Oh Gods, where do I start with this horrible mind numbing POS? Perhaps the
beginning of my little discovery of this film would be in order. A few weeks
back, I was cruising the movie pit at Wally-World with my sister, when I
found a DVD with a picture of an eye on it. Of course the title had to be My
Little Eye. The fact the cover looked creepy and boasted of "The greatest
fright flick since The Exorcist", pretty much screamed to me this was going
to be a stink-burger in the making. Perhaps it's the girl in me, but I've
found that when things are boasting how wonderful, great and amazing they
are, they really aren't. That's always been true with the men I've met in my
life and thus seems to translate into film easily. So, being that I am a
glutton for punishment, I purchased it and thus watched it. I hate being
right.
The premise of the movie is that 5 people are chosen for a reality web show to
stay in a house out in the middle of nowhere for 6 months. If they all can
stay in the house and follow the rules of the game, they will each split a
million dollars. If one leaves for whatever reason, they all lose. So, we
come into the movie towards the end of the 6 months and watch these people
as if we were getting the web show. They stop getting packages with food in
them and they start getting strange and frightening messages, left to
wonder if they are really on a web show or if they are part of a sadistic sick site. (Try saying that 5 times fast.)
I have to say this, I hate reality TV. I was never a fan of “The Real World”,
“Survivor”, or “Road Rules”. That's what this feels like. You’re watching the “Real
World” with some murder and mayhem and thus, was the longest 90 minutes of my
life. This felt longer and more painful than the 23 hours of child labor I had
endured, and that should tell you something. You don't get drawn into the
movie or who these people really are, so you don't feel bad when they all
start dying. It wasn't scary or even interesting. Hell, 30 minutes into the
movie I was hoping that something, ANYTHING would happen! That they would trip
and fall, that someone would actually start killing people when they left
the house. By the time the first hour had past, I was starting to nod off.
Yes, it was really that boring. It was like the movie that never ended, it just
went on and on and on. In fact I have seen infomercials more entertaining
than this movie… and were even scarier than this movie!
The sound sucked. The picture was fuzzy at times, which i suppose was meant
to be the whole "web effect". The reoccurring line seemed to be "This
fucking house", like it was the house’s fault that they were there. The whole
thing just looked, sounded, and felt retarded. If this movie was a retarded
kid, it would be the kid that all the other retarded kids made fun of. I
can't think of one positive thing I can say about this movie. Nothing… at
all. It’s just that bad… but you don't have to take my word for it.
H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Rating: 
- If you had some real comedians for friends, I'm sure they could rip this to
shreds. It might actually make this movie into something enjoyable. MIGHT.
FEEDBACK
All materials found within this review are the intellectual properties and opinions of the original writer. The Tomb of Anubis claims no responsibility for the views expressed in this review, but we do lay a copyright claim on it beeyotch, so don't steal from this shit or we'll have to go all Farmer Vincent on your silly asses. © March 5th 2006 and beyond, not to be reproduced in any way without the express written consent of the reviewer and the Tomb of Anubis or pain of a physical and legal nature will follow. Touch not lest ye be touched.
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