The Opening...

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of spiders, rednecks and shit.
That started from Wisconsin,
that stinky old cheese pit.
The cast is a truly depressing lot,
morons and white trash for sure.
When you see the creep in his girdle,
for your soul there is no cure…. For your soul there is no cure…
Arachnids of varying size appear,
from a black hole they are tossed.
Emerging from coconut geodes,
many a grotesque life will be lost. Grotesque life will be lost.
So now our unattractive crew will just try not to die,
with the scientists, the fat sheriff too,
the immoral cow farmer, and his drunk Wife,
the backwoods tramp, the jeweler who looks like Charles Manson,
It’s all in GSI!

The Closing...

So this was the tale of the spider invasion,
a mamouth waste of our time.
I tried to make the best of things,
with this retarded rhyme.
There was Alan Hale and his wife Barb too,
I hope this wasn't their best,
because if it was they'd be better off,
bound and naked in the spiders' nest.
Whether giant puppet or costumed motor car,
the title spider offended me.
Despite budget contraints it was a bad idea,
to make it primitive as can be.
So join us here each week my friend,
you're sure to get a smile.
From our four unfortunate reviewers,
and the flicks they love to revile.