OK, this is like, the ninth story I've started, intending to
finish, but haven't really yet. But, obviously if you're
reading this, it is finished! I got this idea while listening to
"Faith" my new favorite CD, and well, this is the first story
idea, that has come completely from my mind! In this one,
Darien dies *gasp in horror* SHUT UP! Yes, I know, it's a
little cruel, but I don't care! This one is full of emotion, and
the song that goes with it, is even worse. I cry every damn
time I hear it! Anyway, it pretty much captures utter and
total despair, where Serena just about won't get over him.
Which, I think is the way it should be. Anyway, I am going
to be using some of the song lyrics at the end, and please
remember, I DO NOT, IN ANY WAY, CLAIM THOSE
TO BE FROM MY MIND! I simply think it is a good way
to end it. You'll see what I mean, after reading the lyrics,
and the story. If you have Faith Hills' new CD, I highly
recommend listening to this song while reading this. Oh,
and in about one month, I am going to be finishing all the
stories I've started and just haven't finished, so be prepared
for a TOTAL overload on Sailor Europa stories! E-mail me
please! - sailoreuropa@geocities.com
*************************
My Wild Frontier
By Faith Hill
How do I feel,
well I feel so alone
Like a sad armadillo
across this desert I roam
I've been stripped down bare
till I break
Still the wheel keeps turning
Had me a sweet one, I tell no lies
Summer nights in the cornfields,
when the corn gets so high
We traveled clear across Wichita,
headin' North
Leavin' civilization
And there were highways to get across
And places far from here
And I was his lonesome prairie
And he was my was my wild frontier
Harvested peaches in a small border town
Saved all our wages, put ten percent down
I never thought I'd see the world
through a child's eyes
Until early December
Then one Calgary morning, still as glass
While my baby lay sleeping,
an angel slipped passed
And with one breath said
I'm taking him back
To his father in heaven
Through gravel and ice
and new fallen snow
I held him through my tears
Because I was his lonesome prairie
And he was my wild Frontier
And sometimes at night
I swear I can hear him
Calling out so clear
He says,
You were my lonesome prairie,
And I'm still your Wild Frontier
*****************************
My Wild Frontier
"Darien? Was that you?" I asked. I looked over at the
limp body laying next to me in our double bed. "Thought I
heard something. Sorry." I whispered to him. I smiled as I
watched my love sleep peacefully. I loved watching him
dream. Sometimes I just lay here and sigh as I listen to the
beating of my heart, and love knowing the fact that he is
dreaming of me. I could watch him for hours.
"Sweet dreams, my loved one." I whisper, as I put my
hand on his forehead. I quietly sneak my palm to his chest.
I wait to feel the steady beat of his heart, pounding away,
while he snoozes blissfully. I put my other hand on my own
heart, knowing of the synchronized beat to come.
But instead, there is nothing. I wait some more, for the
slow thump of his heart, but still nothing. I frantically
search his chest for the rise and fall of his broad chest, so
mighty. But, it too, lays still. My breath quickens, as my
eyes wander his body, for any sign of his life. I see nothing.
This can't be. No. No sign of movement, not one
breath is passing through him, as it had so surely just a few
hours earlier. My hands trembling, I feel his chest. It's not
true. He was fine this evening. No.....
"Darien......Darien? Get up. Get up!" I screech. Still,
not a thing. No, this is not happening. God, no. Please God,
don't take him from me! I need him, so much! So much,
God! Oh God, NO!
"DARIEN!" I wail, the tears pour, but I make no move
to brush them away. I put my arms around his lifeless body,
and hug his now cooling body to my own, so tightly. I
watch as my tears fall, and are absorbed by his night shirt.
"No.......You can't be leaving me.....I need you! No,
no......No......." I whisper into his raven hair, still so silky. I
run my hands through it, like I used to when we would
embrace. No......more.......I am sobbing now, and I have no
control over it. My tears fall onto his face, and I am still
waiting for him brush them away. For him to wake up, and
wrap his arms around me, and hold me till I am still. But
instead, I hold his limp body in my arms. I want to give him
some of my life, hoping maybe he'll take my breath. I want
to see him smile again. Watch him as he works again. This
is not happening. Not happening to us.......To me.......he
would never leave me. I never even said good-bye, God, I
never wanted to! Please God, don't take him! I love him....
no...
"NOOO!!!!" I wail. I rock our bodies together, my
sobbing drenching us both now, making his body even
cooler. My body wrenches violently from my tired gasps of
breath. "Why? WHY, DAMN IT? Why now......Why
him.....?" I can't stop it. My body is racked with
convulsions, and I am crying so violently, it hurts. But not
as much as my chest hurts. No, the pain is evident there. I
feel it break into a thousand pieces, and I am powerless to
stop it. "He was fine......What happened? Why did it have
to happen tonight? God......Why?"
******************
"Serena what's wrong?" I hear her ask. I can't even
tell her, it hurts so bad. I can't talk, I just sob. So hard, so
feverishly. My body jumps as I sob, not even pausing for a
moment.
"Serena! What's happened? Tell me!" Ami almost
screams into the phone.
"He's gone!" I finally get out. The phone is soaked
already, from my unceasing tears. I watch his body, which
had once been so full of life. Now, it was still. I don't want
to watch it anymore, but I can't tear my eyes away. I
can't.....
"What? Who's gone, Serena? Did Darien leave?" She
asks swiftly. I sob even more at this. I can't hide it. He's
gone. Never......any more. Forever, until I can join him.
"Ami....." I can't say anymore. My tears are coming so
fast now I can't even talk. I drop the phone to the floor, and
I cover my streaked face. He can't have left me. He never
said he loved me one last time......I never got to kiss him
good-night. GOD! NO! WHY NOW? WHY EVER? Damn
it, why?
"I'm coming over Serena. I'll get someone to cover for
me here." I can hardly hear her. The phone lays next to me,
and I sink to the carpet, my chest heaving more violently
now. I can hear the phone click to the dial tone, and I make
no motion to retrieve it to the cradle. I sob freely now, no
reason to stop. My hair is matted to my face, and I don't
look up. I can't look at him anymore. He won't get up. He's
so still, as if he is still at his dream world, and not gone
from my life for good. My body is infected with horrible
spasms, and I still cry, so hard I feel nausea creeping into
me. As my breath racks in so deeply, I can feel the vomit
come up my throat, and I can barely make it to the
bathroom in time. I don't, and I lay on the cool tile, heaving
onto the floor. And still, my crying won't cease. My heart
has taken over, and he is gone from it. It is now gone, he
took it with him, and I will never again have him back in
my arms.
I barely hear the knock at the door, and the soft voice
calling to me from outside. I can't move. My night shirt is
stained with vomit, and my arms refuse to pick me up off
the floor. My heart refuses to think of anything but him.
Me. Us. I hear it again, louder this time. Still, I do not
answer. I'm paralyzed. Powerless to everything that is
going on. I sob forever it feels like, until I hear the door
open. I hear the footsteps, but, still, I don't look up. I can't
look at him. I won't. I'm paralyzed.
"Serena! Where are y..." She steps into the darkened
bathroom, and sees my horrid figure upon the floor, in a
pool of vomit, sobbing uncontrollably. I don't look up, I
know she is there. Just as I know Darien is not. And he
never will be again.
"Never again....." I whisper as sobs overtake my
breath again, gasping to get out. I feel myself begin to
wretch again, and Amy notices this and pulls me to the
toilet. I look up for the first time and notice the tears in her
own eyes. Yet, she asks no questions. After I am through
she goes to the bedroom, and I hear her ask Darien to
awake. I sob once more, the tears falling like a hurricane,
unceasing as I lean over it. I feel the cool porcelain as I lay
my damp cheek on. I feel no need to move. I don't want to
ever move again. I want to stay here until I take me last
breath. Until I can be with him once more.
I hear her gasp. I don't need to see to know that she
has figured it out. I hear her mutter the same words I have
been, since I awoke.
"No......" She whispers, so soft that I can barely make
it out. Upon hearing this, I begin to cry again. I am no
longer alone in this. Once again I hear her fast foot steps as
she runs to the bathroom again, where my tears are now
falling onto the white seat. She puts her arms around me,
and although I wish I was alone, I haven't the strength to
push her away. She cries next to me, her arms holding my
shoulders as they jump up with my ragged breathing. I
finally hug her tightly, my tears no longer falling on an
unfeeling source. I have almost forgotten why my tears
cease to stop. Why my heart no longer beats for a reason,
other than to keep me alive. It no longer pumps for him.
I pull away again, now exhausted after sobbing the
whole morning. Still crying, Amy lifts up my haggard body,
and helps me to the living room. I cry still, not wanting to
leave the room where my heart is. She softly puts me on the
couch, and I hardly have the strength to keep myself
upright. My shoulders sag, and my face tips downward, the
tears no longer streaming down my cheeks, but directly to
my lap, making a small puddle on my bare legs. I can hear
her call the phone, barely able talk over her own sobs. She
nods into the phone, and replaces it in it's holder. I sob
still, not wanting to stop, I hope somehow, it will bring him
back to me. Back to my arms. But he still lays in the same
position as when he left me. When he was dragged from my
life, without my knowing, without my consent. Amy walks
to the couch and lightly lays my tired body down. I am
thoroughly exhausted, but I don't want to sleep. I want to
sob until my heart stops, till my body lays still like my one
true love does. Until I can lay next to him.......But I sob
until everything goes black, and I fall to an unwilling sleep,
as my body still shakes from the violence of my crying. But
my mind is still crying, even as I sleep. And my heart is
sobbing, as if it will never stop.
I awaken to the sun rising, the curtains now open, and
the light pours through my eyes, even though they are still
closed. I drag my aching body upright, and I now hear the
sound of many voices. I look behind me, and I see five men
wheeling out a gurney, and one talking to my friend. I had
almost forgotten, and I am once again, overtaken by sobs.
My body falls to the couch again, and the tears fall freely
again, as if happy to be out. My chest heaves, even though
tired from earlier. I am not even thinking anymore. I see
Amy sit beside me, and she wraps me tightly in her arms,
not saying a word. For once, I am glad she's here. Here to
just hold me, like he would. But like he never will again.
God, I miss him. My heart aches at this, and for once, I
want to forget. Forget my life, my love. I don't want to hurt.
I want him back. I want his love back......All he had once
given me......But it's gone now.....Forever......Along with
any life I once had. Gone with one breath. One beat of a
once strong heart. Never to be again......He was my life. He
is my all, my heart, my love, my destiny. And he still is my
wild frontier.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
OK! This is probably my favorite to date! I tried to capture
all that she would have felt, and I think I did it really well! I
spent three straight hours in front of the computer for this
one! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!! Is writing still
worth my time? I want to know!!!!! Oh, I need to thank a
few people first! Lianne, one of the best writers around, Jen
Wand, GOD GAVE YOU A GIFT GIRL! Razzz, (Am I
adding too many 'Z's ?), and last but totally not least,
Sidnei, who is now the lucky person who gets to write with
me! If you haven't already, go ready "Without You" and
"Always and Forever"!!!!! Go now!!! And don't forget to
look for our co-written story soon! E-mail and tell me what
you think! sailoreuropa@geocities.com
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