Is it okay to cry?
To remorse the way I do?
I am lost – in this empty void of nothingness, which
you have caused.
They don't think I am one that associates with
loneliness much – that I'm always happy, even before I met
you. But they don't know the truth they don't know the
truth.
I was never happy or complete until I met you.
It is as if my whole life was revolved in finding you.
My whole life had existed to be with you.
And now, you push me away, without any reason.
My stomach turns at the thought.
You pushed ME away…
You left ME…
YOU left ME…
Iie… unbearable.
Unacceptable.
Now I know why people rather live with lies clogged
up in their hearts then the truth – the truth just hurts too
much.
~~~
10,000 promises - Backstreet Boys
Once we were lover and lover we were, oh what a life
Once we were dreamers and dreamers we were, oh you and
I
Now I see you're just somebody who waste all my time and
money
What a lie... you and I
So what about your, your 10,000 promises
That you give to me
Your 10,000 promised that you give to me
Once we could handle the truth when the truth was, you
and I
Time after time all the promises were, to be a lie
Now I see you're just somebody who waste all my time and
money
What a lie... you and I
So what about your, your 10,000 promises
That you give to me
Your 10,000 promised that you give to me
You said I'll take you back but I closed the door
'Cuz I don't want 10,000 more
10,000 promises year, 10.000 promises you gave to me
So what about your, your 10,000 promises
That you give to me
Your 10,000 promised that you give to me
~~~
Interlude
Chapter 4
By Eternal Angel
Usako9@hotmail.com
http://cherryblossoms.cjb.net/
~~~
She was in awe.
Everyone she saw was so happy, withering in their
lovers embrace. So beautiful, the way they glimmered, as
they were held together but a thick and beautiful string
that even fate could not break apart.
She wondered if she ever had that string.
She wondered if she could ever be as happy as that
again.
She turned her head away from such a scene.
Her head spun, clouded with unsurity and emotions.
Did he ever love her?
Did he ever really care for her?
Was their love just a hoax because destiny had
decided that it was time to throw this star-cross lover into
each other's arms only to find that they were incompatible.
That their love was not meant to trail a thousand years
later on – because they really weren't soul mates…
She took a deep breath, tears dripped onto the paper
that she wrote on.
Another letter that she might never send.
Another heartache that was placed down to words.
I long and I long that I would wake up from this
nightmare only have reality slap me in the face. This
wasn't a nightmare – it was reality. It was the cold truth –
the truth that I can never accept.
You weren't coming back.
You will never come back.
And so I continue to long – to hope – to wish, that I was
wrong.
That you aren't as cold and heartless as you appeared to be.
That you are that same man I fell in love with so long
ago…
But I don't know anymore.
I just don't know.
All I know is that this is hurting me. Mamo-chan, how
much I long – how much I linger…
I want you Mamo-chan…
I miss you…
And so another letter went into her binder, with
hundreds of others.
Her heart and soul written down into this.
The despair and deathly aching of the heart was
printed in her blotchy writing onto these sheets of papers
that would never be read by anyone – not even herself.
She never wanted to read what she wrote down – for
they were lively emotions that she let flow out.
She looked around her once more, watching the lovers
escape to their world they had built so beautifully.
I miss you Mamo-chan…
~~~
He opened the ring case, gazing at the ring that lay
within the pockets of the box with such a pride glimmer.
He imagined slipping the ring onto Usagi's soft delicate
hand as her face would light up and she would throw
herself at him.
But what if
She had already
Promised herself
To another??
He closed the ring case, in taking a long breath.
He couldn't take the insanity of his mind as it
riled him up in the hellhole that it was in – telling him how
horribly life was.
He groaned.
He never felt so much longing and wanting ever.
He longed for her touch.
He wanted her kiss.
He longed for her laughter.
He wanted her happy tears.
He longed for her love.
He wanted her love…
If he had one wish, it would to be a person that can
always give Usagi happiness.
But he didn't have that wish.
He didn't have anything.
Usagi would always be burdening herself to him –
forcing to feel so much pain and horrors because of him.
He couldn't let that happen.
He couldn't ruin her life.
He sighed.
Destiny was playing one cruel joke on him.
~~~
Everywhere she went – she always needed to bring her
letters with her.
Her emotions, her wantings, her prospect of
heartbreak and dreams – all written upon the sheets of
paper in many hundred ways.
She closed her eyes.
'I only wish…'
Her head spun at the sound of her voice being called
out as the blue haired friend appeared.
She looked at her, her eyes glazing at the genius.
"Usa-chan, you want to go to my apartment? My
mom isn't home for another week and I haven't spent any
time with you lately –
it's as if you are detaching yourself from us…
from me…"
Ami's notation had caused her to feel guilty, as she
nodded in agreement, following her blue haired friend
towards the most elegant and expensive apartments in all of
Jubban. Entering the sophisticated apartment, she looked
towards her friend, whom seemed to wait for her to say
something.
She didn't know what to say.
"You seem so distant lately Usagi… you changed."
She wouldn't think that they would notice – she
didn't even know what she did actually… she didn't care
anymore. She didn't care about life anymore.
"I have? I guess I decided to grow up."
She looked taken back at her words, as the blonde
took a deep breath, "So, Ami, what's up with you?"
Her eyes looked at her strangely, as I hold tightly onto
my binder containing my heart.
"My father had just went to the United States, he sent
me a portrait – so beautiful it is… he seems contentful of
being an artist – and a CD… do you want to listen to it?
It's in English – but I heard you are one of the top
students in that class now, I think you can listen to these
and understand them… they are quite beautiful – the
rhythm of soothing jazz and a wonderful voice."
She nodded, smiling at Ami who sat her down next to
the stereo. The two seem to be entrance with the songs, as
her ears seemed to perk out in one.
One that seemed to tell her whole story.
One that described all her feelings…
She took a deep intake of breath.
The music still invaded her head.
Over and over…
The words…
So haunting…
A teardrop fell from her face.
A second followed.
Ami looked at her startled; as another tear dropped
fell… so many fell…
She sobbed.
The binder came crashing from her hands.
The letters filtered the ground.
Ami stared at them.
All of them.
Her eyes catching phrases, "I miss you… Mamo-
chan…"
"I long… and I long…"
"As much I pretend, my heart still breaks…"
"Why did you have to leave me?"
"Why did you reject me?"
"Did you ever love me?"
"If only you taken back your words, happiness would
finally complete me."
"I cannot understand why you said goodbye."
"Your words still pound in my ears, 'I want to break
up.'"
"I miss you."
"I want you…"
Ami stared in horror, as Usagi became a broken heap
upon the floor.
Usagi and Mamoru no longer were together…
All this time Usagi had been pretending.
All this time…
Usagi
had been
pretending…
"Where is the good in goodbye…" the soft music
continued to play.
~~~
Ahh – finally, we are getting somewhere. Next
chapter is the last – and then I'm free, I mean, darn it! --;;
anyways, hoped you enjoyed!!
(
geocities.com/tokyo/villa/6303/FICS) (
geocities.com/tokyo/villa/6303) (
geocities.com/tokyo/villa) (
geocities.com/tokyo)