my aunt and uncle's house, but these days we usually seem to be staying at home. Kinda depends on auntie's work schedule and whether we just wanna do a separate or together thing. But ah well. Eating at home is cool cuz I don't have to really... shower or anything. Haha. Plus video games. Unless a football game's on, in which case anything fun involving the TV in the basement just goes down the drain.
Another thing I can look forward to is watching that Korean movie on my mom's computer. Finally I can watch it, hopefully with subtitles.
Hey my stomach is starting to feel better. Maybe just from thinking about better food. I was worried for a while that I was developing an ulcer since I had been eating Shin Ramyun non-stop. That stuff'll rend your insides out.
I woke up . . . an hour and a half ago? That doesn't seem right, but I guess it is. Nobody seems to be here except for the people upstairs who make a ton of noise when they walk around. I should do something with my life. Oh yeah. I'm supposed to be cleaning my room. Right right. Better get on those dishes then eh?
11.19.04
Oh, sweet sweet vindication! I just got an e-mail that said the anthropology paper isn't due until after Thanksgiving break! Oh yes!! Yes!!! Uh, yeah. Well, it's great news since now I can "concentrate" on doing my English paper for Tuesday, the one that we've been given an extra week to write so that we all do a better job. Uh huh. My peer review partner hadn't even written his yet. Actually, neither did I, but I whipped out half a page in 20 minutes before I went to class. That was sweet. Hahahaha. Yes, the world is a crazy place.
Speaking of craziness, but not on such a good note, Do Won's interview for his visa somehow got moved to January 10 as opposed to January 2 or 3. So I guess he won't be here until the end of the second full week or so. What a blah blah blah. Well, guess that gives me time to settle into whatever classes I have and establish myself. Know what's skippable and what's not. : P
Hmm. Ah yes. The psych experiment this morning. For some reason when I signed up, I thought that 1 PM immediately follows 12 PM. There is no 12:01, or 12:30. Surprise, there is. So I got out half an hour early ( around 11:30 ) and I thought, wow, I have a lot of time to get a coffee or something. So I do. Then I stand around near the Nickel Arcade . . . well, time to go in! So I go in . . . actually I initially freaked out thinking that there was time overlap and that the class was already in session. Nah. It was a different class!! Whooo~ So I sat there for five minutes until I realized that my class didn't start till 1. What a poo poo head. So here I am now, wiling my time away. If that's a word.
Supposedly Paul's coming to Ann Arbor tomorrow with his girlfriend. She knows a bunch of freshmen around the dorms. They'll stop by there first and then sleep in my apartment. Paul made such a big ado about having to sleep on the floor again. Well, I'm sleeping on the floor as well so we can all suffer together. He said he had no particular qualms about all of us sleeping together if my "bed" was big enough ( I do ), but un/fortunately it only fits 1 1/2 people in width, and only me in terms of length. Definitely made for little people. The real problem now is that alcohol needs to be purchased by no one's around that I can ask to buy it for me. Oh, woe is us!!
What else uhh . . . uh . . . thinking . . . thinking hard . . . bored. Ah yes. My stomach still hurts. It started two days ago. Eating two hot dogs too fast with bread and apple sauce is NO good I tell you, NO GOOD!! Never attempt it unless you have an iron stomach and are not starving.
Should I stop rambling here? Yes, I shall. For now. Oo.
11.18.04
Christmas in August? No way~~ I saw that two years ago . . . what a coincidence!
My stomach's still funky, not sure why. Those darn hot dogs really knock the wind out of you if you're not careful.
11.17.04
Free AND delicious food? Why did I eat that second hot dog...
5:31 PM. I walked into the School of Social Work building wondering where the heck the lecture was. Suddenly I saw it off to the left. Korean people eating quietly in a seemingly little circle behind the doors marked "International Institute" or something of that nature. I freaked out. See, for some reason I thought there were going to be a ton of people there. Why? I have no idea. But anyway, my stomach hurts a lot, so I decided to run away and come back at 6 when the lecture starts. Whee. So yeah. I'm wasting time here before it's time to go.
Man, I found out my anthro score. Not good at all. C+ man. Psych was the same as last time ( 33/40 ). Yikes!! There goes any hope of rising above a 3.1 GPA this semester. I thought that maybe bombing psych and English would be OK if I got decent grades in Anthro and Korean. But it shan't be so. Shan't it. No it shan't. From here on out, I resolve to attend MOST if not ALL of the lectures and definitely ALL of the sections. I skipped the last psych section. Doubt anything of importance happened since there's never anything important in that class. Blahhhh. Tips for better studying my eye!!
Anyway, I'm still excited about going home next week for Thanksgiving. It's some awkward timing though . . . what with the Korean conversation partner. I'll meet them one day and not see them again for another week. Well, that's not so bad. But these days weeks are becoming months to me.
Ahhhh my stomach hurts a lot. I wonder if I should just go home. I'd feel bad if I didn't go though. My professor always seems to look in my direction and smile when she talks about these special events. Or maybe that's me being egocentric. Either way, she wanted a lot of people from the class to come, although I doubt those people will. RRR. Leave it to Beaver.
11.16.04
4:49 PM
Khris left me a voice mail. Apparently Seoul Garden is interested in some dope to be a seasonal helper since so many people are going to be gone during Christmas Break. Regularly, there would be NO WAY IN HELL that I would ever consider working there again, especially since Khris will be gone, but dear sweet lord in heaven, I have so little money that I may be forced into this situation. OK, so I thought to myself . . . the boss didn't fire me during that critical time when I really needed money even though I was screwing up a lot. The least I can do is work when they're in a critical time and need a worker. But still. They were really biotches about it. Maybe I can be a biotch too? Haha. Now, now . . . let's not go into that old "eye for an eye" thing. But anyway . . . man, this sucks. If I step foot in that restaurant over Thanksgiving break ( which I was planning on doing to see Khris ) one of them's gonna be all over me like white on rice. Arghhh~ And no doubt the parentals are gonna force me into it too, unless of course the uniform costs too much or something. Dang. What a conondrum.
11.16.04
Wanna . . . die . . . need . . . sleep . . . but . . . must write . . . retarded English paper . . . rrrr.
11.15.04
1:54 AM. Sleepy . . . but I hardly did anything today. I met this girl from my Korean class so she could get a copy of our assignment. After that I sat around outside killing time before my next psych experiment. Called mom . . . then I went in 15 minutes early. The experimenter was a suspiciously polite Brazilian-esque guy with multiple earrings. He looked really metro. But ah well. The experiment was about our moral ratings of various situations involving people getting killed in various ways. How fun. We were supposed to write how morally at fault the murderer is, if they intentionally did it, and if they did it of their own free will. Then we compared one short story with another similar short story with some factor added or missing. One example is a guy ignores the pleas of a drowning man because he wants to be on time for an interview. In one situation, the guy just drowns, but in the second one the guy is eaten by a shark. Actually I burst out laughing when I read that, although . . . I guess I shouldn't be. Oh well.
Still have two more experiments to go before December 7 or so. Yiiiiikes. Hurry up, man.
Hmm. English is getting old. It's just paragraph after paragraph, paper after paper. I'm glad she doesn't require they be any more than 2 pages long. It's probably for the sake of economy on our part, but a time-saver on her part. Woo woo. My newly assigned peer review partner was missing last class period. RRR. Now I have to email him and stuff. Don't want him to get mad . . . he might care about his grades. Then again, he's probably missed class more than once.
Hmm. I emailed my Korean professor to see if I could still sign up to have a Korean conversation partner, granted that one was still available. People originally signed up for one over a month ago. Hopefully there's one. My motivation is not just to improve my Korean, but just to have something to do for half an hour at some point during the week or weekend. Haha. Pathetic.
Hungry. My pot's busted up due to the fact that I used a metal fork against teflon. How retarded. Now all the crap is chipping off and floating up into the water. So unless I want teflon spicing up my food, I need to get a new pot in the near future. Otherwise I can't cook anything. And the milk in the fridge sure ain't getting any younger. Dude, there's one half gallon that's been in there for quite some time. I'm afraid to even pour it out for fear of the wreak that will eminate from it. Ughhh. I should just drink it . . . but I need chocolate syrup.
What else. Ah yes. My birth mom called me out of the blue around 7 tonight. It was a total surprise. The connection was really fuzzy for some reason though. i could hardly understand anything she said ( as usual ). What I could understand was . . . did you get the letter? And . . . I'm going to hang up. Hahaha. Something about a part-time job was in there too. Whatever. I'll write her again soon hopefully. Man, my spoken Korean is so horribly broken. She just laughed at me. -_-
Anywho, that's enough rambling for now. I should sleep. Blah.
11.13.04
What an interesting day. I'll elaborate later after I'm more in my right mind . . .
Ok, I'm bakc. It is now 7:33 PM. I'm sitting in the fishbowl trying desperately to get this DVD to work. It seems like the MAC computers don't have a CD drive??? I couldn't figure it out. The front of the actual CPU is like . . . empty except for a couple USB ports and a headphone jack. So I moved over to a Dell computer, and it seems like the DVD viewing program freezes up every time I try to open it. UGH! I hate this place! Actually, I can open the file manually, but then I can't get the subtitles on. What the heck is going on?? I don't wanna wander back outside into the freezing cold until I'm sure that every option on this damn thing has been exhausted.
Let's see. Ah yes. I met with Eunice today for lunch at a Japanese restaurant. We chit-chatted about this and that. Eventually it came round to uh . . . Do Won. More advice from the wise, but overall the same thing that I've been hearing from other people. Except she's speaking from experience, which makes her opinion somewhat stronger. Nevertheless . . . I cannot change! Not matter how much I want to! Afterward, she visited my house. We waited for an extremely long time for the Link bus to come, but I imagine it was stopped up in traffic because of the football game. So we walked. My room's kinda boring so . . . more chit-chatting . . . this and that. She's attending the business school and it sounds so intimidating, what with the math and the finance and . . . accounting. Did a chill just go up my spine? Well, whatever floats people's boats, you know. It's what keeps the world diverse and working "well" in all areas, yeh?
Time to jack this computer up! Before it gets too late. I still want to try and do some homework when I get home so that going to church can be a possibility tomorrow. ( What's this? Anna going to church? Absurd!! )
11.12.04
What to take next semester . . . what to take . . .
My advisor recommended that I just go to the department of Asian Studies and see what I can do about declaring already since Korean is already underway and I've taken a course in Asian Studies . . . although that didn't go too well. The problem is, I'm not sure that I really want to do Asian Studies since there's no use for it in the real world. But there's nothing else to take! Ahh! Frustration! Anyway, I'm gonna go get a coffee . . . then go to the place where we have to do this conversation thing. My partner is cool~ Yea~
11.11.04 4:16 PM
Got home from school. The air is a lot nippier outside than what the forecast predicted, it seems. Nevertheless, I shall venture out again later tonight for the sake of delicious Korean food.
So, what is life all about huh? Without religion, what validates our existence? The pursuit and eventual attainment of money? Relationships with other people? Education? Procreation? Life has not a single answer. Someone, somewhere on this earth, has either had high quantity of any of the above experiences or none at all. And yet peace or unrest can be found in any of those groups as well. What does life mean to you? All? None? Personally, I've not yet found my peace. There is reprieve within family, music, personal achievement, money, but not totally. Could it be combined experiences, life as a whole, that must be evaluated to be seen as happy or worthy? Nah. Because some people are already satisfied with the few things they do possess. What the hell am I rambling about?
If it were possible, I'd just sit back with a cigarette, a bottle of whiskey, some music, a video game, and enjoy. ( Just kidding, but hey it sounds good right now. )
Thanksgiving is coming soon. Right now, my life clings to that mere fact.
11.11.04 2:37 AM
Far from wanting to delete this web site, I now want to revamp the whole thing. The last time I ever did such a thing was so long ago . . . I don't even remember how to use basic HTML anymore. I remember adding cascading style sheets (??) or something before so that you could put pictures in the background that stay in one place while the rest of the page on top was normal when you scrolled down it. I'm thinking of bringing everything back to simplicity, like how it was back in '98 or so. That'd be interesting. No frames, no weirdnesses. Just good ol' fashioned web-paging.
In addition, something has to be done about this whole journal situation. I will NEVER resort to Xanga or Livejournal. I dunno why. Other people do it . . . and I have nothing against them. It's just . . . dunno. I've been doing this the old fashioned way for so long, I can't back out now.
Hmm. My moods have been shifting so frequently lately. This is indeed, an exact rerun of last year's events except with fewer friends. So boring~ The increased boredom could actually be exaggerating the drama I've been experiencing.
Ah yes. Adam got into a car accident. It was quite a shock to hear that coming from mom. Her voice sounded a little weird, but I didn't know if she was tired, scared, or anxious. So I called Adam a little bit later. He wasn't hurt or anything, but his car got smashed up pretty well. The other dude wasn't entirely drunk, but buzzed or something. He pulled out of a restaurant parking lot and just stopped, blocking both lanes for that side of the traffic. There's not much insurance on his car, so he's not sure what kind of money, if any, he can get out of this to either fix it or get a different car. It's extremely worrisome since he doesn't have any money, and he desperately needs a car to get to and from the job that pays him shit to begin with.
Man . . . where's everybody at? At home, in GR. How depressing. Not going home this weekend after all since the bus leaves too late on Friday, and leaves too early on Sunday. So basically I'd be spending Saturday at home. The rest of the time I'd be on a bus for 5 hours. Well, what's two weeks? Then it's sweet, sweet turkey dinner with stuffing. Damn . . . so hungry. That's probably what's driving me insane.
11.10.04
Wow, I am masochistic... not in the -weird- sense of the word, but, just in general. I seem to enjoy subjecting myself to painful situations and then complaining about them as if that's all there is to life. I'd rather keep complaining about how I don't have friends rather than actually try to make one or even keep the ones that I do have. There are some legitimate personality issues that prevent me from making friends, but overall, I never really gave a rat's ass about trying it seems. Being alone, having no relationships to speak of, is absolute freedom. But who can truly live like that? No one. So we're ( hate making allusions to stuff I'm learning about in school but ) riding easy in the harness. Ok, what the hell am I talking about.
My mood's beginning to improve again these days, but with it came rampant disease!!! Just kidding. But there seems to be another dude in the house that's sick. Probably psychosomatic, but I've been non stop headaches, stomach pains, fatigue . . . bad timing, since I have an exam, a paper, and a Korean assignment due tomorrow. Well, the Korean's already done, but that exam . . . I skipped most of the lectures. Oh yeah. And I skipped the psych lecture AND section today! Wow, what a lazy ass I've become.
Anywho, maybe I should go pick up a coffee and consider my doom until 9:40, then I'll get my head on straight.
11.9.04
Man, life's so full of crap. Should I just quit this journal thing? It's kind of a waste of time, and I don't even update the rest of the website anymore. Hardly anybody reads this anyway . . . I know there's a select two or three people who do, but they're probably just spying on my life. -_-
Damn it people, buy your own cigarettes. Stop approaching me! And using my lighter too!
I ran into two people. One was from my Korean class. The other was this girl from high school. We had seen each other before several times on campus but never came so close in proximity, and for some reason I felt this need to stare at her to make sure it really was her . . . so she was obligated to say hello. Me as well. Apparently she's now friends with former enemies. The one person she didn't see is the one person I did see--Victor on north campus. Funny how life goes. She's not the hostile person I remember. So sometimes people change for the better . . . sometimes not.
Man, I'm so reluctant to go back to the cave that is my house. Right now I'm in the fishbowl . . . I was looking at Do Won's photo gallery again. I'm a little peeved that foreigners have to go through so much shit to be a member at any Korean site. They require your driver's license, social security, passport number, etc., etc. I suppose in this way they, if you ever do something they don't like, they can steal your identity and let you become the refuse of your country as you should be for dirtying up their site? Dunno . . .
Anywho, I'm STILL waiting for my parents to decide if they're going to take me home or not over the weekend. That would be a really nice break . . . despite the fact that Thanksgiving is coming up pretty soon too. Can't wait that long though. Need . . . break . . . now!!!! RRRR!! Going insane!! Going . . . to kill . . . self . . . and . . . annoying people . . . blah.
Anyway, enough of that nonsense. School is indeed though, slowly killing me. Should I return to this hell hole next semester? Or go back home again so I can make my nickles and pennies? Man, there's hardly any money left in my bank account. I'm so poor. A lot of money has been going towards the good ol' habit. What else? Nothing. I don't buy food. The grocery store is too far away and I don't feel like taking the bus after class since I'm so wiped out. Plus carrying my backpack around is a pain in the ass. But anyway. That's the other reason I wanted to go home this weekend. Stock up on groceries. Groceries = life
So huzzah. I just realized that I have a couple cameras in my room. There's still one camera on which are some pictures from Korea still. But that means I have to use up nearly, uh, 20 exposures on Ann Arbor to get the 4 that are left on there? The only picture I remember taking with that camera was of Do Won's oddly-shaped dog. Oh well. I'll get round to it. Whee.
11.8.04
Took a psych test that I didn't study for today. I'm looking forward to finding out what my grade is on that one. Got my paper back in anthropology. My original grade was an A, but I turned it in 3 days late so that sweet little A became a B. Fortunately it's only 5% of the total paper grade. Blahhh thesis this, thesis that . . . unclear, revise, but good examples! Whatever. I'm playing video games.
11.7.04 Part II
Ann Arbor bridge near my house. Me at Dairy King long, long ago.
11.7.04
Looks like I missed Donnie Darko at the State Theatre. It played at 12 AM. Fortunately I have it on DVD.
Man, if it's not one thing, it's another. I'd rather not elaborate too much since it's my own problem. All in all though, I hope this comes to an end in the near future because quite frankly, it's driving me insane.
Hmm. I need groceries. Kroger or Meijer? If I go to Kroger, I'm definitely taking the bus to and from there this time. Guess I have to check out the bus schedule for those routes.
Depressed and unhappy . . . I have a psych exam tomorrow, but I don't feel like studying. I missed probably half of the lectures for this exam, but for some reason, I don't really care. The average student could probably get by on just the readings. The lectures just give a few more examples... he doesn't usually go into different subjects, except for that Williams Syndrome thing . . . dude, what is that? Something to do with idiot-savants or autism? Or neither? I'll look it up later I guess.
My left eye hurts. After several weeks, I've decided to start using my contacts again. The reason I stopped wearing them was because I had that embarrassing eye problem during a presentation in psych. While I was doing my portion of the presentation, my eye was blood red and watering while I was desperately trying to act nonchalant, pointing at the overhead and what not. Well, time to give them another go.
Why do I keep rambling? I came to campus early to get a coffee before I have to meet someone in my Korean class to work on a skit. We have to talk about whether it's better to raise a child or just live in the countryside or the city. Give specific examples as to why. What an exciting thing to talk about. 20 minutes to go . . .
That Korean restaurant better be open at 6. If not, I dunno what I'm going to eat for supper. -_-;;
11.6.04
Yesterday started out so well. Then it fell apart at the seams. ( God, I really overcooked this pasta. ) He said he doesn't think about me that much anymore since he's so busy with school and stuff. How sad. Everything came together at that point. All the advice people had given me. All the warnings people had given. It's still too early now to say if it's alll over, but there are some serious issues that need to be dealt with.
11.5.04
I had to meet my English teacher this morning at "9:30 AM" at a cafe on campus. Turns out it wasn't until about 10 since the last meeting with another student lasted for so long. I actually went in there and sat behind for 20 minutes, went outside to smoke, and went back in when I saw the other girl come out. The teacher declared I was late! RR! Well, that was all cleared up. Apparently they were too engrossed with what was going on. As it turns out, my teacher is a pretty cool bean. She's so hardcore about writing and makes so much logical sense that I can't help but admire her. As it turns out, she seemed to like my paper overall. There were a few points in the paper where it was a bit disjointed, but all it took to fix them were some key additions to make it better. I'm happy now. Whee! She also loves smoking. Why does that not surprise me. This other kid walked in and she informed me that he also smoked. I had no idea~ As much as all this writing irritates me, the class may become more enjoyable in the future.
Eunice, this girl I had met last year and met again one time this semester e-mailed me a couple weeks ago. I tried to email her a couple times but apparently she never got them. So I called her last night and she called me back on my way back home this morning. She's very, very friendly. And Christian. Hmm. So I guess we're eating dinner at her dorm on Monday. They have some special cook-out/buffet thing going on I guess. Yay, food! Yay, meeting people!
I feel so strange right now. I'm not giddy . . . there's a hint of uneasiness within me, but at the same time . . . happiness? I dunno. Emotions are weird.
11.3.04
Yo, my tummy hurts. Starbucks is already putting out their holiday coffee cup sleeves. Two totally unrelated sentences. Or are they? Nah . . . I'm just a little peeved that Bush won. He's a loud-mouthed nincompoop. All of Ann Arbor was a little sad today. I could feel that the noise level died down a bit on the streets. I'm sure my English teacher will be in a bad mood for the next few days. Yikes. Bad news, since we have conferences with her. The luck thing: class is cancelled for Thursday and Tuesday. Or maybe it's just Tuesday. But in either case, I'm not going tomorrow. Man, I still didn't write a paper that was due last Tuesday. She won't give me any points to me, but I'd still feel better if I could just turn it in.
I'm starting to think that my stomach hurts for basic physiological reasons. Time for a trip to the stinky bathroom? Ughh. ( I shall return. )
My room smells funky. I ate some really bad Chinese food today and left it sitting around for longer than I should have. Thus my room smells like fried disgusting, much like I did when I came home from work so many months ago. No more delicious chicken vindaloo for me. : (
Man, I miss Do Won. He's all the way over in Korea and I'm here in Ann Arbor. His dad is making his visa for him, although he initially said that he didn't want him to go here. Where else? ( Have I already written about this? Feel like I have. If so, count this as a review. ) His mom is concerned too. So now he has to cut down the calls to me or else they have a stronger suspicion that we are still dating. Right now they're somewhat in a fog about that, and I hope it stays that way. When I go back to Korea, they can't know that I'm there, or else all hell might just possibly break loose.
I'm studying Korean pretty hard these days. Especially grammar. Grammar is fun! It allows you to say more complex ideas, even with simple words. However, it's starting to get somewhat illogical and vague, so it's requiring extra effort to get this figured out. My grades are dropping slightly . . . to a mere A-. Yikes. Better pull it up, or else I might not get that 3.2 GPA I'm hoping for.
Yeah . . . life is strange. And it's only going to get stranger over the next few years.
11.2.04 Part II
8:45 PM. Too tired to do anything. I need to write one paper and two reading responses for English, finish this stupid review thing for psych section tomorrow, read whatever the thing is for psych, study for the exam next week, do another skit in Korean (partnerless), homework homework homework homework up the ass!!! I'm probably forgetting about something that's gonna screw me over later. Anthro . . . RARR!!
I'm starting to run low on food stuffs. This means I gotta dip into the cash reserves again to supplement my carbohydrate-y diet. Dude, I'm getting fat because of all this pasta and noodle stuff. Well, not my extremities, but the rest of me is. I'm sure my legs would be fat too though if I didn't walk around so much. Oh that reminds me. I'm getting reeeeeal sick of walking. The weather's FREEZING now, so that's adding an extra jump in my step. This is not good. The reason I skipped class so much last year was because it was cold. There's a good 5 months of cold coming up. Man, if I had a car, life would be sweet. Oh yeah, and money to pay for the car. That would also be sweet.
I'm kind of a whiney little bugger as of late, aren't I? Sinking into a grey and rainy depression again . . . November sucks . . . alot.
11.2.04
12:43 AM. Oh, rainy night, why do you tug at my heart so? And why is this house so darn cold all of a sudden? Hmm. Many questions to ponder as I take an icy shower.
Ah, but Do Won is coming in January still. His dad is preparing the visa, although he told him not to go to Ann Arbor. Still, Do Won managed to weasel some reasoning into him. Hurrah! Besides, it makes more sense for him to come to A2 since his acquaintances and host family live here. Yeah? Yeah!! Ack! It's still 2 months away but I'm getting all psyched now already. I guess the last two months went by pretty fast, and with Thanksgiving and Christmas thrown into the mix, the rest should be light speed. Well, let's cross our fingers on that at least.
Doo bee doo. Gotta write an English paper. Turns out I'm not too adept at arguing my point, since I have no point. And I hate politics. Boo Bush. Actually, my mom said she's voting Kerry and my dad's voting Bush. She then thought it might be better for both of them to just stay home and not vote since their votes cancel each other out anyway. Interesting.
10.31.04
On Friday night, Duk Hyun called and said he was having a little party at his house. About an hour later, he came round my house to pick me up, then went off to south campus to pick up some other girls. By the time we got there, it seemed that some of the others were partially drunk already. It was all good though. One guy made jello shooters . . . ordered a pizza . . . drank some beer . . . threw up . . . the usual. Things started getting weird though when one guy fell asleep, a couple of girls kept getting sick repeatedly, and another kept pulling his pants down. Around 3:30, most people were either sleeping, tired, bored, or crazy, so we went home. I tried to call Do Won several times that night, forgetting that his swim meet was that day.
On Saturday night, Adam came over here with his friends. He hung out at my apartment for a while since his friends were getting dinner and he wasn't too hungry. How funny . . . they live a block down the road from me. And they have a kitten too, awww. Well, my room got kinda old after a while, so we walked to campus to get a coffee. We walked back to the other peoples' house and waited for a few minutes for them to get back. When they arrived home, we all went inside and sat around for a while as they got their Halloween costumes ready. I was mostly interested in playing with the cat since he was a violent/hyperactive little kitty. At first I was just wearing my regular clothes, but I decided to go back home and change. The tophat included. When else do I get to wear it? Eventually we leave, stopping at various places along the way, picking up more people and getting snacks or something. We had to walk all the way to frat row, although the party was at a co-op house. They said it was the biggest party in town. I'm not sure, but apparently the beer was flowing ( from 10 kegs? ). After half an hour, I got sick of the rowdiness and people bumping into me. There was some guy who was wearing this cooking apron . . . and nothing else. From the front it wasn't noticeable but the back . . . yeah. Anywho, I told Adam I was gonna leave. He left with me since we all know parties like that aren't very fun unless you're smashed out of your mind along with everyone else.
On the way back home, someone grabbed the hat off of my head, walked with it for a ways laughing hysterially, then rolled it back to me on the street. What an asshole. Ah, but no reason to start yet another fight on the street. There were already a couple going on. We hurried along. Stopped at the convenience store again for more snacks. Once we got back to my house, there wasn't too much to do besides sit around. Went to sleep pretty soon.
This morning we all reconvened and went to breakfast up near North Campus. It seems every breakfast joint around here is full to the brim on Sunday mornings. Well, thank goodness for day light savings anyway. Another hour of sleep. I'm not feelin it though. It should be 7:40, but my clock says 6:40. Seems more like 9. I don't get this. Shouldn't we go ahead in time during the winter since it gets so dark early, and go back during the spring? Are we the only country that does this crazy thing?
Man, the weather's cold. I'll bust out the Columbia coat for tomorrow granted the temperature stays the same.
Wow, I'm kind of lonely here.
Whoa, I should be doing my homework.
10.29.04
The world's a lonely place, isn't it? Amidst a sea of people, one can be totally devoid of relationships in a certain place. Ah, this self-pity again . . .
I'm not sure why I ventured all the way out to campus at this time of night. It was under the excuse that I needed to print this assignment for my psych section since it wouldn't open on my computer. But that could've been taken care of on Monday after class. Nothing but books and music to keep me company.
Last night I called my birth mom. Once again, it was clumsy and only 1/10th of what she said was comprehended. So basically, as she always does, she told me to study hard and eat a lot. She's worrying about how I'm going to get to Korea without a part-time job. I'm worrying a little too now. Actually, why even think that far when there's no money to even pay for my books next semester? Troublesome.
The weather is freakishly humid and hot. Looking outside the window this morning, the sky appeared dull and gray, the streets wet with rain. I expected that the air would be cold. Instead, I was greeted with stickiness as I stepped out the front door. How unfortunate that I decided to don my heaviest winter coat for the walk to school. Must've looked weird too.
Everyday I think about my last summer. That kind of summer will never come again. You can only go to a foreign country for the first time once. Still, it'd be nice to hear all the beeps and chimes and announcements over crackly intercoms again. Riding on a buss next to a sweaty ajuhshi was never great, but hey, I could live through it again for a little while. What can I do to make the next 3 years speed up? Hibernation would be great . . .
Which brings me to my next choice: go home and sleep, or wander around and find food/coffee? As it turns out, I'm still entitled to a tax return that I never signed for way back when. Still, I better not be spending willy-nilly because I need it for food. And food is nice. Especially apple sauce and eggs . . . mm. Korean food . . . maybe I'll get some. It'll stay warm all the way back to my house since it's so hot outside . . .
10.25.04
Well, the paper got written, albeit poorly. Busted that thing out like what. All I did was crowd it with a bunch of barely relevant examples and dashed it with the occasional hint of opinion. Well, I have time to revise it. Yes. That will happen.
Overall, life is ok again. I actually attended my psych lecture this morning, got the group project blurb done for this Wednesday, took that Korean test, uh . . . I feel like I did something else. Oh, I started on the psych reading for today last night, but I only got through about 4/7 of it after 2 hours. I promptly gave up around 3 AM. So, back to normal. All I gotta do tonight is read some English phooey and write a paragraph on that since I finished the anthro reading last Saturday while studying with Ryan. Ahh . . . still feel bad that I wussed out on him and wanted to go eat after two hours. He was studying all hardcore with his lineup of multi-colored highlighters. Kudos to him, though.
Well. Um. Yes. Running out of minutes on my phone. Well, our phones. Apparently I'm using twice as many minutes as either mom or dad. So dad's like . . . "Stop it!" And I'm like . . . "OK." Although there's some doubt in everyone's mind that that's going to happen before this week is out. (Oo, Starbucks. Glug glug.)
All is well with Do Won. He's a peach, really. ( There should be fruity terms for guys if there are for girls. ) I tried to call him around 4 AM last night and apparently he was still in class. Oops. Well, since he answered the phone, there must've not been much going on. Man, wonder what it's like to take a class up in SNU. I wanna go there~ But anywho, he'll be here in 2 months or so. January 4, perhaps? Something got rearranged involving his military thing and a ski camp?? He'll be here relatively soon anyway. Yay!
Hmm. I'm full of enchilada. Considering lying down for a li'l while as it digests with my coffee. Then it's back to good ol' pasta/rice/macaroni, in other words, my 100% carbohydrate diet. No wonder my abdomen is so barrel-like these days.
10.23.04
I'm dead I'm dead I'm dead. Gotta write that dumb paper. But guess what? I got a hangover like what. Damn, not doing that again. I haven't had one since . . . well a long time ago. So it's rather unpleasant. However my spirits are kept afloat with my delicious mini-shell macaroni and cheese. Too much butter? Never! Creamy and oh-so delicious, I say.
Anywho, the weather is crappy, my stomach is on a balancing beam, and my Limewire keeps freezing up before I finish downloading episodes of South Park. GIve them to me!!! RRR! By the way, good luck to Do Won who's taking the TOEIC test tomorrow. I hope his score starts going up finally.
10.21.04
Fall break was from Friday to Tuesday. The shortest vacation ever. I didn't do half the things that I set out to accomplish over the weekend. So then I was stuck with a two page Korean composition that I turned in late ( today ), an English paper I was supposed to revise ( but didn't ), and a 4-6 page anthropology draft due tomorrow by 4 PM. Right now my head's throbbing a little. Last night I stayed up until 4:30 AM. What was I doing? Well until 2 or so, I was actually doing homework. Then I got distracted with downloading stuff and watching the "Chinpokomon" episode of South Park. Now I should be concentrating on the aforementioned anthro paper, but I'm thinking of attending this Korean film screening over at the MLB just for the hell of it. There's another Korean film series going on too, but I haven't gone to any yet. Oh yes. I got "Yupki Jukin Keunyuh" in the mail today, but it really doesn't work in my DVD player because it's the wrong region code. Hopefully it'll work in my mom's computer at home, otherwise I can't ever watch it. And that's just silly.
Man, after I get this draft done, the weekend's gonna be nice. Just study at ma leisure . . . eat this and that . . . chillax . . . maybe some J.D. to top it off . . . good times.
Well as for now, I'm thinking of taking a nap because that screening doesn't start until 7:10 and it's 5:48 at the moment. Yay. Er wait. Maybe I should . . . start homewo . . . no. Goes against my principles of laziness. Sides, I don't have to wake up until 12:30 tomorrow.
P.S. The Do Won issue came to a head, but now it's already been "resolved." At least resolved in the sense that we aren't arguing about it anymore. More of a truce, I'd say. Hmm. Hmmmm . . .
10.15.04
How pathetic and selfish I am.
10.16.04 Part II
So now I'm using my mom's computer in the living room. This is quite the cool device. Makes me wish I had a computer with Windows XP, but it's all good. Perhaps my dad is annoyed with all the clacking noise I'm creating, but he's gonna have to live with it since he's already all settled into his easy chair next to the fireplace. Or will he not stand for it? Oh, he's concerned with other things. Adam is downstairs with his XBox in a bag. I'm tempted to go down there and play with that too, but I wanna play with the computer too. Oh, the dilemma. Home has so much more cool stuff than my apartment. Yes, indeedy doody. It's all good in the neighborhood.
Or so I thought. I have to write the 4-6 page draft for my anthropology paper by next week. I also need to write this 2 page composition for Korean, and revise my English paper so that it's bright and shiny, ready for criticism from my neurotic teacher. Yes. Things are good. Whee. I'm gonna go to Seoul Garden later tonight for a snack and see Khris again. And have some mandoo. Mandoo is delicious. Hehehehehehehehehehehe.
10.16.04
I'm home, biatch!
10.14.04
I'm very unhappy. Very unhappy. It makes me tired . . . these emotional problems. That's probably why I didn't have feelings for a long time. Life gets too complicated with them. I know there are some things about myself I should change. The negative aspects. But there are some things that are just me, and will not be changed. Either you can accept me like that or leave me alone. Conversely, I will not expect you to change things that cannot be changed.
Is it really worth trying to overcome all these problems, or is it a waste of time? I never would've considered the possibility that it couldn't be overcome even two weeks ago. Why is this just coming up now . . . is it the time, distance, or just revelation? Or maybe I'm drinking alone too much...
10.13.04
I'm eating bibimbap when I should be doing homework. I had a headache, so I decided to clear my head by going out for a very long walk. At first, I didn't feel hungry, but I knew that if I didn't get anything, I'd probably regret it by the time I got back home. So, where to go? Got a coffee at Starbucks first of all. Passed by restaurant after restaurant . . . wondering . . . feeling hungry . . . pizza? No. Why? Don't know. Korean? Well, that one is too far away... it'd be cold by the time I got to the house . . . but, what's this? A miracle? Another Korean restaurant that's closer to my house! So I went there and got bibimbap. There's this very nice boy that works the counter. Hahaha.
Ugh . . . I wanna eat more . . . but my stomach is so horribly shrunken. Cruel, cruel fate!! Let me eat!!!
10.12.04
Midterms are over. OVER I SAY! I didn't hardly need to study. Which is lucky, cuz I didn't. The anthro exam had 50 questions and took a little over 25 minutes to finish. There was one movie in lecture that I missed, but there was only one question about it and I think I guessed the right answer anyway.
In Korean, the professors suggested that we have a "special session" in which we all go to Starbucks and ask questions. It's mostly for the benefit of people who didn't take first-year Korean, but the other kids should come too. She asked who would come and only two people said they would. Yeah, I should go. I just didn't want to have to wake up for that since she wanted to do it from 11-12, and then I have to go back to her section at 1. What am I going to do for an hour? Uhhh . . .
I met another Korean acquaintance from last year. Actually, I didn't recognize him at all, but he knew me. It wasn't until later that I remembered who he was. It must've been that he got a really big haircut or something. We talked for probably 15-20 minutes. He gave me his cell phone number and he has mine now so . . . just "if you want some talking." Hehe. He was kinda the old guy I recall, but he's cool.
Man . . . Poptarts are not dinner!!!
10.11.04
Took the psych exam this morning. I finished it in 15 minutes. Woo Gi remarked that I must be smart. Well, smart or dumb. Guess we'll all find out in the near future. Man, the anthropology exam is tomorrow. I need to study hardcore for that because I didn't know anything they were talking about today in section. I still got 9/10 on the quiz, but we either discussed them in class or you can just kinda reason the answer out. 50 multiple choice tomorrow. Can't leave early. Man, I feel sick. I need to finish writing a paper for English tomorrow. Maybe one or two paragraphs too. Depends on what I feel like. I'm a little tired at the moment even though I took a nap. Hm. What a strange dream I had this afternoon. I was walking down this road in Ann Arbor. It was late October, early November. Suddenly, I was home. It was like this magic road next to my house that took me to my home where I promptly used the bathroom. The bathroom's colors seemed off, but I figured it was because it had been so long since I had been there. I woke up briefly to realize I really did have to go pee, but I just fell back asleep and had another dream. This time, it was night. I was in a car with all the Koreans. Duk Hyun was in his car behind us driving alone for some reason. We stopped at a rest area, but it was really shady. You had to go underground to get to the bathrooms and there was this funk odor coming out of there. Still, I went in there. When I went to wash my hands, I thought about how cool it would be to shoot a horror movie here and have blood coming out of the sink. Then blood came out. Hahaha. Or was it my imagination in my dream? Hmm. Well, there was a third dream . . . something to do with a deranged Christian minister chasing after me on this church/school campus. Fortunately he had to stop to talk to some people. so I got away. Weird, weird, weird.
Jagi ya! Where are you? Bogo shipuh . . . ^^
Aigo . . . study time. I thought 17 credits was hard. This other girl in my Korean class is taking 19. Geez, crazy kids.
10.10.04
I called Do Won ceaselessly from Friday night to Saturday. I became extremely anxious. On Friday afternoon I called up Duk Hyun and asked if he could take me to the grocery store and help me buy some alcohol. He obliged very kindly after finishing watching some movie. He went over to Circuit City or something and bought this camera case which was on sale. He thought it very lucky. After that he came back to Meijer and bought the thing for me while I checked out my other two groceries... some chips and popcorn. Later that night I dipped into the reserves a bit since I felt so depressed about not being able to get a hold of Do Won. There were a couple drunken phone calls... some talking online. Poor WR. She put up with me very graciously and offered to call Do Won too. No answer. Actually some guy answered, and he spoke English. Before I could ask him where he was, my phone card ran out. The next day Do Won called and said he had been at MT and that he had a really bad headache/hangover from drinking so much there. That solves that mystery. At any rate, I miss him.
This morning I felt too sick to get up, but I did anyway to go meet with Sarah and company at a sushi restaurant. We sat there for about 2 hours. They did most of the talking. I enjoyed just listening to them. Such geeky conversation, hahaha. Well no . . . it was all very fascinating and probably educational for me to listen in on them as they are all my elders with at least 4 years of experience on me. It's all good in the neighborhood.
I'm going home this weekend, thank goodness. I can see Khris and just chill for a few days after this week of hell is over. Man, 17 credits was a mistake. A very, very large mistake. On the positive side, I got the highest test score in my Korean class. Woo woo.
10.9.04
Helloooo . . . where aaaaaare yooooooooou???
10.8.04
Another busy day considering I only have one class on Friday. Man. This was somewhat due to the fact that I slacked off to an extreme degree yesterday. What happened . . . met Duk Hyun in between my classes. Him and his friends were going to eat lunch at a Chinese restaurant and he invited me along, so I went. It was pretty awkward. After that, someone suggested that we go to a movie, so I went with them, skipping my English class. Very bad idea. Now I'm gonna be continuously behind in that class for a while. Hmm. Yikes. We ended up watching two movies: Taxi and The First Daughter, both of which were the most inane and horribly written movies I've seen in quite some time. The rest of them seemed to enjoy it though, even though they didn't understand everything. It's probably better to watch them that way.
After the movies, they got hungry and so they decided to go to a Japanese restaurant nearby. I suddenly realized that I had a really bad headache developing which spread into a pretty bad stomach ache. I didn't want to say anything though since I asked to come along. They stayed in the restaurant for about 1 1/2 hours. I had to get out twice because I thought I was going to throw up, but didn't say anything. FInally we left around 9. They were gonna go drink some more for a while. How ironic! All this time, I was hoping to get drunk but then I my stomach hurt so bad I knew that I couldn't go. Good thing I didn't blow chunks in his car . . .
My mom told me to mail this UPC code to her for a $40 rebate yesterday, but I didn't do it until this morning before I went to class. Yikes. Some more bad news . . . she sent me some white shirts, but they were my old tuxedo work shirts. Ugh. I planned to go look for a different one at Urban Outfitters after class, but I ran into a few people the language school. One of them had had a really bad hangover. I awkwardly hung around with them for a couple minutes before they decided to go to Starbucks. I sat with them for a little while. One of them is a really crazy guy. The other two were Korean girls. After we left, we went by this specialty tobacco store, then the corner store so we could get some cigarettes. At about 3 we broke up so they could go home and I went to the psych experiment thing. Actually it was just a survey about this correlation between romantic relationships and personal image for women. I didn't notice at the time that all of the participants were girls, but now it makes sense.
I have to go work at the Indian restaurant in one hour. I did eventually go to Urban Outfitters and picked out this crappy white shirt that cost the amazing price of $18. I looked around but there didn't seem to be anything much better than that. Hopefully I can find something at Meijer or... somewhere. Target? Ahh, but my weekend is packed. Wednesday?? RRR! Exams! Review!! Nightmare!!!
10.6.04
Man I was up until 4 AM last night studying for psych. I covered most of the material on the study guide ( the study guide pointing to pretty much . . . everything ) but I started to slack off toward the end. Then there was a psych reading for today about language and memory or something, but at that point I didn't feel like staying up until 6 to finish it. Even though my body was exhausted, I couldn't fall asleep. Maybe it was that 4 1/2 hour nap I took earlier in the day. When I woke up, my body felt like a total log and my insides hurt. Guess why. Well, I made it to lecture on time, studied, got to section, reviewed some more. It seemed like the GSI didn't know what she was talking about because she could hardly ever answer our questions or referred to some other kid for the answer. A little discouraging. Anyway, I knew pretty much all of the review questions she posed ( in a jeopardy-esque game ), but when it came time for the quiz I was a little shaky. It only had 8 multiple choice questions and two short answer. The exam has only 40 multiple choice questions. I'd feel better if there were more like... 60. Arghh. Stupid brain! I can't remember the different parts and what they do. Which lobe controls language? Temporal, occiptal, or parietal? Or . . . the other one? Well anyway . . . that's for me to worry about on Monday. For now, I have plenty of other things on my mind.
Korean . . . it's ok. There's another skit we have to memorize and present on Monday. Anthropology . . . another reading tonight and a film tomorrow I think. Exam on Tuesday. English. Tonight I have to write another two-page paper, paragraph, and a well focused question. Overload man, total overload. Need . . . study break . . . but it's still two weeks and two days away. That week before study break better be chilled out or else I'm gonna be mad that I gotta do a lot of homework on my vacation. RRR.
10.4.04 Part II
Holy sweet goodness, I got a job. I didn't even have to apply for it. There's this Indian restaurant that I've been getting take-out at for a while. I remember seeing a "now hiring" sign on their window, but I didn't think much of it. The restaurant was totally empty when I went in, so the owner and I struck up a conversation. Somehow it lead to how I used to work at a Korean restaurant. He asked how long I worked there and what kind of duties I had. Then he said that here I could be a busser, just clean off the tables and bring up food from the kitche in the basement. Nobody serves or deals with money except for him I guess. The money is... not that much different from Seoul Garden. It's about $5-6 an hour, but the hours are short and it's only on Friday and Saturday. And food! Yay! This'll get me through the semester at least.
10.4.04
Sunday went exceedingly well. My phone rang at about 11:30. I didn't answer quite fast enough the first time, but I discovered it was Khris and called her back. She told me she was coming to Ann Arbor with her mom. At first I was a little weirded out by that, but as the story progresses, you will discover . . . things. All right. Well I got up and went to the bathroom. It was a good thing I did it at that time because it wasn't long after that some guy went in there and clogged it. It stayed that way for the majority of the day until some brave soul went into that brown bowl and plugged away at it, leaving many a stain on the floor. Well, that got cleaned up ( at least I hope it did ). The stink was pretty overpowering, but so was the lemon spray used to cover it up. Anywho, yes. I awoke. I took a shower despite the pre-unclogged toilet situation. About the time Khris should've arrived in town, I started to worry that my directions were too crazy and that they got lost in this one-way city. 2 1/2 hours later they came. Apparently she still bought me some Nong Shim "Vegetal" noodle bowls. She also had a bag of stuff that she got out from her kitchen cupboards that they apparently don't use or aren't going to use. Cool... ^^ I am the happy recipient of charity-at-home.
Khris' mom had a bunch of work to do, so we dropped her off at Starbucks. The initial plan was to go to Meijer afterwards and get some more groceries, but I told Khris that I didn't need them that badly and that it might be better to just go see Victor first. After all, I brought my laptop. So we headed up to North Campus where we got temporarily lost just trying to find an entrance to his dorm. Actually, there is no main entrance. We snuck in through this maintenance doorway that was propped open by a trashcan. Then we coudn't find his room either because there were a bunch of random hallways behind doors or just hallways that didn't really look like they led to anything but they did. It's a crazy place, that North Campus. Anywho, we found his room. They both seemed kinda awkward since they hadn't seen each other since graduation. Khris always gets silent in these kinds of situations, so I wasn't surprised that she wanted to run off to the bathroom for a while. So Victor took a look at my computer in the meantime. After all my hours of frustration, he went "tap tap" and it was fixed. Apparently he's the Jesus of computers since he can just touch electronics and they're healed. We discovered that there was some wireless connection going on in his dorm which he proclaimed to be illegal. I didn't get why at the time, but I guess that dorm people want to screw you out of as much money as possible by charging everyone individually for their internet connection.
The three of us chit-chatted until about 4 at which point Khris and I left to go pick up her mom. Victor had given Khris a coupon to this bubble tea cafe. She was all psyched about getting some so we dropped by there after we got her mom out of Starbucks. On the way there, we passed by the this little Korean restaurant which I pointed out. I had been really hoping that we could've all stopped together to eat an early dinner, but she had some architecture homework to do. In the end, we decided to get some take-out instead of eating in. We placed the order, ran over to the bubble tea place, came back, paid, and sat down to wait. Oddly, the girl came out with our food on trays as if we were eating in. I was like, "Wha . . ." but Khris told me not to mind it, so we sat there and ate while her mom was sitting in the back of the car doing her work still. Her squid, as reported, was delicious, however my kalbitang left a little to be desired. Nevertheless, there was meat, broth, rice, kimchi, and that's all I needed.
With our stomachs full and happy, Khris dropped me off back at home. Then she and her mom drove off into the sunset. Well, I didn't really see that. I just tried to get into the door while my laptop, leftover kimbap, and other bag were swinging all over the place. Eventually I got in, turned on the laptop, connected . . . and here I am. Well not quite.
I was quite sure that I had both an anthropology and Korean test today. I studied until 3 AM, read 100 pages of this novel for anthro, then passed out into grateful sleep. As it turns out, there was no anthro quiz. It's next week. And it's only ten questions. I feel horribly unprepared for the anthropology exam since I only have one hour of section. Guess it's up to me to make myself feel totally inadequate when I readdress the material over the weekend. Then there's psych. Is there a psych quiz on Wednesday, or is it next week? Better not take chances . . . and it's better to review a few times then cram at once, right?
The Korean test was easy as pie. Well, almost, but I felt pretty confident. I finished first and sat there for about five minutes when the professor said that if you were done, you could leave. So I left. Yay.
The weather's been bitterly cold today. I left my hair untied so it was whipping about in the wind, sometimes nearly level with the ground. I picked up a coffee at the bookstore, got some cash out for whatever expenses may arise in the near future (hopefully some alcohol expenses) and now I'm home. Yes, with the internet, life is once again hopeful. How obsessive does that sound?
P.S. The most shocking news had to come last. He wants a baby after I graduate? Is that realistic? If he wanted me to be smart and educated, he should've considered the possibility that I would go to graduate school rather than be a housewife right away. But that was all just a musing, I suppose.
10.2.04
I'm still in a weird limbo of self-loathing, fatigue, and anger. Can't do anything about the card yet, wanted to finish all of my homework but spend 2 1/2 hours on my psych reading . . . Oh, Jack Daniels, where are you? Anyway, Khris will come tomorrow granted some great disaster doesn't occur. And then . . . test in Korean on Monday. Quiz in anthro and psych in section this week. Exams are coming up way too fast. Most kids started reading this book for anthropology already but I haven't even so much as cracked it open. It's supposedly a day and a half read, but the other students didn't seem too terribly fascinated by it.
What's going on with Do Won? It's hard to tell sometimes. Does he really only love me because he thinks I'm pretty? Or does he really like me for other reasons as he's professed before? I'm thinking that he just wants me to be irritated and encourage me to "chase" after him more, since I know that's what he wants the girl to do. One unalterable fact among this is that his dad still hates me and loathes it whenever Do Won brings me up in conversation. That guy is one tough cookie. His mom might bend and forgive the fact that I'm adopted and naturally evil if I can at least prove that I'm a genius, but his dad probably wouldn't care either way. Makes the blood boil, it does.
What else. Ah yes. Apparently mom's car has been sold and they've gone to Iowa for the weekend to retrieve the mini-van from my aunt and uncle. Now I'm the co-driver of the Taurus, a vehicle too large for me to drive. I'm also more likely to be killed by the hands of dad if I so much as scratch/dent it. There's also no way in hell that he'd let me drive it as much as mom let me drive her car. Yet another problem: he's hardly ever at home, so I'll probably be more home-bound than I've been for the past two years. Looking forward to that.
Anything else? Not really. Just cold, tired, and my eyes are dried out. I can never escape the anxiety and fear that constantly attacks my sleep-deprived mind. Although last night I did get 9 hours of sleep, so like I said, I'm in a bit of a limbo ( emotionally and what not ). Wondering if I should switch to the college of engineering just because I'd actually be learning about things that are useful for I, myself to know. Nah. Too dumb.
10.1.04 Part II
Damn it to hell. Computers never cease to give me problems. I was sitting here typing out all of my worldly problems and premonitions of bad things happening, and then the browser crashes. Well, doesn't that just sum up my life as it is. I need a really, really big drink.
10.1.04
It's October already? I wonder if they're holding Oktoberfest back home later on. Three more weeks and I'm on break for a few days. Niiiice. Gotta figure out what's going wrong with my network card. I think the spyware jacked the registry and now something's not connecting right. I probably talked about all this before, but it's just such a pain in the ass that I have to bring it up again. Ah yes. I have a $140 phone bill waiting for me at home since I seem to have spent $100 in text messages. On top of that, I used up 370/400 minutes that's shared between me and my parents. So the charges they accrued was pretty exorbitant. Yikes. No more MSN for me. They also told me that I'm not allowed to make any phone calls outside of the family before 9 PM during weekdays. EVER. What the hell? What's the point of a phone then if I can only call people in the middle of the night or on the weekend? Anyway, all of these problems are really causing my health to deteriorate. That and no human contact. Lack of food. Lack of sleep. Smoking too much. Homework stress. I could really use my good friend Jack right about now. Hmm.
9.30.04
Man, I have one gigantic headache. This week has been nothing but one gigantic disaster. Last Tuesday I found out at 4 PM that I had a psych paper due the next day. I don't recall the GSI warning us about that at the last section, but it was indeed in the syllabus very cleverly hidden within a paragraph. I freaked out, but I managed to finish it by 2 AM or so. Wednesday
night, I had to write a two paper for my English class in addition to another reader response paragraph. I was up until 5 AM trying to think of anything to say about this dumb topic involving male sportscasters being prevalent in ESPN shows as opposed to the appearance of any women. Big deal? I didn't finish the paper that night, but I did manage to get it done 1 1/2 hours before class started today. The damn paragraph too. My body is so physically exhausted from sleeping random hours that I'm not sure I can keep this up much more. Besides even the stress of homework, my wireless card died, probably due to too much adware on my computer. Today I bought some CD-Rs and downloaded a couple adware removal programs. If this doesn't fix the problem, then I'm screwed for quite some time. The funny thing is that I have Norton Antivirus on my computer. I did a scan of the hard drive and it actually detected the adware programs, but it couldn't delete all of them. Why not??? RRR!! So I was pretty mad for a long time and just sorta . . . laid in bed for a while thinking about how desperate my situation is.
Ah yes. And then there's this whole Paul drama. He read earlier entries in my journal where I insult him or say that I don't really need him as a friend. Yeah, that's pretty hurtful, but I'm not going to lie. This fight was a long time coming and I'm glad it happened. Hopefully this will even life out a bit.
Hmm what else. In general, I've been feeling like killing myself for the past few days, but now that feeling is subsiding since it's the weekend and Khris is coming on Sunday. Divine intervention? No less than!
9.26.04 Part II
Now it's mid afternoon.. 3:50 PM. I'm just sending my papers to myself from school. Then I need to go pick up some kleenex somewhere. Hope the market's open. Gosh, I need a new computer. My laptop is so overwhelmingly slow, it's probably more productive to just spend all that time going to school and typing my paper here. Nevertheless . . . I will waste that time. Why? Just because if I'm going to waste time, it should be at home with a connection to the internet. Does this make any sense? Probably not. Why? Because I had to spend a lot of yesterday talking to Paul. Damn him.
My cold is steadily worsening. My throat is sore and my nose is getting more and more plugged up. Fortunately I have some food to make me feel better. The only downside to this is that now I have more dishes to clean up. Yay.
Ah, I spent some time this morning talking to Do Won. We both have the same thing in mind . . . the only thing is that we're dealing with it in different ways. Ugh. Oh well. Maybe he'll change.
9.26.04
Now I'm typing on my laptop in my bed. It finally occurred to me that the point of wireless is that I can disconnect my computer, carry it around, and use it somewhere else in my room as long as there's enough battery. Sweeeeet. I'm feelin' a little sick at the moment since I ate too much last night and today. On top of that, I've discovered that when there's food available, I will eat it whether or not I'm hungry. I had to ration everything I had before, but now that there are so many snacks, I keep eating. On top of that, I had a Jack Daniels malt beverage. It has about the same content of a beer. Watermelon Spike might've not been the best choice in flavor, but hey, whatever gets me to sleep. Maybe I won't wake up in the middle of the night this time since I got the fan going and it's fairly cool outside. Yay. Everything in my life is back on full power... well, except me. But everything else in my immediate surroundings are under relative control once again. What a relief. Now all I really have to worry about is my homework. My English teacher was really interesting at first, but now she's starting to get a little scary when it comes to what she expects out of our writing. Dude, these kids are fresh out of high school, and I've 8 months in a state of total mental disuse. Well, except for when I was reading "The DaVinci Code." That was so crazy stuff man. Anywho.
My plan for tomorrow is to wake up at a leisurely hour . . . preferably 1 o' clock. Check my email and stuff. See if Do Won's on. He might have to wake up early on Mondays though so I dunno. At any rate, I'll check my email, get my homework going again. I might have to go to campus to get my paper off the school server. Then I can mail it to myself, work on it at home, then print it out here too since I got a printer. Oh yes, I got the hook up to the max. The only reason I can see myself leaving this room is for sustainence and classes. This is good for the winter. Hibernate. Unless I get a job in which case I'm gonna have to drag myself out every day of the week. At least I'll have money though. That'll be good for when I go to Korea. Ah, Korea. How I miss thee.
On an annoying side note, Paul calls me more and more often these days. He called me a couple times earlier this week, then yesterday he called . . . and he called me twice today. Apparently he missed those couple days since he was coming down with the flu and throwing up. Now he apparently has enough strength to irritate me once again. When you don't have many friends, you wanna hold onto whatever being will make conversation with you, but at this point, I really gotta think of some way to ward him off cuz he's just getting to be more of a pain in the butt than anything else. He takes us so much time I couldn't finish my homework on time at night. Our conversations average 1 hour and 15 minutes whereas conversations with Khris only last 45 minutes. And that's just not right.
Gotta make some changes in the near future in terms of my social life. I was actually having more fun by this time last year and last year . . . was not good times. At least I have my cave.
9.24.04
I got wireless in my house biatch!! Sweet beans, this is the greatest thing since sliced
bread, and I'm hardly joking about that. My parents are here for tonight and tomorrow.
They brought a huge amount of food with them including two 24 packs of water, two 12
packs of Pepsi ( I was getting darn sick of Coke ), snacks, a "hot pot" for boiling water
in, and other shit. Damn, I am hooked up!! My house mate is going to be very happy as well
since she actually has real work she needs to get done and was getting sick of having to stay
at school until late at night. It's all good. The only future problem I can see with this
is that I won't get as much homework done because I'll be puttering around on the internet
for so long all the time. Still, at least I'll have my sanity. Yes, sanity is good. Thank
GOD for family.
Journal 16
Sweet beans . . .
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