COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
All rights and privileges to Houshin Engi belong to Ryu
Fujisaki, JUMP Comics; Shueisha Inc., and TV Tokyo. Characters
from HE are used without permission for the purpose of
entertainment only. This work of fanfiction is not meant for
commercial use. No infringements of rights are intended.
In other words - please don't sue me, I need my
allowance to buy HE merchandise and make you guys rich!
****************************************************************
Smiling Tears
Part I
By Shioru Sutherlands (aka. Kotoshin)
****************************************************************
"You will regret."
"Why?"
"Because I will not forgive."
blood
the feel of blood
the slick wet sensation of blood soaking into flesh
draped over hands dripping down
fingers clutching for familiar gentle arms which will never come
blood
the color of blood
a vibrant strong red drying cracking into sheets of black
burns sears brands onto numbed retina of eyes
too weary with shock to close or look away
weep tears that will not come
blood
the scent of blood
the scent filling the air
into this body twisting and corroding
rampaging within until the nausea could not be contained and
blood
vomits out blood and blood flowing and more blood spilling after
blood pooling ...
"Fuugen."
Someone was calling his name.
"Fuugen."
Help me, he wanted to say. Help me.
Help me ... wash the blood away.
"Yo, FUUGEN!"
It was his fault. It was his fault they died. And it was his
fault that he lived. It was his fault that he lived while they
died.
"...hn...?"
Someone was shaking him vigorously.
He opens his eyes a mere crack, afraid to see the remembered
sight of crimson and black.
"Daijoubu ... you alright?"
A pair of green eyes, familiar and warm. Green eyes looking
down worriedly at him. He smiles, moves the arm flung over
his tousled blue hair, reaching up to touch a cheek.
"Hai ... yes, what makes you ask that?" Fuugen Shinjin smiles,
his usual, perfect smile. A smile that those green eyes know to
be a mask.
"... you had a nightmare."
"... a nightmare?" Denial, a polite query with the barest
tinge of disbelief.
"... Fuugen, you were moaning in your sleep. It sounded ...
well, as if you were in pain." Green eyes furious, glaring into
his. "Tossing and turning so much that I couldn't sleep and
you know very well how soundly I sleep not even thunderbolts and
lightning can wake me up (so there :p) and if that wasn't a
nightmare, what was?"
The mask remains, flawless and seamless. It does not waver.
He did not lie - not any more - not to himself, at least. He
had learned how to be honest with himself because of a pair
of vivid green eyes.
"You think too much." Only this, the green eyes must not know.
By keeping this secret, he would remain himself - true to
himself. Green eyes had taught him that much.
"Liar."
Even if it meant lying to those same green eyes.
"Bou-chan," Placatingly, the hand traced the outline of the
cheek, turned and rested one finger onto the slightly pouting
lips. "It was your fault, you know."
"Being with me gives you /nightmares/?" Taikoubou was quite
indignant. His ... his - bedmate (he will not use that other
term which makes him oddly susceptible to whatever logical
and reasonable suggestion his BEDMATE makes) - had nightmares
because of sleeping with him?! Well, then, he'll just have to
sleep elsewhere!
Pulling away from the too intimate hand, Taikoubou scurried over
to the edge of their (no, not theirs, Fuugen's) bed. Just as he
swung his legs over the side to stand up, a pair of arms locked
themselves securely around his waist.
"Bou-chan, don't you know that it's bad manners to leave before
someone's finished speaking?"
"Fuugen, let go of me!"
Swearing and struggling and flailing, a most uncooperative
"Bou-chan" was pulled back into bed. Pushed down into the pillows
by his shoulders, Taikoubou came nose to nose with Fuugen's
angelic smile.
/No ... not that smile - not that -/
He could feel his anger melting, being replaced by a warm and
tender ache in his gut that - no, he would not think that, he
would not go there!
"Bou-chan, you have trouble telling when I'm having
nightmares ..." A breath against his ear, as Fuugen leaned in
close to place a firm nibble onto a flushed lobe. " ... and
when I'm dreaming of you."
"... urm ... ahh ..."
"I think I need to show you, hmmm?"
The tone was husky. Husky, demanding, and possessive in all
the promise that it made, unspoken.
Taikoubou knew better than making anything other than a feeble
whimper of protest as Fuugen made good the unspoken promise.
Slowly.
Very slowly.
Much too slowly.
================================================================
TWO HOURS LATER .... (and to some, an eternity later)
"Feeling better now?"
Exhausted, Taikoubou somehow found the energy to throw a pillow
at the speaker. It missed.
/Drat./
".... what do you think?" He could barely move and he was sore
when he did and if Fuugen dared to point out that it /was/ a
satisfied kind of soreness he will DO something drastic to that
smiling moron and no he did not even /want/ to think about
where Fuugen had found the stamina after last night to - uh-oh.
Maybe that wasn't the best way to answer Fuugen's question.
".... if you have enough spirit to complain, you surely have
enough energy to get up again, don't you, Bou-chan?"
/Help./
Fuugen always did take him - literally. [1]
================================================================
DAWN
It did not help Taikoubou's mood at all when Fuugen woke him up
the next morning for his daily "meditation" session.
"AIIIIIIEEEE!!!"
"Ohayo gozaimasu," Fuugen was disgustingly cheerful in the
unholy hour of morning. "Good morning, Bou-chan." It was barely
PAST sunrise, for Senninkai's sake.
"Fuugen, I've told you and told you and told you and TOLD YOU -"
Dripping water, wet clothing[2] clinging to skin uncomfortably,
Taikoubou wondered if it would be a good thing to wipe that
smile off Fuugen's face. "You can wake me up however you like,
but don't you DARE ever use Taikyokufuin to condense water
molecules into ice AGAIN!!!"
"Are you cold, Bou-chan?" Taikoubou shivered as the ice melted
into rivulets of water, sliding down bared skin and raising
goosebumps. The sennin even /sounded/ truly concerned for his
health. Ha.
"I.. I'm..m ... I am /not/ cold." Probably not a good idea, the
teeth-chattering doushi decided, even though it would be
immensely self-gratifying to make Fuugen lose that expression
(anything but That Smile).
"Just get me a dry towel or something." Hugging himself for
warmth, Taikoubou glared at Fuugen, who was smiling peaceably
down at his predicament.
"Oh, I can think of better ways to get warm, Bou-chan." Taikoubou
did not like the way the conversation was going.
"For the last time, Fuugen, NO-mmmmphhmmmm!!!" As usual,
"Bou-chan" did not even have time to protest properly before his
lips were sealed and the rest of his body busily engaged in a
struggle for domination of articles of clothing.
.... why is this person his best friend?
Not for the first time, Taikoubou asked himself as he fought
Fuugen for ownership of his /own/ robes. The doushi could feel a
headache coming on, and he was painfully light-headed from the
lack of sleep from the previous evening. (In short, he was
losing.)
It was obviously going to be "one of those days".
/How did I ever get myself into this mess?/
Even worse, Taikoubou knew that he had no one else but himself
to blame.
/I remember now, I said "yes." (|||||bbbb)/
================================================================
FLASHBACK TIME (about 30 years ago) [3]
"Yo, Fuugen." Sunning himself belly-up on the rock, Taikoubou
spoke.
"Hai, Bou-chan?" Tinkering with Taikyokufuin, Fuugen Shinjin sat
cross-legged to the side.
"We're best friends, right?"
"For now, we are."
"What the hell do you mean by that?!" Taikoubou bolted upright.
"Exactly what I said, Bou-chan." Smiling his usual smile,
Fuugen did not even look up.
"Fuu. Gen. Shin. Jin." Taikoubou went for a wrestler's lock
about Fuugen's neck. "Explain yourself."
"It's not something you want to hear about."
"Tell me~~~(cheapskate)~~~!"
"Bou-chan, please let go of my neck first." Fuugen wasn't
even flinching at the increase in pressure about his neck.
"It's a bit difficult to talk - gah - like this."
"Okay." Taikoubou loosened his hold. "Spit it out."
"Is that the way you talk to your best friend?" Fuugen
smiled sweetly.
"Fuugen~~!!!" The doushi hated it when Fuugen took his
time - to deliberately provoke him. [4]
"I don't want to be Bou-chan's best friend any more."
"NA ... NANI?" What? This he did not expect. But the next
sentence floored him completely.
"I want to be Bou-chan's lover."
A serenely smiling Fuugen and a bug-eyed Taikoubou stared
at each other for a long, drawn out moment.
"... Fu-Fuugen, are you joking?" Hesitantly, Taikoubou
was the first one to speak.
"Do I look like I am?" Fuugen's smile had disappeared, and
Taikoubou could see the serious intent in violet eyes.
"Then what do you call this?" Taikoubou didn't give up the idea
that Fuugen was putting one over him so easily. It /had/ been a
long time since he hid Fuugen's clothes the last time they went
swimming together. Taikoubou knew that Fuugen would find some
way of getting even for /that/ sooner or later. He expected it.
After all, payback made sense and /was/ common practice
whenever one of them played a practical joke on the other.
"A confession of love." Fuugen didn't even bat an eyelash, the
violet gaze did not falter in the slightest.
With a dropped jaw, Taikoubou stared at Fuugen (who was not
smiling at all) in silence.
"Fu ... Fuugen, I had no idea ..." For once, Taikoubou was at a
loss of words.
"This is why I can't be Bou-chan's best friend any more."
Taking Taikyokufuin in both hands, Fuugen stood up abruptly.
"It would hurt too much to stay with you, Bou-chan, now that
you know how I feel.
"It's best if we are only fellow students." Fuugen's face was
without expression.
"Wait a sec -" Ignoring him, Fuugen went on.
"Bou-chan, the only reason for me to stay would be because you
accepted me." Fuugen turned away. "But since I know that it's
not possible -"
"I SAID WAIT A SEC THERE!!!! (Were you even /listening/ to
me at all?!)"
"I told you - it wasn't something you wanted to hear."
"What makes you think I don't like you?" Taikoubou regretted
those words as soon as he said them, because -
"... so, Bou-chan does like me." Turning around, Fuugen flashed
a brilliant smile at him.
"I didn't say that!" Taikoubou knew that he'd been tricked.
"Bou-chan, if you need time to think it over ... I don't mind."
The smile went as quickly as it came. Fuugen's eyes were those
of someone who had lost hope. "But ... please give me a direct
answer. I can't second guess you - I don't know what your
answer will be unless you tell me."
"......." Taikoubou stared at Fuugen.
And stared.
And Stared.
".... Bou-chan ....? (||||||bbbbbb)" Fuugen was feeling
uncomfortable under that unnerving stare.
"... mmmpphhhhhhhHA!!!" Taikoubou burst out into maniacal
laughter. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!"[5]
".... Bou ... Bou-chan ....? (||||||bbbbbb)" Fuugen was feeling
decidedly uncomfortable.
"... it's not fair, oh, gods ..." Weakly, Taikoubou buried his
head under his arms as his shoulders shook with silent laughter.
" ... it's so UNfair ... you ...? Heeheeheeheeheehee.... not
able to tell how I think ....? eheeheeheeheeheeheehee....there's
a laugh for you ... you KNEW what I would answer if you gave me
a choice like this, DAMMIT, you bastard!!!"
"......" Fuugen did not answer.
"... it's not @#$^#%&*@ FAIR!!! You know it's not fair to make
me choose like that! It just isn't!"
"Bou-chan, life isn't fair." No denial.
"... and you know that I don't want to lose you ... as a friend
... or as ..." Taikoubou's voice grew too small to be heard.
"... Bou-chan?" Fuugen leaned over the bent figure worriedly.
"Alright. You win." Taikoubout raised his head, extending one
hand to Fuugen. Bright green eyes sparkled with amusement and
admiration. [6] "It's a deal."
"I'll hold you to those words, Bou-chan." Smiling, Fuugen took
Taikoubou's hand.
"Yeah, yeah ..." He shrugged carelessly. "And even if I so
conveniently 'forget', you'd be sure to remind-eeeehhh?!?"
Fuugen's face was suddenly too close.
=====================================
FLASHBACK STILL (5 minutes after)
"DAT HURD." Clutching his nose, Taikoubou whined. "OW. Dow dook
dwat 'ou did." [7]
Stooped in an identical posture beside, the said culprit was
trying very hard to keep laughter to a minimum.
" 'orry, Bou-chan ..." Fuugen snickered softly, tears of mirth
trickling past his cheek. "... dat /wuz/ going 'o be my furth
kith." [8]
Apparently, Fuugen's kissing skills needed some work.
As Fuugen continued to laugh at his own mishap, Taikoubou had a
headache. He also had the sinking feeling that there would be
more days with headaches like this one, and that Fuugen would be
the cause of most, if not all of them.
And he was right.
================================================================
PRESENT (sometime before Taikoubou begun the Houshin Project)[9]
Fighting with hands that were taking his clothing off as fast
as he could put them on was not the way Taikoubou preferred to
start the day. (And that's without taking the Taikyokufuin
ice incident into account for a "bad morning" ... )
"Fuugen, gimme my pants back!"
"Do you think that's likely, Bou-chan," the sennin did not even
pause to speak. "... given the state you're in?"
While engaged in a tug-of-war over Taikoubou's pants, Fuugen's
student Mokutaku walked in.
"Fuugen-shishou[10], Taikoubou-susuu ... what are you doing?"
================================================================
~tbc~
================================================================
[1] So shi likes puns too much. Too bad it'll get lost once it's
translated into Chinese. ^_^
[2] Why is Taikoubou dressed? To be revealed in the next part.
*insert cheesy suspense music here*
[3] Remember the fishing scene in chapter 136? This is set
directly after that.
[4] Fuugen: It's working. Who are we to argue with results? ^_^
[5] Hey, if Ryu Fujisaki can do it, so can I. ^_-
[6] I'd admire someone who can pull something like this off
successfully, too.
[7] "THAT HURT. OW. Now look what you did."
[8] "Sorry, Bou-chan ... that /was/ going to be my first kiss."
[9] In other words, shi hadn't decided when, but it's BEFORE
Taikoubou starts the Houshin Project in the manga.
[10] See Appendix I at the end.
================================================================
Shin no Freetalk:
MWAHAHAHAHA.
How's Fuugen going to explain /this/ one? ^O^
Knowing Shi's version of Fuugen, he's already got some
innocuous excuse ready ...
Eheheheheheheh....
Basically, shi started with the first scene, and it just -
gained momentum on it's own.
Oh, why this title?
Well - because it's mostly about Fuugen Shinjin.
And what his past would be like. And how that past made him the
person he is.
Shi is an evil evil evil EVIL person who will not let gen-chan
have a happy childhood. See, Fuugen's smile is angelic, but,
there always seems to be something that's not quite a smile
behind it ...
...so Shi based the premise of Fuugen's past on what /could/ be
behind the smile.
Inspiration? ... well, part of it would be sth akin to RK's
Soujiro-san's past. Alright, no more spoiling. ^_^
Except one more thing - this fic would probably end w/ Fuugen's
.
So, in any relationships involving Fuugen - *mwahahahahah* - shi
is going to let gen-chan be the emotional aggressor.
Run, bou-chan, run.
And you too, ouji-sama. *heart*
mail shi-chan at kichin@doushi.org with any comments! ^o^
================================================================
Sneak previews of what's going to happen next:
Taikoubou gets it good ... and wet.
Ouji-sama makes his appearance.
Did shi mention that it will definitely be a darker chapter than
this one? ^_^;
================================================================
First Edition: September 5th, 2000 at 2:40 PM
Last Revised: September 9th, 2000 at 4:50 PM
================================================================
APPENDIX I - terms to remember:
KEY -
(japanese term = chinese equivalent term = english explanation)
shishou = shi jiang = teacher/master
shihan = shi fu = teacher/master
shi xiong is the chinese term for a fellow student/disciple
under the same teacher/master, with seniority when
compared to oneself
shitei = shi di = fellow student/disciple under the same
teacher/master, with less seniority than oneself
teishi = di tzu = student/disciple
choukei = tzan xion = eldest student/disciple
mattei = mo di = the youngest student/disciple
susuu = shi suu = fellow student/disciple of one's
teacher/master
shi-oi (oi being japanese for nephew) = shi tze = student of a
fellow student under the same master as oneself
================================================================
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