Reika : Convergence of Duality
Chapter 2 : Insanity beyond the looking glass
Written by DJ Lesser
Draft started : December 17th
Standard Disclaimer : Neon Genesis Evangelion / Shin Seiki Evangelion belongs to
Gainax and other miscellaneous companies. Characters used without permission.
--------------------------
We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. -- Anais Nin
"AAAAAAAAHHH!!" she screamed. Her voice was hoarser now, she had been
howling continuously for the past five minutes. Her head tossed about wildly, the pale
blue hair obscuring most of her face, her teeth gnashing together. Her blood red eyes,
however, remained opened, tiny scarlet dots that glowered at whoever who dared to set
eyes upon them.
They were feral.
Pure, unadulterated rage shone through them.
Two male nurses held her down by her arms to her left and right, her body
violently thrashing about, while another held down her legs. Both parties struggled, one
to break free and the other trying to truss her down. With a superhuman strength, she
threw the nurse at her legs and wrenched herself free from the one on her right. Jumping
up and out, she raced to the door just as Ritsuko opened it. She snarled in revulsion.
Surprised, the doctor raised her arm to protect herself as the subject opened her
mouth and bit down hard on Ritsuko's hand, her sharp teeth drawing blood. Suddenly,
the subject felt her legs unwilling to support her weight anymore. Her eyes blazed and
she let go of Ritsuko, her throat locked in a silent scream, mouthing the word 'no' as she
fell backwards.
The nurses caught her before she hit the floor.
Pulling back her right arm, Ritsuko examined the syringe of tranquilliser she had
been holding, relieved to find it empty. 'She should be sleeping for a few hours, at least,'
Ritsuko thought.
"Looks like I came just in time," she said disapprovingly to the nurses, who hung
their heads in shame and resumed their work speedily, avoiding the doctor's gaze.
"This room is now classified as strictly quarantined, no one may access it at any
time until given word by myself or Commander Ikari," Ritsuko ordered. "Everyone of you
that has been in this room and had physical contact with her is also quarantined and
must undergo a complete medical evaluation immediately."
One of the nurses had brought an alcohol wipe and began to wipe the drops of
blood on the floor. Only then Ritsuko remembered her injury, and elevated her hand,
examining the wound. The subject had bitten deep.
Discarding the syringe in the waste bin, Ritsuko winced as she applied pressure
to the laceration with her good hand, then went out to treat it.
"Sempai? Magi-"
Maya stopped, standing still in the middle of the doorway.
Completely, unreservedly, horrified.
She had come into the infirmary to look for Ritsuko.
She found her sitting by one of the nurse's tray, applying antiseptic to her hand.
"Sempai!" Maya called out, seeing with a terrible clarity, each drop of blood that
dripped to Ritsuko's white coat. Ritsuko turned to look at her, and saw the anxiety in her
student's eyes.
"Oh, Maya. It's nothing, don't worry about it," she said nonchalantly, returning her
attentions to the wound with a cotton pad.
Maya stepped over to Ritsuko's side gingerly, and took a seat by her.
"Who did this?" Maya asked.
"The subject. She's been quarantined for now."
'The subject...' Maya thought with a shudder. A cruel term for another casualty of
the monster that was Evangelion. Maya still refused to believe it, even though she had
been there when they retrieved her. She hadn't been of any help, standing there
immobile in shock, hand raised to cover her mouth. It was Makoto and Shigeru who lead
her away from the scene, exchanging nervous glances between themselves.
She had liked Asuka. She could be difficult to deal with most of the time, but she
had always been nice to her. Even if her decline in standard as an Evangelion pilot
made her even more unruly ...
Rei was ... Rei.
Still...
None of them deserved this.
This - this living nightmare.
Maya bit on her lip as she checked her thoughts in place. Now was not the time
to break down. She had work to do.
Instinctively, she took the spool of gauze from the tray and began to unroll it as
Ritsuko put down her antibacterial wipe.
Holding the bandage taut between her hands, Maya was rewarded with a smile
from Ritsuko as she held her hand out to be bound.
And then, Maya saw the torn flesh, ruptured capillaries and-
Oh god, was that a bit of bone?
Maya almost choked.
Whatever little composure she had collected disintegrated into dust.
"Sempai... maybe we should... have this stitched..." she stammered, unable to
take her eyes away from the gruesome sight.
"It's alright, Maya," Ritsuko assured her. "Besides, if we stitch this up, I won't be
able to type very well."
Maya took a deep breath and began wrapping the injury securely after placing a
pad to staunch the bleeding.
Ritsuko was content to be pampered for once. She leaned back in her chair and
was about to close her eyes when Maya spoke up.
"Ah... sempai?" Maya asked timidly.
"Yes, Maya?"
"Ah... Don't you think it's too heart - heartless to call her the ... that?"
"Oh?" Ritsuko tilted her head to study her student's features.
"I just think ... she is human, after all."
"She's ... not quite."
"How can you say that?" Maya fidgeted in her chair, avoiding Ritsuko's eyes.
"She's Rei and Asuka, and she doesn't deserve to be treated as just some scientific
*subject*."
"Maya... There are too many things that you don't know, and I can't tell you yet."
Ritsuko almost sighed, but she checked herself and kept her expression neutral.
"But sempai..."
"As scientists, we must not let our personal feelings interfere with our rational
thinking," Ritsuko said offhandedly.
"I can't!" Maya blurted out. "I can't pretend that when I look at her I see some ...
some *thing* waiting to be tested and dissected and analysed and-"
"Maya," Ritsuko called, putting her good hand over her student's shaking ones,
until they calmed.
"Sempai," Maya's voice was a mere whisper. "She's human, she thinks and she
feels and she hurts. Can't we at least give her a name?"
Ritsuko reflected on it for a while. She had not expected such an outburst from
Maya, but she was right. She was the hypocrite.
'Not letting my personal feeling interfere with my rational thinking?' she scoffed at
herself. 'What about Ikari? How can I explain that?'
Ritsuko sighed and mellowed under Maya's ministrations.
"Alright, what do you suggest we call her?" Ritsuko asked gently.
"Ah... I was thinking ... Reika sounds ... nice," Maya said, her fringes covering
her eyes.
"Reika," Ritsuko said, tasting the name on her tongue.
"Alright then."
Maya seemed contented.
They sat in silence until Maya had finished her careful work, fastening the
dressing with several pins. Ritsuko lifted her hand and turned it around, examining it.
"Excellent, Maya. They've taught you well," Ritsuko complimented, standing up.
Maya blushed and followed suit, as Ritsuko walked out.
"Now, about the Magi?"
The first rays of sunlight peeked through the edge of the glass windows
cautiously, and decided it was rather harmless to settle its comforting warmth on the
young boy lying on the infirmary bed. Ikari Shinji laid on his side, his knees raised close
to his chest, mimicking a foetal position. His downcast face did not register the careful
greeting of the solar star, instead, he was so deep in his own memories that one could
be forgiven for mistaking the expression on his features as the same ones that lay upon
the face of the girl he was thinking of.
'Asuka... Rei...'
One of many memories ...
The indifferent way Rei pronounced herself as the First Children.
The smug way Asuka introduced herself on Over the Rainbow.
Rei, bloodied when she tried to pilot during the Third's attack.
Asuka slicing Israfel in half with her spear in her debut battle.
Rei, unmoving, staring out of the window in class, covered in bandages.
Asuka, confidently introducing herself in class.
Rei, sitting by the poolside by herself.
Asuka, stomping her foot on the numerous love letters she received that had
fallen on the floor.
Rei, towelling her hair dry, fresh from the shower.
Asuka, towelling her hair dry, fresh from the shower.
Rei, slapping him on the escalator.
Asuka, kicking him for being stupid.
Rei, walking out of the door of her apartment quietly, leaving him confused.
Asuka, loudly proclaiming her territory, slamming the door shut at night.
Rei, smiling, talking to his father on the bridge.
Asuka, smiling, hanging on to Kaji's arm.
Rei, smiling for him after he opened the entry plug.
Asuka, smiling after he jumped into the volcano to save her.
Rei. Asuka. Rei. Asuka. Rei. Asuka. Rei. Asuka. Rei. Asuka. Rei. Asuka.
ReiAsukaReiAsukareiasukareiasukareiasuka-
'Rei...ka...?' Memories tangled themselves until he no longer sought to fight the
crashing wave, letting himself be swept away by it. The names and faces had so blurred
in his mind that he only saw them as a single girl.
Like they are now.
He remembered his scream of absolute terror when he realised who the girl was
when he held her in his hands. She had blinked, those intense red eyes, a frown
creasing her brow and puckering her lips.
"What the hell are you screaming for-"
Asuka's voice clearly showed her anger.
"Ikari-kun...?"
It was Rei's soft voice that finished the sentence. Rei's voice, perturbed and
confused. Then she had shut up, her eyes growing wide.
It was her turn to scream, a mixture of Asuka's high pitched wails and Rei's quiet
whimpering, their distinct voices resonating with each other. She raised her hands to her
head and pressed them tightly to her temples, clenching her eyes shut as if she was in
terrible pain. Her head shook wildly and her body began to tremble.
Then, her movements stopped abruptly, her form going limp in his hands, which
had yet to release their grip.
She had fainted.
Shinji gripped the sheets and curled his body tighter at the recollection. He wasn't
sure exactly when Dr. Akagi and the paramedics arrived, or how long he had stayed
there, frozen in shock. He had barely heard the medics talking to him, hearing only the
gentle whispering and coaxing of a myriad of voices before someone pried his hands
away and led him out of the entry plug, covering him with a blanket.
He wasn't sure how exactly he had ended up in this bed, but suddenly he found
himself wishing for his SDAT player.
Even so, he knew no matter how loud the volume of music in his ears, he
wouldn't be able to drown out her cries in his mind.
'I had failed...'
'Again.'
Failure.
Coward.
Spineless.
Wimp.
Weak.
Pathetic little boy.
He had failed. He had been a coward. He was a spineless wimp. He was weak.
He was a pathetic little boy.
Unit 01 had arrived too late to save Asuka. And he had reacted too late, saw the
enemy too late, to save both Rei and Asuka.
'I don't deserve to live...'
'It is me who should have been sacrificed.'
"YOU IDIOT! Look what happened to me! Look what you've done! Invincible
Shinji wasn't so great after all!" Asuka's condemning voice rang out clearly in his mind.
"Ikari-kun," Rei's voice was subtle as ever, but a dangerous tone lay hidden
beneath it. "You let it happen to me. Why?"
"I didn't," Shinji whispered, his eyes glassy with unshed tears.
"Idiot!"
"I tried," Shinji whispered.
"Why?"
"I wanted to go. Father wouldn't let me," he gripped the sheets tighter. "Unit
01..."
"Don't you have any spine?!"
"I swear, I wanted to..." Shinji's voice became more urgent.
"You disappoint me," she interrupted him.
"I tried to..."
"You let me die." Accusation in her voice.
"I didn't... I swear I tried... Father didn't ... Unit 01 didn't ... Mother didn't ..."
"You only stood and watched. You didn't even try to help." Allegations.
"That's not true. I was going to..."
"Run away? Again?" Malice now, as cold and cruel as an Angel's heart.
"No..." Shinji whimpered, choking back sobs.
"You were going to, if you had the *guts*." Provocation.
"No...no...nonononononono!"
"You were thinking about it."
"I... yes..." Shinji admitted in defeat.
'Failure.'
'Coward.'
'Spineless.'
'Wimp.'
'Weak.'
'Pathetic little boy.'
Shinji had no response to that.
The Supreme Commander of Nerv, Ikari Gendo, stood outside the door
impassively, his vision fixed upon the quiescent figure of the girl in the hospital bed. Her
blank eyes stared up at the ceiling without really looking at it, her wrists and ankles
bound by thick, heavy straps to the sturdy bed, which was clamped to the floor.
"We are tentatively naming the subject, Reika," Dr. Akagi Ritsuko said, referring
to the clipboard in her hands while giving her report. "At the moment, it is thought that
the instability of Unit 00 and mental circumstances of both pilots is the main cause of the
temporary amorphism, however, we cannot be completely sure until the MAGI is fully
functioning. It should be fairly similar to the case of the 6th Angel, where Shinji and
Asuka had focused in sync to move Unit 02 underwater while using B-type Equipment,
causing their synch ratio to rise. Even unconsciously, Asuka had fought and lashed out
at the Angel which bolstered Rei's score and created a booster harmonic current. It is my
theory that the similarities during the last few moments of battle between Unit 00 and
Unit 02 had caused a strong renunciation in Asuka's psyche, further upsetting her mental
condition due to her recent deterioration as an Evangelion pilot. It had somehow affected
Rei and Unit 00, both which are precarious in themselves. The explosion of the Angel
and the proximity of Unit 00 has caused the temperature in the entry plug to rise to the
levels where the pilot's synchronization level fluctuated and reversed the amorphism
without supervision, triggering an erratic, ad hoc reconstruction of mass and psyche."
Ritsuko halted in her report momentarily and glanced at the subject, who was still
inert. As she closed the pages on her clipboard, her eyes strayed to the gash in the
middle of her left hand, securely bound. "She is both Rei and Asuka," said Ritsuko
conclusively. "Even as we speak, their souls are resonating with each other, coalescing
from the periphery until, eventually, the core. They-" Ritsuko stopped before deciding on
a better word. "She won't be able to handle the soul synthesis until the process is
complete. The process is... irrevocable."
The Commander didn't even flinch. Unblinking, his visage did not betray the
tumultuous deliberation in his mind as he took into account the current state of affairs.
Turning around, he walked away from the infirmary and headed back to his office to
cogitate upon the sudden turn of events, and how they would affect his goals.
Behind him, Ritsuko watched his retreating back, before anticipating his next
move and followed him, knowing that he needed her expertise on that matter.
And after them, she started screaming again.
Misato winced as she took her first sip of coffee in its polystyrene cup, hot from
the vending machine. It never tasted as good as a self brew, but it would have to do for
now. Misato needed the drink, almost as much as she needed to think.
Nerv would not survive much longer if the current pattern of occurrences kept up.
After being struck from the outside in, and being blown up from inside out, it was a
wonder the building was still standing at all. No matter how heavily armoured a building
may be, it is still not invincible. One can only take so much before collapsing. Luckily,
Misato mused with a sarcastic tug of her lips, the second command centre remained
quite intact. There had been some problem with Magi's circuitry after the explosion
triggered several electrical surges, but the crew was already working on fixing the
problem even as she sat in the lounge to collect her wits.
It was Magi's databanks they were worried about.
...and *her*.
Misato sighed and slumped to the table, pushing the coffee cup away, not
knowing what to think. Her thoughts were a whirlwind that refused to be tamed, and
once again she felt completely helpless.
Like the time she watched Second Impact happen before her eyes.
Powerless.
Lost.
At that moment, the door opened and Makoto entered the sitting room, just in
time to watch Misato flop in defeat. He stood there uncertainly for a moment, unable to
act.
Chiding himself for his cowardice, he went to obtain his own cup of caffeine
before taking a seat at Misato's table, opposite of her. He studied her features for a
moment, and realised he found her attractive even in her moment of despair.
How could he be thinking of that in a time like this? She must be worried about
the Children, of course. And here he was thinking only about how good she looked and
how he wanted to hold her in his arms and comfort her. He felt disgusted with himself.
Misato was vaguely aware of the new presence in front of her. It felt comforting in
a way, but she was too deep in her thoughts.
Pulling her in.
Shutting her away.
Silencing her.
The battle was a complete catastrophe. It was her fault. She had been in
command of the operations, and she had seriously screwed up. The Angels had nearly
succeeded in ending the world. Untold damage to HQ, not to mention the Evangelions
and their pilots.
And her housemates.
Shinji...
She hadn't seen Shinji after the operation was over, only knowing that he was
being isolated for fear of mental or physical contamination from the battle. She wished
he wasn't alone now, he needs someone to help him through this.
She chided herself.
She was the one who needed someone to help her through this.
Shame on her, putting the charge on a 14 year old kid, when it was really her that
was guilty.
Asuka...
Misato had only caught a glimpse of Asu- no, not Asuka, of the girl, through the
observatory. Before she was tranquillised, she had been kicking and flailing, screaming
like an animal cornered.
That two seconds had been enough to wrench Misato's heart out of her chest.
The memory itself was enough to revive the anguish.
The pain travelled to her arms, her wrists, as it always does, and Misato fisted
her hands on the table.
The pain didn't go away, as it never does.
What was she going to do now? The girl had been quarantined, she was told. But
still, she was still Asuka's guardian, no matter how much the redhead protested.
Except she wasn't a redhead anymore.
Had she lost Asuka?
'Stop thinking like that! You are a tactician, think strategically!'
Except that this wasn't a battle.
She didn't know who her enemy was.
"Major?" Makoto said hesitantly, after the silence reigned too long in the air.
"How many percent of HQ is damaged?" Misato's voice sounded muffled, not
bothering to raise her head to ask the question.
Makoto suppressed a sigh. "Close to thirty levels from the immediate area of the
explosion is in shambles. An additional forty levels is partially damaged. Unit 01 suffered
minimum damage, but it will be sometime before Unit 00 and Unit 02 is operational
again. Magi is still processing the damage assessment, but Magi itself is still under
repairs. Personally, I think it stands at close to ten billion yen."
Misato seemed to coil her arms around herself tighter.
Makoto bit his lower lip in order to avoid saying anything stupid that would offend
or upset her further. He felt the desire to touch her and comfort her, but he stayed his
hand. He couldn't do it.
Not at a time like this.
Steeling himself, he said instead, "Perhaps you should take a rest, Major. It's
time for the Technology and Construction Sections to work overtime."
He did not add, 'again', even though he was thinking of it.
Misato looked as if she was shaking her head, then she sat upright. Taking her
cup, she finished her coffee in one long draught and found herself wishing it was beer.
Pursing her lips to resist the urge to yell, she stood up to leave, before looking at
Makoto, a tight smile across her face.
"It's time I took care of my responsibilities."
She paused for a second, then continued in a kinder tone.
"Thank you, Hyuuga-kun."
She turned and left.
"It's not a problem, Katsuragi-san," Makoto whispered after her. Taking a look at
his watch, he decided to get back to work and left his coffee unfinished on the table.
Hikari walked to school slowly, immersed in her own thoughts. Most of them were
based around her visit to Suzuhara Touji, and the sadness that permeated the air while
they had chatted as lightly as they could.
It didn't help.
She had been stricken when she received news about the Matsushiro accident,
and even more so, when she found out who the pilot was.
They had to amputate him.
He would never be able to run with the wind again.
To play professional basketball.
That had been his desire.
And now...
Nothing more than fragments of a shattered dream.
'Suzuhara-kun...' Hikari thought sadly. The nurses told her that he was going to
get the finest medical attention Nerv could afford, and that was a lot.
However, a mechanical leg could never replace your own flesh and blood.
Hikari was startled out of her reverie as she noticed two butterflies dancing in the
air in front of her.
'White butterflies?'
'A pair of white butterflies? Here?' Hikari thought. She hadn't seen butterflies in
Tokyo-3 since-
Since...
*flashback*
"Don't cry, Hikari-chan! Look, she is back to visit us!" Hikari's grandmother took
her hands gently and wiped her tears away. Behind them stood a plain, brown coffin,
decorated with garlands of flowers.
"Okaasan? Where?" she cried out, looking around frantically.
"There," her grandmother said patiently, turning her around to face a bouquet of
flowers. Fluttering about it was a dainty white butterfly, and soon it came to rest upon a
chrysanthemum bloom.
"That's the spirit of your mother coming back to see how you're doing," she
whispered soothingly. "They always come back in the form of white butterflies."
"Kaasan..." Hikari whispered in wonder.
*end flashback*
That was just one of the many memories she shared with her half-Chinese
grandmother, along with her love for Chinese sleeping garments.
The white butterflies...
"Touji-kun?" Hikari whispered out loud, her heart beating faster.
Did something happen to him?
Did he ... no, it was a pair of white butterflies. Not a single one.
Did someone...?
Hikari shook her head and opened her eyes. That's just ancient superstition, she
reminded herself. Nothing awful had happened.
Still, she couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible *did* happen.
She started to walk again, when she noticed -
The butterflies were gone.
--------------------------
Author's Notes
Hmm, interesting title for this chapter, ne? It also means I must be insane to undertake
this project Alain-sempai gave to me. Working with a monitor... a looking glass,
understand? ^^; [Ah, Alain-sama, I didn't really mean it!!!]
Also, Asuka can 'sense' the battle very much the same way you can sense someone
shaking you when you are sleeping, therefore waking you. The LCL did connect nerves
to stimulation, and therefore she can feel the pain of the battles even when unconscious,
perhaps plunging her into a nightmare where she felt she had a chance to fight back,
and took it.
Ten billion - I'm a bit out of the financial aspect of Eva, but I'll take a look through the
series when I'm free. And if I'm wrong, well, it's only Makoto's observation.
Ah, there is no proof that Hikari had any Chinese blood in her at all, it's just something I
made up, gomen! The white butterfly is a Chinese belief, and I though it might spice
things up a little bit. Chrysanthemum are also a common flower to be seen at Chinese
funeral / graves. Also, there is no official record that Touji wanted to be a professional
basketball player, and I never thought of it either. Except that when I typed, it just came
out, and ... it felt right. Call it artistic license, if you like =)
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