All About the ...
... WorlD of KoreaNs ...

(From the 2nd generation perspective)

1) Be a litttle more lenient on the 7pm curfew
2) Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with a 99 course grade on his/her report card
3) Don't "ay-goo" loudly at your kid's dress habits
4) Don't hint about the merits of "Hah-bah-deuh" (Harvard), "Yae-Ihll" (Yale), or "Ssu-tan-po-deuh" (Stanford)
5) Don't reveal all the intimate details of ur kid's life 2 the entire Korean community ... & NEVER compare them 2 other peoples' kids
6) Don't ask ur kid, "What r u going 2 do w/ ur life" if he/she majors in a non-science field
7) Don't give ur son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs
8) Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills
9) Incorporate other phrases besides "Did you study yet?" into your daily conversations with your kids
10) Don't ask all your kids' friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girlfriend yet
11) Don't search their room
12) Don't open your kids' mail
13) Don't listen in on their phone conversations
14) Don't keep feeding them after they've said, "I'm going to burst with one more bite"
15) Allow them to sleep over at a friend's house instead of just letting friends sleep over at your's
16) Don't tell them to read the Bible every day instead of wasting their time watching TV
17) Don't ask them about what they think of every Korean guy/girl you mutually know
18) Don't compare your kids with those of others
19) At LEAST let them go to a school dance
20) Let them develop a real personality instead of molding them into socially challenged individuals

HOW TO BE A PERFECT KOREAN KID

ToP

(From the 1st generation perspective)

1) Score 1600 on the SAT
2) Play the violin or piano at the level of a concert performer
3) Apply and be accepted by 27 universities
4) Have three hobbies: studying, studying, studying
5) Go to a prestigious Ivy League university and win enough scholarships to pay for it
6) Love classical music and detest talking on the phone
7) Become a Westinghouse, Presidential, and eventually a Rhodes Scholar
8) Aspire to be a brain surgeon
9) Marry a Korean-American doctor and have perfect, successful children
10) Love to hear stories about your parents' childhood ... especially the one about walking 7 miles to school without shoes
11) Speak perfect, respectful Korean to your parents' friends
12) Never go out to party
13) Don't drink or smoke
14) Be a clean freak
15) Become an incredibly faithful Christian, but don't you dare think of going to seminary
16) Dress like Forrest Gump
17) Be totally obedient along the lines of a robot with no mind of your own
18) Marry and provide grandchildren ASAP
19) Never move out of the house
20) Be better than everyone else's kids!!

*You are one big racist Çѱ¹»ç¶÷ (Han Gook Saram)
*You think you're better than other Asian ethnic groups
*Your friends think that you have a name tag in front of your undies ...
*Your parents compare SAT scores with other Korean parents
*You bring someone over of the opposite gender, they think that you're dating him/her
*You're parents freak out when you're non-Asian friends come over and step on the carpet with their shoes on
*Your parents think you should start dating at the age of 20
*When you don't use the fan in the bathroom ... au toillete de DDONG!
*You automatically associate j for z; p for f; and realize that the w is sometimes silent (as in jazz, frank, and wood)
*You always find annoying little red kimchi peppers stuck between your teeth
*You're in #korea alot
*Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm
*Your father hikes his pants up to his chin when he gets angry
*Your parents still try to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15
*You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later, they're still lecturing
*You have a 50 lb. bag of rice in your pantry
*Everyone thinks you're CHINESE no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from ...
*Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friend's kids friends...(but when you compare them to other parents, they say, "DON'T COMPARE!")
*Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage"
*You drive mostly Japanese cars
*You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom
*You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs
*Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors
*You hear (your name + ee (optional) +ah!) every time someone calls you.(ie: Jin-ee-ah! or Sae Young-ah!)
*You have like, NO eyelashes
*Idiotic white people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the every-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi ...
*Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin
*Your parents say, "You want a stereo?!? When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!"
*The bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night's dinner
*At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses
*Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 2AM to say, "In Korea, we studied even more."
*Your parents expect you'll be friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Korean
*When an Asian woman comes on campus, people automatically ask, "Is that your mother? Well then, is it your sister?"
*Your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in the 8th grade!"
*Everyone thinks you're good at math
*Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Korea, with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense!!! In great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever-so-popular lime green
*Your parents would kill you if you marry a non-Korean
*Your parents insist if your not an ÀÇ»ç (uh-sah), ¹Ú»ç (bak-sah), or ±³¼ö (gyo-soo), that you don't have a real job
*You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents
*You have to listen to your parents blab ON and ON about how they walked 50 miles TO and FROM school each day with 5 million books and no shoes
*You have 12+ aunts and uncles
*At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your breverage and NEVER order dessert
*Your parents simply cut off the green/black part off the bread and say, "Eat it anyway; it's still good!!!"
*You will most likely be taller than your parents, if you are not already
*Your parents have either made you play the piano/ violin or both
*You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't
*When going to other peoples' houses, you always have to bring a gift
*Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top
*Your family owns a tennis racquet/ golf clubs or both
*Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (ie: Michael Chang)
*In your family it's a known fact that the Seoul olympics were the BEST olympics
*The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations or any of the rest of the furniture
*You have rocks, sticks, leaves, deer antlers, and strange smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use in medicine
*You own a rice cooker or two ... or three!
*You buy soy sauce by the gallon
*Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head
*Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was, and how much they STILL appreciated going
*Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so that you can grow into it and wear for YEARS to come
*You live with your ÇÒ¸Ó´Ï (Hal-moh-nee)
*Your parents own a liquor store, dry cleaner, some kind of discount store, or grocery store
*You never tip over 15%
*You hate Denny's, even though you go there 24-7
*You LUV Sanrio stuff
*You own a cell/pager or both
*You do that KoO-aSs twirling thingie with your pen (while everyone watches you in UTTER fascination)
*you do that pizza spinning thingie with your book (and take out the eye of the person you thought you were impressing)
*You always have a box of Sapporo Ichiban ¶ó¸é (Ramyun), À°°³Àå (Yook-Eh-Jang), or ½Å¶ó¸é (Shin Ramen)
*Even though your family isn't SUPER rich, you own a Mercedes or Lexus
*You bring home all A's and one B+, and your parents yell, "Why did you get a B+?"
*There is a 75% chance that you'll marry someone with the same last name
*Annoying white people always say, "Say my name in Korean!"
*They ALL ask why there are so MANY circles in the Korean language
*You feel you'll go ballistic when the next white boy says "I'm not rascist, I'm a BIG Bruce Lee fan"
*People ask you if you're related to people who own stuff like "Lee's chicken"
*When you have a family gathering, 50 little kids are running around your house, and YOU have to entertain them
*You can't stand Margaret Cho (That actress on "All American Girl")
*When the bill comes, you practically beat each other up - saying that U'LL pay for the bill
*Your parents say, "The reason why we came to America/Canada was so that you could get a good education, so go to Harvard"
*Your parents say, "1600 isn't that hard ... just study."
*When some MEGA-MEGA nerd student is in the Korean newspaper, your parents say, "Why can't you be like him?"
*No matter how well your parents speak english, they can't pronounce "wood" properly
*Your dad hits you in the head with his knuckle, and it hurts REALLY REALLY bad
*You tell your parents u need to buy glue for school, but they reply, "Just use rice!"
*Your parent's idea of a social life is church
*People say, "Hey, show me some Jackie Chan moves!"
*When someone points you out, they say "That chinese girl/guy"
*When you correct them, they either say "Whatever" or "You guys all look the same"
*Your parents were ecstatic when the 88 Olympics were held in Korea
*You know how to do the "kimchi squat"
*You talk about fixing up the car that u'll never have
*You have a container full of 񊎭 (Kim-Chee) in your fridge right now
*You own a pair of BYC socks
*You or your parents start singing when drunk
*You might not know what mugen or hks stands for but they're all over your car
*You call ANY korean older than you "¿Àºü (Oppah)" or "´©³ª (Noona)"
*You make daily stops to the local "Sanrio" store and argue w/ your friends over which character's better/cuter etc .. (Pochacco VS Keroppi)
*You know the "»êÅä³¢ (San-Toki)" song by heart
*Your dad owns plaid pants
*You or your parents hand wash underwear
*"³ë·¡¹æ (No-Rae Bang)" is a common household word
*There's a bottle of ¼ÒÁÖ (Soju) in your parents' fridge
*Your main source of income is New Years
*Your parents think NETHING goes w/ rice
*The rice u eat can stick to nething
*You can't believe your parents could have concieved children(They don't even HUG!)
*Failing a class means finding a new place to live
*Your mom rents Korean dramas and watches them 24/7
*You have naked baby pictures of you all over the house
*Your parents read the labels of everything to see if it was "Made in Korea"
*Your parents yell out your Korean name REAL loud in public places
*¶ó¸é (Ramen) is the Fifth food group
*You have to translate for your parents when ordering fast food
*Your parents are afraid of black people
*Your parents bought a gun after the LA riots
*Your parents used to cut your hair
*Your parents always cover their mouth with their hand when they use a toothpick in a restaurant
*Your mom never shaves her armpits
*Your elders spontaneously fart out of nowhere while you're talking to them - but to them, it's perfectly oKiE-dOkiE!
*You raise your leg by accident and your white friend says, "Hey is that karate? Show me some moves!"
*Your parents have the R's and L's backwards
*You have a homepage
*Your grandfather wants to kill your dog and eat it
*You have at least one big towel with BIG Korean writing on it in the bathrooom
*Your mother makes u carry a portfolio case to school
*Your mother made you wear a suit to school on picture day when u were younger
*Your optometrist says, "Now, open your eyes wider," and you have to say, "This is as wide as they can go~"
*You are very afraid that the Korean store owner in the mall your mom knows is going to see u holding hands with your b/f or g/f
*You have to get some of your non Korean friends to buy you cigarettes because u know every grocery store owner in your city & u think they'll tell your parents
*You have trouble being subtle
*Your male relatives smoke
*Your female relatives whine
*You are shell-shocked from your upbringing
*You have silk blankets and pillow cases
*You don't clip your toenails after dark!
*You find yourself lying constantly to your parents about where you're going
*You get pissed off at the question "Are u from N or S Korea?"
*You're afraid to go somewhere cuz your parents or someone your parents know might see u
*Your parents expect to much from u
*Your parents drop BIG hints about what they what u to be
*You have pics of Turbo/Taiji/HOT/Jinusean etc on your wall AND u have their CDs
*You eat rice 24/7
*It pisses u off when white people come up to u and ask "Who's H.O.T?"
*People think u & your friend are related
*People think Tony An (HOT) /Glen Choi (IDOL) etc are your cousins
*You can trick people to thinking that you really are related to Glen Choi/Tony An etc.
*You are tired of hearing your Grandma say "When your mom was a kid she was a straight A student"
*When you're sick, your mom gives you an asprin and sends u off to school (That explains your PERFECT attendance record)
*Your mom and dad work together
*You sweet-talk to your parents ONLY when you 1) want them to buy something for u 2) you want them to let u go out
*You're tired of hearing your parents say "When I was your age, I never had a room all to myself"
*You have one of those red piggy banks filled with money when u had your very 1st bday
*You dyed your hair reddishbrown at 1 point
*You must drive an Acura Integra or Honda Civic (Stick shift for the guys)
*You're racist
*You never wear glasses out of class--only FOBS can do so (colored contacts are required)
*You're racist
*You're never caught dead in a group of less than 10
*You're racist
*You have name-brand clothing wars w/ your friends
*You only associate w/ fellow yellows
*When u want to speak about a non-Korean infront of their face, speak your own language very loudly and rudely
*Interpret every little thing as a racial issue
*You're never on time when meeting friends
*You're racist
*You diss inter-racial couples
*You honestly believe a pager is a life necessity (Or a cell phone ... or both)
*You only wear clothes in the exciting shades of black and white (And the occasional beige, brown, gray)
*You always dress like you're goin to a party ... even when your going to Walmart
*You hang out in coffee shops when there's nothing to do
*You've checked out EVERY ³ë·¡¹æ (No-Rae Bang) in the state/province
*You're racist
*You make EVERY event a social one - church, school, funerals
*You always change your pager greeting at least 3 times a day ... sometimes add music for the FULL 30 seconds to piss the caller off
*You carry at least 1000 pictures around w/ u wherever u go - pictures only of Azns of course ...
*You spend HOURS arguing with your friends over who's better: Á§Å° (Sechs Kies) or H.O.T
*You take pictures everywhere u go ... even in your own driveway (Guys - always look ruff & all hard-core, lifting your chin up to the lens ... Girls - fake smile or no smile)
*You take five million sticker pictures per day
*You "¾È³çÇϼ¼¿ä (An-Nyoung-Ha-Sae-Yo)" to the SAME ¾ð´Ï (Unnis)/ ¿Àºü (oppahs) 70 million times a day
*You're racist
*You can fit 9 people in a car, when the limit is 5
*There's a funny-looking, adorable stuffed animal dangling from the mirror of your car
*You not only have BYC socks but Korean undies appear out of nowhere
*Everyone says ... "Hey, teach me some Korean swear words!"
*You're good at art, but can't play sports worth beans ... except ping-pong and maybe tennis ...
*When you're in the bathroom ... your parents think it's perfectly okie-dokie to use it at the same time
*You parents either give u tons of money or none at all
*Your parents want u to go to every Saturday lesson they can find!
*Your parents complain that u never go out, and when u go out, they complain that u go out too much
*Your parents only know how to page u your phone # ... & if you don't call back in 2 min ... pages come from then at 5 sec intervals ... & when u get home they always ask "Why didnt you call back?"
*Your parents think it's perfectly Okie-Dokie to call the school office 60 million times a day & leave msgs 4 u
*You don't matter really because u r not the 1st born son
*You're in or u plan 2 go in2 sciences
*Your dad calls his beer/soju belly "wisdom" & u know what he's talking about

*You're either a goody-goody Christain boy or a kkangpeh wannabe
*You're a chain-smoker always hanging out @ clubs, cafes, pool halls, etc
*You & ur homeboys wear the BYC/TRY naningoos & u think u look fresh
*You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life
*You think you're all hard-core if u know how to break dance
*You always have to put up with the "20 questions" game when u call a girl & her parents answer ... but if you're smart, u ask, "Um hello? Is Bob there?"
*You see some girl u think is really cute, but when your friends ask u what u think of her, u say, "She's not all that"
*You have 2 go 2 parties in huge groups, but once u get there - u just stand there doing nothing
*At parties u live by the credo "DON'T DANCE, CHAIN SMOKE INSTEAD"
*Instead of jello, u think "There's always room 4 soju"
*You were once part of a "gang" or a "crew" in your youth years
*U never smile in pictures, but give that "Hey look at me, I'm the bomb" look
*You think the more u drink & smoke, the more attracted girls will b 2 u
*You r a master of Killer Instinct or Mortal Kombat III
*You NEVER leave the mall w/out at least 1 set of digits
*You must wear the choice of: Eternity, Escape, Cool Water
*You're racist
*You never say "hi" verbally back 2 a girl ... either lift 1 eyebrow, nod ur chin (very cocky), or wink (the most annoying one)
*You either thing HOT's ALL that or u think they're ½Î°¡Áö ¾ø¾î
*You think u're ALL that when u play bball

2) Korean women have *connections*!!!! All Korean women seem to know each other. If you are a bad '³²ÀÚÄ£±¸ (nam ja chin go = boyfriend)', all women at your school will know what a '³ª»Û³ð (nappun nome = bad guy)' you are. This is like blackmail!
Note: You may be single for a long time until they all graduate. Then again if they have little sisters you will probably be single for longer.

3) On the other hand, if you are a sensitive, caring, loving tough-guy to your girlfriend one day, all Korean women will know about it the next day. If you are this way long enough you will be high on the 'Korean Women Santa List' of things they want for Xmas. This comes in handy if you happen to become 'available'.
Note: Do NOT quickly jump into another relationship should this happen. If so you will be quickly put onto the 'Korean Women Blacklist'. Why will this happen? Korean women are very emotional. See note in reason #4.

4) Korean women are really emotional. When watching those Korean dramas on video they really enjoy crying. They will cry when the woman gets dissed by the man. They will cry when the man gets dissed by the woman. They will cry when the main character dies. They like to cry. They need shoulders to cry on and arms to hold them when they are sad. That is where you come in.
Note: This is NOT a good time to take 'advantage of the situation'. Korean women change emotions quite easily though the intensity remains the same.
(i.e. Vulnerable sadness -> Invulnerable madness = Leave room quickly)

5) Many of them have cars. They drive *nice* cars. If you are a boyfriend you can drive their car. In fact they will insist that you drive their nice cars. It's that 'guys have to be masculine' thing. It's fun to drive nice cars.
Warning: Making them scream by driving unusually fast is fun at first, but after the 3rd or 4th time it can deteriorate the relationship pretty quickly.

6) Korean women do cute things. Such as: Stick out their tongues & make funny faces Make neat dried flower arrangements for yu Be sarcastic 2 u when you are feeling vulnerable Make cute bday cards for u with a cow who sticks out his tongue if u pull a string Collect cute stuffed animals and scream 'MURDER' if you press their faces in Sing along to all the songs they know no matter where they r Admit they aren't hungry, then when u get ur meal they ask u to feed them 'just a little' b/c they don't have any chopsticks. (Eventually they finish ur meal for ya) Show u pictures of actors they think r cute and continually ask u if u agree. The list going on...

7) Korean women r monogamous. They never cheat on u. Why? It could be that other 'Korean women know the next day' thing. Nah, it's because u're a stud & they want u & only u.
8) Korean women are straight forward...most of the time. (ie: If you tell a joke they'll laugh if it's funny. If not, they'll give u a look of disgust & tell u how '½ä·· (ssul-lung)' it was)

9) Korean women get jealous really easily. This is actually an advantage. If they see a fellow woman entering her territory they will give really mean looks 2 that woman. It's usually enough to send her in the other direction. This saves you the 'risk' of falling into temptation being the stud that you are.

10) Korean women think of u constantly. They'll buy clothes 4 uu. They'll buy things on whim for u. They'll write cute email 2 u. They'll take u shopping w/ them b/c they want UR opinion. (Even though u don't know jack about clothes u MUST go & b ENTHUSIASTIC about it also) They buy nething they think u need, & it doesn't have 2 be your bday- cool eh? Unconsciously they will constantly make u feel guilty 4 not thinking about them as much as they think about u- oops that's not an advantage.

11) Korean women are VERY goodlooking

HOW TO KEEP KOREAN WOMEN HAPPY

ToP

1) They like roses. Bring them roses whenever u do something wrong. Bring them roses at unexpected times. Note: This can get expensive and 2 many roses will make them take it 4 granted so be cautious.
2) Take lotsa pictures. They like pictures. They like making albums for u with only u & her in them.
3) If u're far away, write letters even if u can use the phone or email. They like letters. Don't type the letters. You must write them by hand. Include pictures if possible.
4) Write poems. Even if they're lousy just write them & they'll like them. Don't let ur other single guy friends find out about this or they'll never let u live it down (all in good fun of course).
5) If u are close enough 2 see her everyday, write email if u can. They like LONG email. They like coming back from class to see lotsa email. If u r late but they recieved a long email from u, they won't b angry.
6) Open doors for them. Even if it looks corny sometimes, they like it.
7) If you ask them a question & they reply with, "It's a woman thing" DON'T attempt 2 delve or pry

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