I'm finally read to yell you how much you mean to
me…
Rejection would be devastating, but at least I will have the
memory of having you so long ago.
Make me happy and rediscover yourself…
Rediscover me…
And your love for me.
~~~
'I Honestly Love You'
Olivia Newton-John
Maybe I hang around here,
A little more than I should,
We both know I got
Somewhere else to go
I've got something to tell you,
That I never thought I would,
But I believe that you really
Ought to know
I love you
I honestly love you
You don't have to answer,
I see it in your eyes,
Maybe it was better left, unsaid
But this is pure and simple,
And you must realize,
That it's coming from my heart,
And not my head
I love you
I honestly love you
I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable,
I'm not trying to make you anything at all.
But this feeling doesn't come along, everyday,
And you shouldn't blow your chance,
When you've got the chance to say
I love you
(I love you)
I honestly love you
If we were both born,
In another place and time
This moment might be ending in a kiss
There you are with yours,
And here I am with mine,
So I guess we'll just be leavin' in the bliss
I love you
I honestly love you
I honestly love you
~~~
Lonely Lonely Heart Chapter 9
By Lelu and Eternal Angel
Etlchsieh@aol.com, Usako9@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/cherii_blossoms
~~~
So this was it.
The moment where truth will determined his future, his
point of existing, he grinned wryly.
To think that his frail rabbit had been through this, had
been this devastated, this scared. He could recall Makoto
bawling him out on and on about the love that his rabbit had
for him. Years, years of love, anguish, and tears. Years of
built up emotions that were never returned.
He sat patiently within his car, roses clutched in his
hands as he stood outside of her condo, waiting… and
waiting… and then he realized he didn't really know why he
was waiting. Yes, that was it; he thought as the reason
popped back into his mind, he was waiting for the right
moment. The right moment where he could bustle up all his
courage and proclaim his undying and everlasting love for her.
And when he had mustered up the courage and took a
steep out of the door; he took a deep intake of breath as his
eyes yield to see a horrid sight.
She was with another.
His breath was ragged, but what drove him off the edge
was the fact that she had reached up and kissed him with
those lips he had wanted so badly to taste.
**Flashback**
"Mamo-chan," his bright angel had asked him. She was
barely sixteen then, her hair streaming behind her as she let
out a beautiful grin. "What does a kiss feel like?" She had
asked him, as he stared at her in shock, wondering why she
would ask a question. A protective (and jealous, but not to
his knowledge yet) bone had escaped him, as he asked her,
"Did some guy kiss you?"
She shook her head, as he sighed in relief. "Why are you
asking me that?"
She just smiled beautiful, "Just curious."
He had spent five minutes thinking up an answer, "I don't
know Usa… I just can't explain it… I guess I forgot." She
then frowned and then bent over and kissed him gently but
passionately on his lips as he stared at her in shock.
"Now tell me," she had demanded, a grin playing on her lips.
**End Flashback**
His heart banged, 'How does a kiss feel like?'
And his mind stopped, as the cold reality of this twisted
joke that fate had played on him, painfully slapped him on
his face.
He took a deep breath.
She had kissed Kunzite.
He had seen it with his own eyes.
Of course, it was only natural that she would kiss him…
They were a couple…
And that's what couples did…
They kissed…
They hugged…
They did things that he would never again have the
pleasure of doing.
And although she had kissed him only on the cheek, it
didn't matter.
He had seen it.
And at that moment, he realized the true facts.
Why would she take him back? Why would she even
bother thinking about taking him back after he had broken
her heart so many years ago? Why did he keep on hoping?
He kept on hoping, because he loved her…
But…it was hopeless.
And so he did one thing that he didn't ever think he
would have enough courage to do.
He gave up.
He let her go.
Just like that.
He didn't want to be selfish, not when his Usa-ko was
happier with Kunzite.
'Kunzite could make her happy… while I had only…'
He shook his head. 'She deserves happiness… someone who
could love her more than I can…'
But he knew that no one would ever love her more than
he did.
Mamoru tried to calm himself by thinking this 'She
deserves someone that makes her happy. I shall let her
go…Be happy…Usa-ko…'
At least he would have the knowledge that he had her,
once…
So long ago…
And so he let her go.
Even if it meant his own downfall.
~~~
Usagi sat at her desk, her hands buried in the mess that
she called her hair. Her heart- not to mention her stomach-
was twisting and turning, as she couldn't breathe with the
suffocation of her heart banging too hard within her rib cage.
After that conversation with Setsuna, she had realized
something.
Something that she didn't want to realize. Something
she wanted to forget, something that she wished she had
forgot.
She loved him.
Still.
After all the heartache that she had went through every
since she was so young, she still loved him. Even though she
knew she would never have him…
She still loved him.
It was a mystery, but she couldn't help but wish.
It was impossible though, how could one have feelings
for another when they had none to start with?
She couldn't help but feel the idiocy of everything.
And there was always Kunzite; the person who had
mended her broken heart… someone whole helped her forget
Mamoru. But she knew what he was… to her, he was just a
stand in for Mamoru, that she pretended he was Mamoru…
She didn't love him.
She didn't love Kunzite… But how could she not?
Kunzite had been everything to her for so long, he had
been there when she called, he had come to her, willingly,
breaking down the barriers she had built around herself after
what had happen to her with Mamoru. She was known as the
'Ice Queen' in France while studying. And, maybe she was.
She hadn't been cheerful, just quiet and reduced to nothing.
But that wasn't surprising; she did have her heart broken did
she not? But in between everything, she had met him.
****Flashback****
She walked quite serenely down the streets of Paris, stopping
here and there to admire the tasteful paintings that artists
were creating, along the bank of the river. And, she had
noticed as she stopped, looking at the latest picture, that this
man's was truly the best.
It was beautiful, the colors blending together at the top of the
picture, forming a sunset. The water actually seemed to
sparkle, and she could actually see the waves. She closed her
eyes, and thought of the happier times… the times where she
was with Mamoru.
'Mademoiselle?' he had softly inquired. 'Excuse me?'
A soft tap on her shoulder had alerted her back from her
daydream, and she found herself looking at the most
gorgeous man she had ever seen…
Besides Mamo-chan, of course.
'I-I-I'm sorry, sir,' she had stuttered. To herself, she had
thought, 'What's going on with me? I never stutter, no matter
how *flustered* I am!'
He stared at her, and smiled as he asked her, "Could this be
destiny?"
She was surprised…Shocked, to say the least. No one had
even been that out-spoken in her presence…She would later
find out that he was special…
Soon they had begun to talk about their love of France, their
jobs, and slowly and rationally the relationship had
blossomed.
He was perfect really, kind, patient, and understanding… she
was surprise that he had stuck with her for so long, and then
they had a mutual decision to go back to Japan, their
homeland.
*End*
It was one of those movie meetings where you meet the
hero and fall for them, but Kunzite wasn't whom she wanted
as the hero. She wanted Mamoru... she wanted him so badly.
For him to softly call out her pet name, 'Usa-ko.', and to
really mean that *she* was *his*. For him to careless her hair
and give her his wonderful grin. She couldn't help but wish
that she didn't run away so long ago and taken it straight on,
because then at least she had his smiles.
She longed and longed, as she looked at the figure that
just tapped at her shoulder. She looked up at that figure that
smiled at her compassionately.
It wasn't him.
And then, just out of the blue…"Usa, I think it's time
we broke up," his deep arousing (Lelu: *Arousing*?!*
*Arousing?!* Usa-babe…::snickers:: Yeah, you wish!) (Ea:
*evil eye towards lelu*) voice had said, as she looked at him in
surprise.
"Nani?" She had asked in puzzlement as he had softly
touched her cheek.
"I figured out everything, I'm good at figuring out
puzzles, and you my dear, are one great big one," he had told
her. She looked at him in shock, as he dropped the humor,
and went straight for the point.
"I know you are in love with Mamoru."
She swallowed. "I..H-how did you know?" And then she
blushed. "I mean, what are you talking about? Why would I
be in love with…" She stopped, when his finger pressed onto
her lips.
"Don't deny what I know is true."
She turned her head away. "Then I won't…but…how
did you know?"
His face turned a bit dark as he held her hand, "I didn't
know, love. I just guessed… and you just proved to me that
what I thought…was true." His eyes darkened. "Whenever
you talk about him, your eyes go far off, and you are
thinking, remising, and loving him… and whenever you talk
about me… well…" he chuckled, and then gave her a sad
smile, "At least you're thinking of me."
She stared at him, and the way he was backing down
from this so kindly.
"Kunzite…I don't understand…? What…what are you
trying to tell me?"
"Usa-ko…If you still love him, why are you with me?
That's what I'm trying to ask you. And now I'm telling you,
for your benefit, we need to break up. I want you to be
happy…and you would be happiest with Mamoru."
Tears began to well up in her eyes. To think that he
loved her this much…the way that he was thinking about
her…He was putting her happiness before his. She couldn't
stand it- she began to sob.
He stared in shock. "Oh, Usa…Usa, come on honey,
don't cry."
She realized that she had to give an explanation.
"Kunz… you are so wonderful…I wish I could love you, I
really do wish I can…" And she stared him in the eyes…She
loved his eyes…almost as much as she could, Mamoru's.
"Kunzite…you are the kind of guy that I had always dreamed
of…" she said, as she looked at him. "If I haven't felt for
Mamoru before…"
He stopped her with a look. "But you did. You have.
Don't deny your feelings, because it won't get you anywhere.
Just listen to your heart." A sad look. "I'd rather give myself
this heartache, than to know that it was I who kept you from
your eternal splendor." He had told her, as she wrapped her
arms around him and sobbed.
~~~
She sat on her couch at home, a box of tissues next to
her. If she said that she was crying over Kunzite that would
have been completely false. She was still remising over
Mamoru… and the fact that she still loved him with
complete admittance…
But now what?
She didn't want to confess her love for him… again. If
she were to be rejected once again than it would be too much.
She would never be able to live it down… A girl can only
take so much heartache…
Or maybe she should just settle for loving him from
afar… again? She had done it for so many years; there was
no reason why she wouldn't be able to do it again…
Right…?
Iie, she couldn't do that. Not again, no, not again. The
sinking pain of the cold harshness of reality cause her to
mourn and cry in complete agony as she saw him marry
another. And then she'll become an old maid forever, bitter
about destiny's hand.
The rain pattered steadily onto the window in a musical
pattern. Pitter-patter… pitter-patter…
Lightning crackled lighting up the dark mystical blue
skies with fallen raindrops escaping from the whispers of the
clouds. Thunder had boomed close to her house, loud and
affirmative.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Usagi jumped 3 feet into the air, as her gaze fell onto her
door.
"Dear lord," she muttered, as she plodded towards the
door, "I nearly had a heart attack!"
And what was behind the door surprised her even more.
There stood Mamoru with his hand holding a soggy bouquet
of roses in his hand as water dripped from his clothing, his
hair, his coat…
His indigo eyes met hers.
Oh god…he looked so good…
She stared at him, unable to function correctly as she
finally took in a deep breath after lacking so much,
"Mamo…Mamo-chan…?"
"Usa-ko, I came here to tell you something." His
provocative (Lelu: Yes! EA, you finally got something right!
Ohhhh yeah…'Provocative' is right…::blushes:: Oh, dear me,
did I ruin the effect? Go on, dear reader!) (Ea: *sweatdrops*)
voice had said to her, as the tone was deep and emotional.
And so she stood there, watching him, as the softness of
the pattering rain pounding against his coat and face as her
heart rapidly banged against her rib page. He continued on,
after he heard nothing from her.
"Usa-ko," his voice had embraced each syllable of her
name, "I love you."
~~~
Muahahaha! Oh, don't you all hate me? Don't ya? What
are those people called? EMSIT's? Yeah, I think that's right.
::Giggles:: I'm not one, but…don't you think that this is
worthy of making me one? J/k. Anyway…Oh, don't flame
Usa-babe for the ending- it was all me. Just thought I'd save
her by telling you people so! :) Anyway, the next chpt. is the
last one! And then, Usa-chan and I are, I think, going to co-
write another fic together…that is, if she still wants to! :)
~Lelu
*sniff sniff* EMSIT? I don't get… anyways, what is a
EMSIT? Well, whatever it is I'll join if it has free food!! ^^
*grins* ahh, me and my stomach… *grins* talk to you guys
later! Email is wonderful! And of course I am writing
another story with Lelu which plot I have to remember…
lalalala… I'm sleepy… *eternal angel
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