Disclaimer: Star Wars - George Lucas …
OoOoO … This Interpretation – Me … aaaHHH
"You wait your whole life for something like this to happen. You wait and when you find this thing, this person, you love them… want them... ache for them so badly that you cannot begin to put it into words. Then, when you have them, they change you, but you love them so much that it doesn't even matter - while you have them. But then when they're gone, how do you live the rest of you life when your life is already over?"
Author’s Notes: This is a story about Anakin’s dreams. The story line follows Episode II – includes missing script and non-script scenes. Romance/Drama/Humor. Anakin and Padmé.
Only
In Your Mind
By
Mei Mei
Anakin sighed softly as he gazed out across the city of Coruscant. Obi-Wan looked to him trying to discern what he was thinking. It had been ten years since Anakin had seen the Naboo queen, now Senator, last and Obi-Wan had a feeling that her presence in Coruscant had much to do with Anakin’s recent behavior. “You look tired,” Obi-Wan commented as he stepped out onto the verandah with Anakin. “I don't sleep well, anymore,” came Anakin’s exhaled reply. Obi-Wan had noticed in the last few weeks that Anakin had begun dreaming of his mother. Obi-Wan had heard his first nightmare. He had heard sounds of struggle coming from Anakin’s room and had touched their force bond mentally. Whirls of images had come whirling to his mind, each and every one more gory and gruesome than the last. The sights that had been going through Anakin’s mind had made Obi-Wan want to gag, even more so when a face was put to all the images – Shmi Skywalker. Obi-Wan had never actually met the woman, but Anakin kept a holo-image of her in his room. “Because of your mother?” It was more of a statement than a question. Obi-Wan knew Anakin was dreaming of his mother and Anakin knew that he was aware of his dreams. The question is, Obi Wan thought, why was Anakin dreaming of his mother now? Anakin grimaced as he picked up Obi-Wan’s blatant thought. “I don't know why I keep dreaming about her now. I haven't seen her since I was little.” Glancing once more at the tall buildings around him, Anakin turned towards his master. Obi-Wan sighed and placed a soothing hand on Anakin’s shoulder. Turning back towards the door to the inside he looked to Anakin’s sullen features and spoke quietly the only words he knew to say. “Dreams pass in time…” Anakin nodded and pressed the button to open the door. “I'd rather dream of Padmé. Just being around her again is...” Anakin took a deep breath trying to think of the most befitting word. She consumed him when she was near him, made him feel breathless and air headed. Her mere presence invigorated and stimulated long dormant feelings inside him. “Intoxicating…” “Mind your thoughts, Anakin, they betray you… You've made a commitment to the Jedi order... a commitment not easily broken... and don't forget she's a politician. They're not to be trusted.” Anakin sighed, his hand springing up to rub the bridge of his nose. It was a nervous habit of his, along with fidgeting. Both of which Obi-Wan had mentioned were “unbecoming for a Jedi.” “She's not like the others in the Senate, Master.” Anakin did not need this lecture right now. Anything but this lecture. It is going to be about his experience… “It's been my experience that Senators are only focused on pleasing those who fund their campaigns...” Anakin grimaced and pinched the bridge of his nose. “And they are more than willing to forget the niceties of democracy to get those funds.” Anakin groaned. Please for the love of Force, let this day end. No more lectures, No more making ‘Ani’ look like a child in front of Padmé, no more running on six hours of sleep. “Not another lecture, Master. Not on the economics of politics… It's too late at night... and besides, you're generalizing. The Chancellor doesn't appear to be corrupt.” “Palpatine's a politician, Anakin. I've observed that he is very clever at following the passions and prejudices of the Senators.” “I think he is a good man. My instincts are very positive about...” Anakin froze in mid-sentence and stared shocked towards the direction of the Senator’s room. He then looked sharply to Obi-Wan.
“I sense
it, too.”
~OoOoOoO~
Anakin glared at the controls of the speeder
beneath his sweaty palms. Padmé... Padmé had... Cursing loudly, Anakin
slammed his hand roughly against the accelerator lever, sending him barreling
once again into the traffic of Coruscant. He dodged an impeding methyl-rig by a
few scant feet. His breathing was coming rapidly now, but a slow smirk crept
upon his face at his master’s words.
“What took you so long?” Obi-Wan managed to question between his teeth,
which like his hands and the dash, were pressed tightly together.
“Oh, you know, Master, I couldn't find a speeder I really liked,” he stated, swerving to the left to avoid another speeder, “with an open cockpit…” then to the right to miss an electro-shuttle. “And with the right speed capabilities...” he said grinning as he hit the accelerator to avoid a slow moving mini-freight. “And then you know I had to hold out for the right color...” Smirking at the obvious waves of tension he felt coming off his Master, Anakin pulled an unnecessary jerk to the left just to hear Obi-Wan mutter a curse, followed by an immediate prayer.
Anakin then lurched upward as the assassin continued open fire out the window of his speeder. Gritting his teeth and gripping the dash even harder than before, Obi-Wan closed his eyes for a brief second before beginning another Master-Padawan “talk.” “If you'd spend as much time working on your saber skills as you do on your wit, young Padawan, you would rival Master Yoda as a swordsman.” Obi-Wan’s upper lip curled slightly at his having the upper hand in their battle of wits. “I thought I already did.” Anakin said with a grin, dodging another shot from the assassin. “Only in your mind, my very young apprentice.” Obi-Wan started to fully smile and his shoulders had begun to loosen a bit. “Careful!! Hey, easy!!” Obi-Wan yelled as Anakin barely dodged an oncoming freighter. He knew he must be dead already if he couldn’t have sensed the fact that Anakin was driving against the traffic of another lane. "Sorry, I forgot you don't like flying, Master.” Anakin smirked again, dodging around several speeders then back into the proper lane of traffic. Obi-Wan grimaced, debating mentally if closing his eyes would make it hurt any less when Anakin crashed.
“I don't mind flying... but what you're doing is suicide!” Obi-Wan finished the sentence in a yell as Anakin dropped straight down behind the assassin’s nose-diving speeder. Quite a few passing freighters and speeders nearly wrecked as the chase was led straight down through several lanes of traffic. Out of the corner of his eye, Obi-Wan noticed a large transport heading straight across the lane Anakin was about to nose-dive through. The assassin narrowly avoided the commuter transport, leaving Anakin heading straight towards it. Obi-Wan’s eyes grew wide, and finally following his better judgment, he slammed them shut. He felt the speeder jerk and braced himself for impact. However, a few seconds later, upon opening his left eye, he found that Anakin was once again directly on the assassin’s tail. “Master, you know I've been flying since before I could walk. I'm very good at this.” Anakin stated, his brow crunching together as he wove around the edge of a tall building. “Just slow down!” Obi-Wan reminded him with a grimace as they zoomed past an angry Kiralean shuttle driver. The assassin swerved left, making a sharp left turn straight into a commuter tunnel, Anakin speeding the exact opposite way. “Where are you going?! He went down there, the other way.” Obi-Wan motioned erratically. “This is a shortcut...” Anakin said as he sped around a tall building “I think.” Anakin tried to block out most of the words Obi-Wan was saying at that particular moment. Contrary to the popular belief of his Master, as well as Master Yoda, Anakin did listen. It was just that right at this particular moment he was trying to drive the speeder and use the Force to keep track of the assassin in the commuter tunnel below. “ ...went completely the other way! You’ve lost him!” Obi-Wan finished exasperated, staring at the look of concentration on Anakin’s face. “Master, if we keep this chase going, that creep’s gonna end up deep fried. Personally, I’d very much like to find out who in the hell he is and who he’s working for...” Anakin said as he came around the edge of a building slowing down a bit. “Oh, so that’s why we’re going in the wrong direction.” Obi-Wan was beginning to understand how Master Qui-Gon’s master must have once felt. Anakin slowed the speeder to a full stop, hovering about fifty meters above what he hoped to be the commuter tunnel exit. Obi-Wan sighed and continued, “Well, you lost him.” “I’m deeply sorry, Master,” Anakin answered distractedly, looking around front and back of the speeder. His eyes widened a bit and he started mentally counting as he watched something below, Obi-Wan oblivious to anything other than the fact that Anakin really never listened to him. “Excuse me for a moment,” Anakin said and with those words, he leapt over the side of the speeder. Shocked at first, Obi-Wan jumped to the driver’s seat and watched as Anakin plummeted straight downward, only to land atop the assassin’s speeder. Shaking his head, Obi-Wan sent a mental prayer up before racing after his over zealous Padawan. ~OoOoOoO~Anakin let out a deep sigh of relief mixed with lack of energy as he collapsed onto the couch outside Padmé’s door. It turned out that he had wasted a majority of his night chasing after the middleman in the assassination scheme. The assassin herself, he had managed to find out she was indeed a woman, had been murdered with the name of the person who had hired her just a breath away from being revealed. Frustrated, he ran a hand through his short, bristly hair. Taking a deep breath, Anakin closed his eyes and tried a quick meditation trick Obi-Wan had taught him to calm his nerves. It was in this deep thought, however, that he remembered Padmé. Padmé must be frightened half to death, Anakin thought. Standing quickly, he made his way over to the Senator’s room, whose doors opened automatically when his presence tripped the sensory device. Silently stepping into the room, Anakin turned towards Padmé’s bed hoping to see her sound asleep. Seeing the empty bed wasn’t much of a surprise though and Anakin searched around with his mind for a trace of her midi-chlorian count. He smirked softly seeing her asleep in a chair in the corner, R2-D2 close at her side. “Bwooooop…” Artoo made a short, low beep at the sight of Anakin, and then switched himself once again to the sensory mode he had been in when the assassin droid had released the kouhuns into the room earlier. Anakin smiled at the little R2 unit then turned to Padmé. Noticing something on the right side of her face, he knelt beside her. Upon closer inspection he saw that it was a large red splotch. It had come from his lightsaber when he had killed the kouhans, which did not surprise the young padawan. He had often gotten similar marks and even light burns from letting Obi-Wan get the upper hand once or twice in their saber sparring sessions. Feeling somewhat guilty however, Anakin placed two gentle fingers to her temple and used a tiny bit of the force to lessen the harshness of the angry red mark. Perhaps she would not even notice tomorrow. Not that anyone would really notice that mark with her make-up on anyway, Anakin thought. He looked down at her make-up free face and loose hair that had a way of framing her beauty like an ornate holo-frame. Without all her make-up and her fancy hairstyles she is still just as gorgeous, if not more beautiful. “What are you doing?” Padmé asked in a harsh whisper as she opened her eyes, jerking Anakin out of his reverie. Embarrassed, Anakin snatched his hand away, clenching it slightly at his side as he stood up. She must think I’m a real hutt the way I act around her. For Force sake, she barely even recognized me today and now she wakes up to find me touching her. Anakin frowned softly at the thought and managed to find his voice again. “Forgive me, my lady,” he murmured bowing his head slightly. Only two people in Anakin’s life had ever really made him feel insignificant. True, there were always people like Sebulba putting him down, but opinions like that never mattered much to him. It was when it came from people like Obi-Wan and Watto that it really hurt. It was true that Watto had once owned him, but even Watto had a heart. Most masters would have separated Anakin from his mother and never let him have built his podracer. But Watto had taken an odd sort of liking to Anakin and in return Anakin had taken an odd sort of liking to Watto. Still, even Obi-Wan and Watto had made Anakin feel insignificant at some point in his life. Whether it was the fact that Watto had been so greedy that he had used Anakin as a bet in a podrace, or that Obi-Wan had made him feel nine years old again just this morning in front of Padmé, both had been the only two to really wound Anakin’s feelings. He didn’t want Padmé to be in that group, but the way she put on her air of diplomacy and importance around him sometimes made him sick at his stomach. She wasn’t at all the same girl he had met on Tatooine. “When I killed the kouhuns earlier, my saber left a heat mark on your cheek,” he stated in a cool tone. At the sight of her widening eyes though, Anakin lost his sudden surge of courage and stammered a bit. “H-heat marks aren’t anything to worry about, just an inflamed area of skin…” he assured her, but when she raised a petite hand to touch her face Anakin wanted nothing more than to be that hand. Knowing, however, that acting on his feelings now would get him nowhere, Anakin also desperately wanted to be out of her room. “It usually takes a week to fully heal, but I knew you had a meeting with Chancellor Palpatine tomorrow, so I used the force to make it less noticeable,” He finished quickly. He hated having to explain his actions all the time. I don’t understand why she doesn’t want to trust me fully. “Now, if you’ll pardon me, my lady, I shall return to my watch.” Stepping towards the door, Anakin snatched to sheet from over the camera above the exit as well. “Master Obi-Wan has requested all cameras be fully operational, my lady. Goodnight.” With those words Anakin left the room, leaving a now silent Padmé behind him. ~~~O~~~
The wind blew over the landing deck with a lulling tone. Three human figures stood on the deck next to a small R2 unit. The smallest of the three humans, who looked to be near nine years old, stood silently listening to his two elders talk as the wind nipped his cheeks to a dull pink. “It is not disrespect, Master,” one of the two said, pulling his thick brown robe tighter around his muscular frame. “It is the truth.” His eyes seemed untrusting at that particular moment, cobalt blue looking warily at the child in their midst. The eldest of the three, as always wearing a look of pure calm, glanced down at the smaller member of their group then looked back to his apprentice. “From your point of view, my young Padawan.” He looked again to the boy, who at that moment was trying to pretend he was not indeed listening in on the conversation. “The boy is dangerous, Master. They all sense it, why can’t you?” The padawan asked in disbelief. His master finally sighed in his own form of frustration. “His fate is uncertain, not dangerous. The Council will decide Anakin's future...that should be enough for you.” Looking to Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon looked unsure for the first time since the little boy had known him. “Now get on board.” Obi-Wan reluctantly turned to board the Nubian spacecraft, followed closely by the Blue R2 unit. The third member of the party sighed reluctantly as well, and turned to his newfound friend, the little child, Anakin Skywalker. Master Qui-Gon has so much faith in me, but why doesn’t Obi-Wan? I sure hope he doesn’t send me back home now. “Master Qui-Gon, sir?” Anakin called up softly to the tall man before him. Frowning a bit he took a deep breath, building up his courage not to cry on the long trip home back to Tatooine. “I don’t want to be a problem, sir.” Qui-Gon couldn’t help but smile at Anakin’s youth and honesty, intuition, as well. “You won't be, Ani... I'm not allowed to train you, so I want you to watch me and be mindful... always remember, your focus determines your reality. Stay close to me and you will be safe.” Anakin smiled a bit at Qui-Gon’s words and quickly hugged him before dashing on board after Obi-Wan and R2-D2.
~~~O~~~ Anakin opened his eyes slowly, half expecting to see a Padawan Obi-Wan sitting beside him staring out the window of the Nubian cruiser. Instead he was met with the eyes of a Master Obi-Wan looming over him. “Do you have any idea what time it is, Anakin?” Obi-Wan said with a grimace. Sheepishly Anakin stood up off the couch he had been sleeping on and stretched slightly, rubbing the back of his neck as his looked down at his Master. “Sorry, Master, I’ll get to my meditation right away.” Anakin said before turning away from Obi-Wan. “Four, Anakin…” Obi-Wan murmured tauntingly after him. Anakin stopped and stared at his master before fully noticing that it was indeed near first light outside. Grimacing slowly Anakin muttered something about Bantha spit. “Well, you are indeed welcome, young Padawan. I could have let you sleep on that short couch all night, with your legs and your head hanging over the edges. Don’t thank your kind Master for keeping you away from back problems later on in your life.” Obi-Wan said with a chuckle as Anakin reddened a bit. Obi-Wan, however, did not notice the sly smirk crawl over the young Padawan’s face. “I didn’t mean to give my poor, old Master a scare. We all know how the heart gets with age, and we don’t need you getting too stressed now do we, Master?” Obi-Wan looked at Anakin threateningly, but Anakin just laughed. “But who knows, Master, at your rate you’ll live to be 874 years old too and then you might just give Master Yoda a run for his money.” Anakin laughed and pulled out his powered down lightsaber and swung it mockingly at Obi-Wan looking eerily similar to a certain green alien. “Focus, you must!” Anakin said was he walked around pretending to be using the support of a cane. “Too much lecturing of Young Skywalker, you do. Brave he is. Strong, agile, intelligent, noble, and handsome, he too is.” Anakin laughed again before turning to look at the slightly smirking Obi-Wan. He looked vaguely reminiscent of Qui-Gon at that moment, Anakin noticed. “Thanks for putting up with me, Master,” Anakin said suddenly. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at the comment, but felt the mental message that came along with the verbal one. He too smiled before wrapping an arm around his Padawan’s shoulder. No words were necessary in reply to Anakin’s comment, but at that moment, they both felt the force ripple around them. Not in apprehension, pain, or awareness, but in calm, smooth, silent waves. I am so very proud of both of you.
~OoOoOoO~ Anakin sat outside Padmé’s door with his legs crossed Indian style and his hands folded loosely in his lap. His eyes were closed and his breathing was even. Obi-Wan had left early that morning to talk with Captain Typho about the past night’s events and had left Anakin to guard the Senator and escort her to her meeting with Chancellor Palpatine. Only, Senator Amidala had decided to take an exceptionally long time in getting ready that morning so Anakin had decided to meditate at her door until she could finally grace him with her presence. ~~~O~~~ Cool water surrounded him on all sides. There was no distress, only calm. The water was clear, not a ripple marred the glassy surface. As far as the eye could see there was water, colorless and transparent water. Although, maybe it was not water, it wasn’t getting him wet. It had the same consistency. It had the same texture. Still, it wasn’t getting him wet. He looked down at himself, but did not see his own body, only a luminous light. The water felt binding, but not in a claustrophobic way. It felt more like the way his mother used to hold him to her, binding him to her with love. The calm water seemed to be not only external, but internal as well. It penetrated his very soul, devouring him whole. It was everywhere, yet he felt like he was nowhere. He had no worries, no urgencies, no people or things to tend to. No Masters to listen to. No Padmé to fuss at him, to treat him like a child. Anakin… a gentle voice called into his mind.
Anakin… Anakin… ANAKIN!!! The voice said loudly.
~~~O~~~
Wincing, Anakin looked up to find a disgruntled Padmé staring down at him from behind. “Don’t you know that jolting someone from a meditation that way can sometimes cause death?” Anakin asked as he stood from his seat in front of Padmé’s door. Padmé just nodded disbelievingly and walked out into the foyer of her apartment, expecting Anakin to be sniggering behind her. However, she turned only to find him rubbing the bridge of his nose and began to feel slightly guilty. Before she could open her mouth to apologize she heard Dormé speak to her. “M’Lady, we should be leaving to meet with the Chancellor now.” Nodding quickly, Padmé turned away from Anakin and headed for the door, followed closely by Dormé. Upon hearing the handmaiden’s words, Anakin jerked his head up and frowned. He went to catch up to Padmé and grabbed her arm gently, turning her to face him. Frowning back at him, she jerked her arm away, but Anakin did not let go. “Ani-” “You know I have to go with you, Padmé,” Anakin interrupted her. “So don’t you dare protest.” Sighing he released her arm just as gently as he had taken a hold of it and turned to retrieve his over tunic from the couch, where it had been since the night before. “I am just about as sick of this as you are, so don’t say anything.” Looking at her again his blue eyes softened a bit. “Just put on that pretty smile of yours and we’ll start this morning over, alright?” Anakin bowed his head and shrugged on his tunic. Raising his head again, he smiled charmingly at Padmé. “Good morning, Senator. I trust the rest of your night passed by uneventful with R2-D2 at your side?” Padmé couldn’t help but smile as she saw the little boy from Tatooine shine out through the eyes of the handsome Padawan before her. “I am sorry that I am so stressed around you, Anakin,” she said, her smile faltering slightly. “It is not your fault that someone is trying to kill me and I should not treat as though it were.” Smiling gently she put on her best innocent look. Anakin sighed and laughed. “Fine, I suppose you are forgiven, my lady.” Anakin grinned ~OoOoOoO~