NutJob says: "You got to see this movie... it's the worst movie ever made!"
A friend said to me, as I was searching for something I can rip to shreds in
my usual way. I told him I wasn't sure about it. Zombie movies always
freaked me out. "Trust me... It won't scare you at all." He reassured. So
with that... I added Hood of the Living Dead onto my Netflix queue list.
Ironicly, Sir Nix had also planned to review this movie. So in a brainstorm
of an idea, we agreed to simulcast this movie and comment to each other (via
phone) as we sat and watched “Mystery Science Theater” style.
So, we fired up our dvd players, grabbed our poppity popcorn, and set up to
watch the trailer. That is when I realized what trouble I was in…
Before I get into my review, let’s outline this movie, shall we? It's about
this scientist, named Ricky, who is developing a drug that will regenerate
dead cells into living ones. He and his co-worker Scott spend a lot of time
working in a lab to do just this. So, when Ricky's younger brother is shot in
a drive-by shooting, he naturally calls Scott, extremely distraught (and
looking ridiculous) to get this serum and revive his dead brother.
He waits the eternity it takes for Scott to drive his happy ass to the
lab and then to Ricky's house to inject Jermaine (the younger brother) with
the drug. Of course Jermaine is dead, and it does no good what-so-ever. They call the police and an ambulance and give the story that they were both
watching TV and didn't see anyone. Ricky decides to take justice
into his own hands and gets Jermaine's little hood friends to find out where
the guys who earlier had threatened Jermaine were so that
Ricky can kill them. Scott decides to "Peace out" on this considering he
feels he’s broken enough rules for one day, hops in his car and leaves. In the
Coroner's van, Jermaine comes to life and kills both of the coroners, then goes
after his murderers. Once Ricky hears about this, he contacts Scott and
tells him that they’ve turned Jermaine into a zombie, and proceed to go
after him and those he has already attacked.
Nix says: You’re kidding me, right? “Hood” of the living dead? Ok, before I even watched the flick, I knew we would see the following:
1) Black people. African-Americans. Home-Boyz. I’m not racist, but when you
title your film with “Hood” and are not referring to a shroud or head-warmer
I know we’re gonna see some gangsta shit. Just like Leprechaun In Da Hood
2) Guns. And probably held inappropriately.
3) Massive amounts of slang.
4) Lots of driving scenes.
Ok. That last one has nothing to do with movies with “Hood” in the title.
But there are A HELL OF A LOT of driving scenes in this flick. And people
talk. And they use the word “fuck” often. I don’t have a problem with the
word “fuck” (as you should know) but …. Damn! This movie sucks!
There’s a guy that is taking care of his brother and he’s a SCIENTIST!
They’re working on a formula that will regenerate dead tissue, or not dead
tissue. The dialogue is shit, so fuck it.
The SCIENTIST’S bother is killed in a drive-by, which I can’t remember why
happened. So, the SCIENTIST uses the re-animator fluid (which is actually
green) to bring his brother back to life.
Fill in the blanks after that. But be sure to include many scenes of driving
and talking.
And if that’s not enough, you can watch the outtakes and see people driving
and not getting their lines right. Enjoy! But remember that they are
SCIENTISTS!
The “zombies” walk around and say “arrr” and you can never tell which is
which. Hell, at one point, one zombie had a white shirt with blood on it and
then had a black shirt. I think. It’s put together so terribly that you
never know what, exactly, the fuck is going on. Except that the SCIENTISTS
drive affordable cars and like to discuss exactly what the fuck just
happened.
NutJob says: I have always had this deep and constant fear of zombies. I think it had to do with growing up and hearing about the three days of
darkness (please don't ask), but I can never make it through a movie with
growling, snarling zombies chasing people around and biting them. With all I had
heard about this movie, I was hoping this would be as mindless as the
zombies it was about. The thing is... it was. Everything in this movie was
completely horrible. From the god awful rap music, the crappy sound and
film quality, the sheets on the sofa, and the horrible dialog, it was dreadful. The
plot holes were huge, no one thought about certain things… like the
coroner's that took Jermaine away. Come on, he turned into a zombie on the
way to the hospital, so why did everyone forget the coroners and don't check to see what happened to them? How about the guy who had a little drop
of blood in his mouth? How does that make him a zombie? Oh, and how could
they not tell how long the body was laying there before Ricky called the police?
Come on, it's not that hard. The ending... god that was the worst of all.
It was anti-climatic and predictable. I know they could have thought of
something better than that.
Nix says: Damn, you remember all that after one viewing? You are better than
I, ma’am.
NutJob says: All of those are reasons to hate this movie. Everyone is
right: worst movie ever. Still, the fact it had zombies was enough to have
me clutching to my pillow, watching in anticipation and fear. I'm so
pathetic that this movie gave me nightmares. I want to say that it
wasn't the way this movie was portrayed, written, filmed or put together,
only that it was the mere fact that it was a zombie flick that really got to
me. This movie sucked and I suck worse for actually being afraid of this
film.
Nix says: What you are about to experience, is me and NutJob talking about the horrible movie we just watched.
[18:08] Nix: What a fucking piece of shit!
[18:09] NutJob: who puts sheets on their sofa's anyway?
[18:10] Nix: I assume that if your sofa looks like shit, you'd cover
it up with a sheet. But what do we know? We're not SCIENTISTS!
[18:11] NutJob: well, i know that i can clean my sofa to keep it from
looking like shit.. and i suppose who ever actually owned that house or
those sofa's were nervous about getting fake blood on it
[18:11] Nix: Ooooo...Are you trying to say that this movie had no
budget? You bitch!
[18:12] NutJob: God, it mustn't.. you can go down to walmart and by
slip covers for nothing... and they had to use sheets... oh but he just got
a raise... yeah, how retarded was that
[18:13] Nix: I'd imagine that a SCIENTIST would be able to NOT live
in the fucking "hood".
[18:14] NutJob: yeah that really got me... He's a scientist.... he's
got to make the big bucks, especially after admiting to a raise.. so why was
he still in the hood
[18:16] Nix: You have to type hood like this: "hood". Get with the
program. This movie is marketed to people that live in the "hood".
[18:16] Nix: C'mon! Drive by shootings?
[18:16] NutJob: oh.. please excuse me, "hood"
[18:18] NutJob: what got me about that was didn't that shocking to the
neighbors... why did no one ever call the cops.. why was it completely
ignored?
[18:19] Nix: There were guns fired all over the place and there were
never any cops. I guess that's what it's like in the "hood".
[18:19] NutJob: I wouldn't know... i came from the burbs
[18:20] Nix: And this shit scared you? WTF is wrong with you?
[18:21] NutJob: it's nothing to do with this movie.. just the fact it
was snarling, biting, and chewing zombies were growling around the hood is
what got me.. had my two biggest fears... and one of them was zombies
[18:22] Nix: Zomz are just mindless flesh-bags. You're retarded.
[18:25] NutJob: But how do you know that it's not people trapped
within their own minds, watching themselves through their own eyes and not
have any control over their actions. This movie liked to alude to the fact
it's possible. For example.. the first people Jermaine went after (After
the corner that is), were the very guys who killed him. Then at the end...
why did Jermaine attack the Jackass Doctor Zombie Guy?
[18:26] Nix: Because it's a POS movie. Let it go. When you die, you're
dead. Are you a religious freak, or what?
[18:27] NutJob: God no... that would require following a church headed
up by a guy in a funny hat and telling me how i'm not giving a rich
community enough money... but i am spiritual.. i don't think it's over when
your dead.
[18:29] Nix: Well, enjoy your nightmares. God is scary and a shit. And
he hates you. Just read the bible.
[18:30] NutJob: Again the bible was a book written to make money.
It's not accurate.
[18:30] Nix: This is shit. I completely think this movie sucks. You?
[18:32] NutJob: Yes it sucks, was completely lame and annoying.. and
it still scared the crap out of me.
[18:33] Nix: I can't wait to scare you with a rubber spider.
H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Rating: 
- Let's all say "Arrrr"!
FEEDBACK
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