Before you start wondering what in the fuck is wrong with me, I got this
because I figured it would be horrible and easy to make fun of.
And as much as I want to tear this thing to pieces, much as a shark would, I
just can’t.
Yes, it’s bad.
Very bad, in fact.
It sucks on a story level like you wouldn’t believe.
But I have my reasons for treating it nicely.
The story centers around a young boy named Max. He has created an intricate
universe that features SharkBoy and LavaGirl. The school bully steals his
“dream book” or whatever. Then SharkBoy and LavaGirl show up to enlist his
help in saving the planet Drool. (Jesus, I feel so retarded just typing that
shit.) Wondrous adventures occur, Max and those around him learn meaningful
lessons and the day is saved, thanks to Max’s ability to dream. Hooray!
*Nix vomits on the sugary sweetness*
This movie is directed by the same guy that did From Dusk ’Till Dawn… I mean
Spy Kids. I’ve never seen Spy Kids 1, but caught most of 2 on cable. It was
kinda funny. This movie, however, is strictly aimed at little shits and
leaves the adults out of the equation. It’s very juvenile and the logic
careens all over the fucking place.
So, why am I going to be nice to it? Because it was basically written by a
kid.
Rodriguez took the ideas of one of his children and turned it into a feature
film. How fucking cool is that?! I have to say it’s better than having your
child name your villain Count Poo-poo or DooKoo or Shit.
As I watched it, I had so many things I wanted to bash. I wanted to talk
about the retarded bad guy, played by George Lopez, who looks like a clock
gone wrong. I wanted to point out how awful the dialogue was. I wanted to
bitch about Rodriguez’ reliance on CGI and how he should get back to his
roots.
I can’t. Because I watched the extra feature regarding the creation of the film.
There’s footage of Racer Max (the actual name of Rodriguez’ son) in the
pool, babbling out some parts of the story. All the brothers got together
and drew “storyboards” of what was supposed to happen. Admittedly, they were
really just stick figures, but you can see everything that was going through
their little minds in the film.
I have to admit…I had tears in my eyes towards the end of this extra.
Rodriguez has earned the ability to do what he wants and he used that power
to bring his child’s vision to the screen. No matter how retarded it is, he
made a kids movie for kids. Rock the fuck on!
Oh, and the 3D is fantastic! Even on the television, it still looks great
(though a little reddish). And LavaGirl is gonna be hot when she grows up.
Just saying.
