||   C.o.n.t.i.n.o.u.s.l.y. .B.e.i.n.g. . U.p.d.a.t.e.d   ||                                   

||June.17.00 ||

OmG... its been hella long since i last updateD... well, skool`s out -eveN- my summer course!! Yay!! well, things been priddY good lately, neva been better i dun think... thanx 2 all my buds 4 sticking `round.. well, do friends reallY come n gO??? or izt a phase some of us R going thru?? Umm *PonderS*, anyhoO,.. me oFf to ToFiNo in less then 2 weeks...!! yaYY!! its gonnA be sWeeT spending 4 days away from home wid my buds.. hehe...

||June.26.00 ||

3 days after JDI, too baD da partie died so early, & even though it was like a "sauna" inside, & i stayed outside mosta the time, i still had lotsa fuN!!! ...

||June.26.00 || 

[[BlaH ThouGHtS]] ...So many Q`s running through my mind, i feel so confused & out of place...oblivious to reality and the world and surroundings arnd me... 1 min i think of "this" the next with "that"...my mind actin never like the libra scales... i guess sometimes i just think too much...bein too self-conscious of the facts and thoughts... or that i try too hard, & look too deep for an "Answer"...a pebble in a vast lake of wilderness... That, in the end, i can`t even decipher what i really want, my true intentions and needs, & pass by -that- door that`s been open for me...but was it a door which shown light?? Instead, i guess I just keep myself locked within that "enclosed" armor of mine, lost with direction of where I`m suppose to be & allow my piorities to be the foundations of a life long totem pole..... perhaps, its a way to protect myself from being hurt again in the long run... But do i rather carry on like this??? I have no idea... Maybe all i need is a really good reason for "a change"... to believe there`s still stability, that... he is true, genuine & sincere... To believe that someone will lead the way & show me to the light. But most of all, to believe that there`s still "hope", & that somewhere out there over the clouds and at the end of the rainbow, there`s still pot full of gold...the GOLD, representin my goals and dreams, my needs and wants, my aspirations and hopes, my LIFE... Do i reallY know what im talking bout right noW??? maybe-maybe-noT, but Ed sure does..haha... whoeveR`s reading this is prolly going like .. "uh.."??? what`s this gurl blabbing on about... sowwie to bored u `bout all this b.s of mine... so i guess i better cut this short here... & allow u proceed through the rest of my page... But thanx my buds for sticking around through my ups & downs, my mood-swings, and most of all, my b.s-ing,*lol*... *muaH*

||June.30.00 || 

BacK from TofinO 2000... Yay!!! It was the best 4 days - 3 nites ive had in a while... It was priddy fun trip aside from the long drive & the long wait @ the ferry... apparently some thought it was less than they expected... Oh wells, i had fuN... Come to think of it, i really Didn`T miss being away from my comp & all the other time killing devices i have at home... *lol* Outdoor aCtiviTies arE the besT!!! Going to the beach was fun(well, not the part `bout being thrown into the water, right Liz??!! [we got so colD *hugs* 4 being my drenched buddy *lol*], but hey, ish all good), fishing (fish?!? what fish?1? all i saw was seaweed!!!), rock climbing (even though i almost killed myself falling, but hey, i survived, & my frienz were like re-acting MI2 there, hanging off the cliff & stuff...& not to mention, Tarzan zipping threw the water falls... *lol* keke.. so crazy), BBQ was good, (even though in the end only a couple of us was left boiling coke to keep ourselves warm cuz we were freezin to death, while the others was playing v-ball) & even doing nothing @ the lounge was still good... Big2, Uno, GameBoy (Tetris 2 play) all way... *lol* ... well, after this crazy trip to TofinO was over, im back to Van, in my room updating this page, looking forward to the next TOFINO ¤§ ®È ...

||Aug.10.00 || 

 Friendship... such a simple word can be quite complex at times... it has so many different interpertations and standards... Are friendships really that fragile that people cannot sort out their differences??? ... - especially over small incidences??? ... Hmmm... *ponders* ... I dunno la... Of course people are gonna have their own viewpoints and their own morals standards, or else what would make them individuals, right??? ... But to allow such small indicences to be carried SO out of hand is another story... Then, does it mean that the "friendship" was not as geniune or as strong as it was said to be??? ... A person once said... -= "one less or one more of a friend doesnt make a whole lot of a difference" =- ... but honestly... minus one friend... then another... and then some more... and then pretty soon you're left with nothing really at all... So... after all this... does it reallY mean that friends come and go??? ( Q::. asked earlier on june.17.00 )... A::. I guesS soO..!! I suppose it allows everyone to filter the good ones from the bad... to allow everyone to find a friendship(s) that is/are honest and sincere... and to allow everyone to grow stronger from every failed friendship... Yes, it hurts and at times it is also quite disapointing too... but hey... thats all part of life eh??? ... sux eh??? ... But i mean, hey... just swallow it in ( i mean... if its withiN reasoN and you've done u parT ... whaT caN you do... righT???) ... respect the other person's decision, try not to bitch about it.... and carry on with u're own life, outta the whole mess... Afterall.... it makes "you" the better person... in a way... i guess...
blah... blah.. and more blaH~!!!... and YucK.... *disgusteD* ...
But for those who stick around through the ups and downs... i cherish u're friendship to me more than anything... *muaH*~!!!

 || Summer.2000 || 

Love Hurts...

|| Nov.10..00 || 

Some things happen 4 a reason, it allows us to learn, and to grow stronger from our past... [happy/sad]. Be true to Oneself & happiness shall find its way... eventually - have faith -... alwayz ::. ... ... [friendship / relationship]`s without trust, mutual understanding and compassion, it is wihtout meaning... ...

|| Jan.01.01 || 

Wow, 2001 already. Time really flies. I really cant believe its 2001. It really doesnt feel like a year has gone by... i really dun think it was a very productive year... It should have been, but it wasnt... everything was so wasted... [skool-related mostly]... although, a lot of things has changed - some for the better, some for the worse.. It does makes me wonder how some things change so quickly.  The people, the environment, the atmosphere constantly evolving around you [ well me, since i'm writing this]... though, i never expect them to change so eruptingly... basically,  friendships, relationships changed [they all change, sad eh?] - some remain strongly bonded, then there are those that shimmer and fade with a blink of an eye , like it never happened in the 1st place... Hmm... interesting... [though, somethings its for the better, and there are those that i regret not holding on more strongly too] ...but then again, you meet new people, people of which u had idea of meeting, You just somehow come across them... then everything just appears out of the blue again... And its always nice to see old friends... to see how things has changed - how you can still hold a 1/2 decent converstation with the pause of silence and awkwardness...  or theres the other, complete chaos of non-stop-out-of-breath catch up on old times.... the friendliness, etc... But then, there are times that i wonder how it [refering to the friendship] could have possibly faded away in the 1st place... But to those out there that stuck around no matter what... no matter how cranky, how moody, how incredibly emotional unstable i was, or how "high", how depesrate, how krazy, or how i just simply needed you to be there, and you were there... thanx... arigato gozaimasu!!! you guys really deserves my utmost gratitude, i sincerely wish u krazy ppl a "Happy New Year" to be productive and successful and ... lotsa fun partyinG... and plz no more alcohol... feel sooo gross from iT!!! ... ...

|| Feb.23.01 || 

Gosh, reading break in nearing to a halt. *sigh*. But i had a lot of fun, i really needed this break from all the stress at skool - same for everyone i guess. BBT [yay!! i discovered a new place that has the best strawberry bbt and the most disgusting red-bean bbt EVER ->((Estea)) , drinking @ LuLu's [NOTE** ahhh... more drinking, i swear i'm turning into such an alcoholic cuz of u people. harsh getting corrupted!!! but it was fun, just not the hangovers i get the next day... *sob*], movies - [NOTE** Hannibal was so disgustingly gruesome, can't believe i got convinced to watch that - Yumm... Brains *gasps* Eek!!], Sonar - [NOTE** i never had so much fun clubbing in a long time!! Everyone was so "high", so "DEEN", so drunk can we say.. keke. I just reallllllllllllllllllllllllly hope the pix turned out okee - cuz the camera seems kinda screwed *praying* - but the downfall of the whole party was just that it felt like a sauna in there!!! like there was no A/C !!! how pitiful >.<" felt like i was gonna faint the whole time, coulda died from heat exhuastion you know [well, maybe not that extreme] - i bet that goes for everyone!!!      STUPID, im all wet and sticky noW!! (( stupid throwing/splashing  ...ice/water/beer --- stupid TonY, you got water in my ear >.<" )) ((Liz, Stop sleepinG!!)) ((Cora, im so tired, they take the pix yeT??? )) and etc. hehee.... subscripts will be next to pix when they're available ] , and most of all CANNOT forget the amount of sleep i caught up on....  ^^*"

|| Mar.14.01 || 

Have there ever been one of those days when you feel completely anti-social? Like, you feel so completely helpless as to what your suppose to be doing that it just irritates you so much that you rather shut yourself away from interacting with anyone? Or are there times that you feel that whatever you are doing isn't completely heading in the right direction, that you don't understand of why you even bother trying in the first place? But then again, whatever it is, is most likely sprung out from my emotion incapabilities as to comprehend certain facts and, or actions. Wouldn't it be awesome if you Kevin Costner [i think it was him, arg, i can't remember...] in "What Women Wants", that you were able to read other people's mind, that you were able to comprehend their intentions as to their actions? But what are the chances of that happening eh?!  Then again, who says life is a smooth road with no bumps or turns. I just feel that whatever I've been doing is so repetitive, and I'm sure almost everyone feels the same, at least those that I've talked to. Everyday; wake up, skool/work, study, eat, sleep, occasional weekend outings and repeat as necessary.  And now that I've been introduced to the world of alcohol, drinking seems almost unavoidable. Getting buzzed is actually pretty fun, but honestly, i rather prefer bbt! Alcohol tastes pretty gross, and its pretty much a waste of money, not to mention its so not good to my stomach - it like spazzes out of me every time i end up drinking. Must thank my friends for corrupting me. *lol* Anyways, that's enough gibberish for now. I think I should sleep. Nitez

|| Mar.27.01 || 

The paradox continues. . . 

As the sun rises and sets, the paradox continues.
Sec after sec. . . 
Hour after hour. . . 
Day after day. . .
The constant beating of our heart continues. . .
pulsating. . . discernible to touch. . .
Love, uttered much too easily; masked by too many illusions.
Quivers. . . to its reality.
Stop. 
Pause for sec. . . 
Think.
We express ourselves too vainly; too bluntly; and much too recklessly. 
Word after word. . . 
Phrase after phrase. . . 
Sentence after sentence. . . 
The constant beating of our heart continues. . . 
We fall too quickly; hurt too easily; and cry too frequently.
Seldom do we realize its value. . .
Love, taken for granted much too frequently; and forgotten much too easily. . . 
sec after sec. . . 
hour after hour. . . 
day after day. . .
the paradox continues. . . as the sun rises and sets. 

|| Apr.06.01 || 

I sooooo hate this stupid bus strike thing!!! stupid traffic delayed my drive home by like 45mins!!! backed up all the way to Galardi. took the stupid HOV line to about brunette exit, then decided to take the HOV lane ( who carez, i dun wanna take 3 hours to get home ) but even that was only inching its way thru. stupid surrey ppl,hogging up all the lanes!!! i only wanted to go home and rest cuz I'm soooooo sick.. is that so WRONG??? blahh.... whatever... anyways... I'm like disgustingly bored right now, though i should be studying for my finals... 1st one on 9th... I'm so DEAD!!! blahhH~~~ yeah... and more pathetic is that i just found out that there's no skool tomorrow ( cuz today was the last day of class...) Hmm.. shows how much i pay attention in class!!!  i would've gotten up at 7:45am... drive to ubc... and then to find out that there's was no classes if my friend didn't tell me so nicely at like 1:30-ish am!!! what a waste of precious sleeping time and gas that would've been!!! how pathetic am i??.. *LOL*.. dun answer that!!! retard usagi!!! .... i laugh @ myself!!! .... silly gurlo... anywayS... thats enuf amusement for today... enuf venting for now.. hehe... bai bais...  

|| Apr.13.01 ||

If seeing is believing, and we rely on our senses to evaluate; then what makes of it when it is illusionized, and/or when it is manipulated. . . ? ?
Beyond what imperfections do we seek. . . ? ?