He had let her slip out of his hands, and into
another's grasp.
And it was but his fault.
The sparkle in her eyes –
The faintness in her voice…
He knew that she was in love.
But with another.
'Usa-ko…
how I long
to hear your voice…
say those words
to me…'
~~~
Everything You Want - Vertical Horizon
from the album: Everything You Want
Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you use to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
Chorus:
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say
Chorus
But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
Chorus
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know
~~~
Lonely Lonely Heart
Chapter 6
By Lelu and Eternal Angel
Etlchsieh@aol.com, Usako9@hotmail.com
http://cherryblossoms.cjb.net/
~~~
She played around with her food, her eyes looking at
her lover across from her. Kunzite was beautiful. He was
kind. He was sweet. He was always there when she needed
him. He was everything she wanted, everything she
needed…but now, she could only feel lost within the
words of the past, and of the present.
There was no question of doubt that she, Tsukino
Usagi, loved Kunzite. She loved him with her whole heart.
Her whole mind. Her whole being.
With everything.
But she had loved Mamoru too.
And, in fact, she wouldn't be surprised if she had
loved him more than Kunzite.
Mamoru had been her first love.
Her friend.
Her brother…
He was her family.
She was surprised that she wasn't still in love with
him…Even though all of the problems he had caused. Or
was it…the problems she had caused?
Yes, she had left. To escape Mamoru. But…had she
also left to escape herself? In hopes that she would
somehow forget him? Forget the love that she had for him?
Forget…everything?
But how could she? He, too, had been her rock for so
many years. He, too, had been there for her, whenever she
needed anything. He had always been there.
Or had he?
Maybe she had lost him, the first time he went out on
a real date. She had lost her 'claim' on him…? It was
unintentional, of course, that he had deserted her so many
times…And yet, she had continued to love him.
Until she left. The day she had left Tokyo, she left
her heart behind with him.
But then she had met Kunzite, and her heart had
flown back to her, and into his hands.
Or had it?
She sighed, "Du problčme le Coeur." (Problems of
the heart).
She didn't know - her heart banged.
She was over him.
She was over him.
But now, even an hour after their meeting, her heart
had kept a fast pace of beat.
Her mind still spun.
She looked at her lover again, and unconsciously
began to compare the two men in her life.
Kunzite was like the wind, soft, dazing, and cool…
Mamoru was like fire, hot, fiery, and burning.
The two were opposites; one thrived for romance as
the other thrived for passion. And one had been too dense
to realize that she loved him.
And that was why she had run.
France had been an escape route from her reality. And
there, she had found Kunzite.
She took another sip of her wine as the white haired
man smiled at her.
She smiled back, although her heart wasn't into it.
'I'm so confused…
I'm over *him*…
aren't I…?'
~~~
He had waited for so long.
So long…to tell her the three little words that she had
told him so many days ago…
713 days, to be exact.
He smirked at himself. 'Mamoru, you're such a wimp.
You should just tell her…', he thought, mocking himself.
'Tell her…'
But what would he tell her? A nice little, "Hi, Usa-ko.
You know how you told me that you loved me 2 years ago?
Well, I found out, the day you left, that I loved you, too.
So how about you dump your boyfriend, and we can get
married?", would definitely not work.
He knew, now, that she was just the passing wind…
He looked out the window.
Was this their fate?
That she would declare her love, to only have him
turn her down? And then for him to declare his love to her,
to only have her turn him down? Was this what was to
turn out of their years living together in the orphanage, and
then the years of living together? Her long full heart had
gone to dismissal as he had picked it up, placing it close to
his.
She was like another person now.
Still so beautiful, still so perfect, but… she had also
grown up.
She was wiser to the world now. Not that nieve young
girl that she had been before.
She had a lover. She was loved. And she loved him.
'The exact opposite of you, Mamoru,' he thought.
'You pine for a woman that you will never have…'
Usagi had developed in every detail as the perfect
woman. Physically, mentally, and emotionally…And any
other way that could count.
'And she could have…
'If only I hadn't been so blind…'
All those 'could have's' and 'what ifs'…
But in the end, you can't do anything. Destiny is
destiny. You can't plot with it, nor against it.
It's always final with destiny. What happens, happens.
And that damned mistake that he had made 2 years
ago…had condemned him to loneliness. For the rest of his
life. For if he couldn't have her…
He would have no one.
His head spun.
He had made the biggest mistake of letting her leave
his life the way she did.
And now, after years of guilt and self-hatred, he was
face-to-face with her, only to find out that she loved
another.
Fate is so cruel. Destiny is cruel. Life is cruel.
'Mamo-chan, do you love me?'
He smiled as he replied, 'Of course I do Usa-ko… you
know I love you, little imouto…'
If only he had knew then why her face sadly fell with
a dark shadow.
If only he had known…
If only he hadn't of been so dense…
If only…
But the clock upon time does not run backwards.
It only goes forth…
And memories are memories.
And mistakes are mistakes…
No matter how stupid or irrational they may have
been.
~~~
She laid down upon her bed, sleepily holding the
phone close to her. She began to pick it up, wanting to
talk to someone. She had just called Makoto, who had
been thrilled to hear from her, but the silence between
them was unbearable. After Makoto had heard about
Kunzite, there was silence. And then Makoto had began to
speak, only to clamp her mouth shut. It was as if she had
wanted to say something, but decided against it mid-way…
Usagi shook her head, and began to dial a number –
absentmindedly. The phone rang and rang, and all she
could do was wonder who she had called.
She did not remember clearly what she had dialed.
It was just a spur of the moment thing.
The phone was picked off of the receiver, and she
took a deep breath in anticipation. On the other line, a
deep heavy voice replied to her, "Moshi Moshi."
She nearly dropped the phone in shock. 'But then', she
thought, 'it would only be natural to call him when I was
in need of something.'
"Moshi moshi, Mamo-chan."
She had received no response, as heavy breathing was
heard. But sooner or later, a voice had replied, recovered
from the temporary shock, "Usa-ko…"
Just one word, said many, many times before. But this
time…it was different. The affection was still there, but
there was something else…Shaking her head, she spoke.
"Mamo-chan, today, our conversation was so short…
I guess we had much on our minds. And…I wanted to talk
to you more, but Kunzite…"
He cringed.
"…had to come pick me up, like I had already said.
I'd like to talk some more, though…I know that we both
have more to say, so if you don't mind…?"
An open invitation to him. And he grabbed at it, with
both his heart and mind.
"Of course I don't mind, Usa-ko."
Her words had wrapped around him like a blanket on
a cold day, "And hai… I had so much in mind of telling
you, but I guess it didn't go right…"
She laughed softly, "It's alright Mamo-chan. At least
we can talk now."
"Yeah… So tell me, how was your internship to
France?" He asked, as she leaned against the frame of her
bed, the phone close to her as she answered, "Wonderful.
Everything was wonderful…"
~~~
Sunrise.
Dawn.
Colors.
Everything was beautiful…
And everything was pure.
He looked up upon the ceiling, a smile playing upon
his lips.
They had talked 'til the morning sun had willed itself
upon the sky, as the bright moon blended into the daylight
once more. He smiled, feeling aroused in everything,
surprisingly awake and ready to do anything although he
had barely a wink of sleep.
"I never thought I could feel so wonderful…"
His voice was happy, without it's normal harsh edge.
He had stood up to grab his coat, and began to walk out of
his apartment with it in his hand. A large, delighted smile
was lighting up his face.
He hadn't smiled like this since two years ago.
He hadn't felt so happy like this since two years ago.
And most importantly…he hadn't felt so whole since
two years ago.
~~~
Well, that's another wonderful chapter… I had been
getting the most superb emails! They are so very very
sweet!! Anyhow, please continue them, cause I love them!
Also, visit my web site! And Lady Spring's site too… it's
very cool… (and she is WAY cool, too.) *eternal angel
Hey! What's this? Usa-chan, exactly how many e-
mails have you received? More than me? People, don't
forget to write my address, too! Just because Usa-chan has
so many big hits on the web, don't ignore me! Onegai? And
I totally agree about Ms. Spring's website. Personally, I
think that it's the best, and she is cool. 'WAY cool.' ~Lelu
(
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