dhelm@log.on.ca

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon, Sailor Senshi and all terms, names, etc.
associated with the series are copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and
Kodansha. I make no claim to them and this fic should not be seen as
making a claim.

Faith
By Douglas Helm
Rated: PG

Part 1

Kino Makoto glanced out the classroom window. The late December winds
were blowing, picking up the soft powdery snow and allowing it to fall
silently to the ground. The overcast sky and the depth of winter made
night arrive early.

She glanced hopefully at the clock on the classroom wall and discovered
she had only five minutes left in her detention. She watched the clock
intently. The secondhand seemed to move slowly from one second to
another as if every movement was an effort. She shifted her gaze around
the deserted room to the only other person. The monitoring teacher was
busily grading papers.

Grading papers... Makoto looked down, in the hour detention she'd
managed to complete most of the essay she was assigned to write. A small
sigh escaped her lips and drew the attention of the teacher. Makoto
flushed and tried to pretend that she was still busily working away.

Apparently he hadn't fallen for it. Makoto heard the scrape of the desk
chair and then his feet softly padding towards her. She could feel him
drawing closer. Makoto also felt something strange, as she looked up the
first thing to pop into her head was that this teacher although not a
fabulous looking hunk was still kawaii.

Makoto thought as she flushed and tried to hide her
face.

"Kino-san?"

"Hai, Sensei." She glanced up and found him holding something out in
front of her.

"Why don't you go home? If anybody asks you, say I gave you the washroom
slip."

"Arigato Sensei!" Makoto couldn't believe her luck. Taking the five
minute pass she gathered her books and headed out the door. As she
started down the hall she could hear him chuckle at something.

******

Makoto plodded along the dark streets of Izumo. She was not particularly
frightened; it was still early, only around five, and the streets
although not as crowded as city the size of Tokyo still had the odd
straggler and those willing to brave the inclement weather.

She stopped once and looked at the softly falling snow, as it danced its
pattern over the street and around the lamps. Sighing a little more
Makoto continued. Something was bothering her, she wasn't sure what it
was. Or was it just nerves? She knew she was in for a lecture tonight.

Her parents although not overly strict expected certain conduct from
their daughter. Makoto's father was an engineer, her mother a chef and
manager of a small eating establishment. Makoto didn't have her father's
head for science; she had inherited her mother's love for cooking.

She could still remember as a child helping her mother prepare meals,
now it was left mostly up to Makoto. She enjoyed cooking and used her
creativity to show her parents her love.

Opening the door of the house Makoto quickly stepped into the modest two
story house. Its interior although richly furnished was well appointed
with dark woods, fashionable colors, and bricabrac lining the walls. As
she turned around from closing the door Makoto came face to face with
her mother and froze.

At thirty Kino Miako was still a vibrant woman. Her flaming red hair was
tied back into a single ponytail, her long mane hanging to the waist.
She was short for her family; only standing five feet even, Miako was
still not one to trifle with. A set of glasses framed her light gray
eyes which at the moment were peering intently at her daughter.

Without speaking Miako held her hand out and waited. Makoto grimaced
slightly but dug into her pocket. Taking out the note she handed it to
her mother and proceeded to take off her coat and boots before slipping
on a pair of slippers sitting neatly by the door.

"Kino Eszuza Makoto..." Miako said sternly. Makoto winced; she was in
really deep trouble, "You told me you had this assignment completed."

Makoto tried to get
her mother to calm down slightly, "Gomen nansai, I didn't mean to lie to
you but I needed to do something and well I never got the assignment
finished..." Makoto trailed off at her mother's glare and in a meek
voice added, "Then I sort of forgot about it and when you asked; I
thought I had finished it."

"Makoto, I want you to be honest with me... Was whatever you were doing
instead of this assignment worth getting detention?"

Makoto shifted uncomfortably, "Hai, it
is very important... to me." She had went over to the mall to buy her
parents Christmas gifts without them being around.

Her mother smiled, "Okay Mako-chan, I won't mention this to your father
and I'll sign the note." Makoto brightened, "Just promise me to tell the
truth? It might lead through rough spots but it will also gain you a
certain amount of respect."

"Hai Mom, I promise I will," Makoto said and quickly shuffled passed her
mother and disappeared into the kitchen.

Miako shook her head, Sighing slightly she put the note in her pocket and followed
after her daughter to see what meal Makoto would prepare.

******

"Mako-chan..."

That voice was so familiar, where was it coming from? Makoto kept her
eyes close trying to figure out whose voice it was. She felt a gentle
push and slowly slid one eye open. Her mother was looking at her, a soft
smile on her face.

"Mako-chan, aren't you coming shopping with me?"

Makoto glanced around her bedroom and noticed it was around
mid-morning. After another few seconds of puzzling it out
Makoto finally asked the question vocally, "Shopping?"

Miako chuckled slightly, "Hai, shopping... for our trip." A broad grin
spread across her face as her daughter's eyes grew wide, and she hopped
out of bed.

"How could I forget!" Makoto complained, grabbing up the dirty clothes.
After stuffing them forcefully in the hamper she stalked out the door,
"Am I getting old?"

"I heard that," Miako snapped playfully, "You, young miss, aren't old
yet. Now get ready to go."

******

"Have a great time, Makoto," her father said, "You keep track of your
mother... If she gets lost, we'll be a week looking for her."

"I'm the one that had the map, you got lost!" Miako declared indignantly
before going out the door.

"Dad, why do you tease her about that? I mean it was an honest mistake
and you were the one driving," Makoto defended her mother. It was simply
a playful tease they kept up. She could never understand some things
about her parents... This was one of them.

"Because, honey, we love each other and it's one of our more memorable
trips." Her father winked before saying, "Besides if it hadn't have
happened a very special part of our lives wouldn't have occurred."
Reaching out he rumpled his daughter's hair. She irritatedly batted his
hand away and then followed her mother out the door.

The trip to the mall was fairly routine. Makoto was lost in her own
thoughts. She knew her parents had waited until they were married to
have sex; at that thought Makoto flushed bright red. It turned even
brighter when her mother said, "Mako-chan, are you feeling alright?
Maybe you have a temperature..."

"Iie, I'm alright, Mom," Makoto replied and tried to yank her thoughts
away from the embarrassing train of thought. Eventually her curiosity got to her and she
asked her mother.

"That was the day your father made a semi-formal proposal. I had a hard
time hiding that from your grandmother."

"Semi-formal? Doesn't the guy simply ask to marry you and give you a
ring?"

"Iie!" Miako glared at her daughter for the briefest period before
relaxing, "You watch too many romance movies like that `Seventh Heaven'
or that `Tempest'." Makoto wrinkled her nose but didn't say anything;
they had had this fight before. "Your grandmother was very strict about
formal customs... Your father had to get his mother to ask my mother if
dating would be allowed... Your father and I expect the same."

"Aww Mom, you're living in the past," Makoto gripped.

"Maybe," Miako said while a brief smile crossed her face. "But Makoto
please, at least promise us that we'll meet your future-husband first?"

"Hai!" Makoto declared, "Say, Mom, you wouldn't be interested in getting
say matching swimming suits?"

"Certainly not!" Miako said scandalized, "We're going up there to take
tours of the breathtaking scenery of Alaska... Not lounge around some
hotel's heated swimming pool trying to attract guys."

Makoto felt her cheeks redden,

******

The flight from Japan to Alaska was slightly hair-raising for Makoto; it
was her first time on an airplane. It also didn't help that they
encountered some turbulence taking off. They were going to fly a
northerly route over the Arctic Circle, near the Soviet Union to Alaska.
The most breathtaking scene however was when a large glacier came into
view far below. Its pristine blue-white's encircling a landscape of
blackish brown made for an interesting spectacle.

******

"Wow!" Makoto breathed while wiping away some sweat from her forehead.
the thought as she looked out over the picturesque
scene painted out before her. She was now standing on top of a rather
large hill. It wasn't steep but it was graded to give a person a
workout.

She was out on a pair of skis; however she wasn't skiing downhill. It
simply wasn't for her, at least the downhill stuff where she could break
her neck. So she had managed to con her parents into letting her go
around on one of the cross-country trails.

She was about to push off when she heard some panting behind her.
Turning around she noticed another individual working their way up. At
first Makoto thought it was a girl. But as the figure drew closer she
could tell it was a boy. As he looked up their eyes met; Makoto was the
first to avert her eyes; she felt a flush coming to her face.

He said something incomprehensible. The only thing Makoto could make out
was "Hello". Makoto managed to say, "Hello," back before claming up.
her brain screamed at her,
Apparently her mouth needed to voice her brain's opinion when she
suddenly found herself shouting, "KAWAII!!!"

The stranger looked at her oddly at first as if muddling it through;
Makoto was sure the heat coming from her cheeks would melt the snow.
The only thing saving her from mortification was he apparently didn't
understand Japanese or was too shocked to protest. Makoto was
desperately hoping he wouldn't press the point.

The boy moved up to stand in front of Makoto. He was slightly shorter
than she was. He wrinkled his brow slightly before pointing to himself
and saying, "Justin."

Makoto wasn't dense enough not to catch on. They would certainly have a
hard time communicating but at least she knew his name..."Joostin?" she
ventured. He shook his head slightly and repeated his name. "Justin?"
The smile lit up her face when he nodded. "I'm Makoto," Makoto said
pointing to herself.

"Ma-ko-to?" He was certainly trying to wrap his tongue around the name.
Makoto couldn't help but giggle when he grimaced slightly before trying
faster, "Makoto?"

"Hai!" Makoto said. Justin blinked slightly but seemed to get the idea.

And then they fell silent, each studying the other. Just had a sandy
brown hair cut short. His eyes were of a hazel color... And he seemed to
be smelling of pine. Makoto decided that if she was going to get back by
curfew, she'd have to get going again. She started to move off down the
trail and Justin followed but only after five minutes he called out,
"Makoto." After she had turned around he pointed up the slope. She
squinted and could see a little used trail. She was slightly leery of
this idea they had been explicitly told to stay to the well marked
routes. However it didn't take much for Makoto's brain to take over
from her commonsense and she nodded and started up the slope after
Justin.

******

"I can't believe it!" Miako yelled at Makoto.

Makoto was trying to make herself be invisible. Sure they had gone up
the trail and had spent a wonderfully, if silent, time together. That
was until the Ski Patrol had spotted them and dragged them back to the
resort. Both intrepid teenagers were now sitting in the resort manager's
office. Makoto's parents had just arrived and once she'd found out
exactly what had happened...

Makoto glanced over at Justin who was sitting in the office chair his
eyes wide motionless. Makoto thought,

"Are you listening?" Miako demanded.

"Hai!" Makoto snapped out of her silent commentary and looked at her
mother, "Hai, I heard every word, Mom."

"Well just to make sure you heard every word," Miako said, "We're
heading home the day after tomorrow. You can expect to be seeing home
for the next week or so."

"You're grounding me?!" Makoto protested. She felt she hadn't really
done anything REALLY wrong.

"Hai, I am," Miako said and crossed her arms, "Now let's leave, back to
our rooms." She then marched over and opened the manager's door. Makoto
stormed out without saying another word. She was furious!

******

"Come on, Mako-chan," Miako said softly. They were standing at the
airport waiting to board the plane home. "We did have a nice time."

"Stuff it," Makoto growled out.

"Watch your tone, young lady," her father barked sharply.

"Mom, Dad... I didn't do anything!"

"You went where you weren't supposed to... You were brought back by the
authorities and we're pulled away in front of everyone," Miako retorted,
"What if that boy had been some type of pervert?"

"Don't you trust me?!?" Makoto asked shocked, "Look nothing happened.
I'm sorry you I embarrassed you, O-KAY!?!"

"I think that maybe you watch too much American TV," her father said,
"Maybe no more movies too?"

Makoto's jaw swung open, "You have to be kidding?"

"IIE!" Miako said finally losing patients, "Makoto, you will behave in a
manner proper to our culture not some native Gaijin one."

"I hate you!" Makoto hissed. She had been embarrassed. Justin had been a
nice kid. She was being wrongfully prosecuted! The silence that followed
her statement was huge... and it lasted until the end.

******

The plane shuddered from the storm that was broiling outside. Makoto was
wide awake, trying not to act scared. She was also keeping up the stony
wall between her and her parents.

Makoto questioned as a flash of lightning lit
up the dimly lit cabin; most of the passengers were asleep. She felt a
reassuring hand on her arm and turned to see her mother calmly looking
at her. The comfort at first was nice, then her annoyance and anger from
being embarrassed and then punished for something SHE didn't do pushed
the warmth from the touch. Makoto jerked her arm away and turned to
stare out of the window.

That's when the lights went out. Makoto fought back a gasp of surprise.
An explosion off to her left from outside rocked the plane crazily, then
while starting a spiral the plane dove towards the depths with one of
its engines afire. The panic was now taking over, people were screaming
or crying. Makoto turned to ask her mother what was happening when a
ripping sound could be heard. It was like a banshee wail. Tearing metal
ripped apart exposing the cabin to the cold air from without; rain
pelted in and the window howled.

In darkness, without power, the plane plunged like a stone into the icy
Northern Pacific Ocean.

Faith - Part 2

Makoto wasn't sure how long she floated there. It was certainly a long
time. Shivering from the cold, blind with no light of any kind except
the brief licks of lightning and constant noise. The noise was the
worst, the roaring of wind, the booming sound of the thunder, and
finally, the moaning of human suffering.

She was conscious of clinging to something. She wanted to move, to find
her parents but she was scared. She tried to call
out for them but the wind stole her voice and carried it away like some
dark angle.

Makoto thought desperately as she realized that
the cold was making her sleepy and that she would soon fall asleep and
slowly slip into the cold black water of the Pacific.

And so the hours passed. She felt herself sliding down the slippery
slope that could only end in death when she finally was overcome with
the need to sleep. The waves had a first been rough, swirled and whirled
by the fury of the storm but now were soothing and calming.

Makoto dimly wondered, The only sound was the
that of the ocean. As dawn's light came the overcast day brought light
but that was far worse than the night. The light showed the horrors of
the night before, luggage and wreckage were strewn everywhere.
Motionless forms that could only be human corpses bobbed obscenely,
rolling up the waves and down them in a macabre dance of death. Makoto's numb mind mutely shouted out. She couldn't see her
parents at all, she thought but know one answered.

******

"How many survivors?" the Captain asked the Ship's Doctor.

"Not enough," Lisu Ital replied, "Out of a total of four hundred and
seventy... fourteen." The man of thirty sighed and ran a hand through
his snarled hair, "And as the number of hours pass the chance of getting
anymore alive decreases."

"Hai, I know. How are the ones that we've got so far?"

Lisu flipped through his charts for a moment before saying, "Two of the
fourteen aren't expected to live because of their injuries but we'll try
our best. One is comatose and it's unknown when or even if he'll come
out of it..."

"What was the cause?"

"You mean of the coma?" the captain nodded, "Sharp blow to the head,
likely brain damage." Lisu took a sip of coffee and rubbed his eyes
slightly, "The other eleven have everything from several broken bones
down to only some scrapes, bruising, and bumps. All are certainly
suffering from extreme hypothermia... if that storm hadn't lifted when
it did, we would have had NO survivors."

"Is that your `medical' opinion?"

"HAI!" Lisu said irritated, "Gomen Captain, it's just been rough on
everyone and to think of those people..." Lisu sighed again

"Get some sleep, Doctor, you'll likely need it. We should be in port in
a few hours."

******

Makoto's first sensation when she woke was that of warmth. she thought, Then other senses kicked in; first there was
sound. It didn't sound like her house or the hotel room. There was the
sound of machinery, nothing her dad used and it subtly shook the bed.

The light assaulting her closed eyes wasn't the natural light of the
sun's warmth or the brightness of winter; she could sense its sterile,
harsh nature. The smells were the final piece of the puzzle. It didn't
smell like the freshly cleaned sheets of the hotel or like her room;
instead it smelled of medicine and something else...

As Makoto's senses started to become fully alert she picked up new
information. She could hear the occasional sounds of people of varying
degrees, from moans to actual speech. She felt something numbly
sticking into her arm, cracking her eyes open slightly she tried to see
but it was only a great jumble of blurs. Eventually her vision cleared
and she could see it was a needle attached to a tube.

An involuntary groan came from her lips. her mind whimpered, She caught the sound of movement off to her left and
carefully tried to turn her head. It didn't seem to hurt but it was
certainly stiff.

"I see you're awake," the Doctor said, "I'm Doctor Lisu." Without
further speech he began prodding and poking Makoto, "So any stiffness?"

"Hai," Makoto croaked softly.

"Here, have some water," Lisu offered. He helped Makoto drink some water
before going back to his examination, "You were asleep for a few hours."

"Where... where..."

"Don't worry," Lisu said, "We'll get you back to Japan. We're about half
an hour out of port. What's your name?"

Makoto shook her head slightly, "Kino... Kino Makoto. My parents? Where
are my parents?"

Lisu was silent as he finished his examination. "I don't know," Lisu
said, "I'll see if I can find out though. What were their names?"

Makoto told Lisu but a cold feeling had started to form in her heart.
Makoto thought, She tried to deny it as
best she could, tried to hope that they were alive somewhere.

******

"She started to ask where her parents are," Lisu said to the Captain,
"I've check here and with the other search vessels. None on board are
her parents."

"Damn," the Captain said, "So we alert Social Services?"

"I've contacted them... They reached a neighbor. At the moment they are
unwilling to simply to place her in an orphanage."

"They are?"

"Alright so I pulled some strings and had them find a neighbor or
someone who could help the girl stay at home for a few days. The
provisions, at least the provisions of the will are finalized."

"Being more emotional than usual..."

"Damn it! This is only a twelve year old kid!" Lisu snapped, "She'll be
terrified and will probably have emotional problems well into her adult
life!"

"So who'll tell her?"

"Me," Lisu said softly. He wasn't looking forward to the task.

******

"Lisu-sensei?" Makoto asked. The Doctor had returned sooner than she
expected.

Lisu was silent as he pulled the privacy curtain around the bed sat down
in a chair and then looked at Makoto for a few moments. "I-I have some
bad news Kino-san," Lisu said, "We don't believe your parents survived
the crash."

"Iie!" Makoto said, "They can't... they can't!" She felt a lump in her
throat start to form; she would not cry! Not in front of him..."My
parents are alive." came her mind's reply,

Lisu watched as Makoto had an internal struggle and lost, Lisu thought,

******

She went home; the house was her protection. She buried herself in it,
growing resolute as the hours turned to days and the days turned to a
week. Eventually the search for survivors was called off.

Makoto returned to school after that week acting as if nothing was wrong
but she knew that it was. The others noticed an emotional shift in her:
she was angry now. Angry at what though they didn't know. She began
fights, trying to dissipate that anger but it never helped.

Her anger grew when the house was sold. She was furious with the adults
that would take away her possessions, her only ties with her family now!
She wouldn't listen when they tried to explain. It was HER family's
possessions they were taking!

Eventually the hurt and the anger overcame Makoto's commonsense and she
fled, trying to get away from those reminders. The reason for the rage
was herself. So how does one runaway from oneself? The last words she
had spoken to her mother were words of hate and malice. She had been
resentful for what at the time she viewed as unfair treatment.

Her flight carried her from place to place. She didn't really know where
she was going. Actually she did but it was an unconscious choice. She
was headed for Tokyo as fast as she could, to melt into the crowd. To
become lost so that no one would find her.

******

The days slipped into weeks and weeks slipped into one year then two.
Makoto found friends, a home and duty; yet none of these were enough to
take away the pain that had been buried at her soul's center, a pain
that had become so much apart of her.

Eventually Makoto realized that something had to be done. Slipping away
one night she vanished from her friends headed back to her real home,
back to the place where those painful memories lay.

As she entered the graveyard she paused in hesitation but only slightly.
The day was sunny with only a slight overcast. The warm spring air
seemed cold to Makoto as she made her way towards her parents' grave.
Then she saw it.

Makoto questioned, She stopped a few feet away,
trying to build up her courage to face what she had to. Slowly,
delicately she made her way to the grave marker and set a single white
lily down.

"Gomen nansai," Makoto said, "I love you so much. I wish I could take
back what I said about hating you." She didn't notice the two tears that
slid down her face, "I... I hated you at the airport and I'm ashamed
that I only started to love you again when I lost you." Makoto slowly
sank down onto her knees, "Why?" she whispered out, "Why did this
happen?" There was no answer except the trilling of birds.

She sat there in silence for a long time, wondering, lost in memories.
"Faith," Makoto said softly, "You always had faith in me." The hurt
anger that had so long been buried slowly found its way toward the
surface in the form of tears.

After she had run dry Makoto got up again and reaching out towards the
gravestone to lightly brush against its course surface whispered out, "I
love you very much, and I will have faith that you forgave me."

Makoto slowly stood up and was about to turn away when she said, "I have
friends now, true friends. I wish you could have met them; Usagi is so
gentle and caring. Rei reminds me of you, Mom... You both have strength
of character. Ami could give you a run for your money on brain power,
Dad; Minako is rather outgoing." Makoto paused before continuing, "I
know you would have liked them. I should go before they get worried."

She turned and walked slowly towards the exit. The healing process could
truly begin now. She had made peace with her parents' ghosts. No longer
were they angry specters haunting her but something to be held to her
heart in remembrance and warmth.

The end

Credits:

Co-Plotted and Edited by "Tuxedo" Will. He's done wonders for me, and
has the patience of a saint. He's allowed me to bounce ideas off of him
to my heart's content :)

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Source: geocities.com/tokyo/temple/9286

( geocities.com/tokyo/temple) ( geocities.com/tokyo)