Hey! Did anyone else see that movie shoot through my eyes and immediately out of my ass? Yeah? Me neither. Must have never happened.

I'm baffled. How do you write an opinion or review of a film you can barely make sense of or recall seeing, just an hour after you saw it?

Good fucking christ. Let me give it a shot, anyway.

Milla Jovavich is ... Violet! In ... Ultraviolet! *sigh* That's as exciting as I can make it.

Here's what I can make of the "plot", so to speak: Violet is a vampire IN THE FUTURE!!!! Humans hate vampires and vampires hate humans. Imagine that. Violet is supposed to intercept a weapon that can finally wipe out all of the vampires. But, wait! It's not a weapon! It's a kid. But, wait! It really can wipe out the vampires. But, wait! It's actually supposed to wipe out the humans, instead of vampires! But, w....Aw, fuck it. I give up. That's the best I can do.

The good: Milla is hot and we get to see her naked ass.

There was a cool take on bullet-time that used reflections in glasses that they then ruined by doing it a second time within 60 seconds of each other.

The bad: The CGI looks shittier than PS1 graphics.

The fights and action are lame and boring. Sometimes blades didn't even appear to make contact with their target, but the people still went flying or died immediately. The enemies all seemed to fire the new brand of "Polyte Bullittz"(C), which kindly tear up everything around you but don't actually hit you.

The dialogue was so excruciating! I wanted my trusty ice-pick to puncture my own ear-drums and end my torture.

This whole film screamed "We had an ok budget, but stretched it too thin, so now everything looks fucking cheap and shitty!"

I kept hearing about how dumb it was, but that the action was worth it. Bull-fucking-shit. There was nothing worthwhile in this film. Two people walked out of the theater 30 minutes in. And this was a paying audience! I would have joined them, but I'm a stubborn bastard. If I'm gonna hate something, I'm gonna hate it with all I have to offer.

I can't believe this was written and directed by the same guy that did both on Equilibrium. I loved that movie! This...this...this is a big piece of slimy, smelly bullshit. AGGGHHH!!!!

So, to sum it up: I didn't like this movie.