Things I Learned From TCM: A Family Portrait

• Jim Siedow was allowed to beat everyone really hard with real objects.
• Gunnar Hansen is neither violent nor crazy... but he can act that way.
• Formaldehyde keeps processed meat products from spontaneously exploding.
• Tobe Hooper's a damn hippy.
• Not only can you fry an egg on asphalt on a hot Texas day, but you can do the same with a man's face.
• Movies are 20% creators' hard work and 80% viewer imagination :::Creates a rainbow with his hands:::
• Gunnar Hansen is such a refined actor that the lines originally given to Leatherface to say in the movie were cut because Hansen couldn't sound incoherent or retarded enough... gimme a gallon of "Jungle Juice" and I'll show you incoherent and retarded Mr. Hooper!
• Gunnar can't squeal like a pig properly, ruining any chances for him replacing Ned Beatty in a Deliverance remake.
• Edwin Neal has a retarded schizophrenic nephew named Paul... no, seriously.
• Bones aren't a good material for lamp shades.
• Tobe Hooper's a bitch when it comes to continuity... which doesn't explain the "5 minute day" at the end of the actual film.
• Jim Siedow sure likes to say, "Peoria".
• John Dugan could be Barry Williams's stunt double.
• Gone With The Wind is just a fad in comparison to TCM...
• In light of that last lesson, Jim Siedow's obviously not a film scholar... but he's okay in my book! Heh heh.
• Gunnar Hansen is the cause of society's problems.
• Acting is like living in "The Twilight Zone".
• In Japan, even the character of Grandpa can be an idol of worship...
• The Hitchhiker no longer hitchhikes... he does commercials and stand-up comedy.
• As for Grandpa, he's not as crippled as he once was, because he's now a dishwasher in a mildly successful restaurant... boy, the world of horror movies ain't lookin' so glamorous now, is it?
• Telling chicks you're Leatherface does NOT get you laid... not that being the God of Death and Embalming will get you any more pussy than that.
• Half of the direction of independent, b-grade horror comes from gaffers and grips.
• The U.S. consists of the East Coast, the West Coast and Florida...
• In light of that last lesson, Edwin Neal should never be allowed to teach Geography.
• "Filling a door" is enough to get you the lead role in a Tobe Hooper flick.
• Gunnar's tombstone will read, "He Was Leatherface"... and will not include pepperoni and mushrooms I'm assuming...
• That last joke came from a rift in the space-time continuum that was beamed into my head from the mid-90s.
• All four interviewees are fond of decorating their homes in “old people” decorum.
• The key to making an immortal horror classic is to make your cast sweaty, dirty and sick to their stomachs.