Yes, gentle reader, this movie is cast entirely of these jerk-offs. There isn’t one character I could give a flying fuck about. Even the supposed good and pure characters are deserving of a savage beating. Our hero, Allen, ruins his chance of getting a shred of sympathy by passionately delivering the now fabled “hot chicks don’t shit” speech that we all heard 100 times in high school. His nagging bitch of a girlfriend is insufferable, even when she’s barely dressed. The rest of the cast are all taken straight from Porky’s and are the palest, stupidest stereotypes imaginable.

The story? God, who cares? Allen is the assistant greenskeeper at his step dad’s country club. Blah blah blah, he gets talked into hosting a wild cocaine and sex party after closing. Supposedly a burned-up greenskeeper (Rocker) haunts the grounds and will kill anyone whoopdy freaking do…the greenskeeper kills the asshole cast off in ridiculous, allegedly-funny ways until the very end of the movie when Allen and his love-interest… um… defeat the greenskeeper by sitting and letting another minor character who was supposedly dead do the work. That summary doesn’t begin to take into account the painful, infuriating banter of the shitty cast, the terrible music (thanks a lot Winger! How did the world let you drift into oblivion?), the ridiculous and painfully obvious Scooby Doo ending, or the fact that Rocker is still working.

For those non-baseball fans out there, Rocker was a relief pitcher for the Atlanta Braves during one of their countless 90s pennant chases. He was never a good pitcher, but this country bumpkin got noticed by running out to the mound like a jackass. Later, he did make some headlines when he spouted off a bunch of racist comments to "Sports Illustrated" about the inhabitants of New York City. He got suspended, booed and has bounced from team to team since – for those who don’t know about baseball, most players play baseball long after the limelight is gone in the minor leagues, baseball is more difficult to escape from than the mafia. In this movie, Rocker is a non-factor, though it is humorous to read his special features biography, which is under the misguided impression that Rocker was ever and still is a good pitcher.

If you a brain inside your skull, than you know just how terrible these kinds of movie – the “so bad, it’s funny” kind – are to watch. Note to Hollywood, or Cleveland or wherever the hell crap like this originates from: STOP TRYING TO MAKE BAD MOVIES! There is no charm, humor or anything else redeemable in these movies that are designed to make idiots laugh. I’m so pissed off at this movie that I can’t think of a clever way to end this review. It just kills me to think that a slimy pack of Jeff Baumanns got to fill their bongs up one more time because I rented their terrible movie. Oh well, I guess there’s always a chance that they’ll slip into an alcoholic coma.

Please? Pretty please?