Stuck between a romance that is ongoing…
…and never-ending…
And a passion that might not lead to anywhere.
…a dead end…
My heart aches.
I'm stuck between two lovers.
One really isn't a lover…
But I'd like him to be.
Would he love me back,
If he knew,
That I loved him so passionately?
I cannot help but wonder, is this the right path that I am
taking?
Should I continue this road I am taking, the road that will
always be paved in gold, always sunny and beautiful?
Or should I risk that chance of losing everything to follow my
heart? To possibly be rejected, turned down – shunned for life?
But if
I knew
right now,
that the chance of us being together
is a slim as one out a hundred,
I would push away all reason
And go forth –
To you.
Love makes the person so blind.
I am beyond that point.
Everyone says I'm very smart…
but under the hands of love –
I am far from it.
I am but a fool –
That's
why
I'm
in
love
with
you.
~~~
(Never Be The Same Again - Melanie C feat. Left Eye)
Come on
Ooh yeah
Never be the same again
I call you up whenever things go wrong
You're always there
You are my shoulder to cry on
I can't believe it took me quite so long
To take the forbidden step
Is this something that I might regret
(Come on come on)
Nothing ventured nothing gained
(You are the one)
A lonely heart that can't be tamed
(Come on come on)
I'm hoping that you feel the same
This is something that I can't forget
Chorus
I thought that we would just be friends
Things will never be the same again
It's just the beginning it's not the end
Things will never be the same again
It's not a secret anymore
Now we've opened up the door
Starting tonight and from now on
We'll never, never be the same again
Never be the same again
Now I know that we were close before
I'm glad I realized I need you so much more
And I don't care what every one will say
It's about you and me
And we'll never be the same again
Chorus
Left Eye (rap):
Check it
Night and day
Black beach sand to red clay
The US to UK
NYC to LA
From sidewalks to highways
See it'll never be the same
What I'm sayin' my mind frame never changed till you
came and rearranged
But sometimes it seems completely forbidden
To discover those feelings that we kept so well hidden
When there's no competition
And you render my condition
Though improbable it's not impossible
For a love that could be unstoppable
But wait
A fine line's between fate and destiny
Do you believe in the things that were just meant to be?
When you tell me the stories of your quest for me
Picturesque is the picture you paint effortlessly and
As our energies mix and begin to multiply
Everyday situations
They start to simplify
So things will never be the same between you and I
We intertwined our life forces and now we're unified
Chorus
~~~
Lonely Lonely Heart
Chapter 8
By Lelu and Eternal Angel
Etlchsieh@aol.com, Usako9@hotmail.com
http://cherryblossoms.cjb.net/
http://www.geocities.com/cheriihaken
~~~
The urgency of telling that information to Setsuna was a
strong one, and she knew that she had to say it – for ever since she
had returned to Japan, that was the only thing that stayed upon her
mind after the first run in with Mamoru. She could no longer be a
frozen statue – she had to say what she had felt before her courage
had then to be lost as she would retreat back into the whole of hers.
Was she still in love with him?
She had loved him so intensely in the past –
Too much, actually.
She had given love for two people, when he could not even
manage to return the love of half a person.
It hurt.
She had loved him to the point when she was blind to
everything- and everyone- around her…
Ignoring all rational thought.
But…wasn't that what a person in love was?
A fool…
…An idiot…
But at least it would blind you –
…and happiness would seep through…
If, of course, the love wasn't one-sided.
If it was, you'll see how a touch can burn.
How the sweetest voice brings words that sting.
When you hear the voice of the one you love, giving words of
their love to another…While you were standing there the whole
time.
A hole in your heart.
Happiness draining from every fiber of your body…
But then…just a smile from his face would make everything
okay, again.
Make all the hurt go away.
And then the cycle would repeat itself again.
It stung…
It stung so much…
She didn't like the feeling but, then again, she guessed that no
one did. It was the feelings that an older brother protected their
younger sister –
She didn't have an older brother.
Only the man who she loved as a brother, as a lover, as a soul
mate, as a friend.
He was but so many things to her, but she was only one.
His imouto.
And now, filled with angst, she cannot but wonder – did she
still love him? Did she still want to fall into this death trap once
more?
She really didn't want to know the answer to the question.
But she already knew.
So what if she did? What would the answer truly do?
The last time she had confessed her feelings to him, she had
been drunk. Yet that was when she was able to speak so much truth,
when she finally found the courage to tell him – but he was un-
accepting. Closed-minded. Hard-headed. Un-seeing. And any other
word you'd like to use for stubborn.
He was practically blind.
In fact, he had been.
But still – even if she did love Mamoru, she would never be
like him. She would never bring the pain that Mamoru had brought
her to Kunzite. He was her savior, the one that helped melt the ice
around her heart. The one that had taught her that it's never too
late to love again.
Even if he isn't Mamoru.
Mamoru destroyed her.
He tore her to shreds and then returned back and did it again.
Although, as much as she would like to hate him for causing
her to be the way she is right now – she could not.
She would not.
Why hate him for something he can't do?
Why hate him for being unable to love her?
It wasn't his fault that she was unable to meet his standards –
that he was held back with her. He was but the CEO of a booming
business – and before he was nothing but a researcher.
But still…
His indifference acknowledgement has caused the whole in her
heart to swell with bitterness and ice.
And now, years later, it still hurt.
The pain of the thorns on the bittersweet roses of memories
still cut in her deeply.
The thorns seemed to attach themselves, not ever wanting to
leave…
Lost forever…
But it wasn't surprising…
Rejection hurt.
She knew first hand.
She knew all so well.
"Oh Usagi-chan…" the compassionate woman in front of her
breathed, as Usagi smiled woefully, "I never knew… you always
seemed so content with Kunzite, I never knew all the pain that you
had been in before!!"
Usagi sighed, "The past is but that past… but still… I cannot
help but wonder sometimes – would he have had a changed of heart
and began to love me if I had stayed?" If she had not ran away like
she had, would Mamoru had accepted her? Would he have broken
up with Naoko to be with her? But most importantly…
Usagi smiled at her friend, "I am content with Kunzite. He
helped me heal… he helped me understand that I can move on with
my life… that Mamoru isn't the only person who can love me.
"But sometimes…
I cannot help but wonder…
Would he have had a change of heart and begin to love me if I
stayed?
If I have not left, would our relationship had turned out
the way that I wish it would be?
Would he have accepted me as a lover instead of a sister?
And…"
She sighed, she couldn't help wonder the what ifs and the if
I… would he had loved her in the years that went by if she had
stayed?
Her heart pulsed.
She knew that if Mamoru did feel the same way about her, she
would break up with Kunzite in an instant. But…then again…there
was always her conscious. What type of person would she be- if she
just broke up with her lover, just to be with another?
A horrible person.
Kunzite was such an innocent in this game…He didn't even
know that…that…
Usagi shook her head.
"But… it would never be. I have Kunzite… I'll always have
Kunzite. I can always depend on him… he loves me, and I love him.
It is as simple as that. It is a simple relationship that can keep me
happy for another lifetime…" Her voice was devoid of emotion-
just as her eyes were.
Setsuna looked at her, her face hard. Her friend was giving up
the beliefs that she had. She remembered her solemnly giving her
advice about a relationship that she had with someone but a year
ago. She said that no matter what happens in a relationship, what
makes it strong is the problems that it faces and how it is able to
deal with it. And how love isn't just about making you happy, it's
about making you feel as if you can forever look back and know for
sure that this was the correct road to take. "But is that enough?"
"Nani?"
"Is this enough? Is this love enough? Or is this love just trying
to replace the void you left for Mamoru's love? Are you sure you
love Kunzite? Or do you really love Kunzite or are you just loving
him because of the fact that he's loving you – something that
Mamoru did not do. Is he just a support, and nothing more?
"So he loves you, Usa-chan… And maybe you do love him like
you think you do.
"But, don't you think you should take another chance… To
see if Mamoru really does love you? You never know, Usa…I think
that you should go for it. Kunzite would understand. If Kunzite
loved you the way that happiness is all he seeks for you, he'll
understand.
"Because God knows you deserve happiness. I don't want you
to look back ten years from now and think, 'what if…', did you
know that those words can drive you crazy? Look at you, two years
only and you cannot stop yourself from thinking such things.
"You owe it to yourself to give Mamoru another try."
She stared awestruck at her friend.
'Or are you just loving him because of the fact that he's loving
you'
'Something that Mamoru did not do'
'Two years only and you cannot stop yourself from thinking
such things'
'Or are you just loving him because of the fact that he's loving
you'
'Something that Mamoru did not do'
'Something that Mamoru did not do'
'Something that Mamoru did not do'
Setsuna was right.
Mamoru did not do that.
Mamoru did not love her…
Instead he had painfully wounded her…
'But, don't you think you should take another chance…'
She should take another chance- it would be worth it.
But Mamoru hadn't loved her. Why would he now? She was
probably a coward to him, anyway, leaving two years ago to escape
him. To escape the imprisonment that she knew she would be in
because of his dreadful words.
'A little too fabled…'
'You were playing right?'
You were playing right? What type of words were those to a
person that just confessed their never-ending love? She remembered
his words like it was yesterday.
To take another chance was like to have those words repeated.
to
have
her
heart
broken
once
more
She shook her head in confusion as she whimpered out, "I
don't know – I just don't know…"
"Usa, just stop thinking for once. Listen to what your heart
has to say…"
Her heart.
Yeah, the heart had told her that Mamoru would love her in
due of time so long ago…
A mirage…
An un-doubtfully stupid thing to believe.
Usagi shook her head furiously at that comment. "Iie… I'm
afraid… I cannot… I will not… the last time I did so it brought me
to a dead end. Why would time cause something to change?"
"Tell me Usagi, have you changed during the past two years?"
Setsuna asked wisely, as Usagi nodded. "Then tell me, what makes
you think Mamoru has not? You say you lived with him for 14
years of your life – what makes you think that your disappearance
meant nothing?"
"I. Don't. Know."
~~~
Kunzite sat at his desk, his handsome face brooding. He was
thinking about Usagi…and Mamoru.
He knew.
He knew that there was more than to this 'friend-friend'
relationship.
They lived together for nearly fifteen years, after all…
It would only be natural for Usagi to have fallen in love with
him…
But…had she fallen out of love?
He was not stupid. (LL: Yeah…uh-huh…right…) (Usa: hey!
Don't you start smacking on Kunz-chan!! He's a very cool guy!
Hmph!) He knew that Usagi was hiding something from him. He
had known her long enough to figure it out how she presented
herself. And even though she had described her and Mamoru's
relationship from before…
She was leaving out details. He could tell. Some parts just
didn't fit into the story. She said their relationship was a very
strong one, growing up together in the environment that they did.
Then why did she not keep in touch with him? He knew whom she
had kept in touch with because of her giddy self would become
when a letter arrived. There was a Rei-san, Mako-san, and a Mina-
san? And other than that, she would always be chatting to Mizuno-
san, who had actually been the one to introduce them together…
But other than that…
He sighed, he couldn't help but to wonder…
Exactly why had she left France?
And when he had first met her…she was cold- unloving. He
had melted the icy glaciers that surrounded her heart.
However, something- or, rather, someone- had to have had put
those walls around her. She had to have been hurt before, in the love
area, in order for those walls to have been put up.
Who had hurt her?
He was willing to bet good money that it had been Mamoru.
The way her eyes filled with this bittersweet sorrow whenever she
talked about him. Or when she would think of the days in Japan…
But Mamoru was a decent man. Kunzite had to admit.
Mamoru was full of ideas, self-confidence, and charm.
It didn't take a blind person to see that.
However, Mamoru, too, had walls around his heart. Just like
Usagi had. He rejected numerous offers for date, and never went
out with anyone, or so he had heard from the gossip roaming
around.
So maybe, Mamoru felt the same way? Was he in love with
Usagi?
He shook his head, and then buried it into his arms. He loved
Usagi, truly he did. With his heart and soul. He knew that she was
something special- what man wouldn't?
Apparently, Mamoru…
~~~
In his office, Mamoru was thinking. Very hard. He was
debating with his head and heart whether or not to tell Usagi that he
loved her.
'She used to love you…what makes you think she still
wouldn't now?'
'But she has Kunzite, now. A new love... She would reject you.'
'She loved you since she was a young teenager…how could her
love just stop?'
'It can. It will.'
He buried his head into his arms…and made his decision.
He was going to tell her that he loved her…And no matter
what her decision, he would be happy, just knowing that she finally
knew.
Finally.
~~~
Ugh. This chapter was so hard for me to write! I took about a week
to write my part…er…well…kinda. I didn't really work on it
everyday…I don't know. I'd like the opinions of the readers, though!
What do *you* think should happen to all of our beloved
characters? Remember! E-mail's nice! Oh, BTW, *all* flames about
Kunzite and Usagi's 'being together' should be directed towards
Usa-babe! Please keep in mind- NOT MY IDEA! Thank
you.~Lelu
Well, mail is wonderful (even if they are flames). Anyhow, visit
Hummie and my site http://www.geocities.com/cheriihaken!
*Eternal Angel
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