Hello! OK, I’m trying out something new this time! I’m
actually going to try using emotions in my new fic! *gasp*
I have read soooooo many amazing stories out there about
Serena and Darien, by like, so many amazing authors! So,
first, I want to thank a few of the better ones.....Lianne,
(Such sweet stories! Major romance...). Razzz (Really an
amazing one. Eye-opening stories...) And last, but most
definitely not least, Jennifer Wand. She is, in my opinion,
the best SM fanfic writer out there. If you have not read
“Dariens View”, or “Yaten’s Love Song”, GO DO IT
NOW! OK, enough with the thanks, on to the disclaimers.
This is kind of based on a song called “This Kiss” by Faith
Hill (Thus the name, “This Kiss”...), which is now, one of
my favorite songs in the whole Universe! But, I got the idea
while reading Razzz’s story “First Love”, in one key point,
when Serena and Darien are about 2 seconds away from
embracing. Anyway, this whole story pretty much takes
place in about 2 minutes, but has a lot of flash backs, so
you don’t get confused. (Aren’t I nice :P) Oh, SM and all
other characters are a product of Naoko Takeuchi, not me.
But please, this is my story, no plagiarizing please. And
Thanks for reading this! - Sailor Europa
*****************
This Kiss
I can’t believe I did it. After weeks, no, months, of
dreading, contemplating, waiting, thinking and rethinking
such matters, the whole event took place in a whole, about
three minutes. The past few months were hell. I had no idea
what was happening, what I was feeling, what _she_ was
feeling. And the thing that had bothered me, and yet thrilled
me to every last fiber of my body, had actually occurred.
And everything I had worked so long to build came
crashing down on me.
The walls I had erected, the massive cement beams,
now cracked and vanished into rubble, after only a single
touch. Never in my life has such tenderness been so
destructive. One look from her, was like one million
embraces from anyone else in the Universe. So what was
one kiss like? Like Heaven. Like perfection. Like love. And
all the other things that I had kept myself shunned from.
The things I hid, kept tucked away in my soul, so afraid of
letting them be exposed to another living person. Not even
wanting them to be exposed to myself.
And yet, after 20 years of harsh reality ruling my every
move, I had managed to let myself dream. Of things to
come, of things I desired, wanted. Namely her, now that I
think about it. And now, the fact that I never realized it,
seems so ridiculous. My every move has, is and always will
be for her, for the rest of eternity. And until this moment, I
never knew she felt the same way.
*******
“Fail another test, Meatball head?” Her fists clenched,
she whirled around, her face beat red, steam almost
emitting from her ears.
“Not that it’s any of your business, _Darien_ , but no,
I didn’t fail, I got a 67.” She announced, sounding
extremely proud of herself.
“I stand corrected.” I chuckled, only causing her to
blush even more. She huffed her shoulders as if she was
about to shout another remark, but let it defuse as she
turned on her heel and left without another word. I
watched, not exactly knowing whether to frown or to smile.
Smile, at that annoyingly adorable mug she had just flashed
me, or frown.....because she hadn’t spoken to me more?
No, that can’t be right. Naw.....Could it?
*******
“I just don’t understand!” She wailed, frustrated. Her
head in her hands, she groaned, tossing her pencil onto the
table. I had to laugh. I had somehow managed to become
her tutor, much to my elation. Or dismay. I wasn’t exactly
sure at this point.
“Come on Serena. You can’t give up now. Your
almost finished with this last problem.” I urged. She had
done extremely well the past few days, after a little of my
prying. She had figured out most of the stuff herself,
proving to me and her own self, that she was a lot smarter
than she, or anyone else for that matter, ever gave her credit
for. And, I was actually feeling a little proud for her. I had
helped, edged her out of this clutzy shell she had built
around herself. And then there was that other feeling....
“But I don’t understand...” She muttered, sounding
very dejected. She sniffled and I suddenly had this
incredible urge to wrap my arms around her and hold her
until she knew, until _I_ knew, she was all right. However,
my next words didn’t seem to mirror what I had just felt.
“Not like that’s anything new....” I mumbled, hoping
she didn’t hear. Or maybe I was hoping she did hear. Like I
said, at this point, I wasn’t sure.
“Look, I didn’t ASK you to help me, OK? If you don’t
want to be here, why’d you even offer? Or was it just so
you could laugh some more at “Stupid Air-headed
Serena”?” She asked, her eyes pooling over with tears. My
mouth twitched with a smile, but I urged it down. She
looked so adorable, so vulnerable. Oh lord, I should start
writing hallmark cards....
“NO! Serena, I did offer because I want to help you!” I
said, my mind filling with urgency. ‘Don’t let her leave!’
was all I heard, all I was aware of. “Please, I’m just as
frustrated as you are. Please, don’t leave.” She looked a bit
confused, but she sat back down, her quizzical eyes never
leaving me. *Oh God....* I thought, just as I made eye
contact. I couldn’t look away. It was like some powerful
hold she had, not letting me leave, holding me against my
will, and yet....my will wasn’t protesting as loudly as I
thought it should have.
She worked hard for a few minutes, her pencil
working furiously. After a little while, she handed me the
paper, her face flushed and a few pencil marks left from the
lead on her hands. I almost lost all sense of reality, she
looked so cute. *God, get a hold of yourself...* I told
myself. I cleared my throat, as if to clear my mind of these
thoughts, and began to look the problems over. My heart
almost stopped.
“Geez, Meatball head....” I started, almost to surprised
for words. She shot me an icy glare, making me feel that
same tingling urge again. Her body was just aching to be
held, touched....OK, Get a grip on yourself Darien.
“You got them all right!” I exclaimed, finally able to
judge reality from my fantasies again. Her eyes opened
wide, and she snatched the paper from me. Not like she
would be able to tell the difference, but.....
“Really?” She asked, her buns bobbing playfully as
she nodded her head. She waited anxiously as I paused. Just
so I could watch her smile longer....such a pretty smile....
“Yep. I knew you had it in you.” I said, once again,
swelling over with pride at my project. She smiled broadly
as she looked over the paper once more. I watched,
chuckling softly. Never, in the whole time I’ve known her,
have I seen her so pleased with herself. It was a welcome
change of pace from “WAAAAAH! I just can’t do it!” , I
had to say.
“Wow! Mom’ll flip!” She exclaimed, hugging the
paper to her chest, as if it was a new toy. I couldn’t stop
smiling, but then again, neither could she. Maybe that
somehow effected me.....
“I’m really proud of you meatball- I mean, Serena.” I
said, careful to stop myself from my usual bad habits. She
was happy with herself. The last thing she, or I for that
matter, needed right now, was for me to start grating her
again. I just hope I could keep her this way.
“How about I take you out for some congratulatory
ice-cream?” I propositioned. Her eyes lit up, and I could
just about see drool form at the corners of her mouth. She
nodded vigorously, even happier than she was five minutes
ago, if that was at all possible. She clamped her arm
through mine, and she beamed up at me.
“I think we make a great team, Darien.” She
announced, her face glowing. I nodded in agreement, still
glowing a tad myself, from my pride. And you know what?
I really did think so. I really did.
*******
The feelings from that few weeks seems so foreign to
me now. I never knew. I never realized the hold she had
clamped down on me. She held my heart in her hands,
whenever she wanted it. She knew how to melt my soul,
how to stop my heart, my whole world. And yet, with all
the power she held on me, she would never abuse it. She
hugged me fiercely, and loved me even fiercer, yet with the
softness and gentleness of a summers breeze, as if she was
afraid she might break me. I never knew of this love she
held for me, the one that mirrored my own for her exactly,
and I think that was the worst pain in the world. I watched
her, worshipped her, and loved her wholly, totally and
completely. All the while, eating every shred of my heart
out, just so I could talk to her. I never knew she felt the
same way. And I never would have guessed.
*******
“Darien. DARIEN!”
“Huh?” I muttered, startled out of my day dream. I
turned around, just in time to see my best friend bearing
down on me.
“Hey Andrew. What’s up?” I asked, nonchalantly. He
just smirked a cocky smile.
“You, man. Where were you? I called your name five
times, and you never even budged. What’s eating you?” He
asked.
“Nothing. Finals. Been up studying till the crack of
dawn each day. It’s like hell, I tell ya’.” I answered, not
even missing a beat.
“Hell, huh?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “So
how come your smiling?”
“Smiling? What?”
“When I was calling you. You had this ridiculous grin
plastered on you face. Like you weren’t all in contact with
reality.” He said.
“No, just thinking about,....you know, stuff.” I said,
shrugging.
“Smiling at ‘stuff’? No, Dar, I know you better than
that. You weren’t just thinking about stuff, and you and I
both know it.” He said, taking a seat next to me. He turned
towards me, his eyes searching mine, as if he expected
them to answer him. Then, he smiled.
“OK. Who is she?” He asked, grinning from ear to ear.
“Sh..She? She who?” I asked, startled by his pin-point
answer. He was so sure of himself. And of course, he was
right.
“You know exactly who I’m talking about.” He said,
obviously not about to give up anytime soon. I sighed in
defeat.
“She doesn’t even know I’m alive.” I said, turning my
back to him. “At least, not the way I want her to.”
“And that makes you happy?” He asked.
“She makes me happy. Just gazing at her. Her bright
smile, her big blue eyes, her long blonde hair, her
annoyingly cute hairstyle....” I mumbled, pulled back into
my personal dream world, totally oblivious to my
companion, who, now, was trying to figure out who I was
so entranced by. So, of course, I didn’t see his face when he
realized who I was talking about.
“Man, you really got it bad, don’t you? And Serena
doesn’t show the same feelings?” He asked, sympathetic.
My face flushed, realizing he had translated the
“annoyingly cute hairstyle” part into the only possible
subject. And he had it. Right on the nose.
“Naw. Why would she? To her, I’m just the older guy
who makes fun of her.” I said, feeling totally dejected at the
moment.
“And she’s just the one who really shifts you into high
gear, eh?” He asked, nudging me. I blushed again, at the
way he put it. But of course, again he was right.
“Well, don’t look now, but here she comes.” He said,
getting up to greet the crowd that had gathered around the
doors, signaling the end of the school day. I turned around
in the stool, just in time to run painfully into a blonde
tornado that almost whirled right passed me. A tornado
named Serena.
“Hi Darien!” She smiled, her grin lighting the four
corners of the Arcade, right along with the dark part of my
soul. I smiled back meekly, a little surprised at her stop,
even if I shouldn’t have been. She always came here. But at
this moment, I was paralyzed. Totally unaware of the
screaming teenagers that surrounded me. All I saw was her
beautiful face, smiling at me. Me, who, at that exact
moment, was losing my mind. All because of her. And I
wouldn’t have had it any other way.
“Hiya, meatball head.” I wanted to kick myself. Her
face fell, and her eyes clouded over, losing the light they
had held. A light I wanted to see. A light I needed to see.
“It’s Serena! S-E-R-E-N-A. Serena!” She stared
harshly at me, making me want to shrink into the ground. I
couldn’t stand to see her hurt. Even if she looked really
adorable.
“Pass your math test?” I asked, hoping to lighten her
mood. Her face brightened again. I could feel my heart soar
at such a sight.
“I got a 89%!” She exclaimed, digging through her
bag for the misplaced paper. She emerged with a wrangled
test paper, with a large 89 written in red on the top. I could
see her beaming mug, so proud, over the paper, and I
smiled along.
“I’m really happy for you, Serena!” I exclaimed,
putting my arms around her impulsively. She threw her
arms around my neck, and I was suddenly aware of what
was occurring. My heart began to pound as I held her petite
body close to mine. I could feel the slow, study thump of
her own heart, suddenly begin to quicken also. She pulled
away, her face red with embarrassment. She giggled a little
in nervousness.
“I never could have done it without you.” She said.
“You’re...you’re...my knight in shining armor!” She said,
throwing her arms around me again. My whole body
shivered, a whole lot more excited at this specific time,
because she initiated it. She wanted it. And I never wanted
to let go. I never wanted to lose that eager feeling she now
displayed so openly. I didn’t think I was able to let go. I
was afraid my arms had frozen on me. But, she pulled
away, and, reluctantly, my limbs loosened and now dropped
at my sides, numb. I was afraid they’d lost all feeling!
Then, my mind started displaying the same symptoms. It
took temporary leave of my body. And my heart started
speaking for me.
“How ‘bout we go out and have a celebratory dinner?
A really nice one.” I suggested, before my mind awoke
again. And, had my arms been working at the moment, they
probably would have been whacking myself upside my
head for that last remark. How stupid _am_ I?
“Like, at a really fancy place? Where I can get dressed
up? REALLY?” She squealed, her eyes widening with
excitement. So much so, that I thought they would burst
right off her pretty little head.
“Yup. You earned it Serena.” I said, not even having
to correct myself. I had pretty much gotten over the idea of
her being “meatball head”. Now I had more appropriate
names for her.
“Way cool! Can we do it tonight? I don’t have any
homework. None that can’t wait, at least.” She asked
happily. I chuckled.
“Sure, why not? I’ll pick you up at 7:30. And, yes, get
dressed up. I’ll make sure to pick a real nice resteraunt.” I
answered, getting up off the stool. My arms, after gaining
back _some_ feeling, waived her good-bye. I headed all too
happily towards the door, when a blond-headed figure
blocked my view. I sighed.
“OK, now you’re just way too happy. What
happened?” Andrew asked, agitated. I just kept on grinning
my dopey grin.
“Well, I just found out I have plans for this evening.
And they _don’t_ include half a dozen school books.” I
answered indirectly. I knew he didn’t have to even think
about this one. Only one thing on earth could make me this
happy.
“I take it you got up the nerve to ask out the lovely
meatball headed one?” He asked, grinning mischievously.
“Yup. And right now, I have to make sure I look
devilishly handsome by tonight. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I
answered, waiving as I headed out the automatic doors of
the arcade and back to my apartment. And after that, on to
heaven.
*********
How was I suppose to know the evening would end up
even better than I could have ever imagined? My whole
world swirled around me at this point. How could I have
any knowledge that the event of my whole like crashing
down on me would be the conclusion? And how could I
know that that occurrence would be the most wonderful
thing to happen to me, since the Silver Millennium?
*********
“Hello Mrs. Tsukino. Is Serena ready?” I asked
nervously as I arrived at Serena’s home.
“Almost. We were so proud when she came home with
that outstanding exam paper! And I understand we have
you to thank.” She said, waiving me to the couch.
“Not really, Mrs. Tsukino. She was smart on her own.
I just helped her realize that.” I answered modestly. It
_was_ true. Serena just didn’t know how to keep her mind
on her work. And I didn’t know how to keep my mind
_off_ of her. Similar problems.
“Well, this is a nice way of celebrating. She was so
excited when she came home! I never thought she’d survive
until you arrived!” She laughed. She was stopped short, by
the arrival of her daughter, walking gracefully down the
stairs. And I started to rethink this idea of mine.
She looked so beautiful. Her hair was held in it’s
original style by two bands of flowers, wrapped tightly
around her buns, and drifted wistfully around her face,
bobbing playfully with a few extra strands of hair,
strategically left out of the buns. She was wearing a
stunning short, light pink satin gown, with a white sash
wrapped high above her waist. She had on a pair of open-
toed satin shoes, which, to me, looked to painful to walk in,
but she had managed to glide gracefully down the staircase
in them. How was I going to make it through dinner?
Through the car ride there? I felt my speech impair, and I
wondered if I was going to faint, just trying to think up the
words I wanted to say. Then, once again, my heart spoke
for the rest of me.
“You look wonderful.” I managed hoarsely. She
giggled happily.
“So do you.” She said smiling. I glanced down at my
silk blazer and crisp white shirt. When I left home, I was
flying high. But now, she seemed to radiate beauty, and I
just didn’t seem to do her justice. She _glowed_ with
happiness. I didn’t even know what that emotion was at
times. What if that rubbed off on her? What if that little
glimmer flicked out because of my influence? How would I
live without that light?
Then again, what if that radiance rubbed off on me?
Has she already helped my life be a little bit brighter
somehow? I shook my head. Too many deep thoughts Dar.
Need to stop reading those psyche. books from the library.
*********
“Your dinner OK?” I asked, looking up from my own
linguini plate. She raised her head a bit, smiling as she
slurped up a mouthful of spaghetti. I had to choke down a
laugh as most of the sauce ended up on her face, rather than
in her mouth. There was that annoying little urge I had been
getting. The urge to just envelope her in a giant bear hug,
and then lower my face next hers......
“Darien?” She asked. My head popped up and I
wondered if maybe I had been so involved in my little
daydream that maybe I had been muttering it out loud. My
face reddened at the thought, and I tried to cough to cover
up my embarrassment.
“Yeah?” I replied, folding my napkin up, and placing
it over my plate, signaling I was finished. I picked up my
glass of water and began to take a drink.
“Do you like me?” She asked, hesitating a little bit.
My gulp caught in my throat, and I began to choke
violently. I could feel my face flush as I finally got the
liquid down, and coughed a bit to cameflouge my shock.
“Of course I do, Serena. Why....why do you ask?” I
answered, somewhat proud of myself. I recovered my
composure very well, I thought.
“Oh, I don’t know. I just wondered if this wasn’t more
like a pity date. You know, like you really didn’t want to be
here.” She said, ducking her head down. I noticed her
cheeks turn pink, and I could feel my flame up also.
*Lord! This girl has no idea how _much_ I actually do
like her!* I thought, my mind whirling. Had I really not
given any subtle clues? No hints? I then thought back to all
my insults, jabs and slams that had strategically worked
into any conversations I had with her. I am such an idiot!
She really thinks I hate her! And she probably hates me
too.....My heart just about broke in two and that last
thought. I looked back up at her, and I wondered why I let
myself dream about her for this long, without realizing how
she felt. Or what I thought she felt.
“Do you like me?” I asked. Where did that come
from?!
“Of course! You actually got me good grades! How
could I _not_ like you?” She replied happily. She smiled at
me. A pure, wholesome, genuine smile. I wanted to hug the
life out of her! She lit up the entire room with that smile,
not to mention she re-lit the flame of hope that she might
actually have some feeling for me. It was burning bright
again. Thank God.
“You did that on your own, Serena. I just pointed you
in the right direction. You really are smart, you know. You
just never gave yourself enough credit.” I said, hoping I
could reassure her of a thing I had known all along.
“Maybe.” She said, ducking her head again. I smiled
at her. A pretty goofy smile, I was sure. I kept on smiling
till she looked back up. I don’t know whether it was
because she caught my grin, but she seemed to get a look in
her eyes when she brought her head back up. She looked so
happy. So joyous. Like, no matter what happened in her
life, she was going to keep on going. Did she know how
many people depended on that innocence? How much she
affected all she encountered? With just that one look? Did
she know how she affected me? Could she possibly know
how fast my heart would beat whenever I would see her
approaching? Or how clammy my palms got, whenever I
thought of her? Could she really do all this to me, without
any knowledge of it whatsoever?
“Ready to go?” I asked, trying to calm my whirling
mind. She nodded as she pulled her chair out and walked
towards the door. I arose myself, and after placing a few
dollars on the table, we left.
*********
“Thank you, Darien. This was wonderful!” She
exclaimed as I walked her up to her door as soon as we had
arrived at her house. I smiled back at her.
“I hope you enjoyed it. You earned it.” I said,
grinning. She nodded ecstatically.
“I’ve never been to such a fancy place! I loved being
able to dress up!” She squealed, her eyes glazing over as
she reminisced about the evenings events. I watched
happily as she sighed contentedly, her head tilting to the
side as she drifted off into her private little world. We
walked up the steps silently, and she fumbled in her purse
for a house key.
“Does this mean we aren’t going to study anymore?”
She asked, looking up suddenly from her preoccupation. I
smiled and shook my head.
“Nope. I want to make sure you keep these grades up.”
I said. It was half true. She never would be able to keep
them steady on her own. But I would never be able find any
other way to see her, if I wasn’t her tutor. And I needed this
excuse.
“Goody!” She exclaimed. She impulsively threw her
arms around my neck, and hugged me so fiercely, I thought
my whole body would lose feeling. Not from the
suffocation, but from the feeling of her body pressed
against mine. The smell of her. The sound of her. I wanted
her to stay like this forever. So close, so soft, so.....perfect. I
slowly wrapped my own arms around her slender waist and
hugged her in return. For a few blissful moments we were
locked together, neither of us moving. I couldn’t even think
well enough to try to stop the pounding of my heart. I
wasn’t even sure I wanted to try. Slowly, she pulled away,
her arms unraveling from around my neck. She reddened a
bit when I didn’t let go as easy. I reluctantly loosened my
arms a bit, but never letting my arms leave her. She smiled
a bit, her eyes going a bit light. Her face was so flawless at
that moment. I could see her mind go a little blank as she
noticed the intent gaze that I held on her. She didn’t exactly
understand, I knew. But, then again, neither did I.
I finally let go, and coughed, flustered from the
moment that almost took hold of my whole body. She took
a gasp inward slowly, and then pulled her key out from her
purse. I smiled weakly as I leaned toward her and
whispered good-night. She looked up, and for a minute, or
maybe only a second, our eyes locked. I knew that, for that
minute, she knew exactly how I felt. She saw how
vulnerable I felt at that moment, and how raw my soul was.
And what I saw blew my mind.
I saw more love in those two blue eyes than I had seen
in all my 20 years. She held more passion for living burning
inside her than a raging wildfire that had been burning for
years. I think I loved her more at that second than I ever
have in my life. Maybe that somehow justifies what I did
next.
I kissed her. And I felt ever ounce of her life, her
passion, her fever for life enter me. She filled my ever limb,
and finally burrowing deep inside my heart. I could feel her
love burn inside me, and I knew I was complete. She made
up the empty space that had plagued me for years. My soul
sang and my heart flew. I was complete. And all because of
this young woman who entered my life as a burden, and
would leave it as a blessing. And this will forever be
embedded in my mind: This kiss.
***************
OK! All done! What did you think? Did you like it? Did
you hate it? I really need to know! I’m thinking about
writing another one, but I need to know whether it’s worth
it! E-mail me at - sailoreuropa@geocities.com. Thank you
for reading it!
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