I miss you Usa-ko.
Now that you're gone, I can feel the loneliness kick
in…
I haven't felt this emotion since the period of time
before I met you.
You always filled in the gap.
I can't help but see how blind I am, neglecting you,
not seeing you… not knowing.
How insensitive.
And now, when it's too late, I finally figured things
out.
To bad you aren't here to hear those words.
I love you.
~~~
(One Sweet Day - Carey Mariah & Boys II Men)
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away
Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Darling, I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
~~~
Lonely Lonely Heart
Interlude
By Lelu and Eternal Angel
Etlchsieh@aol.com, Usako9@hotmail.com
http://cherryblossoms.cjb.net/
~~~
She knew there was something wrong when she came
into her boyfriend's apartment – it seemed empty, a void
that was vast and was spinning into darkness. She sucked
in a deep breath, "Mamoru?" she called out, her voice
gently being carried by the air that filled the place.
She found him, a mess in his room. What was today?
She though, her eyes looking about. It was Sunday; his
work said that he had been missing for the past couple of
days – was this where he was? Wallowing in the emptiness
of his room.
"Mamoru?"
Her eyes looked over him, never had she seem him so
broken up about anything. "What's the matter?"
He looked at her, unable to recognize her, as his voice
asked one question, "Usa-ko?"
She breathed in hard.
Usa-ko.
Usa-ko… he never came up with a nickname for her,
always calling her 'Naoko'… nothing as personalized as
'Usa-ko…' she felt jealous sometimes, but everything
would sooth down at the fact that he was not Usa-ko's, but
her's… and Usagi and he were but only friends.
But the way he said her name but a minute ago –
Her throat restricted, "Mamoru…"
He had never let her call him Mamo-chan. She
remember calling him that once, but he simply said 'That's
something only Usa-ko can call me – it's this agreement…
a reassurance that we have shared…'
And that was that.
She never thought much of it, until now that was.
He looked up at her, her eyes meeting his…
A burden of loss was within his eyes. "Where's
Usagi?"
Her words had caused him to break down and cry –
so untypical of what he would ever do. Mamoru was a
man that did not show much affection, especially in front
of anyone. "She left… she left…" he repeated the words
over and over – so heartbroken about the fact.
"She left…" Naoko repeated, her heart seemed to
break at the fact Mamoru was so torn apart by this fact, as
envy had filled her. "Nani? Doushite?" He sobbed,
"Because of me… she said she loved me, and I tore her
heart apart…I had asked her if she was joking…but she
wasn't. Only…I was too stupid," his voice cracked, "to
realize it…"
Naoko couldn't help feel as if everything was coming
together. Instead of thinking that Usagi was the third
person, she couldn't help but feel as if she was. Usagi must
have always been in love with Mamoru, for her eyes always
told it all… the way that she looked at him, she could say
that even she did not hold that amount of emotions for
him as she had… and she had known that…
She had torn the two away from each other.
"I always knew she loved you," Naoko's voice was
solemn, as Mamoru looked up at her, his eyes baring into
hers. "The way she looked at you, the way she smiled
when she was to basked within your presence. She was
able to appreciate you more that I.
"I always wondered why, if I had a friend that
neglected me like you had to her, would she have
continued to stay, without saying much about the horrid
treatment, but now I know. When you love someone, even
if it's one sided, nothing else matters. You convince
yourself that nothing matters…
"I look up to her, for she is able to do something that
I could never… loving someone who does not even
acknowledge it. Foolish, I must admit, but still so
admirable – so respectable…"
She shook her head, "This would never work out
between you and I Mamoru, for I am not the one you
want. Not anymore… and you are not the same person I
want. I look at you right now, and finally found out that
you are nothing without her… you aren't the man I fell in
love with, because it was her who maintained you. I was
never able to grasp that person that you were when you
were with Usagi… you seemed more happier, more
pleased…"
"Naoko…" he spoke up, trying to explain, but he had
stopped at the sudden realization.
She was right.
Naoko looked at him sadly, "And you can't even
disagree with the notation-" she sighed, picking her purse
off of the ground, "I guess this is good-bye Mamoru, I
hope you do find happiness soon forth…"
The last that he ever saw of her was her turning
around, as she walked out of his life forever.
~~~
The plane had just landed in France, and Usagi was
feeling remorseful. Very remorseful. She couldn't believe
what she had just done- she had left him. Mamoru. She
had left him alone…'Correction,' she told herself, 'he still
has Naoko.' She smiled sarcastically. 'I'll bet that he won't
even notice me gone…He'll probably have Naoko move in
with him, and then they'll be married…happily ever after.'
And her smile grew larger, as she thought of the irony of
the situation. 'And while he'll be married, and with 2
perfects kids of his own, I'll be an old spinster, who never
got over her first and only love.'
Walking out of the airport, she waved a hand in the
air, signaling for a taxi. When it arrived, she bent over and
told the driver where to head. She was going to stay with
Ami for a while, until she found her own apartment. It
would be, for the first time in her whole life, that she
would really be alone.
'You'll always be alone, Tsukino Usagi.'
Tears came to her eyes.
'No,' she told herself furiously. 'No, I won't!' After
she would move into her apartment, it would be true,
though. She had never really been alone…without anyone
to come home to at the end of the day- boyfriend or not.
When she was young, she had her mother.
'Your mother abandoned you, Usagi.'
And then she had Mamoru. Wonderful Mamoru, who
was perfect in every way, except for one. He was- and
always had been- blind to her love.
'Mamoru has abandoned you too, Usagi…He did
when he first met Naoko, and you were too stupid, to in
love, to see it. You're a fool, Tsukino Usagi.'
The two most important people in her life…They
had both abandoned her. She was an orphan- mentally and
physically. No one wanted her. No one but her true
friends.
'He was in that category…But now? What is he to
you?'
He was her love.
Her first love.
Her only love.
Her love for him would last for eternity, and she knew
it. No matter how much it had hurt her to see him with
Naoko…she would be his- willingly and unwillingly.
'Dear Lord,' she thought. 'What have I done?' She
fought back a sob. 'I want to go back…to him. I want
to…but I can't. I *can't*. I must be strong…for him. He
would have wanted me to be this way…Everything…is for
him.'
With that last thought, she bent over to pick up her
suitcases, ready to begin a new life. One that would not
include Mamo-chan…and no matter how long it took to
get over it, she would.
~~~
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