Gypsy Treason
Usagi-chan
Usagi@lunap.com
http://www.geocities.com/minako_usa
Insert Standard Disclaimer
Author's Notes: Special thanks to Minako-chan, for her unending
support and encouragement. Also, thanks to Eclipse-chan for
taking the time to edit my work. Gomen ne! I'm not sure how
accurate this is. I'm fairly certain about most of it, but I
can have some artistic license, ne?
It was the summer of my twentieth birthday that changed my life
forever. It was the first summer that I didn't take as many summer
classes as I could. It was the first summer that I didn't spend as many
hours hidden in my office as I could, and it was the first summer that
I didn't spend hours in my apartment reading. It was also the summer
Usagi came into my life.
It never would have happened, if I had been at work, or reading,
or in school. Instead, I found myself waiting in Crown for Motoki to
finish work. We had agreed to catch a movie that night, maybe hit a
bar or two. I was sitting on one of the red stools when she walked in.
The sun was hitting her at such an angle when the doors slid
open that, at first, I thought she wasn't human. An angel maybe, but
certainly not human. Once she had stepped further inside, I continued
studying her.
Her hair was long, and looked like spun gold. She had been
wearing a long flowing skirt and a loose white, cotton top. Her arms
were loaded with bangles and she had large hoop earrings.
I decided that I didn't want to stick around and look at her
anymore. I decided that it wasn't worth the risk. The risk of falling
in love with her, or having her fall in love with me.
I had called to Motoki that I had forgotten a previous
engagement and dashed out, promising a rain check. As I
approached the door, she was still standing there. Her eyes looked
up into mine, and I thought I would drown in their blue depth.
"Mamoru." My name escaped her lips and she flushed as soon
as she had said it. Dumbfounded as to how she had known my name,
I slid past her and all but ran back to my apartment.
That was how we first met. To this day, I wouldn't
be able to tell you why Usagi appeared in Crown that day, or
any of the days after. But she did, and here's what happened.
I approached Crown cautiously. I dreaded seeing the
young girl there even as part of my hoped she would be there.
There was something about the way she had looked at me, like
she was really looking at me, and seeing me.
It scared me. She had seen right into my soul. Impossible
as it was, I was sure she had seen deep into who I was, and I
wanted to talk to her. I wanted to know what she had seen.
"Hey Mamoru!" Motoki greeted me, with his ever present
smile. "You took off pretty fast yesterday."
"Yeah, didn't want to be late." I replied, hoping against hope
that he wouldn't ask for what.
"For what?"
"An appointment." I mumbled, looking around the arcade.
She wasn't there. I didn't know if I was relieved or upset.
"The usual please." I asked Motoki before making my way
to one of the back, out of the way booths. I could easily see the
door from there, and not many people would notice me sitting in
the back.
Not long after, a steaming mug of coffee was placed in front
of me. Motoki slipped into the booth across from me.
"What's up Mamoru-san? Something obviously is. Everything
was fine until you suddenly took off. What happened?" Motoki asked.
"Nothing, really." I tried to shrug it off, but Motoki
wouldn't be fooled.
"Was it a girl?" Motoki asked with a grin. "Did you have
a hot date that you had forgotten?"
"Not likely." I laughed. "Look, nothing happened. Just
drop it. And go serve your customers."
"Fine, fine. Don't tell me anything." Motoki sighed
and stood up.
"I don't plan to." I sipped my coffee as Motoki walked
away. Again I surveyed the various people sitting in the arcade.
It was the usual crowd. Teenagers were busy laughing and gossiping
in some of the other booths, and the preteens were crowded around
the arcade games.
While I was looking away, I heard someone cough slightly.
Startled, I looked across the table to see the young girl sitting
in the booth with me.
"Hi." She said softly, a soft blush staining her cheeks.
"Hi." I replied, just as flustered.
"You took off so fast yesterday. I wanted to talk to you."
I tried to calmly sip my coffee, but my hands were shaking
too much and I was forced to set the mug back down.
"Oh?" I asked, trying to be nonchalant.
"Yes." She nodded, and paused. I took the opportunity
to study her. Today she was dressed in a blue skirt, similar to the
one she had been wearing the day before. The draw strings at the
waist ended in bells that jingled when she walked. Her peasant style
shirt was a lighter blue that emphasized her eyes. She wore the same
hoop earrings, and bracelets.
"Mamoru." She said my name softly before looking into
my eyes. She seemed to be looking for something, searching
deeply, then she sighed.
"You aren't ready." Her voice was so soft I barely heard
her.
"Ready for what?" I asked, but she shook her head.
"Never mind." She seemed disappointed in me, and I didn't
know why. I was curious, and wanted to ask her what I had done
to upset her. Before I could open my mouth to ask, she seemed to
brighten.
"Are you free this afternoon?" She asked suddenly.
Cautiously I nodded my head, and her smile widened.
"Come with me." She stood up and offered me her
hand.
"Where to?" I asked. She sighed.
"Don't ask, just come. Be more spontaneous, Mamoru."
She chided me gently.
"I can't just take off with someone I barely know. It
isn't very logical." I replied. I didn't want to hurt her,
but I was afraid. She sighed.
"I was right." Was all she said before she turned and
walked away. I almost called out to her, to tell her to stop, to
say that I would let her lead me anywhere. Instead I lifted my
coffee cup and sipped the bitter black liquid.
Every day I went to Crown to spend the day waiting for
the mysterious girl to show up. She never did. Still, I sat
patiently waiting for her to walk in. Disappointment after
disappointment didn't dissuade me as I sat in my booth in the
back of Crown.
Two months later, right before the end of the summer, it
paid off as I saw the girl walk hesitantly into the arcade.
She paused in the doorway and looked around until her eyes
collided with my own. A slow smile spread across her lips as
she walked towards me.
When she reached my booth, she didn't bother to sit
down. Instead, she offered her hand and said one word.
"Come."
I stood without hesitation and placed my hand in hers.
I hadn't waited two months to disappoint her again. I followed
her out of the arcade without another word spoken between us.
She was heading out of the city, into the wooded outskirts.
Her pace was quick, but I easily matched it with my longer strides.
It didn't take us very long to reach what was her obvious destination.
She stopped abruptly and turned to me.
"Here we are." I looked around to see where 'here' was
and was greeted with an open, empty field.
"Where is here?" I asked, turning back to look at her. She
smiled mysteriously before walking, more slowly, further into the
field. I followed her and soon we reached a small creek.
The girl sank to the ground, facing the creek and lay
back, looking up at the sky. I continued to stand, watching her
and wondering who she was.
"It's okay to sit and relax, Mamoru." She said softly.
She didn't turn to look at me, instead closing her eyes. I sat
down next to her, still watching her.
"And it's okay to ask whatever you want to ask me,
Mamoru."
I was startled, but that didn't stop me from blurting out
"Who are you, and how do you know me?"
"You can call me Usagi." She said with a smile. "As to
how I know you? I just... do."
I nodded, finding her answer sufficient. It just made sense
coming from her, from Usagi.
"Where are you from?" I asked her.
"My family isn't far from here. This field is too close to
the city, but I like it." She smiled. "We set up camp about twenty
minutes further out."
"Are you a..." I was at a loss for a word for her.
"Gypsy." She supplied. "And yes."
I wanted to ask her what interest she held in me, why she
had come to Crown to see me in the first place, but decided against
it. Usagi would tell me everything in her own time.
We spent the rest of the morning and the afternoon sitting
under a large oak tree talking about nothing and everything. It
was the best experience of my life.
At lunchtime Usagi looked behind one of the large oak
trees that lined the bank, and smiled.
"Ta-dah!" She exclaimed, pulling out a covered basket.
"I brought lunch." She giggled.
"Where did that come from?" I asked, curious.
"A friend left it for me." She shrugged before opening
the lid and peeking inside. With another smile, she plopped
down, basket in hand and began pulling out food.
Every morning for the next week, Usagi appeared at Crown
and we would be off on some adventure or another. Slowly, I began
to open up to her, and to trust her.
"Mamoru?" She asked me softly. I looked up at her.
"Yeah?" We were sitting in the field again, by what I
had come to think of as our oak tree, and Usagi had been
splashing in the creek. She was holding her skirt up, trying
to prevent it from getting wet.
"Come join me." She offered her hand again, letting
part of her skirt fall into the water.
"Oh no! Your skirt!" I cried. She looked at me, and
cocked her head slightly to the side.
"It's just a skirt Mamoru. Does it really matter?" She
asked. I looked at her curiously as she studied me.
"Not really." Usagi smiled her approval and raised her
hand further towards me. I kicked off my shoes and pulled off
my sock. I bent to carefully role my pants up before I joined
her in the creek. I carefully placed my hand in Usagi's and
felt her squeeze it.
"I love this creek." She told me. "I want to always
live near it. I can feel it pulsing with life."
I looked into Usagi's vibrant and peaceful face. She
was absolutely beautiful, and I couldn't resist pulling her
close to me. Her eyes flew open in surprise, but she didn't
pull away. Instead, Usagi slid her hands up to rest on my
chest.
I leaned my head down and gently brushed my lips against
hers. I could feel Usagi smile against my mouth before she
softly kissed me back.
Usagi and I spent the rest of the day lounging by and in
the creek, kissing and holding each other. It was the happiest
day of my life.
"Usagi?"
"Yes, Mamoru?" She looked up at me with huge blue eyes
filled with tenderness.
"Usagi, I won't be able to do this anymore." I told
her. It tore my heart in two to think of not spending every
available moment with her, but school was starting. I didn't
have a choice.
"I understand. You have other obligations." She nodded
slightly. "It's okay."
"Are you sure? You aren't mad?" I asked.
"Of course not, Mamoru. I love you too much."
That was the first time in my entire life that I had
ever heard those words. It terrified me, so I just held
Usagi tighter and didn't reply.
A few days later I sat in one of the booths at
Crown reading one of my new physics textbooks when I
heard the bells above the door jingle. I immediately
looked up, hoping to see Usagi. Instead I was greeted
with a young woman dressed like Usagi. I assumed it was
one of the young women from Usagi's caravan.
She glanced around the arcade and when she saw me,
headed in my direction. The woman was dressed in a purple
skirt with a red top. She had a red scarf tied around
her hair and large hoop earrings, just like Usagi's.
"Mamoru?" She asked, looking at me. I nodded
and she slid into the booth across from me.
"Do you know who I am?" She asked. I shook me head.
"One of Usagi's friends?" I guessed. She nodded.
"I am also a... priestess, for lack of a better term,
in training. Usagi was supposed to be. She is a far more
gifted psychic. I'm good, don't doubt that. She's just
better." The woman brushed her raven hair back as she peered
at me with her violet eyes. "My name is Rei."
"I never knew that about Usagi."
"I know. Usagi is also the.. pet of the caravan.
She is the most loved of all of us. Even the Elders dote
on her." Rei smiled wistfully. "She is the embodiment of
our beliefs and desires."
"Usagi is... wonderful." I smiled.
"Yes, that she is." Rei looked up at me seriously.
"Do you know what you are doing to her?"
My eyes widened slightly in surprise as I looked at
Rei. Puzzlement was clear in my features.
"What do you mean?"
"I said she's psychic. She can pick out any detail
about anyone, straight from their mind. Her strongest
talent, however, is empathy. Do you know what that is?"
"Emotions, sensing other people's emotions." I briefly
described the term to the best of my ability. She nodded.
"Yes. Don't you wonder why Usagi suddenly appeared
in your life?"
"Sometimes. Most of the time I'm just grateful
that she did."
"She sensed you from our home. She sensed your
despair, your anger, your grief. The Elders discussed
moving far away, so she wouldn't be able to find you
because they were afraid of what would happen if she
did." Rei's violet eyes were intense as she looked into
mine. "Usagi begged them not to. She wanted to find you,
to heal you. She begged, and they could not tell her no."
"What are you saying?" I asked, confused. Why had
this gypsy searched me out like this?
"Being a psychic is like having a window in your
mind. You can look out the window, into other people's
minds, or you can allow other people to see in through
that window. You can control what they see, even what they
feel if you are strong enough. When I look at you, Mamoru,
I can feel what you feel, because you project so strongly. If
I can feel it by glancing at you, Usagi must be forced to
live it." Rei paused to let her words sink in.
"Are you trying to tell me that Usagi feels what I
feel? My deepest, innermost emotions?"
"Yes. Every time she looks at you, touches you, she
is drawn into your mind, your very being. The only way I
can describe your mind, is cold and frozen. It's like you
are locked in a winter season. Everything is just so damn
cold and icy." Rei shuttered. "And it hurts, Mamoru. It
hurts like hell."
"Then get out! Get out of my mind, and stay out."
I snarled at her. Her words hurt and angered me. And to
think my darling Usagi was feeling this when she was with
me! Then why would she stay? Unbidden her words echoed in
my mind.
"I love you Mamoru."
"I can't. I can't because you are slowly killing her."
Rei clenched her eyes shut and paused for a few moments before
continuing. "She is getting through to you Mamoru. She
is unthawing you. But while you are breaking down your best
defenses, you are drowning in them. And you could lose your
love."
"I'm killing her?" I repeated softly, desperate not
to believe it.
"Yes. Mamoru, you need to find a reason to live. You
need to believe in something, or someone. The sun is bright,
the sky is blue but if you stay inside your dark gloom, it will
consume you, and take Usagi with you. I wouldn't tell you any
of this unless it would help, but you only have one life to
live, Mamoru."
Rei stood up and walked away without another word.
I remained seated long after she left, thinking about what
she had said.
I was killing my Usagi. I was slowly draining the
life out of her.
I couldn't stand it. I stood and quickly left the
arcade, not wanting to be around people. I let my feet
take me where they wanted and soon found myself near Usagi's
stream. I sat down, leaning against the massive oak tree
that Usagi loved dearly.
Tears fell down my cheeks and I could do nothing to
stop them. What was I supposed to do? Stay away from her?
Make her stop coming near me? How can I do that? I love
her! I need her!
I was oblivious to the world around me until I felt
a gentle hand on my shoulder. I jerked my head up only
to see the object of my dilemma.
"Mamoru... What is it?" She asked. She brought her
delicate hand up to wipe away my tears.
"Usagi, why didn't you tell me?" The words came out
before I could stop them. Pain crossed her features and
I regretted it instantly.
"Who told you?" She asked.
"It doesn't matter, Usagi. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I couldn't Mamoru. How was I supposed to tell you
something like that? I'm barely sixteen. Death isn't
supposed to be on our minds this young." Tears silently
coursed down her pale cheeks. "And it was a price I was
willing to pay."
"She said you're psychic. Usagi, what do you see when
you look at me? When you feel me?" I had to know.
"I see a complicated maze in your mind, Mamoru, with
a degree of dead compassion. I see that love came, like a
hurricane, and left its devastation." She spoke quietly, but
without hesitation.
"You changed me." I whispered.
"Yes."
"Because you love me."
"Yes."
"And I love you."
Usagi remained quiet after this statement. She
turned to look at the stream.
"Usagi? What is it?"
"Do you love me, Mamoru?" She asked me, still unable
to look at me.
"Usagi, you have changed my life forever. Without you
I would never have known true happiness. How can I not love
you after that?" I asked.
"You feel gratitude then, not love." Usagi turned back
to look at me. "You don't love me, Mamoru."
"Yes I do, Usagi. I do!" I reached out to cup her face
in my hand. She leaned into my palm ever so slightly.
"I love you Mamoru. I will forever, but you don't love
me. You can't love me." Her eyes were closed, but the tears
still escaped. "It's not your fault."
Usagi pulled away from me and rose to her feet. It was
then that I noticed she was barefoot and wearing all white.
"Usagi? Where are you going?" I asked, making to
stand as well. She shook her head and held up her hand.
"I love you Mamoru. Forever and always." With that
said, Usagi turned and walked away from me. I watched her
white form until she disappeared from view. I watched her
walk right out of my life.
Later I would go in search of her caravan, her
family, but it had been gone for some time before I found
where they had made camp. There were so many tracks I wasn't
even sure which way to go to find her again. I also knew that
it didn't matter. Usagi said already said good-bye.
That summer, Usagi left her mark on my life. She
changed me forever, made me a better person. Even now,
when I look back, I know that I did love her, and that I
love her to this day. I also know that she will never be
back.
It wasn't until years later, when I happened to cross
paths with Rei at a fair, that I found out why. Usagi had
died, within hours of leaving me by our oak tree.
(
geocities.com/tokyo/villa/Villa/1931) (
geocities.com/tokyo/villa/Villa) (
geocities.com/tokyo/villa) (
geocities.com/tokyo)