Does everyone know what are hormones? I hope so, anyways I don't want to talk about every single hormone known to man here, I just want to talk about the hormones that make guy do crazy stuff when they are in love.

I am sure everyone has done stuff that they don't like. But have you ever taken the time to ask why? Like why are you doing this if you don't feel like it? Of course some answers are really simple, take studying for example, personally I don't like studying that much, I would rather go and hang out with my friends. But I also know getting a diploma is really important to me, therefore I will sometimes give up a whole Saturday evening for school work. Okay studying is one thing but what about the stuff you do for the person you love? Yeah let's not go there right? People can go really crazy when you talk about doing stuff for the person you love. It's like "for you I can sacrifice everything." I have heard people describing being in love as a burning candle. At the heat of the moment you would really give up the whole world for the person you love. Hey if you know some Chinese history, stories like this actually take place. Kings would give up whole kingdoms to just make their love ones smile. Of course most stories like this end up being tragic where usually the king loses his whole kingdom. I know girls are from the devil =) (sorry)

Okay back to present life, hormonal attacks happens to me all the time. I don't know why but I just can't help it. It's like when ever I talk to Linda on the phone my face turns bright red, it really sucks sometimes.

"What did you do?" Said my dad at dinner, "What did it take you so long? I told you to come down for dinner five minutes ago."

"Nothing, really I was just talking on the phone with one of my friend." I said.

"Friend? Yeah right, gotta be a girl, your face is bright red, man hormonal attack?"

See what I mean it's like there is no where to run or hide. Oh it gets worse. As summer is approaching Linda wants to find a summer intern job, I don't blame her it's important to get some experience in the pharmaceutical industry. As most of you know I work for J & J every friday and during the summer (actually I am working right now, he.. he..) so of course being the nice guy I am, I told Linda I will help her out. Please don't think I am a nice guy to everybody, as a matter of fact, my best friend in pharmacy has asked many times to find a job in J & J for him and I have rejected him everytime. So why you ask I wanted to help out Linda instead? It's because my face turns red when ever I talk to her =) Someone from deep inside of me is telling me I am doing the right thing.

So I decided to first show Linda where I work, like to just let her see the working environment. I told her to meet me on a friday and I will take her to J & J where I worked.

"I should just follow you then." Linda said.

"Follow me on the highway? No way that's too hard don't want you to get lost, I will drive you." I said.

"Are you sure, I won't want to bring you any trouble. Since that means you will have to drive me back too."

"Oh that's no problem." I said, yeah right, no problem? Sure I can just step out in the middle of my job and drive some girl 20 miles and then come back, act as if nothing has happened and hopefully my boss won't notice. Now looking back I don't know what I was thinking at that moment, again my face is slowly but surely turning red at that point.

I was so excited that whole week, Linda is going to be in my car, wow. I can't believe this is actually happening. If you read college part I about cars and chicks you would notice I believe the two things that every college guy want are a nice car and a pretty g/f. And now my dream is about to come true ...

On the weekend before that friday it was like 80 F and I thought oh great, I can wash my car. I want my car to look really nice and clean for Linda. So that afternoon I washed my car, to tell you the truth I hardly ever wash my car, I know that's not good but it's true. However that afternoon I washed my car like I never did before. Hand-washed my car at least three times, cleaned out every corner of my car, inside and out. Used Turtle Wax to wax my car and for anyone who has done that you would know how long and tiresome that is. Used Armor-all on the wheels and inside of the car. I was getting really tired and the heat did not help either but you know what the funny thing was, the whole time I didn't feel like I am doing something I don't want. Anyways it took me like three hours and then I was done, and wow I never knew my car could be this nice. It was like brand new, well kinda. As I stepped back and enjoyed this moment of victory my dad walked out from the house.

"What big date this weekend?" My dad said with a smile on his face.

"What? Just because I washed my car that doesn't mean I have a date this weekend."

"Yeah right, you hardly ever wash your car well at least not like this, besides your face is all red, hormonal attack again?" My dad said with a smirk on his face.

Oh well like I said I have no where to hide.

"You know Allan it's going to rain tomorrow, maybe snow." My dad said.

"Yeah sure dad, no way it's like 80 F today, there is no way it's going to snow tomorrow."

That's what I think, it's like the mid of April there is no way it's going to snow. I still felt really good about myself till the next morning when I woke up and saw my whole car was covered by snow. I couldn't believe my eyes at first, I really thought I was dreaming. Why, why me? Why is God playing with me?

That week seems forever and finally friday has arrived. I told Linda to dress up a little bit, after all we are going into J & J, one of my biggest companies in the world. And of course I really wanted to see her in something nice. I went straight to the meeting place right after my class on Friday and the minute I walked in I saw her, She was wearing a dress and a white short sleve shirt. With her hair down she looked so pretty. And wow she is wearing contacts instead of glasses, so much better. At that moment I knew all my hard work was all worth it, the time I spend trying to fix up her resume so it's all nice and presentable; the time I spend delievering her resume to human resources here in J & J; the time I spend washing and waxing my car; the time ....

"Did you know I like Alex Chow (the Taiwanese singer)too?" As I put on his cd while Linda got into my car. I feel bad lying but oh well, as a matter of fact I knew she liked Alex so I went out that week and brought my first Alex CD, all a part of the time I spend ...

On our way to J & J We talked about a lot of stuff, about what we are going to do after we graduate, about our dreams, about music, about life in general. It was great, I enjoyed every minute of it, I wished I could have driven slower; I wished there could been traffic so we won't get there so fast; I wished the time would just freeze; I wished I could just treasure this moment a little longer. That was the first time I saw Linda so carefree, so relaxed, so confident, yet nervous about the summer job position.

After giving her a tour of the place I worked at I took her home. Of course I was preying my boss won't trying to find me during that time or I would have been dead. We talked some more on our way home, I really hope Linda can find a position here so we can be together all summer long, wouldn't that be something.

"I hope I did not cause any trouble for you Allan." Linda said as we got back.

"Oh no, no problem at all but promise me not to tell this to anyone else okay?" I don't want all my friends to find out about this, my friends will surely blame me for not being fair to them.

"Oh I understand."

And with that said I started driving back to work. So you ask how does this story end? Well my boss wasn't really pissed about me spending most of the my work time with Linda but I had to make up for the work I left behind. Therefore I had to work over time that day, I worked all by myself that night till 9 pm. But the whole time my face was bright red.

Part II -To Tape or not to tape ...

To tape or not to tape that's the question... whether it's better to tell all my feelings or to bottle it all inside of me ... I am sure a lot of people have thought of this question, but what does that gotta do with to tape or not to tape? Well here is my story ...

May, I hate this month of the year, not because of spring, no I usually love spring but because of finals. This year is no different, I have five finals to study for and belive me they are all hard, all my finals are three hours each and usually I loss sleep over them. Well at least we are approaching the end of another school year, I don't think I did that well this semester but I think I have gotten grades that can let me get by. Anyways I don't remember writting this but I usually like to site in front of the class during lectures, like usually the second or third row. I mean I tell myself since I made the effort to show up to class I might as well pay attention. And I remember I said Linda usually sit behind me in class. See usually I don't like to miss any classes, I am the kinda person who learns a lot more in lectures. I absorb a lot of information by just sitting in class and listening to the professors, don't get me wrong I do take notes as well. Linda also goes to every single class, of course you would expect that from my "study angel" =)

On the last day of school, I realized something very odd, Linda wasn't there in class. This is the first time that I have noticed her missing a class. My first thought was oh no don't tell me something bad has happened to her, what happened? Did she get into a car accident? Was she sick? I was getting worried, well I realize Juile was standing infront of me. Juile is one of Linda's best friends in class, they always sit next to each other.

"You are Allan right?"

"Yeah." I can't believe she did not know my name. Does that mean Linda never talk about me infront of her?

"Oh good, Linda wants me to give you this." She handed me a tape recorder. "She wants you to tape this lecture for her."

Me? That was my first reaction, why me? Why not her friends or even Sam? I mean I never sit next to her in class but she actually trusts me and wants me to tape this lecture. I know how important school means to her and now she has given me this responsibilities, WOW, the more I thought about it the happier I got. Julie handed me over Linda's tape recorder plus the note Linda wrote. I was going to scan the note but anyways it basically says "Julie, please give this recorder to Allan and ask him to tape the lecture for me, I will ask him for it later. Signed Linda." As I held that tape recorder in my hand, my hand began to shake and I couldn't stop smiling =)

I paid close attention to that lecture knowing Linda might ask me about it, and of course I also taped the lecture just as she wanted me to. As I said that was the last day of classes I had no idea how was I suppose to give the tape recorder back to her but I am sure I will figure out a way. After the lecture I went home, I wanted to call her right away and ask her why she missed the lecture, I was still very worried about her at that time. But then I thought that wouldn't be a good idea, it will kinda seem like I am too desperate. Therefore I decided to wait for her call, hey afterall it was her who wanted me to do her a favor. So I waited and waited, and finally she called that night.

"Hello Allan did you get the note I gave to Juile?"

"Yeah I did, and I taped the lecture like you asked, but I want to know are you okay?"

"Yeah I am fine, I just had to go and do something."

Had to go and do something? Knowing Linda it had to be something important, she won't just miss class because of some random thing. "What did you have to do?"

"Oh I ... I ... had to send my mom to the hospital."

Wow, see told you it had to be something important, I was in shock. "Wow, is she okay?" I began to sound worried again.

"Yeah she is fine, I don't want to talk about that right now, but are you going to come on campus and study next week?"

Damn, that just means Linda don't think of me as one of her best friends yet, I mean she did not want to tell me what was wrong with her mom. Then again trust takes time... "Oh I can come on campus tomorrow and return your recorder if you want."

"Are you sure? I don't want to Inconvenience you"

"Oh no problem, let's meet in the pharmacy building tomorrow at 11 am."

"Thanks."

The story is not over, no. What do you think I should do next? Just show up the next day and give the recorder back to Linda? What good does that do for me? Just another favor from me? Just like the time I drove her all the way to J & J wasted my own afternoon and even had to work over time? What if she just like using me? What if she has no idea how I feel about her and just think of me as no more than a guy who she can just boss around. I have to do something. As I was thinking of a way for her to notice me more, my eye landed on that tape recorder. BINGO! I know what I can do, I can record how I feel about her on that lecture tape, like at the end. It was a 90 min tape and the lecture was only 75 minutes long that leaves me with 15 whole minutes to tell her exactly how I feel about her.

You think I should do it? Would you do it? I mean wouldn't that be kinda weird? It's going be a risk that's for sure, I mean I can just picture it now, she would be listening to the lecture on tape and all of a sudden she hears my voice, trying to tell how I have this crush on her. See by doing something like this, it's like asking her to marry me, there is only yes or no answers. That can only mean good or bad to me, there are no middle ground. What if she hates it, and think I am a total weirdo by doing so, she wouldn't want to talk to me ever again. All those thoughts were fighting by in my head. I was laying on my bed at the time. Of course I couldn't sleep, it was a beautiful night, close to full moon. The moon seemed extra bright that night, I felt as if it was looking right at me. I looked back and all of a sudden I realized. This is all fate, everything is under God's control. So Allan you don't need to worry, if this is meant to be then it's meant to be, if not then that's okay as well. I just have to learn to let go sometimes. I feel so much better, I slowly closed my eyes and said "Thank you God for watching over me."

I went to school the next morning and gave the recorder back to Linda. She smiled at me and said thank you, and you know what that made me feel I did the right thing. I know maybe I should have just tell her straight how I feel right there and now but somehow from her smile I think she knows.

Part III - Learning the hard way

I think most of us have this problem of taking things for granted. We don't appreciate the things we have, instead we are never satisfied with what we have. Then all of a sudden one day we lose that precise thing in life and then it hits you so hard you can't get up from it. Yeap that happens to everybody, just say you have a nice loving g/f who loves very much but you take her for granted, as if she has no choice but to love you with all her heart. And of course before you know it, she is gone, and you are left in the dust wondering where you have gone wrong. But I am not going to talk about my love life here, I am going to talk about my first car.

Don't get me wrong I loved my first car. There is just something about first's that makes it that much memoriable. I am sure every guy can still remember their first love (crash), puppy love they call it. I can still remember the first time I saw my car, it was three years ago on a warm May afternoon. I was a senior in high school and like every other high school senior I just recently passed my driving test and can't wait to get behind the wheel. Therefore I was looking in the classified for a perfect car for myself, then it hited me.

Toyota Celica, 88 Red, Sunroof, all power, 6 Cd changer, 120K, 1st-order, clean and well maintained. $4000 call (732)523-5632

Wow, that's yet a red Celica, cool. I can picture it now, me behind the wheel of that Celica with the sunroof and all the windows down, cruising down the highway. I can't wait any longer, called and went down with my dad. And there it was, parked in front of the drive way, it was perfect. Before I know it, I got the car for $3500. People say buying a car ranks right up there as one of the biggest milestones in life, that moment I truely understood why. I feel my blood rushing to my face and hands, I was so eager to drive it. Sense of freedom; the calling of the roads all became clear in my mind.

My very own car, the idea took a while to sink in, I can't believe it I have my own car. You don't understand how important this means to me, born and raised in Shanghai China, I was always facinated by cars. I can remember I used to love reading car magazines even when I was very little, and I loved playing with my toy cars. But I never dreamt of having my own car and driving it. Of course like all dad, my dad gave me this long lecture of taking care of it, and like any other teenager I couldn't be borther to listen, all I can ever think of is getting on the road.

To keep a long story short, I never listened to my dad on how to take care of the car. And to make the matter worse I had two accidents. In a short period of two years, I have already replaced the passenger door, the fander and even the tires. I used to wash my car every other week and wax every two month but then I started getting lazy, slowly but surely my red Toyota Celica lost its brightness. I still enjoyed the ride, and when ever my dad tells me to wash it I just kinda ignore him. That is until one day it died.

I really don't know how it happened, but I was driving back from school two weeks ago after my last final. Feeling good about myself and looking towards the summer, I cruised down the highway but all of a sudden I feel the car slowly slowed down. I couldn't do anything about it, the gas paddle stopped working so I had to pull onto the shoulder. I was fortunated that I had my cell phone with me so I called my dad and he came right away from work. After trying a few things we couldn't get the car to start, so we called AAA and got it towed away to a garage near our home. I wasn't worried at the time, I just thought it was a small problem and they will fix it in no time, boy was I wrong. Two days after I got a call from the garage, they said they tried everything they could think of and the car is still not working. Then they told me they have given up on the car. Give up? I can't believe I heard those two words, what you mean give up, my car is still in perfect shape, well sorta, it has a few minor fix ups and 150k miles but it runs great, well used to anyways. Then reality kicked in, my first car is dead.

People say one don't treasure what they have, and once they have lost it they miss it. That's exactly how I feel, now I am stuck home with no car, can't go anywhere, can't even ask out Linda. Sure I can always take my mom's station wagon but it is no where near the same. I miss my car, my own car, my own personal car, my own personal red car, my own personal red car with sunroof, 6 CD changer. But what can I do? I can't go back in time, and if I could I know I would have taken better car of my car, but like everyone else I had to learn this lesson the hard the way.

Part IV -The Answering Machine ....

Finally school is all over and summer is here. I did not do too well this semester so I am just glad it's all over with. I went back to China again for a month or so and just got back a few days ago. I always enjoy my time in China. This time I visited Beijing too. It gave me a totally different feeling than Shanghai, that's where the real culture is. I visited all the popular tourist attractions like The Great Wall and the Forbidden Palace. Wow I am so proud of being a Chinese, after seeing all these beautiful historical places. And of course Shanghai was a lot of fun as well. Everytime I go back to Shanghai I get a different feel of the city. It's improving so fast, like a whole new place eachtime I go back and visit. Shanghai has truely became the Pearl of China I believe it's like New York City with a lot more people. I enjoyed everything about it especially the food, it's great.

Okay back to reality, I have only been back for a few days and all of a sudden reality check for me. Everything is back to normal. Currently I have started working again in J & J (that's where I am right now actually working) and of course again I am pretty free to do just about what ever I want during work, which is pretty cool. And of course back to reality, continuing on with stories about Linda. I wrote a very long letter to her while I was in China I thought she would liked that. I told her to e-mail me back and tell me whether or not she got the letter or not, I waited and waited but never received an e-mail back from her. I was pretty mad at the time, I mean I spend all these time writting this long time and all I wanted was a short and sweet e-mail from her telling me that she has received the letter, I did not think that was too much to ask for. But no I did not get anything from her.

So of course the first thing I did the minute I got back was to call her and find out what was going on. I was really tired at the time, since there was a 12 hours difference between China and New Jersey my biological clock was completely reversed. Still I decided to call anyways. The telephone ringed for four times, but on one picked up. No one was home? Where is she? Did she go out? With who? Sam? Damn ... =( All these crazy ideas were running through my mind and because I was so tired at the time I felt sick.

Then all of a sudden I heard her voice.

"Hi you have reached xxx-xxxx we are not at home right now, but please leave your telephone number and message after the beep. We will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you."

All of a sudden I felt so much better, I wasn't tired anymore. It wasn't till I heard the beep then I realized it was the answering machine. But hearing her soft voice at that moment was so soothing; so pleasing, it was exactly what I needed at the time. I felt everything was going to be just fine. I still wanted to know if she is fine, after all I haven't heard or spoken to her in almost two months and trust me that feels like a long time. I suddenly realized I was still on the phone and the tape was recording in Linda's answering machine. Opps I quickly hung up. She will probably feel weird after hearing to this blank message, lucky she won't know it's from me.

I wanted to hear her voice again so I decided to call again, and again, and again ... I must have called and heard her answering machine five timese before I finally stopped. Okay Allan Chow is a total weirdo I know. But somehow after not being able to hear her voice for two months I suddenly realized how much I missed her. How I took her for granted, just a simple telephone call was so precious. I realized how I should really treasure every moment I spend with her, because I truely missed that. People say you can't have it all in life, I really felt that at that moment. Sure I had a great time in China and to tell you the truth I did not think of Linda that often but now I realized how much she meant to me; how much I missed her voice; how much I missed just talking with her on the phone.

Part V -The things you do when you are in love

Damn why am I so stupid? Seriously is it me or does everyone do stupid stuff when they are in love? And I don't mean by just little things I mean things that would normally seem crazy; things that only idiots would do. It's like you know you might be wasting your time and effort on this but still you are so happy about it. Sounds crazy I know.

Want to know my Thoughts in life? Go on...

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